Funny Friday!!!
- Thread starter rgranger
- Start date
MATHEMATICS.....
This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience. It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is strictly a mathematical viewpoint... and it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life
Here's a little mathematical formula that might
help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 =98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 =96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 =100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-*-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 =103%
AND, look how far a** kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7=118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there. It's the Bullsh*t and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why Politicians are where they are!
This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience. It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is strictly a mathematical viewpoint... and it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life
Here's a little mathematical formula that might
help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 =98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 =96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 =100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-*-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 =103%
AND, look how far a** kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7=118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there. It's the Bullsh*t and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why Politicians are where they are!
jssailem
SBO Weather and Forecasting Forum Jim & John
- Oct 22, 2014
- 22,281
Keeping with the recent Mathematical Theme...
I offer up this story about 2 Nuns...
If discussing Nuns offends please ignore this one.
Two nuns, one was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark, and they are still far away from the convent....
SM: “Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past 38 1⁄2 minutes? I wonder what he wants.”
SL: “It's logical. He wants to violate us.”
SM: “Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?”
SL: “The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.”
A little while later...
SM: It's not working.
SL: “Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.”
SM: “So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in 1 minute....”
SL: “The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.”
So, the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: “Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!”
SL: “The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.”
SM: “Yes, yes! But what happened then?”
SL: “The only logical thing happened... I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.”
SM: “And?”
SL: “The only logical thing happened.. He reached me.”
SM: “Oh, dear! What did you do?”
SL: “I lifted my dress up.”
SM: “Oh, Sister! What did the man do?”
SL: “He pulled down his pants.”
SM: “Oh, no! What happened then?”
SL: “Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.”
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty...it’s a pretty innocent ending...So say two Hail Mary’s and be logical and forward this email to your friends!
I offer up this story about 2 Nuns...
If discussing Nuns offends please ignore this one.
Two nuns, one was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark, and they are still far away from the convent....
SM: “Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past 38 1⁄2 minutes? I wonder what he wants.”
SL: “It's logical. He wants to violate us.”
SM: “Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?”
SL: “The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.”
A little while later...
SM: It's not working.
SL: “Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.”
SM: “So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in 1 minute....”
SL: “The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.”
So, the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: “Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!”
SL: “The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.”
SM: “Yes, yes! But what happened then?”
SL: “The only logical thing happened... I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.”
SM: “And?”
SL: “The only logical thing happened.. He reached me.”
SM: “Oh, dear! What did you do?”
SL: “I lifted my dress up.”
SM: “Oh, Sister! What did the man do?”
SL: “He pulled down his pants.”
SM: “Oh, no! What happened then?”
SL: “Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.”
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty...it’s a pretty innocent ending...So say two Hail Mary’s and be logical and forward this email to your friends!
All you need is this.
I guess getting good help is tough everywhere.
Dirty? Well actually I thought you were going to say the man kissed her and I've been told that kissing a nun is okay so long as you don't get in the habit.
We were walking down the street in Holbox. We had arrived by ferry the day before and were just checking out the shops along the street. I was trailing behind my wife and my daughter when a stature of a pirate caught my eye. Of course!?!
I thought, 'cool and kept walking until my daughter yelled back at me.
"Papa, stop!"
Linda, my wife, said, "Don't turn around, just smile at the camera."
"Okay!" the cooperative simpleton agreed.
My daughter took my picture, then my wife asked, "Do you know why we took your picture?"
The simpleton answered with all the cleverness and perspicacity he knew he had, "I know there's a pirate behind me. You're taking a picture of me and the pirate!"
Duh!
Then my wife and my daughter burst out laughing and say,
"Turn around."
I did... oh... um... I mean, the simpleton did.
"What do you see?" My wife asks after a few silent seconds of me searching for something more interesting than a pirate.
Yeah. True story.
-Will ("the over sharer")
I thought, 'cool and kept walking until my daughter yelled back at me.
"Papa, stop!"
Linda, my wife, said, "Don't turn around, just smile at the camera."
"Okay!" the cooperative simpleton agreed.
My daughter took my picture, then my wife asked, "Do you know why we took your picture?"
The simpleton answered with all the cleverness and perspicacity he knew he had, "I know there's a pirate behind me. You're taking a picture of me and the pirate!"
Duh!
Then my wife and my daughter burst out laughing and say,
"Turn around."
I did... oh... um... I mean, the simpleton did.
"What do you see?" My wife asks after a few silent seconds of me searching for something more interesting than a pirate.
Yeah. True story.
-Will ("the over sharer")
A friend of mine related this story:
After a full day of sailing my Mac, we pulled out and up the ramp a bit. I opened the valve on the water ballast and then I sat down on the dock to wait out the draining. A fisherman walked across the boat ramp and through the stream of water and asked "Sprung a leak?"
"Nope! Sh****er's full!"
The look on the fisherman's face was priceless.
Disclaimer: I was not there but my friend hasn't ever lied to me so....
After a full day of sailing my Mac, we pulled out and up the ramp a bit. I opened the valve on the water ballast and then I sat down on the dock to wait out the draining. A fisherman walked across the boat ramp and through the stream of water and asked "Sprung a leak?"
"Nope! Sh****er's full!"
The look on the fisherman's face was priceless.
Disclaimer: I was not there but my friend hasn't ever lied to me so....
