Funny Friday!!!

Richard19068

Richard19068

.
Jun 11, 2004
1,633
Oday 31 Redondo Beach
Your Yearly Dementia Test! (only 4 questions this year) This one has different questions than last year.

Yep,
it's that time of year again for us to take our annual senior citizen test.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.
As we grow older, it’s important to keep mentally alert.
If you don’t use it, you will lose it !!

​

The spaces below are so you don’t see the answers until you’ve answered.



#1. What do you put in a toaster ?




















Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast', just give up now and go do something else.
And, try not to hurt yourself. ;

If you said, bread, go to Question #2.






# 2. Say 'silk' ten times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink ?






















Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question.
Your brain is already over-stressed and may even overheat.
Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Women's Weekly or Auto World.



However, if you did say 'water', proceed to Question #3.



# 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks,
what is a green house made from ?





























Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.









If you said 'green bricks', why are you still reading this ??? ; PLEASE,
go lie down !







But, if you said 'glass,' go on to Question #4.




# 4. Please do not use a calculator for this for it would be cheating:



You are driving a bus from New York City to Philadelphia.



In Staten Island, 17 people got on the bus.



In New Brunswick, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.



In Windsor, 2 people get off and 4 get on.



In Trenton, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.



In Bristol, 3 people get off and 5 people get on.



And, in Camden, 6 people get off and 3 get on.




You then arrive at Philadelphia Station.


Without going back to review, how old is the bus driver ?


















Answer: Oh, for crying out loud !




Don't you remember your own age?!?! It was YOU driving the bus!




If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.




PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!



Sorry for all the spaces. You'd be tempted to cheat otherwise.​
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jssailem

jssailem

.
Oct 22, 2014
21,088
CAL 35 Cruiser #21 moored EVERETT WA
SO, pass / fail... Testing.
Does that mean better than 2 right? Cause if you only got two right your on the fence....
 
jssailem

jssailem

.
Oct 22, 2014
21,088
CAL 35 Cruiser #21 moored EVERETT WA
I took my time... No great grand daughter here. (You lucky fella).

I got them all correct. No cheating needed. Helps to understand that they are not complex equations. Otherwise they would be in a text book that charged $100 to college students.:biggrin::biggrin:
 
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dmax

dmax

.
Jul 29, 2018
975
O'Day 35 Buzzards Bay
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, attorney questions and responses that people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________


ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No..

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
 
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Richard19068

Richard19068

.
Jun 11, 2004
1,633
Oday 31 Redondo Beach
dmax said:
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, attorney questions and responses that people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Click to expand
I love those! Haven't laughed that much in a while.
 
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