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Funny Friday!!!

Oct 19, 2017
6,438
O'Day 19 Littleton, NH
A sailor was heading into port after a long passage and got caught up on a bridge, having missjudged the height. The channel was blocked and no boats could pass. A marine patrol officer showed up and assessed the situation for a minute.
He turns, finally, to the captain and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The captain replied, "No, I was just moving this bridge with my mast when the wind died."


-Will (Dragonfly)
 

Jim26m

.
Apr 3, 2019
531
Macgregor 26M Mobile AL
A sailor was heading into port after a long passage and got caught up on a bridge, having missjudged the height. The channel was blocked and no boats could pass. A marine patrol officer showed up and assessed the situation for a minute.
He turns, finally, to the captain and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The captain replied, "No, I was just moving this bridge with my mast when the wind died."


-Will (Dragonfly)

Here's your sign... (Bill Engvall)
 
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Likes: Will Gilmore
Oct 31, 2012
365
Hunter 2008 H25 Lake Wabamun
So here is my situation. We have probably one of the noisiest neighbours one can imagine at our cottage. If the dogs aren’t barking or whining and/or kids screaming then the parents are yelling at everyone to shut up.
So last weekend my wife invited her sister to practice her bagpipes on our lot and face in the direction of our neighbours. Well, I couldn’t resist and had to record just one of her songs. Have to say it was a lot quieter next door after the performance.
I think I should take her sailing when looking for a quiet anchorage (or just play the recording).
 
Oct 19, 2017
6,438
O'Day 19 Littleton, NH
He: "What a great day! THIS IS THE BEST JOB EVER!"

He: "Who knew that volunteering as a buoy repair man would be so rewarding!?"

He: "I get to sail sail sail."
She: 'What's wrong with this guy? Spends all day with a hot babe in a bikini and he just talks about sailing!'


-Will (Dragonfly)
 
Jan 19, 2010
8,692
Hunter 26 Charleston
So here is my situation. We have probably one of the noisiest neighbours one can imagine at our cottage. If the dogs aren’t barking or whining and/or kids screaming then the parents are yelling at everyone to shut up.
So last weekend my wife invited her sister to practice her bagpipes on our lot and face in the direction of our neighbours. Well, I couldn’t resist and had to record just one of her songs. Have to say it was a lot quieter next door after the performance.
I think I should take her sailing when looking for a quiet anchorage (or just play the recording).
Same people who invented golf:yikes:
And Scotch

I guess if you are only going to shoot 33% they got the one right that mattered:biggrin:
 
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Likes: Will Gilmore
Oct 19, 2017
6,438
O'Day 19 Littleton, NH
Yep, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad. Pipes were used in battle to scare the cr*p out of the enemy.
As an instrument of war, bagpipes were made illegal by occupying Brits during the jacobite rebellion.

Golf, whiskey and bagpipes...
Wha’s Like Us – Damn Few And They’re A’ Deid
By Tom Anderson Cairns

The average Englishman, in the home he calls his castle, slips into his national
costume, a shabby raincoat, patented by chemist Charles Macintosh from Glasgow, Scotland.

En route to his office he strides along the English lane, surfaced by John Macadam of Ayr, Scotland.

He drives an English car fitted with tyresinvented by John Boyd Dunlop of Dreghorn, Scotland.

At the train station he boards a train, the forerunner of which was a steam engine, invented by James Watt of Greenock, Scotland.

He then pours himself a cup of coffee from a thermos flask, the latter invented by James Dewar, a Scotsman from Kincardine-on-Forth.

At the office he receives the mail bearing adhesive stamps invented by James Chalmers of Dundee, Scotland.

During the day he uses the telephoneinvented by Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh, Scotland.

At home in the evening his daughter pedals her bicycle invented by Kirkpatrick Macmillan, blacksmith of Dumfries, Scotland.

He watches the news on his television, an invention of John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland,

And an item about the U.S. Navy, founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland.

He has by now been reminded too much of Scotland and in desperation he picks up the Bible only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot, King James VI, who authorised its translation.

Nowhere can an Englishman turn to escape the ingenuity of the Scots.

He could take to drink, but the Scots make the best in the world.

He could take a rifle and end it all but the breech-loading rifle was invented by Captain Patrick Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland.

If he escapes death, he might then find himself on an operating table injected with penicillin, which was discovered by Alexander Fleming of Darvel, Scotland.

Or under anaesthetic, which was discovered by Sir James Young Simpsonof Bathgate, Scotland.

Out of the anaesthetic, he would find no comfort in learning he was as safe as the Bank of England founded by William Paterson of Dumfries, Scotland.

Perhaps his only remaining hope would be to get a transfusion of guid Scottish blood which would entitle him to ask “Wha’s Like Us”.

Slàinte mhath!

-Will (Dragonfly)