May be selling
- Thread starter Bad Obsession
- Start date
- Status
FWIW
1. most people with young families and jobs do not come into large sums of cash and abilities to buy a boat cruising boat. healthcare, parents disabilities, childrens disabilities, work problems, career changes, unemployment, underemployment, college costs...... anyone on this forum could easily come up with a list of "required family expenses". IF boating is not on your combined list now, it will not jump on later.
IF your spouse will not boat with you now on the nice boat, what chance is there that she and the children will join you later on a cheaper, older, smaller vessel.
2. If you current boat truly has that much value, convert some of the money into your house plans, and some of the money into a smaller boat you can use now. IF you love sailing, it will work. If someone in your household hates sailing, wellllllllllll Think about what kind of doghouse you want. perhaps old fashioned bribery is in order, a sort of quid pro float. Perhaps it is the perception that things are not balanced in expenditure of funds that adds to the boating aggravation, perhaps it is poor swimming skills, fear of water, or control issues. Whatever the reason,
3. The margins are too close. IF you absolutely need every last dollar from the sale of your boat, you should really look closely if you can afford or not afford the house either. And being house poor is no great shakes. Just how profitable do you wish to make Bank of america. MOst of us have owned houses and had children, Very few had no boat at all during the time they had those children. and all houses require more maintenance and upgrades......pretty much your entire budget will go there. just sayin.............
4. I used to have airplanes,,,,,,, I loved to fly and travel, even tho I was working plenty of hours, and the plane was paying its own way, the money was coming in, and we were taking quality time to enjoy the trips, and the children grew up learning and experiencing many of the wonders of flying and boating (Which both of them have had to stop during their college and family years) I got rid of the planes and settled on a general purpose water sports boat, that I could fish and cruise a bit with...........
long story short. Several spouses have enjoyed that boat.
IF owning a boat is unacceptable to your spouse, recognize it and make your choices with no complaints. There is no doubt one must choose a spouse over a hobby or passion. But if you have been given an ultimatum. do it eyes open.
5. Boats that are already paid off, are not as expensive as those you are still making payments on. I spend approximatetely the same number of hours a week on the boat as driving in my cars. guess which is easier to replace for me. I know a several people that spend less a month on a boat than their spouse does on booze and cigarettes.
Good luck and all the best to you in your next adventure.
p.s I still have that general purpose boat too. (sometmes spouses make their own choices)
1. most people with young families and jobs do not come into large sums of cash and abilities to buy a boat cruising boat. healthcare, parents disabilities, childrens disabilities, work problems, career changes, unemployment, underemployment, college costs...... anyone on this forum could easily come up with a list of "required family expenses". IF boating is not on your combined list now, it will not jump on later.
IF your spouse will not boat with you now on the nice boat, what chance is there that she and the children will join you later on a cheaper, older, smaller vessel.
2. If you current boat truly has that much value, convert some of the money into your house plans, and some of the money into a smaller boat you can use now. IF you love sailing, it will work. If someone in your household hates sailing, wellllllllllll Think about what kind of doghouse you want. perhaps old fashioned bribery is in order, a sort of quid pro float. Perhaps it is the perception that things are not balanced in expenditure of funds that adds to the boating aggravation, perhaps it is poor swimming skills, fear of water, or control issues. Whatever the reason,
3. The margins are too close. IF you absolutely need every last dollar from the sale of your boat, you should really look closely if you can afford or not afford the house either. And being house poor is no great shakes. Just how profitable do you wish to make Bank of america. MOst of us have owned houses and had children, Very few had no boat at all during the time they had those children. and all houses require more maintenance and upgrades......pretty much your entire budget will go there. just sayin.............
4. I used to have airplanes,,,,,,, I loved to fly and travel, even tho I was working plenty of hours, and the plane was paying its own way, the money was coming in, and we were taking quality time to enjoy the trips, and the children grew up learning and experiencing many of the wonders of flying and boating (Which both of them have had to stop during their college and family years) I got rid of the planes and settled on a general purpose water sports boat, that I could fish and cruise a bit with...........
long story short. Several spouses have enjoyed that boat.
IF owning a boat is unacceptable to your spouse, recognize it and make your choices with no complaints. There is no doubt one must choose a spouse over a hobby or passion. But if you have been given an ultimatum. do it eyes open.
5. Boats that are already paid off, are not as expensive as those you are still making payments on. I spend approximatetely the same number of hours a week on the boat as driving in my cars. guess which is easier to replace for me. I know a several people that spend less a month on a boat than their spouse does on booze and cigarettes.
Good luck and all the best to you in your next adventure.
p.s I still have that general purpose boat too. (sometmes spouses make their own choices)
Just curious but if you don't have the money to repair the boat, how can you afford to repair a house. Owning a house isn't cheap between insurance, taxes, repairs, utilities etc etc etc...
I thought these things also when I sold my tarton 30 back in 99, bought a house, had a kid. Realized years later that I never should have sold the boat. Should have just bought a smaller house.
My 2 cents.
I thought these things also when I sold my tarton 30 back in 99, bought a house, had a kid. Realized years later that I never should have sold the boat. Should have just bought a smaller house.
My 2 cents.
I am just shocked at some of the comments that I have read on this post. Truly, some of you are daft.
This is the decision I have made to support my family. It is not a fun decision and I feel a lot of grief over it but it has to be done.
My wife doesn't absolutely hate the boat. She is not an evil person either. It has a possibility that she is feeling her biological clock tick and getting out of a rut sometimes takes some extreme actions.
The facts are that it sucks, it is not a spur of the moment decision, and it is something that I figure that I must do.
This is the decision I have made to support my family. It is not a fun decision and I feel a lot of grief over it but it has to be done.
My wife doesn't absolutely hate the boat. She is not an evil person either. It has a possibility that she is feeling her biological clock tick and getting out of a rut sometimes takes some extreme actions.
The facts are that it sucks, it is not a spur of the moment decision, and it is something that I figure that I must do.
Bad O, you must have known you would stir up all kinds of responses when you posted this very emotional thread. I have been thinking about your last post and before I finish a martini, I think I would like to add one more thought.... since you've gotten some hearty ones recently.
We didn't get REALLY exposed to sailboats until our kids were graduated and out of our home. As weird as it was, my parents got into boating in their 70's so we were in our late 40's early 50's when we fell in love with sailing. We would give a lot to go back and have been sailing 30 years earlier. I would have loved to have raised our boys to sail at early ages. I would have been happy to drive my car a little longer, etc. for that to have been in our lives. We can't undo that, but both of our boys, one with a 2 1/2 year old, are interested in sailing now. I hope they can find a way. If they'd been raised with sailing as a sport, a stress release, a challenge, a way to get away, they would likely find it much easier now to break in. They live 8 hours away so the fact that we live and breathe sailing does not impact them much beyond the fact that they are really proud and impressed that we are so physically and mental active with our passion. My point is that if I could have a do over, it would be to have a boat that we sailed as often as possible, comfortably and naturally all of the years our kids were under our roof. We skied and hiked and fished together but sailing would have added so much to our together time since we live right near our harbor. Friends that understand the finer details of sailing, have done it for years and they have the advantage (my opinion) because it came more naturally. We have now sailed our own boat for 10 years, and wish it was 40.
Someone asked you how much of a difference your 30's sale would actually impact your down payment for your home. In California it would make very little difference, but I realize in some states it would make a hefty impact. If where you are it makes all the difference, then you have no choice. BUT, if you can find a way, do so. It is not a selfish move, it is a thoughtful one. You have the opportunity to plan ahead and put a down payment on your future children's life experience. From where we sit, it is an invaluable opportunity and I would encourage you to realize for a small investment now, it will pay off in ways you can't imagine.
Some people put money in a bank account for their children's education. Some buy them a car when they graduate, some buy the biggest house they can afford with the idea that a room of their own is valuable. I am putting my check mark on your boat. Seeing a parent's passion about something is an invaluable way to teach them that passion in one’s life is important. Watching their mom either lovingly bless you going off with the kids or alone shows them thoughtfulness of those we love. Sharing the connection with nature and oneself when sailing teaches them that there is much about nature that makes them feel small. All wonderful gifts that you can chose to give.
Choose wisely and enjoy the journey. As others have said, it goes so much quicker than you know. Try not to have too many regrets.
We didn't get REALLY exposed to sailboats until our kids were graduated and out of our home. As weird as it was, my parents got into boating in their 70's so we were in our late 40's early 50's when we fell in love with sailing. We would give a lot to go back and have been sailing 30 years earlier. I would have loved to have raised our boys to sail at early ages. I would have been happy to drive my car a little longer, etc. for that to have been in our lives. We can't undo that, but both of our boys, one with a 2 1/2 year old, are interested in sailing now. I hope they can find a way. If they'd been raised with sailing as a sport, a stress release, a challenge, a way to get away, they would likely find it much easier now to break in. They live 8 hours away so the fact that we live and breathe sailing does not impact them much beyond the fact that they are really proud and impressed that we are so physically and mental active with our passion. My point is that if I could have a do over, it would be to have a boat that we sailed as often as possible, comfortably and naturally all of the years our kids were under our roof. We skied and hiked and fished together but sailing would have added so much to our together time since we live right near our harbor. Friends that understand the finer details of sailing, have done it for years and they have the advantage (my opinion) because it came more naturally. We have now sailed our own boat for 10 years, and wish it was 40.
Someone asked you how much of a difference your 30's sale would actually impact your down payment for your home. In California it would make very little difference, but I realize in some states it would make a hefty impact. If where you are it makes all the difference, then you have no choice. BUT, if you can find a way, do so. It is not a selfish move, it is a thoughtful one. You have the opportunity to plan ahead and put a down payment on your future children's life experience. From where we sit, it is an invaluable opportunity and I would encourage you to realize for a small investment now, it will pay off in ways you can't imagine.
Some people put money in a bank account for their children's education. Some buy them a car when they graduate, some buy the biggest house they can afford with the idea that a room of their own is valuable. I am putting my check mark on your boat. Seeing a parent's passion about something is an invaluable way to teach them that passion in one’s life is important. Watching their mom either lovingly bless you going off with the kids or alone shows them thoughtfulness of those we love. Sharing the connection with nature and oneself when sailing teaches them that there is much about nature that makes them feel small. All wonderful gifts that you can chose to give.
Choose wisely and enjoy the journey. As others have said, it goes so much quicker than you know. Try not to have too many regrets.
Many, many years ago, I married a man, a veterinarian no less, who didn't like my dogs. I kept the dogs and found myself a new husband. I would really, really think long and hard about giving up something that is so important to your life as sailing seems to be.
My husband and I have been together for more than 20 years. He is as devoted to animals as I am. And last year, we bought our first sailboat, which we BOTH love. Ultimately, marriage is about what we share and enjoy together.
Our sailing instructor grew up on sailboats. His parents took him sailing when he was still an infant. As others have said in their comments, sailing is a benefit to children, not something that is taking away needed finances from them.
I would be very, very careful about giving up something that seems to be such an integral part of your life in order to please somebody else.
I had a similar situation but with classic cars and a flying habit. It is easier to live in a house than a car and the flying was just money for temporary pleasure. I have no regrets in dumping both hobbies. My family is now grown and gone and I got back into boats since I grew up with them. I told myself I would not get one until I could afford it in both time and money. No regrets.
P.S. My wife doesn't mind the boat as long as we stay in the harbor. My adult children enjoy sailing even though they didn't grow up with it. Again, no regrets.
P.S. My wife doesn't mind the boat as long as we stay in the harbor. My adult children enjoy sailing even though they didn't grow up with it. Again, no regrets.
I have read a few posts that we got away from sailing when we started having a family and came back to it when the kids were grown or older.
I think I would have missed the best memories of sailing had I taken that approach. The greatest aspect of cruising is exposing children to different places and having them learn seamanship at a very young age.
Of course financial issues may not make that possible for everyone. We spend $6K a year on slip fees, insurance, regular upkeep, and that does not include fuel or any of those types of expenses. I am glad we can afford to share what both my wife and I are passionate about with our children. Sailing and deep sea fishing is something that my son lives for.
I think I would have missed the best memories of sailing had I taken that approach. The greatest aspect of cruising is exposing children to different places and having them learn seamanship at a very young age.
Of course financial issues may not make that possible for everyone. We spend $6K a year on slip fees, insurance, regular upkeep, and that does not include fuel or any of those types of expenses. I am glad we can afford to share what both my wife and I are passionate about with our children. Sailing and deep sea fishing is something that my son lives for.
I know you are getting lots of different advice here. So here is my 2 cents. I think if you follow the advice of Dave Ramsey you will eventually get to have what you want without the stress. I have tried to live my life debt free and now at 41 we own our home and cars and boats with no debt and that gives us huge amounts of freedom.
I know it's impossible to buy a home without debt. I guess my point is do not bury yourself in debt such as car payments, boat payments, credit card debt, and the like and you will be much much better off in the long run.
I know it's impossible to buy a home without debt. I guess my point is do not bury yourself in debt such as car payments, boat payments, credit card debt, and the like and you will be much much better off in the long run.
I don't intend to brag. We don't own a big mansion, fancy cars, or a 46' catamaran, but we are not slaves to them either.
Bad, it's a life event which many have experienced, me included. I've been racing, day sailing and cruising, since I was 7. Bought my first boat, a Columbia 24, in the '75 and sold in '81 or so for reasons similar to those you've expressed-new family, wife more interested in house and kids (and probably me too), not using the boat, tight budget. Fast forward...the passion resurfaced and am now on my third sailboat. Your priorities seem right but it doesn't mean the end, just an extended hiatus.
Some interesting comments and good points. I had a bad marriage that I call the Dark Time. The sun didn't shine and family were made to feel unwelcome. had dreams of living aboard a sailboat that foundered in a sea of indecision. I gave up things to make the marriage work even though I knew it might not last, but you just have to try. BO doesn't indicate he has anything like that going on, but even if he does, he's just gotta try. His main point is he's renting and doesn't have the cash down payment for a house. This is a great time to buy, and he can likely get a great house for less than he's paying in rent. But he has to get some cash. So I endorse Family first. His wife isn't currently part of his hobby and he probably knew that when he married her. Get the house (which will appreciate in value!). Build your future, then go back to your hobby. I guarantee the future boat will all the more sweet for having sacrificed! Mine is.
JWB...completely unnecessary comment that adds nothing. If you know you're going to be banned for it, why post it?
Owning is expensive. I lost my fiance when I bought my boat, she wanted to spend 4k for diamond earings because it's an investment...I choose a more expensive sailboat that was not...she left.
...didn't finish my post, my point...is that this is only a transitional period, you can sail for free, anyone with a free couple of hours Wednesday night is always welcomed to race on most any dock beer can PHRF nights, also the extra money one accumlates can rent a boat for day to enjoy with the family...it's much cheaper. Boatless you are not, You've got OP sailboats available.
BadO, you've got a choice, and it seems to me you're making the right one. You don't always get a choice. I used to scuba dive, and was passionate about it. At one point, I was exploring leaving the rat race to open a scuba resort. The bends put an end to that, but in the exploration, I met my wife.
I've always liked sailing, too, and so does my wife, so we've bareboated quite a bit, and I have friends with sailboats who've taken us out. Then in the summer of 2005, we boat a 20' sailboat, seaworthy, but needed work. We sailed it several times, I got it to where it was just about perfect. Then a little wind called Katrina came, and the boat become highway fill.
In the meantime, my son (4 at the time of Katrina) had really gotten into fishing, another love of mine. So while we were rebuilding our house, we bought a used Whaler. My wife doesn't like fishing, but has no problem with my son and I doing it. Now he's 12, and I can't tell you how special it is that we have that hobby to share.
Plus, he's learned sailing through our yacht club, and our club offers its members the use of Flying Scots (for free). So we still sail.
Maybe we'll get to a point where we buy another sailboat, but as someone else said, when one door closes, others open up.
Oh, and I beat cancer (so far, knock on wood).
Do what you know is the right thing to do, and all will work out for the best.
I've always liked sailing, too, and so does my wife, so we've bareboated quite a bit, and I have friends with sailboats who've taken us out. Then in the summer of 2005, we boat a 20' sailboat, seaworthy, but needed work. We sailed it several times, I got it to where it was just about perfect. Then a little wind called Katrina came, and the boat become highway fill.
In the meantime, my son (4 at the time of Katrina) had really gotten into fishing, another love of mine. So while we were rebuilding our house, we bought a used Whaler. My wife doesn't like fishing, but has no problem with my son and I doing it. Now he's 12, and I can't tell you how special it is that we have that hobby to share.
Plus, he's learned sailing through our yacht club, and our club offers its members the use of Flying Scots (for free). So we still sail.
Maybe we'll get to a point where we buy another sailboat, but as someone else said, when one door closes, others open up.
Oh, and I beat cancer (so far, knock on wood).
Do what you know is the right thing to do, and all will work out for the best.
We downsized from a 34 to a 28 and then a 27 when our youngest was born three years ago. Baby did a lot of daysailing with her car seat strapped in the cockpit, but overnighters with the baby were out for the first two years. Payments are 1/3 of what they were, and dockage went down too. I have no regrets at all.
- Status