giving up the dream

[All U Get]

I am a DAV having foot damage that will only get worse with age. We even discussed that this was our time since lantern my feet would become an issue.

How do you just stop over night after devoting the past 8 years to preparing, searching, educating yourself, building a future life cruising, and then STOP?

While cruising we either met or heard all the above about couples and their cruise/not cruise choice. The most amusing was the "Y" girl. An older gent would be on an island and his "Y" girl would fly to meet him. It would go well until the "Y" questions came up. Why can't we do something different, why can't you leave the islands, why, why why? He'd send her off on the next plane.
It doesn't get easier if the land-based friends are negative on the lifestyle. Peer pressure among women is very intense so having cruising friends should help, even if you can only follow their travels for a year or two. Make a contingency plan. Maybe you cruise a smaller boat and she meets you along the way. Maybe a motor sailor so it's a bit easier on you. Plenty of options if you think it through. I told mine I would look for crew if she wasn't interested. We did 8 months together this last trip and it had ups and downs so we're taking one winter to reflect (I call it freezing my a$$).
Best of luck and if you put your foot down, use the good one.
All U Get

 

[Joe]

You don't give up the dream....... you revise it. You've planned your life so meticulously that you there's no room for improvisation.... and that's what is most important when you go cruising... a flexible attitude. An alternate game plane... fixing stuff creatively when it breaks.

Since you have the time and resources.... do what many do... take medium length cruises.. 3 to 8 weeks... and spend the rest of the time fixing the boat and babysitting. Sail the boat somewhere... go home.... come back and sail it somewhere else... Bring the kids for one trip. The Europeans traditionally make their trip to the carribean, explore for a few months, store the boat, go home and work, then come back the next year to sail the boat home. Being away from the grandkids a few weeks isn't going to hurt them..... if your wife feels otherwise, there are other issues.

 

[rpwillia]

Holy Schnike, I am agreeing with Stu!

Well, not really agreeing with Stu, but one thing I have learned from hanging out with the marines here in Quantico is this is really true...

"If if flies, floats or fornicates, you really should rent it! It is cheaper in the long run!"

Actually all humor aside you are in a tough situation. I was divorced a long time ago (really got into boating after her :dance, and the current wife likes the boat. As we are getting closer to retirement we are planning on taking our current boat closer to where we end up. We are expecting grand kids in a few months and the plan is THEY WILL SAIL!

 

[Roadking Larry]

Not sure what it is about grand kids but I think they broke my wife's brain. Don't get me wrong, I love the little vermin and I'm well on the way to making a sailor of the oldest (9) but she can't seem to do anything that doesn't center on the grand kids. Dance, football, karate, soccer, baseball, quarterly professional portraits, way too many toys....we just found out #4 has been uploaded with an expected download in early spring. I'm gonna have to get a second job to afford another one.
Before the grand kids we'd think nothing of a long weekend trip on the bike and weather permitting we rode most everywhere we went. Now we have to take the car or truck since we'll either be hauling something to them or dragging one of them back with us.
So since the bike was mostly parked I indulged a decades old desire and got a sailboat. It was too "tippy" and she didn't like the porta potty and said we needed a bigger boat.
So I got a bigger boat with a real head and much more solid and stable and a joy to sail on. It's been in the water 2 months now. She's been on it twice and sailed with me once.
Screw it I'll turn all the grand kids into web footed sailors and leave her butt at the house.

 

[Chris Patterson]

I've had several thoughts on this, and maybe should just keep them to myself. The personal thoughts that is, I KNOW what I would do. Anyway, my friend Fred hit the hill last fall, another extensive refit after a 2700 mile cruise that the Erwin desperately needed. The wife decides at that point that she wanted the picket fence as well. "You've got it , babe". Was the reply. He set sail last week, and I think he is around Stuart, Fl. right now. Sail on buddy.

Life is all about how you handle plan B.

 

[hewebb]

My life long dream was to retire and live on a sailboat. I am retired and have a small sailboat that I can stay on for a few days. The admiral sails with me occasionally. Twice she spent 4 days on it with me. She will not leave her house. Prior to this year, if I had had the resources necessary, I would have bought a bigger boat and said bye. I love her and would miss her and return for visits. None of our family lives near us. The closest grand kid (we have 14) is over 1ooo miles away and we only get to visit them once a year. Health issues with the admiral has caused us to miss the trip this summer. If you don't do it now you may never get the chance. It is all about priorities and everybody's is different. I do enjoy my boat.

 

[Steve Walsh]

I'm sitting in my home office right now, looking out at our backyard pool and it must have 30 floating toys in it right now. Dozens of toys scattered all over the house. We've had 4 & 6 year old granddaughters visiting 3 times this summer for a total of 32 nights so far. Haven't seen the boat (10 min away) for 3 weeks and I don't care. It has been so much fun and they keep me laughing all the time.They leave tomorrow and we won't see them until Thanksgiving and I can't stand thinking about it. My point is, consider the advice already given, work out a compromise and consider some part time cruising that can transition to full time as the kids grow up and want to spend less time with grandma. Maybe live aboard full time in a marina close by. I agree that your wife should not have dropped that bomb so late in the game, but there has to be a way to work it out together. The kids are not going to want your wife around all the time, unless she provides full-time free babysitting, which she will get tired of fast. The alternative could be really expensive. Good luck. The dream may not be over, just delayed a bit.

 

[aquanut]

After reading the details of your situation, sounds like you still have the opportunity to continue working. Thus maybe push out your timeline a year or so and continue to work. This will give you all time with the new ones and time to continue to save money. When we went cruising, we rented our house…best decision ever! We put our stuff in storage for the day we returned to dry land. The house was managed by a property company and soon we had a tenant who was there for 10 years and no hassle. As it turned out we bought the house at the bottom of the market and sold it 15 years later at the top of the market, pocketing a load of money and that was after taxes!! We met many cruisers who rented out their house and let someone else pay the mortgage! Just ensure you get a good company to manage the property.

 

[Sandy Stone]

She has always made the comment that everything is subject to change.

Maybe she thinks she has always been expressing her doubts to you. My wife (like apparently many other women, often communicates by means of 'hints'. It's like it's cheating or something to actually come out and say exactly what you mean.
I would have to go along with the suggestion to step back, take a deep breath, and think about things. I understand that health issues may be putting time pressure on you, but you can probably afford a few weeks to come up with a Plan B.

 

[Kermit]

I'm sitting in my home office right now, looking out at our backyard pool and it must have 30 floating toys in it right now. Dozens of toys scattered all over the house. We've had 4 & 6 year old granddaughters visiting 3 times this summer for a total of 32 nights so far. Haven't seen the boat (10 min away) for 3 weeks and I don't care. It has been so much fun and they keep me laughing all the time.They leave tomorrow and we won't see them until Thanksgiving and I can't stand thinking about it. My point is, consider the advice already given, work out a compromise and consider some part time cruising that can transition to full time as the kids grow up and want to spend less time with grandma. Maybe live aboard full time in a marina close by. I agree that your wife should not have dropped that bomb so late in the game, but there has to be a way to work it out together. The kids are not going to want your wife around all the time, unless she provides full-time free babysitting, which she will get tired of fast. The alternative could be really expensive. Good luck. The dream may not be over, just delayed a bit.

I've kept my mouth shut trying to say exactly what Steve said. Nicely worded, Steve.

 

[Scott T-Bird]

Life is all about how you handle plan B.

Ain't that the truth!

Or... life is what's happening while you're changing plans!

 

[25yearslater]

In the words of my cousin Carlos Santana Rosanadana, "It's always somethin'." So it was with us. Work hard, save the money, raise the kids, buy the boat, see the world. Until the doctor walked into my wife's hospital room and said, "You have Multiple Sclerosis." Early forties and I felt like Andy Devine riding the bomb in Doctor Strangelove. So plans change but now I have YOT which continues to garner compliments everytime someone sees it. The trips are mostly daysails with my sons when their schedule permits and I wouldn't trade places with anyone. The dream, oh well, life happens but when one door slams shut the pressure differential blows another open. PS - Scott T Bird, there is a snake of some sort stalking your lake. Anaconda or large Boa Constrictor.

 

[Scott T-Bird]

We're hoping that Turtleman will come for a visit. Sue has been sending text messages ... I should be jealous, I think. The last article I read was an interview of some people we met a few weeks ago ... they seem like a responsible couple ... they claim they saw the anaconda swimming and as they approached, it made a big splash and disappeared. 12 people on board their 28' cabin cruiser (so somebody said) and nobody thought to take a photo on their smart phone (who's not got one on them 24/7 these days). OTOH they were probably returning from Byram Cove Party .... powerboaters .... sheesh!

 

[Calif. Ted]

Did you try "OK, I'm still going" ?

 

[ggrizzard]

25 Years...
Slim Pickens did the riding in Dr. Strangelove...
He loved the bomb!

 

[25yearslater]

25 Years...
Slim Pickens did the riding in Dr. Strangelove...
He loved the bomb!

My bad, that's right. Great scene though.

 

[BobM]

I am jealous! She has sailed with you and enjoyed jt for 8 years? before we married (at 32, first for both of us) she said no kids and I said a sailboat someday when we were discussing non-negotiables. Five years later i lost a close cousin to cancer and bought my first boat.

She pretty much sailed a half dozen times before declaring two hours was about all she could take at a stretch. Unless someone else is interested then the she will come out as the showing off factor comes into play.

Now i have no cruising AND no children or grandchildren. My family all moved out of state and i am lucky if i see my nieces and nephews on her side a half dozen times a year. One niece was 20 and her Mom wouldn't let her drive 30 minutes to see us even though she had her own car.

Agree to wait a couple of years. My Sister in law is a new Grandma. She isn't going to see her Granddaughter anywhere nesr as much as she wants according to her Daughter.

Think of it as a shake down cruise.

 

[spukistiles]

We have tendency to make our plans and then get all frustrated when things change.

Try not to forget that we are sailing through life. The weather doesn't always cooperate. You have to wait for weather window sometimes.

You will be happier if you make the best of it. You could enjoy the grand kids, and sail a smaller boat. In fact, this is my contingency plan to keep us on the water. I dream of teaching the grand children to sail, too, but I am not sure that they will want to learn. If they don't that is okay, too.

 

[Dunlookin]

I Have Come To Understand...

...that my dreams are my own. I may share what I dream with others but, I never expect them to dream as I do, see the same colors with thier eyes, or feel the emotions that I feel.

I have never lived my life through others, nor do I expect my life to serve as a substitute for thier own.

No one can please everyone, so we choose.

Choose wisely...life does not offer "do-overs."

 

[CCrane2299]

I never had a dream to go full time, but would like to do a week or so at a time. I am lucky to get an afternoon or a morning in now. Increasingly, I find my age increasing along with health and ability declining but the desire is still there. It is time to make something happen before this window passes me by. The wife and I have already been joking about "time to get a Buick"....