Work towards an arrangement where she is on the boat 1/3 time (or 1/4) and you are on 1/2 time (the alone time doing maintenance). Limit the boat trips for her to 2 weeks to a month at a time. Then find a marina with a good monthly rate and leave the boat for a month and find a really cheap ticket to fly back to the grandkids. Whenever a new grandkid is born, give her 6 months off. Sure this schedule costs more than full time cruising but not as much as you'd think. It might take some compromises in boat or cruising area - but you'll get more sailing time than 95% of the people on this board. Don't make her do overnight offshore trips - at least for the first years - it's easy to find male friends who jump at the chance to have a night watch in the rain. Let her "meet you there".
giving up the dream
- Thread starter Richard Olden
- Start date
Darn spell check LOL!Okay, as a former Michigander (lower peninsula), it's Keweenaw.
Sam
(Off topic for sure... I’m from Michigan andnow only live here half the year.
I remember a sign in one of the ski patrol rooms that said something to the effect that “If God had meant for Hoosiers to ski, He would have put hills in Indiana”. Up here 100 inches of snow is a mild winter.)
As for giving up the dream, life sometimes gets in the way. We were fortunate to be able to do a lot while we were young. We saw too many people who “waited until retirement”, and due to health or worse were no longer afforded the opportunity.
I lost my wife a year ago after 47 years. We were able to do a lot over that time, but we still had a bucket list. Plans don’t necessarily have to be abandoned, but they may well need modification.
I remember a sign in one of the ski patrol rooms that said something to the effect that “If God had meant for Hoosiers to ski, He would have put hills in Indiana”. Up here 100 inches of snow is a mild winter.)
As for giving up the dream, life sometimes gets in the way. We were fortunate to be able to do a lot while we were young. We saw too many people who “waited until retirement”, and due to health or worse were no longer afforded the opportunity.
I lost my wife a year ago after 47 years. We were able to do a lot over that time, but we still had a bucket list. Plans don’t necessarily have to be abandoned, but they may well need modification.
I'm thinking the OP might have checked out of this thread, but one thing really caught my eye when reading his post, and I wonder if anyone else picked up on it.
OK a couple coming into their 50s are planning to cruise their retirement away, looking at boats, saving money, planning etc etc.. All good.
Then this jarring statement: Did a cruise in the BVI to test our skills and knowledge.
Is that the extent of big boat/big water sailing? Thats the on-the-water prep? How do you know if you even like being on a boat for days/weeks/months straight? Everyone OK with night-watches in a squall? Being your own plumber? Maybe there was more, but I don't see it here, and if not that's a huge red flag.
OK a couple coming into their 50s are planning to cruise their retirement away, looking at boats, saving money, planning etc etc.. All good.
Then this jarring statement: Did a cruise in the BVI to test our skills and knowledge.
Is that the extent of big boat/big water sailing? Thats the on-the-water prep? How do you know if you even like being on a boat for days/weeks/months straight? Everyone OK with night-watches in a squall? Being your own plumber? Maybe there was more, but I don't see it here, and if not that's a huge red flag.
[QUOTE="
Then this jarring statement: Did a cruise in the BVI to test our skills and knowledge.
.[/QUOTE]
I noticed that statement as well but the way I look at it as everyone has to start somewhere and I was about to step on his dream. His wife had already done that. Yes it's true they may have got out there and found out they did not really like it as much as they thought they would. But at least they would have followed through with their dream. Maybe she decided she did not like it before she even got a chance to try it.
At least they did a cruise in the BVI. Some people have never even been on a sailboat before they buy it and head out.
Sam
Then this jarring statement: Did a cruise in the BVI to test our skills and knowledge.
.[/QUOTE]
I noticed that statement as well but the way I look at it as everyone has to start somewhere and I was about to step on his dream. His wife had already done that. Yes it's true they may have got out there and found out they did not really like it as much as they thought they would. But at least they would have followed through with their dream. Maybe she decided she did not like it before she even got a chance to try it.
At least they did a cruise in the BVI. Some people have never even been on a sailboat before they buy it and head out.
Sam
Dougm,
Sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. I know I would be lost without my little lady and we still have lots of items on our bucket list.
Technically, I think I was born a Yooper, kidnapped at birth, and forced to grow up a Hoosier. Tbat is the only explanation I can come up with.
My little lady strolling the streets of Houghton MI in the snow.
Sam
Sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. I know I would be lost without my little lady and we still have lots of items on our bucket list.
Technically, I think I was born a Yooper, kidnapped at birth, and forced to grow up a Hoosier. Tbat is the only explanation I can come up with.
My little lady strolling the streets of Houghton MI in the snow.
Sam
I know, so am I. The fact that he hasn't been back since 2015 does not bode well for his dream.
Until we hear otherwise, I prefer to think of the OP cruising the Bahamas or beyond wirhout access to the internet.
Well heck, I will PM him and see of he still out there. Curious minds want to know LOL!
Sam
This might not be good his page said Richard Olden was last seen June l5th of 2015. Maybe he told his wife he was going without and she told him otherwise...
Sam
Sam
Or she might have said “Fine.” You know, the scariest word a husband can hear.
It was also the “featured archive post” in this week’s email newsletter, which I’m guessing is what led to its revival.
NotCook
.
- Dec 29, 2008
- 805
We did similar planning, and bought the boat very early on. As time to retire and pull the trigger on actually bringing the boat to the Caribbean, we had something like 10 grandkids (I can't keep track) spread over 4 states! Our solution was a commitment to each other and our kids that our budget included flying back to the States at least 4 times a year.
Now we have something like 13 grandkids, and have done several extended visits each year. We look forward to the visits, but have found about 2 weeks is the max. We did 5 weeks once, but found ourselves sitting alone at their house while they were at work or school. We also found that we see the kids and grandkids more now on our trips than we did before we retired! Everyone has their own lives to lead.
The key for us is not hedging on the trips we committed to. They are a part of our budget and not to be compromised.
I'd encourage not making any hasty decisions, but also consider realities of how much time you will actually spend with the grandkids if you don't go cruising. Stay flexible!
Good luck!
Now we have something like 13 grandkids, and have done several extended visits each year. We look forward to the visits, but have found about 2 weeks is the max. We did 5 weeks once, but found ourselves sitting alone at their house while they were at work or school. We also found that we see the kids and grandkids more now on our trips than we did before we retired! Everyone has their own lives to lead.
The key for us is not hedging on the trips we committed to. They are a part of our budget and not to be compromised.
We've been experiencing some of this as well. It is a great experience for the high schoolers and junior high age kids to spend some time with us at various times in the year. Heck, I spent EVERY summer with my grand parents at the lake, and it was the best part of growing up! But for you guys, this will be a long way off.
I'd encourage not making any hasty decisions, but also consider realities of how much time you will actually spend with the grandkids if you don't go cruising. Stay flexible!
Good luck!
I think the basic issue we are talking about is, “What is the balance between our sailing life together, and our community - the family and friends in our life?”
The Admiral and I have moved 17 times in our lives, twice for extended stays in Europe. Although we have close friends across the USA and Europe, we decided about 21 years ago to retire in Columbus, Ohio, where our community connections were strongest. We bought Lady Lillie on Lake Erie 18 summers ago when I was moved to Cleveland. We spent 20 to 30 nights a summer on her including cruises of 1 or 2 weeks. We also began chartering for a week at a time around the world. Three years later, we did return to Columbus, traveling over two hours to our boat in Sandusky and the Erie Islands.
We planned an eight week “sabbatical” from our jobs serving folks in Columbus to cruise Lakes Erie and Ontario to the Thousand Islands and back in 2009. We loved the trip! We found that there seemed to be no limit on our ability to cruise together on our boat. But after our return, we also reflected that 8 weeks away had a noticeable impact on our relationships with: two of our daughters and their families including 6 grandchildren; my two brothers and their families who also ended their careers in Columbus; our friends and group activities; and the people we served in our jobs, and as volunteers. The result was to plan our next long cruise to the North Channel in two three week segments, which worked out very well.
We are now both retired, so our service work for the folks in the community is now wholly volunteer. My Mom has now moved to Columbus. We still love cruising on Lady Lillie, and on charters. Yes, we read of the long cruises and dream about that lifestyle. But we hold to the balance that prioritizes our relationships ashore. And we realize that the cruising life would have a strong negative impact on those relationships. And that impact is seldom discussed when we dream of a cruising life in the sailing community.
The Admiral and I have moved 17 times in our lives, twice for extended stays in Europe. Although we have close friends across the USA and Europe, we decided about 21 years ago to retire in Columbus, Ohio, where our community connections were strongest. We bought Lady Lillie on Lake Erie 18 summers ago when I was moved to Cleveland. We spent 20 to 30 nights a summer on her including cruises of 1 or 2 weeks. We also began chartering for a week at a time around the world. Three years later, we did return to Columbus, traveling over two hours to our boat in Sandusky and the Erie Islands.
We planned an eight week “sabbatical” from our jobs serving folks in Columbus to cruise Lakes Erie and Ontario to the Thousand Islands and back in 2009. We loved the trip! We found that there seemed to be no limit on our ability to cruise together on our boat. But after our return, we also reflected that 8 weeks away had a noticeable impact on our relationships with: two of our daughters and their families including 6 grandchildren; my two brothers and their families who also ended their careers in Columbus; our friends and group activities; and the people we served in our jobs, and as volunteers. The result was to plan our next long cruise to the North Channel in two three week segments, which worked out very well.
We are now both retired, so our service work for the folks in the community is now wholly volunteer. My Mom has now moved to Columbus. We still love cruising on Lady Lillie, and on charters. Yes, we read of the long cruises and dream about that lifestyle. But we hold to the balance that prioritizes our relationships ashore. And we realize that the cruising life would have a strong negative impact on those relationships. And that impact is seldom discussed when we dream of a cruising life in the sailing community.