Funny Friday!!!
- Thread starter rgranger
- Start date
jssailem
SBO Weather and Forecasting Forum Jim & John
- Oct 22, 2014
- 21,975
Kermie it is good that you recognize you have frog tendencies.
It makes it easier to self identify.
It makes it easier to self identify.
jssailem
SBO Weather and Forecasting Forum Jim & John
- Oct 22, 2014
- 21,975
The day after his mother-in-law disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Twillingate, Newfoundland man answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers. "We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your mother-in-law," said one of the officers. "Tell me! Did you find her?!" Cedric Flynn asked.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news , some good news , and some really great news . Which would you like to hear first?” Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first. ”
The RCMP officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your mother-in-law's body in the bay. ” "Lord sufferin' Jaysus!" exclaimed Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news? ” The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.” Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?”
The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow”.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news , some good news , and some really great news . Which would you like to hear first?” Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first. ”
The RCMP officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your mother-in-law's body in the bay. ” "Lord sufferin' Jaysus!" exclaimed Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news? ” The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.” Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?”
The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow”.
I'm gonna have to modify this into a Boudreaux joke (w/blue crabs) and send it onto my peeps.
Boudreaux hires some help.
When Oris Fontenot’s boy Tee-Not returned to Lafayette from Iraq he needed a
job him. His PaPa told him he heard da post office was
hiring dem. Tee-Not him goes to da post office and applys for a job.
Alex Boudreaux da interviewer axe him, “Are you
allergic to anyting?” Tee-Not replied, “˜I’m allergic to caffeine me.”
”Have you ever been in da military?” Mr. Broudreaux axe.
”I was in Iraq for two years me,” Tee-Not answer.
”Dat”™s good,” said interviewer Boudreaux. “Dat will
give you five extra points towards employment.” Den he
axed, “Are you disabled in any way?”
Tee-Not answer, “I sho am, an IED exploded by me and I
lost boat my testicles.”
Boudreaux grimaced and den he say, “OK, you got enough of dem points for me to
hire you rat now, our normal hours dem are from 8 a.m. to 4
p.m. You can start tomorrow at 10 am and plan on starting at
10 am everyday.”
Tee-Not him, is puzzled and says, “Mais, if da hours are
from 8 am to 4 pm why don’t you want me here until 10 am, hanh?”
”Well dis is a government job,” the interviewer said,
”For da first two hours we jus stand ‘round drinking
coffee and scratching our balls. Dir’s no point in you coming in for dat.”
When Oris Fontenot’s boy Tee-Not returned to Lafayette from Iraq he needed a
job him. His PaPa told him he heard da post office was
hiring dem. Tee-Not him goes to da post office and applys for a job.
Alex Boudreaux da interviewer axe him, “Are you
allergic to anyting?” Tee-Not replied, “˜I’m allergic to caffeine me.”
”Have you ever been in da military?” Mr. Broudreaux axe.
”I was in Iraq for two years me,” Tee-Not answer.
”Dat”™s good,” said interviewer Boudreaux. “Dat will
give you five extra points towards employment.” Den he
axed, “Are you disabled in any way?”
Tee-Not answer, “I sho am, an IED exploded by me and I
lost boat my testicles.”
Boudreaux grimaced and den he say, “OK, you got enough of dem points for me to
hire you rat now, our normal hours dem are from 8 a.m. to 4
p.m. You can start tomorrow at 10 am and plan on starting at
10 am everyday.”
Tee-Not him, is puzzled and says, “Mais, if da hours are
from 8 am to 4 pm why don’t you want me here until 10 am, hanh?”
”Well dis is a government job,” the interviewer said,
”For da first two hours we jus stand ‘round drinking
coffee and scratching our balls. Dir’s no point in you coming in for dat.”
Befores any of y'alls get excited about pickin' on Boudreaux, this is a photo of my great-great grandfather Boud...
Boudreaux staggered home late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Thibodeaux. He took off his shoes to avoid waking Clotilde and he tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Boudreaux sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked to see in the mirror that his cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a band-aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Boudreaux woke up with searing pain in his head and butt and Clotilde staring at him from across the room. She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you Boudreaux?"
Boudreaux said, "Mer chais, why you say such a mean ting?"
"Well," Clotilde said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but, mostly....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the downstairs mirror!"
Boudreaux said, "Mer chais, why you say such a mean ting?"
"Well," Clotilde said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but, mostly....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the downstairs mirror!"
ROTFLMAO!it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the downstairs mirror!"
The local marine patrol found a sailboat adrift in the fog off the coast of Maine. The officer, fearing he knew who the dead sailor in the cockpit was, went knocking on the door of the man in question.
To his surprise, the man opened the door and asked him what he wanted.
"Well, we found ah sailboat just like yourin driftin out to sea in thah fog this mornin', an I thought the dead feller in thah cockpit might a been you. He seemed to look an awful lot like you."
"Was he a tall skinny fellah?"
"Ayuh!"
"Was he bald on top of his head with just a little white hair around his ears?"
"Ayup!"
"Did he have a yeller foul weather coat on with dungaree coveralls underneath?"
"Ayuh!"
"Was he wearing short navy rubber boots?"
"Ayup!"
"Hum... You sure?"
The officer scratched his head and thought, "Come to think of it, his boots were high boots turned down low."
"Well..." replied the sailor with relief, "Itwernt me then."
As adapted from an old Bert and I routine.
-Will
To his surprise, the man opened the door and asked him what he wanted.
"Well, we found ah sailboat just like yourin driftin out to sea in thah fog this mornin', an I thought the dead feller in thah cockpit might a been you. He seemed to look an awful lot like you."
"Was he a tall skinny fellah?"
"Ayuh!"
"Was he bald on top of his head with just a little white hair around his ears?"
"Ayup!"
"Did he have a yeller foul weather coat on with dungaree coveralls underneath?"
"Ayuh!"
"Was he wearing short navy rubber boots?"
"Ayup!"
"Hum... You sure?"
The officer scratched his head and thought, "Come to think of it, his boots were high boots turned down low."
"Well..." replied the sailor with relief, "Itwernt me then."
As adapted from an old Bert and I routine.
-Will
Warning, the following joke contains imagery of sex, violence and trauma. It may not be suitable for all audiences.
Boudreax comes home unexpectedly for lunch one day and finds Clotile in bed with his next-door neighbor Mr. Delahoussaye (a.k.a. De la Houssaye).
For a moment he could not believe what he was seeing. Then a slow, low cry comes out of the deepest part of his soul and he leaves the bedroom. Clotile is horrified and quickly gets dressed and goes after Boudreaux only to find him sitting in the kitchen... eyes red with tears and a double-barreled shotgun in his mouth.
Clotile was struck to her knees with fear and shame and she cries... "Boud! Don't do it! Don't do it"
Boudreaux shouts back in rage ”Shut up woman! Your next!".
Boudreax comes home unexpectedly for lunch one day and finds Clotile in bed with his next-door neighbor Mr. Delahoussaye (a.k.a. De la Houssaye).
For a moment he could not believe what he was seeing. Then a slow, low cry comes out of the deepest part of his soul and he leaves the bedroom. Clotile is horrified and quickly gets dressed and goes after Boudreaux only to find him sitting in the kitchen... eyes red with tears and a double-barreled shotgun in his mouth.
Clotile was struck to her knees with fear and shame and she cries... "Boud! Don't do it! Don't do it"
Boudreaux shouts back in rage ”Shut up woman! Your next!".
Thibodaux got himself a new camp at Cypremort Point with his own boat-landing into the bayou. Boudreaux was a little jealous but Thib let him use the boat-landing so it was all good for Boud. One morning at the crack of dark-thirty Thibodaux is woken by a terrible noise out at his boat-landing. He goes to check and finds Boudreaux about to launch. Thibodaux notices several gray circles in Boudreaux’s boat and ask… “Boud! What dat in your boat” Boudreaux says “Mais Thib, I’m going on a duck hunt and dats my duck tape. You wanna come wid” Thibodaux says “Mais Cher, you stupid yea” and he goes back to bed. About noon Boudreaux pulls up to the boat-landing and his boat is full of duck.. all wrapped up in silver tape. Thibodaux just scratch his head in confusion.
About a month later Thibodaux is woke again at the crack of dark-thirty by a terrible noise out at his boat-landing. He goes to check and finds Boudreaux about to launch. Thibodaux notices a box full of pink pouches of paper in Boudreaux boat. “Boud! What dat in your boat” Boudreaux says “Mais Thib, I’m going on a Nutria Rat hunt and dats my Nutria Sweet. You wanna come wid” Thibodaux says “Mais Cher, you stupid yea” and he goes back to bed. Well you guessed it. About noon Boudreaux pulls up to the boat-landing and his boat is full of nutria rats.. Thibodaux just scratch his head confusion.
This time it was only a week later and Thibodaux is woke again at the crack of dark-thirty by a terrible noise out at his boat-landing. By now he suspects it is Boudreaux and sure enough he finds Boudreaux about to launch. Thibodaux notices Boudreaux’s boat is full of weeds. “Boud! What dat in your boat dis time!” Boudreaux says “Mais Thib, That is Pussy Willow…you wanna…” Thibodaux interrupts Boudreaux and says “Let me get my hat”
About a month later Thibodaux is woke again at the crack of dark-thirty by a terrible noise out at his boat-landing. He goes to check and finds Boudreaux about to launch. Thibodaux notices a box full of pink pouches of paper in Boudreaux boat. “Boud! What dat in your boat” Boudreaux says “Mais Thib, I’m going on a Nutria Rat hunt and dats my Nutria Sweet. You wanna come wid” Thibodaux says “Mais Cher, you stupid yea” and he goes back to bed. Well you guessed it. About noon Boudreaux pulls up to the boat-landing and his boat is full of nutria rats.. Thibodaux just scratch his head confusion.
This time it was only a week later and Thibodaux is woke again at the crack of dark-thirty by a terrible noise out at his boat-landing. By now he suspects it is Boudreaux and sure enough he finds Boudreaux about to launch. Thibodaux notices Boudreaux’s boat is full of weeds. “Boud! What dat in your boat dis time!” Boudreaux says “Mais Thib, That is Pussy Willow…you wanna…” Thibodaux interrupts Boudreaux and says “Let me get my hat”