I am Interested in your thoughts about tenders:
1. wooden vs inflatable
2. For wooden: Capability to row/sail
3. Proper length of tender for 30-foot sailboat
We are mostly weekend sailors. The Admiral is really interested in a “pretty” tender.
The last line says, tender. It's hard to beat Joel Whites Nutshell dinghy. I recommend from experience but also because the Nutshell is a staple on the coast of Maine, with good reasons.
For just two, you might be happy with the smaller version, but I'd advise you go with the 9'6". You might be able to wrestle the 7'6" on deck, but wait a minute: You say you'll mostly weekend which means coastal sail. 99.9% of coastal sailors tow their tenders. The Nutshell dinghy was designed to tow. We've towed ours thousands of coastal miles and some offshore for now more than 2 days (giving us accurate weather predictions). We've never had a problem towing, beyond having to adjust the painter.
Plus, the drag of a well designed hard tender is negligible, especially compared to an inflatable.
They row nicely even with two.
Sail well with their gaff rig
For even better performance(under both oar and sail), you might look for Joel Whites Shellback. But it's not as good an all around tender as the Nutshell which is more stable at dock or deck, and doesn't tow quite as well.
A little pricey, but you can find Nutshells and Shellbacks for sale often at Apprenticeshops or other centers of Maine boatbuilding. Good luck!