ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS, THIS IS ANOTHERS STORY NOT MINE
>
>
>
> Just try reading this without laughing till
> you cry!!!
>
>
> Pocket
> Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who
> purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their
> anniversary submitted this:
>
>
> Last
> weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn
> Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th
> anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra
> for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt,
> pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were
> supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect
> on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to
> safety.... (??)
>
>
> WAY TOO
> COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it
> home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and
> pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned,
> however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against
> a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc
> of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
>
>
>
> AWESOME!!!
>
>
> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to
> Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
>
>
>
> Okay, so
> I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
> it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A
> batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie
> looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was
>
> reading
> the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this
> thing out
> on a
> flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought
> about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
> thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was
> going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
> against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would
> work as advertised. Am I wrong?
>
> So,
> there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my
> reading glasses
> perched
> delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand,
> and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second
> burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a
> two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a
> major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
> purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a
> fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would
> be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at
> this little device measuring about 5" long, less than
> 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded
> with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself,
> 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost
> beyond description, but I'll do my best.. .?
>
>
> I'm
> sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked
> to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipstick,'
> reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little
> ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give
> myself a
> one
> second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my
> naked thigh,
> pushed
> the button, and . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF
> MASS DESTRUCTION . . .
>
> I'm
> pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door,
> picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on
> the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall
> waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my
> eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicals
> nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body
> in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was
> making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to
> a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an
> attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all
> over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to
> 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of
> caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when
> you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing
> until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing
> about on the floor.. A three second burst
> would be considered conservative?
>
> A minute
> or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative
> thing at that
> point),
> I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
> surveyed the
> landscape. My bent reading glasses were
> on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was
> upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally
> was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
> twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with
> Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control
> over the drooling.
>
>
> Apparently I pooped on myself, but was
> too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I
> saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came
> from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicals and
> I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
>
>
>
> P.S. - My wife, can't stop
> laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now
> regularly threatens me with it!
>
> If
> you think education is difficult, try being stupid!
