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Time to laugh a "little".

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Les

.
May 8, 2004
375
Hunter 27 Bellingham, WA
This story seems appropriate in this time and age....

A Modern Romance Novel

He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone. He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice, close to my ear.

"Just relax. . . "


Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing and moving upward along my calves, slowly, but steadily. My breath caught in my throat. I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure.

When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and I partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage. And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply.

Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine and into my panties.

Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man, I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking "no" for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say . . . . ..

"Okay, ma'am," said a voice. "All done."

My eyes snapped open and he was standing in front of me, smiling, holding out my purse. "You can board your flight now
 
Jun 9, 2004
963
Hunter 40.5 Bayfield, WI
Subject: A long trip to Europe

A beautiful young New York blonde was so depressed
that she decided to end her life by throwing herself
into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself
from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man.
"I'm a sailor, and we're off to Europe tomorrow, and
I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you,
bring you food every day, and keep you happy."


With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had
always wanted to go to Europe, the blonde accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her
in a small, but comfortable, compartment in the hold.
From then on, every night he would bring her three
sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.


Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during
a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?", asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one
of the sailors," she replied. "He brings food and I get
a free trip to Europe."

"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added,
"plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain,
"This is the Staten Island Ferry."


I just want to say this has NEVER happened to me.

POTL
 
Jan 19, 2010
7,312
Hunter 26 Lake Martin AL
Okay then... I'm from Louisiana so...
*****************

[FONT=&quot]Boudreaux hires some help.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
When Oris Fontenot’s boy Tee-Not returned to Lafayette from Iraq he needed a
job him. His PaPa told him he heard da post office was
hiring dem. Tee-Not him goes to da post office and apply for da job.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Alex Boudreaux, da interviewer axe him,
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]“Are you allergic to anytin?” Tee-Not replied, “˜I’m allergic to caffeine me.”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
”Have you ever been in da military?” Mr. Broudreaux axe.
”I was in Iraq for two years me,” Tee-Not answer.
”Dat's good,” said interviewer Boudreaux. “Dat will
give you five extra points towards employment.” Den he
asked, “Are you disabled in any way?”
Tee-Not answer, “I sho am, an IED exploded by me and I
lost boat my testicles.”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
Boudreaux grimaced and den he say, “OK, you got enough of dem points for me to
hire you rat now, our normal hours dem are from 8 a.m. to 4
p.m. You can start tomorrow at 10 am and plan on starting at
10 am everyday.” [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Tee-Not him, is puzzled and says, “Mais, if da hours are
from 8 am to 4 pm why don’t you want me here until 10 am, hanh?”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
”Well dis is a government job,” the interviewer said,
”For da first two hours we jus stand ‘round drinking
coffee and scratching our balls. Dir’s no point in you coming in for dat.”[/FONT]
 
Jan 19, 2010
7,312
Hunter 26 Lake Martin AL
One more....

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were getting drunk at a bar when Boudreaux suddenly throws up all over himself. "O’h no, now Clotile will kill me"!

Thib says: "Don't worry Breaux, just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket, tell Clotile that someone else threw up on you and gave you $20 for the dry cleaning bill”.


So they stay for another couple of hours and got even drunker.

Eventually Boudreaux rolls home and Clotile starts in on him giving him a bad time.
"You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!"


Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Boudreaux says: "Now winaminit… I can e'shplain everything! Itsh not what you tink. I only had a couple drinks, but this other guy got sick on me ... he'd had one too many and he just couldn't hold his liquor. He said he was very sorry an' gave me $20 for the cleaning bill!"

Clotile looks in the breast pocket and says: "But this is $40.00”!

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot…he shit in my pants too"!
 
Jan 19, 2010
7,312
Hunter 26 Lake Martin AL
Noah in 2011
In the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, PETA sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
 
Oct 18, 2007
707
Macgregor 26S Lucama, NC
Thibodeaux (that popular fellow) was fishing down by the bayou one day when he found he was running out of bait. When he felt something bumping his foot, he looked down to see a large moccasin between his feet. He nearly died of fright, but then noticed that the moccasin had a small green frog in his mouth, and realized that (1) the snake couldn't bite him, and (2) the frog would make a good bait.

He quickly grabbed the snake by the neck with one hand, then pulled the frog out of his mouth with the other, and dropped it in his bait can. Then he had the problem of what to do with the snake. If he let the snake go, he could bite him, since he no longer had the frog in his mouth, and was now wrapped around Thibodeaux's arm.

In a moment of inspiration, he pulled his whiskey bottle out of his hip pocket ande proceeded to pour some into the snake's mouth. The snake straightened out and went as rigid as a steel rod, and Thibodeaux tossed the snake far away into the bayou.

He put the green frog on his hook and went back to fishing. Shortly he felt a bump on his foot, and looked down to see that moccasin, with another frog in his mouth!

-Paul
 
Last edited:
Dec 2, 1997
7,490
- - LIttle Rock
Another list of things I've learned as an adult

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own driveway.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. Bad decisions make good stories.

10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

13. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

14. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

15. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.


16. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

17. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

19. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

20. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

22. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
 
Nov 6, 2006
8,524
Hunter 34 Mandeville Louisiana
My buddy from Annapolis and I like the 2 AM to 6 AM shift in the cockpit on long runs; Cajun jokes are usually the selected pastime..

Old Thibodeaux is sitting by the Bayou carving a little pirogue and enjoying the shade of the big cypress trees. An Englishman (anyone without a Cajun accent and usually in a rush) came riding up on a horse and told Thibodeaux that he needed to get across the bayou.. Thibodeaux looked at the horse and the annoying man and said “Mais, you can cross rite dere !” The man plunged into the bayou and the horse sunk and he and the horse had to swim back to shore. The man was really mad then and shouted at Thibodeaux.. “What is the matter with you !? That bayou must be 10 feet deep there! “ Thibodeaux scratched his head and said “ well, I saw a duck walk across right there about ten minutes ago,; his legs are really short”..
 
Oct 2, 2008
3,173
Pearson/ 530 Strafford, NH
Re: Another list of things I've learned as an adult

Sad news,
My uncle died in an accident at the local brewery. Apparently he drown in a vat of beer. Rescuers had a hold of him three times, but he bravely fought them off.
All U Get
 
Jan 19, 2010
7,312
Hunter 26 Lake Martin AL
My buddy from Annapolis and I like the 2 AM to 6 AM shift in the cockpit on long runs; Cajun jokes are usually the selected pastime..


:dance: Then you know how to pronounce my last name. Here in Virginia, watching people try is always good for laugh
 
Jul 28, 2010
914
Boston Whaler Montauk New Orleans
Then you know how to pronounce my last name. Here in Virginia, watching people try is always good for laugh
That would be "Graw-jay" I presume? (Hard to write a pronunciation!!)

Wall, you know Boudreaux an Thibodeaux lost dey jobs wid dis recession. Dey wen tto da unemployment orfice to get day benefits. Da lady tole dem, "I got to talk to you to see what you did, cuz yo benefits depend on yo skill level. Boudreaux, what you did fo a livin?"

Boudreaux said, "Me, I was a diesel fitter."

Da lady said, "Mais, Cher, dat's skilled labor. You get $500 a week!! Now, Thibodeaux, what you did?"

Thibodeaux said, "Me, I was a pantie stitcher."

Da lady said, "Now, you see, dat's unskilled work. You only get $200 a week."

Thibodeaux got mad and said "What do you mean? We worked together, me and Boudreaux."

Da lady said, "But you a pantie stitcher and Boudreaux's a diesel fitter. How y'all worked together?"

Thibodeaux said, "I stitch the panties, and Boudreaux put dem on his head and say, 'Yep, diesel fitter!' "
 
Sep 25, 2008
991
Oday 25 Gibraltar
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.

The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."


The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"


The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"





Rich
 

dew

.
Apr 18, 2010
16
macgregor 26x lake martin
Peggy, started laughing at #1 and laughed all the way through (tought #1 was the funniest).
 
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