Sold My Boat To Stop My Wife/Kids Nagging

[Mike]

S.W.M.B.O.

S.W.M.B.O.=She Who Must Be Obeyed.Anything you can buy or build which makes the boat more attractive to the Mate ought to be bought. Namely: She said: "These damned biting flys, spray and rain are intolerable"; answer=full cockpit enclosure (I like it too in the Great Lakes) and...she said: "I like hot water for my shower when on the hook" answer=a small water heater, at Lowes, and a nice quiet Honda generator. She said: "The boat scares me when it is heeled smartly" answer= teach her to release the main sheet till the heel is to her liking (true it's a compromise but life is full of compromises) She said: "I'd enjoy a nice movie in the evening" answer= a couple of hundred bucks for a portable 12V DVD player.I'm sure everyone has heard objections to their boat from swmbo. Everyone can fill in their own answers to complaints. Reasonable compromise doesn't mean folding like a cheap suit but sometimes ya' gotta' give a little to get a little.Best wishes and a happy life to all.

 

[garry @ S/V TASHTEGO]

A Man and his Dog

A man sitting with his dog was talking about his family and said that his wife had told him that, "either that damn dog goes or I go." His comment was, "I'm sure gonna miss her."

 

[richard]

as provider to your family

I think they should have been more aware of your needs and want..not that you should ignore their needs/wants... For me, I don't think I could be happy in a relationship where someone who knew sailing was very important to me nagged till I gave it up. Couldn't there have been some kind of compromise?

 

[Waffel]

Well, that is what

divorce is for! You are a wimp, sorry but true.My friends wife didn't like the boat so he got a girlfriend that did. Now his wife loves the boat!

 

[Jackson]

too little too late

It sounds like you got the boat 19 years late. You should have gotten it first, you come first then your wife and kids. By the way does the 19 year old plan on going on to collage, or is he or she planningt to just lay around YOUR HOUSE?Kick them to the curb if so. You might want to call Dr. Phil and see if he wants you and your wonderful family on his show. If not I am sure Oprah will.I agree with one other responder "GET A PAIR" and get your boat back,where did you most enjoy yourself - boat,or at home with the wife and kids?

 

[Tim]

I'm Lucky I Guess

I guess I am luckier than I thought!I am passionate about sailing, same as everyone else on this forum. My wife is not, same as probably 90% of the wives/girlfriends on this forum.While she is not passionate about it she will go and does support it. While I am happy tacking back and forth all day my wife is not. She would like to have a destination and actually go somewhere. Thats fine, sailboats are for going places too. Where I sail in Casco Bay Maine I have hundres of possible destinations a short sail away that I am interested in visiting too.While I would love to sail with my wife I can't always because she won't. I have to find a sailing buddy which I have or I make my kids, 9 and 12, come along. The 9 year olds says he hates sailing but when he gets out there he likes it. The 12 year old does like sailing so not hard to get her out. I just have to keep it to a few hours.Life like marriage is about understanding and compromise. My wife likes things I do not but I support those things and join her on occasion. Same thing with my sailing. I hope she would love it but but she does not, all I can hope for is her support and I get it. She encourages me to go, she knows what it means to me. I spent this past Sunday morning puttering on the boat and cleaning it and she encouraged me to go. I don't know how many little things she has boat for me and my Other Woman. This past Christmas she got me a handheld GPS, something I wanted but was less likely to buy for myself.This thread has been very valuable to me because it has shown me I have it pretty darn good. If my wife did not understand and could not support me I would not be happy at all. I would keep the boat and still go sailing and keep trying to explain how things work. Neither of us should completely give up our dreams.

 

[Tim Welsh]

The Other Woman

One of my last ex girlfriends refered to my boat as the other woman. Well I know my boat will never cheat on me or leave me. So guess which one I kept. (hint I'm still sailing) Tim Welsh H34 S/V Cabo Wabo

 

[Tim]

Boat Name

Tim W, I felt I had to clarify. My boats name is actually The Other Woman, suggested by my wife. I had to go with it, such a perfect description and my wife's idea!

 

[John]

I feel your pain

I have a similar problem and I feel your pain.Before getting married I lived aboard and started building my boat and I have become a lover of the ocean and sailing. After doing this for about 1 year I never again want to live on land. I fell in love with someone that had never sailed and asked if she could live this lifestyle. I asked over and over again and we decided to get married but told her not to marry me if she could not live with me in the marina. We were married and lived on our boat for only 4 months. We dismasted the boat while sailing and she now said she changed her mind and does not want to live on a boat. I now live on land and hate it. My wife complains about the money I spend on the boat and the time we do not spend together. When we were on the boat we spent alot of time together. Now well I do alot of praying that she changes her mind. I do not know how long I can deal with living on land. My love is the ocean and I wish I could share it with her. God bless and I hope that you are able to sail once again , John

 

[abe]

Oh God, John you are making me cry....

not making fun of you. I truly feel sad for the situation you are in. You should have seeing it coming if you had to "ask over and over again". abe

 

[BrianW]

Buy a BIG Singlehander

.... and listen to Dan and Mike.

 

[Ross]

John, this won't get better

but it will get a lot worse. Most likely you are both going to be unhappy, you because you need a boat and a sailing companion and she because you don't conform to her needs. Consider cutting your losses.

 

[abe]

"Consider cutting your losses". does that mean...

start looking for wife #2?

 

[Ross]

Abe, Looking for wife next is

kinda out of the frying pan and into the fire. Take a lesson from the modern women you don't need a wife to make you complete. Just learn to cook.

 

[Arlyn Stewart]

nagging is controlling

Each member of a family has needs and the compromise to share the pie is not an easy one at times. A few years ago I read words that said, an accomodater is just as guilty of poisioning a relationship as the demander. Time will see the demander lose respect for the accomodator and the accomodater will build resentment for the demander... lack of respect and resentment both will poision the relationship. Both are equal contributors to what eventually will fail for lack of health. Early on, either has the ability to stop this terminal disease. The demander can stop demanding or the accomodator can stop accomodating.

 

[Ameribritalia]

Am I whipped?

Compromise! I just returned to sailing after some 20 years after attending college, getting married and producing two children 9 & 14, my son seems to like it but my wife and daughter are no fans. I compromise, I sail one of two days during the W.E. either Saturday or Sunday leaving one day with the family which I plan out. Get back in that boat and be a compromising commander/empathesizer, you'll be a better father and husband!

 

[Ed Hanley14076]

Sad story

Many years ago, I had a good friend who sailed a beautiful little gaffer - gleaming black topsides, red boot top, gold cove stripe, tanbark sails, on deck everything finished bright, and on the varnished transom, in gold leaf, his beloved wife's name, RUTH. He also loved hanging out in a great little bar called Christian's Hut. One Saturday I noted RUTH was not in her slip, but found him in Christian's Hut, and he told me Ruth had given him an ultimatum: "Me or the boat!".The following Saturday, his boat was back in the slip with a freshly decorated transom: RUTHLESS.

 

[mpaxman]

Sailing course for women taught by a woman

Just a thought, since it has worked so well for me, it might work for some of the others following this thread. An hour and a half north of us (on Vancouver Island) a lady runs a sailing school called "Herizon Sailing School" She is a very good sailing instructor (fully accredited) who teaches other women to sail while teaching from a 'woman's perspective' My wife took instruction from her leading to day skipper level ISA certification. Talk about money well spent! My wife now loves sailing as much as I do. She is not just along for the ride, rather she is learning just as much as I am and is just as knowledgable as we sail together. Some women may not be willing to take a sailing course, but for those who do, the advantages can be huge. We tend to be much more interested in things when we are learning, must have something to do with the 'discovery' of it all. And most important, we often learn better and are more interested in learning from a professional 3rd party than from our spouse. Let's face it, they know all our weaknesses and might not feel that we are as qualified to teach as a professional, which is probably true in most cases anyway If you can find a sailing school that caters to teaching women, all the better, it does add a useful perspective and sensitivity. It sure worked for us, I am happy to say.

 

[gr8nurs1271]

It wouldn't hurt to name the boat after her!

I was a little disappointed to find out that my Captain's boat would not be named after me! BUT, I guess that's something I'll have to get used to. Now that I have had my first "winches in the water" experience, I'm ready to sail again! I feel badly for you that you had to sell your boat. But I guess it's definitely cheaper than a divorce!