Sold My Boat To Stop My Wife/Kids Nagging

[Drew]

Ouch...

Boats take lot's of time (duh). It's been said elsewhere that a man who is involved with a sailboat and a woman at the same time is in very serious trouble...I'da been whooping for joy if my old man bought a boat when I was a teenager...

 

[Herb Parsons]

Guess I'm A Middle-of-The Road, Lucky Stiff

When I proposed to my wife, we were in Cozumel. She was there because I wanted to go, and I was there for the scuba diving (she had never been diving, and didn't try that trip). As soon as we got back, she booked certification lessons so she could dive with me on our honeymoon (which we did).She told me that she had a "long talk with herself", and said "this is the way the man I want to marry is. I can either learn to do 'crazy' things with him, or learn to live without him", and the lessons were a result of that.When I bought our O'Day, she wasn't crazy about buying a boat, but went along with it. Now she loves it.BUT, there are some "secrets" to my "success".When we were on our honeymoon, and the divemaster went through a restriction (small hole, for you non-divers) in some coral, she stopped, her eyes got huge, and she shook her head. I took her hand, and we went around.When we took our boat down the Texas coast, and I wanted to "go outside" and she didn't really want to go at all, we went down the ICW (and had a GREAT adventure).I bought an auto-tiller, and she "discovered" that she likes to sit on the foredeck with the boat on auto, looking at the moon and stars at night. We now do a lot of night-sailing and I tell friends the auto-tiller was one of my best purchases (anything that makes her like the boat better is a good purchase).I guess what I'm saying is, like most things in a relationship, boat passion/acceptance involves compromise and facing some realities.BTW, I think you did basically the right thing (unless this is another in a long series of similar events). I also think the advice to get a smaller, trailerable boat is a good one.

 

[Franklin]

Very common story....kind of....

What is common is that the wife pushes the man to sell...what isn't common is the kids wanting dad to stay home.There is a guy on my dock who is selling his boat. I forget the name of the maker but it is a very beautiful boat while docked. I say docked because it's never gone anywhere. The owner used to come out 5 days a week for 18 months to rebuild it. He used to say he and his wife were going to sail to Maine. After he finished rebuilding it, he stopped coming by but everybody would ask who owned the beautiful boat. This week he showed up to wash it off and get it ready to sell. He said that the grandkids needs him around and health problems are a concern. Well, he looks healthly to me and there are planes to go visit the kids, so my guess is the wife, who never showed up at the dock, just said "No".You could see the disappointment and heartache on the guys face. He put a lot of money, time and love into rebuilding that boat; anybody who walked by could see that. Now he is talking to a broker on how much is dream is worth. When I mentioned to him that I'm single and looking for a woman but only one who is willing to sail around the world with me in a few years but I'm going no matter what, his eyes lit up and smiled and said "I think that's the way to do it. Do it while you can".So my message is to the single guys...put the girl to a test before you get involved so this doesn't happen to you. My message to the married guys...give in to the woman and get rid of the boat...but don't sell it...find a hot babe who likes the water and give it to her We need more hot babes at the docks

 

[Larry Wilson]

Stink potters and co dependency issues

I wonder how they would feel about a stinkpotter...I know this is a sailing forum...but different strokes for different folks...I have to force time to go sailing most weeks,and I'm retired (mostly)and all my children are grown. My wife works full time, a couple of years away from retirement. She is okay with sailing, but resentful that I take the time to go without her. I think it'd be the same if I were a golfer...it's all about co-dependency....

 

[Joe on Alure]

not enuf information

You gave us some facts, but not all. As in every war, there are long term problems and immediate ones. What are the long-festering concerns that you missed? What was the spark that drove you to action? Selling a boat is more work that buying one. Why now?At our marina, there are guys whose spouse/kids we never see. For other sailors, sailing is a family activity. How much input did the family have before you bought the boat? What kind of sailing did you do? Racing can be a harrowing experience. Motoring is a dead calm can be boring. There are lots of fun chores on a boat (chart plotting, fishing, planning meals, gunkholing, researching, touring ports,etc.) Surely, somebody in the family must do something aquatic!  After reading other folks responses, it seems that the families that sail together do other things as well as a group. Also, is there anything else going on at home or at work site(s). Your life changed 2-3 years ago, did anybody else's? What do the kids do? sports, music, academics, sweethearts? How involved were you, when you were home. It is curious to me that they all seem against you. Typically, at least one other person is 'on your side': why not now? There must be more to the story. Please let us know, as we want to support you all we can.Take care, Joe

 

[Boatless]

Thanks For Your Replys

Ya, I have balls!As a commission sales rep, I married, raised a family of 4 nice kids...single income and provided a real nice life in an upper income way of life. (They never missed a meal with a wife who had the luxury to stay home with the kids)I finally go and buy a saiboat after 20 years of hard work (with great hesitation, I signed the cheque for $100,000 for my dream-boat)and had the time of my life learning about sailing and everything to do with it. (it's not brain surgery...)I either have made the mistake of raising a really selfish family or I am could be the selfish one. Nevertheless, my boat is gone... tomorrow, and I will play on other peoples boats while I wait for my kids to go "get a life" and my wife to "get a life" after kids are gone. (God loves them...I think)No tears here because my..and I do mean "my" next boat will be more bigger, faster and more expensive because I won't have the "Kippers" to deal with... (KIPPERS = KIDS IN PARENTS PURSES ERRODING RETIREMENT SAVINGS)Boatless "Not for long"Cheers to all you sailors!

 

[Steve S.]

But Wait!!!

She won’t go sailing (other than when she can be assured the boat won’t “tilt”). If she does come out, she will only do it if she can get off the boat at the other end, and I don’t mean in the water at anchor. (“That water – it’s so dirty, there are fish and sharks in it.”)We have no kids, been married 34+ years. Too long and too much inertia to think about a change. I’ve been sailing (to the extent I can) all of those years, and 10 years before that. I do an daysail a few times a month, a few weekends a year singlehanded, or out with buds, and a cruise for week a year with other guys. I try to get out to the Yacht Club for a beer a couple times a week, usaully on the evenings she’s working. Besides that, it’s “No dear, I wasn’t planning on going to the Club for dinner Saturday nite (where the fantsastic prime-rib or chicken cordon bleu dinner is put every week on by a club member and costs $8.00 each), I was going to take you out to the vegetarian restaurant (for $20.00+ each).”Or, that weekend at the B&B (cost $245/nite) going to the arts-and-crafts show, which happens to be held in the same town on the same weekend as that race I had wanted to do, seems like a good compromise, something for me (about an hour at the yacht club watching the boats finish, while having a diet coke, but gotta leave before the post race cocktail party begins), and then about 10 hours looking at crafts. (“Yes, dear, that one is very nice, but to fit it in the house, you know we’ll have to get rid of some of the ones “we” acquired previously. What? Oh yes, you’re right, we could just get that bigger house instead...”)And yes, that “boating vacation” on the 50,000 ton cruise ship thru the Gulf of Mexico, with the world-renowned lecturers on Brown’s “Da Vinci Code”, and Danielle Steele sounds a lot better than the charter in the BVIs on a bareboat I was looking at; we won’t have to cook our own food, and we’ll have a real bathtub in our own cabin! And we can still feel the tropical wind (albeit apparent, ‘cause the cruise ship is doing 20+ knots).“Wife dear, we don’t use it enough, don’t you think maybe I should sell the sailboat?”What’s that? You say I should keep it so I can be sure to have my “recreation”?Thank God for small favors….

 

[Dick Dixon]

Boy, was it depressing reading all this about

some woman telling a grown man what to do. That's sad, real sad. In the early 70's when my wife to be and I started dating, I owned a 20 foot sailboat....she learned real quick how much sailing meant to me. Although she cares nothing for sailing, she has supported my hobby 100% all these years. She pays all related bills and never complains. As an active church member, she does her thing and I do mine. She goes to church on Sundays and I go sailing. And because my boat is across the river from my employement (we live 40 miles away), I spend two to three nights a week on the boat...our kids are grown and she loves her quiet time.Each year my sailing buddies and I take two 10 day sailing trips, each of us alone on our own boat...their wives don't like it either. My wife supports this completely because she understands the stressful job I have and she wants me to be happy. Bless her. She has encouraged me to buy my last three boats so even though she doesn't care for it, she supports me in every way possible. I feel sorry for the guys who can't enjoy soemthing they love.....what a sad, sad situation.

 

[Ctskip]

I guess I 'm a lucky one

I chose my wife and we have always been independent of each other yet we rely on one another for most things.She wants me to be happy and I ,her.We have a very loving and understanding relationship. She dresses up the interior and I do the exterior.Inside is all hers and outside is mine. She chose the boat from the list I gave her ,so we are both extremely very happy. She is always telling me to go to the boat and asking when are we going to the boat. I feel for you buddy, but not very much. You should be able to tell your wife how you truly feel and she should be able to understand and want and be willing to do anything to make you as happy as you can be.Your family sounds like they are selfish to put it nicely. I'd tell them to bad I'm doing what it is I enjoy and suggest you do the same.You have raised your family and now it's time they start looking for what makes them happy just as you should be doing. What kind of example are you giving them to follow. Why doesn't your wife want you to be as happy as you can be? Keep it up, Ctskip

 

[Moody Buccaneer]

Not to sound callus but ...

One of the reasons that my ex-wife became an "ex" was that she is a non-sailor.My last mate knows that I come with boats and dogs. I did fine without her and there will be no hesitation about choosing. It may sound hard assed, but women are a dime a dozen. If you like to sail and she doesn't that's sad. If she likes you being happy but doesn't want to share sailing that's ok. She gets the fallout of a happy husband.The very fact that you posted the story tells me that you don't like the situation. Decide if your role is making other people happy or making yourself happy. Here's a hint, you will never make them happy. The more you try the less they will respect you and the more demands they will make. Get your boat back.

 

[abe]

Boatless, beware of advice from divorced or

single men.

 

[tom h]

great reads

There is some very good wisdom in these threads. Now I know why I read this stuff, it keeps me on course.

 

[Alex]

Time quota

The big guy upstair granted us certain time quota when we were born. If you can't spend it wisely and enjoy life, you can't save it or give it away later.Ask yourself what do you do when you stay home with them. Do you hug and hold hands all the time? Play Monopoly together all the time or each one just go about doing their own things anyway.So what is the difference when you are a few miles away doing the stuff you enjoy. Things go both ways too. Do you "force" them to go sailing with you or you let them go about their own way.I am really lucky because my wife and two kids all have different hobby and passion in life. We never force each other to do the things only one likes. We sail together once or twice a year --- willingly. I also own a 26ft boat that I can sail solo.

 

[diana]

just shoot

Just shoot yourself.

 

[Dan McGuire]

Reminds Me of a Song

I am not sure what I would do under your circumstances. I have to put the brakes on with my wife. She encourages me to spend much more than we can afford on the boats. The same applies to RVing and applied to flying in the distant past.There seems to be a country song for ever occasion. It is about a wife who gripes about her husband fishing all the time. He decides to go fishing. She says, if he goes fishing, she will not be there when he gets back. The chorus is "I'm goin to miss her."

 

[Bob Todd]

Well...

You were unselfish and the rest of the family was selfish. They conned you into giving up something you loved dearly.Personally, you suffer from "empty tool bag syndrome" easily cured by growing a pair.Has the rest of the fam made an equally painful sacrifice? Probably not.BTW...at their ages, the kids should be doing their own thing anyway.

 

[Dan]

Don't Give up the ship

Boatless, In about 6 years or less you will be a grandpa (statistical average). Your dream boat is gone but not the dream. The flaw in your plan was to not involve the kids at an early enough age. Buy a small trailerable daysailer and take it out often, join a club, learn to race and join in with others soloing and having fun. Although your own kids didn't get the head start and passion for the sport, you can have it back with your grandkids. Start them out early. Take them with you as much as possible, teach them to sail, they will fill the hole in your heart. Plus, each year book a two week trip with your wife to somewhere's warm and exotic and bareboat cruise it. Sail, spend some money, site see, and most importantly take millions of cool pics to show your kids what they're missing. Start this as a tradition and I bet they'll want to tag along or as least wish they had in a few years. Oh, but if they want to "crew" for you they better learn to sail - here's your chance. One last thing, if your wife is spooked about sailing, see to it that its enjoyable - not stressful or she won't want to participate. There's an old saying that goes something like, "to the most patient farmer goes the highest yield." Time is on your side to get good at sailing, make it be fun, and wait for your new opportunities to share your passion with your family. Or listen to the singles and dump the family - yea right.Good luck pal,Dan

 

[Sunshine]

Is this about boats or for Ann Landers?

If you cannot handle a 36 footer now what makes you think you could handle a bigger boat latter? I think they fused your bearings.

 

[Landsend]

boat problems...not personal problems

When you have boat problems we are here to help, when you have family problems it's time to call in a shrink or family advisor.

 

[Rocko Delray]

You did a good thing

You did a good thing. The world is full of selfish SOBs who think some new toy is more important than time with their kids. Believe me friend, you will have plenty of time to sail but the time with your kids will be gone sooner than you think. Keep close to them however you can and if they don't like sailing, so be it. Find out what they do like and keep close to them that way. Even if it means having to hang around the garage when Jr has a new electric guitar...YIKES! You are a good DAD!