Its funny Friday!
- Thread starter rgranger
- Start date
The ultimate incentive:
If you don't start wearing a mask, you'll have to home school your kids again. Or find out that grandma really doesn't want to raise a second set of kids.
If you don't start wearing a mask, you'll have to home school your kids again. Or find out that grandma really doesn't want to raise a second set of kids.
Not all of these are funny.... but some are hilarious. My favorite starts at about 2:58/
So I went down a youtube rabbit hole... here are a few more
This next one should be titled "Darwin Award: Runner Ups"
This next one should be titled "Darwin Award: Runner Ups"
BREAKING NEWS
Tonight at 10 pm local time
a medical satellite is flying
over the US to take everybody's
temperature.
Please stand naked outside your
door and wave your health card.
Tonight at 10 pm local time
a medical satellite is flying
over the US to take everybody's
temperature.
Please stand naked outside your
door and wave your health card.
Got the sat reading today and John your below normal must be the ice in your drink while you waited last night.
jssailem
SBO Weather and Forecasting Forum Jim & John
- Oct 22, 2014
- 22,079
There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks: Rufus and Clarence.
They lived on opposite sides of the river and they hated each other.
Every morning, just after sunup, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other.
“Rufus!” Clarence would shout.
“You better thank your lucky stars that I can’t swim, er I’d swim this river and whup you!”
“Clarence!” Rufus would holler back.
“You better thank your lucky stars that I can’t swim, er I’d swim this river and whup you!”
Every morning. Every day.
For 20 years.
One day the Army Corps of Engineers came along and built a bridge.
But the insults went on every morning.
Every day. Another five years.
Finally, Mr Rufus’ wife had enough.
“Rufus!” she squalled one day, “I can’t take no more! Every day for 25 years you’ve been threatenin’ to whup Clarence. Well, thars’s the bridge! Have at it!”
Rufus thought for a moment. Chewed his bottom lip for another moment.
“Woman!” he declared, snapping his suspenders into place.
“I’m gonna whup Clarence!”
He walked out the door, down to the river, along the riverbank, came to the bridge, stepped up onto the bridge, walked about halfway over the bridge, then turned tail and ran screaming back to the house, slammed the door, bolted the windows, grabbed the shotgun and dove under the bed.
“Rufus!” cried the missus.
“I thought you were gonna whup Clarence!”
“I was, woman, I was!” he whispered.
“What in tarnation is the matter?”
“Well,” whispered the terror-stricken Rufus,
“I walked halfway over the bridge and saw a sign that said, ‘Clearance, 13 feet, 6 inches.’ He ain’t never looked that big from the other side of the river!”
They lived on opposite sides of the river and they hated each other.
Every morning, just after sunup, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other.
“Rufus!” Clarence would shout.
“You better thank your lucky stars that I can’t swim, er I’d swim this river and whup you!”
“Clarence!” Rufus would holler back.
“You better thank your lucky stars that I can’t swim, er I’d swim this river and whup you!”
Every morning. Every day.
For 20 years.
One day the Army Corps of Engineers came along and built a bridge.
But the insults went on every morning.
Every day. Another five years.
Finally, Mr Rufus’ wife had enough.
“Rufus!” she squalled one day, “I can’t take no more! Every day for 25 years you’ve been threatenin’ to whup Clarence. Well, thars’s the bridge! Have at it!”
Rufus thought for a moment. Chewed his bottom lip for another moment.
“Woman!” he declared, snapping his suspenders into place.
“I’m gonna whup Clarence!”
He walked out the door, down to the river, along the riverbank, came to the bridge, stepped up onto the bridge, walked about halfway over the bridge, then turned tail and ran screaming back to the house, slammed the door, bolted the windows, grabbed the shotgun and dove under the bed.
“Rufus!” cried the missus.
“I thought you were gonna whup Clarence!”
“I was, woman, I was!” he whispered.
“What in tarnation is the matter?”
“Well,” whispered the terror-stricken Rufus,
“I walked halfway over the bridge and saw a sign that said, ‘Clearance, 13 feet, 6 inches.’ He ain’t never looked that big from the other side of the river!”
Post #4 was about 10 months ago and the names were different and the COVID is here and there's been no wind and the memories going. Can't think of any other excuses right now. 
Heckuva memory!
It was getting difficult caring for my dad, as his needs were outstripping my abilities.
So I brought him along to check out a couple of nursing homes.
While I spoke with the staff, he sat down on a nearby chair and started leaning to his left.
An orderly noticed and walked over to straighten him up, but then dad started to lean the other way. Once again the orderly helped him back upright.
Later on, I asked dad what he thought of the place.
"They won't let me fart!"
A husband and wife were sailing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again
The husband said, "No sweetie, of course not."
The woman said, "I'm sure you would
So the man said, "Okay, I would."
Then the woman, after steering through a starboard tack, asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bunk?"
Her husband replied, "Ya, I guess so."
Then the wife asked, "Would you let her steer the boat?" And the husband replied, "No, she terrible with a tiller."
-Will (Dragonfly)
The husband said, "No sweetie, of course not."
The woman said, "I'm sure you would
So the man said, "Okay, I would."
Then the woman, after steering through a starboard tack, asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bunk?"
Her husband replied, "Ya, I guess so."
Then the wife asked, "Would you let her steer the boat?" And the husband replied, "No, she terrible with a tiller."
-Will (Dragonfly)