How to become a solo sailor in ten easy steps

[Ross]

How to become a solo sailor in ten easy steps.
1. Make it known that it is your boat and nobody does anything unless told to do so.
2. Tell everyone, especially your spouse, what you want in the briefest posible terms.
3. It is a sign of weakness to say please or thank you or to say "well done".
4. Use only nautical terms and don't explain.
5. Expect everyone to be as tough and strong as you.
6. Be quick to chide and always use a harsh tone of voice.
7. Accept as your due any offers of kindness when you have the helm, such as a hot or cold drink.
8. Remember that if something starts to go wrong someone in the crew was not being observant and failed to warn you.
9. Comment with explitives on the skills of all other boaters.
10 Be certain to keep the credit for a good day on the water for yourself complete with pictures of all of the fun you had during that day.

 

[Scott T-Bird]

There's more ....

I tried a new technique just the other day ...

Make sure your wife is comfortably settled on the foredeck when reaching in a nice breeze with the boat sailing on her feet, then round-up into the wind and reel in the genny so the boat goes to 25 degrees in a heartbeat. With just the right timing, she might slide right under the lifelines! (Sue grabbed a stanchion, however, and then came back to the cockpit to tell me off)

 

[Warren Milberg]

Couple of adds:
- Always sail with the boat heeled to more than 30 degrees.
- The head is an ornamental device that cannot be used.

 

[justsomeguy]

So, basically, be a d***, eh?

 

[Ross]

Oh yeah, I like those.

 

[txjim]

Let me add the racing ammendment

How to lose your regular crew:
1. Always yell at crew, regardless of the situation
2. Let everyone in the world take you to windward
3. Never listen to crew regarding when to tack to the mark, even though you can't identify a layline to save your life

Fortuneatly, I started with a skipper who was a combination of patience (to a point) and talent. The opposite skipper typically raced solo and earned the nickname "Crankshaft."

 

[Ross]

I tried a new technique just the other day ...

Make sure your wife is comfortably settled on the foredeck when reaching in a nice breeze with the boat sailing on her feet, then round-up into the wind and reel in the genny so the boat goes to 25 degrees in a heartbeat. With just the right timing, she might slide right under the lifelines! (Sue grabbed a stanchion, however, and then came back to the cockpit to tell me off)

That is why I installed two 3/4 inch braided lines to form a bullwark on my boat. They are about 3 inches and 6 inches above the toe rail.

 

[SEMIJim]

I tried a new technique just the other day ...

Make sure your wife is comfortably settled on the foredeck when reaching in a nice breeze with the boat sailing on her feet, then round-up into the wind and reel in the genny so the boat goes to 25 degrees in a heartbeat. With just the right timing, she might slide right under the lifelines! (Sue grabbed a stanchion, however, and then came back to the cockpit to tell me off)

That reminds me of a near-incident back when I was first crewing on a P28. The skipper's girlfriend had lots of girlfriends, and she'd often invite them to go sailing with us. I and another guy were almost always along because the skipper wanted crew on-hand that knew what they were about. We didn't mind crewing a boat full of college girls

There was one rather... "gifted" young lady whose bathing suit was a marvel of modern engineering--if you get my drift . Well, one day we're out there on a... (thinking...) starboard tack and she was stretched out on the foredeck catching rays. I was sitting up on the bow pulpit (one of my favourite spots), talking to her. Captain called out "ready about!" I wasn't needed, so I just prepared to shift on my perch as the headsail came over. Since she'd been on the boat before, and I was so used to it all, it honestly never occurred to me that the young lady laying down there on the deck had no idea what was about to happen.

When I say that bathing suit was a marvel of modern engineering, I'm not exaggerating. All-of-a-sudden (to her) the headsail came flying over the top of her, the boat heeled on the port tack, and she ended-up essentially inverted on the foredeck, quite astonished. The bathing suit held.

Jim

 

[Freedom77]

Thank you Ross. How true. Have you folks ever noticed that some of the nicest guys in the world turn into Captain Bligh when they get "command" and start speaking a different language (Lingua Nautica). Ya wanna see a deer in the headlights. Take a friend out for the first time and starting slinging topping lift, downhaul, foreguy, sheet, halyard, vang etc. and if they don't understand shout it louder. I have seen marriage breakups over sailing. My late beloved wife, aka Admiral, and I sailed together for 40 years and NEVER spoke an ill word at sea. Right!! And Santa and the Tooth Fairy hang out together. And then there is golf. When it's stops being fun, quit! 'Jus Sayin'

 

[shemandr]

One addendum: Never let anyone else drive Why should they have any fun?

 

[Scott T-Bird]

There is an alternative to human companionship!

Well, Sue has never gone in the water, except on her own accord ... but Shelby likes to prowl the decks and she HAS slid in on a couple of occasions. Guys, if your wife goes in the water by accident or your dog goes in the water by accident ... which one will be happy with you following the rescue?!?!?

I bring Shelby with me when Sue doesn't want to go ...

 

[Merlin Clark]

This one deserses a "sticky".
Thanks Ross!

 

[zeehag]

also works to let potential crew know that without a lifeboat or epirb, but with spot, you plan on sailing 100 miles off the coast...

 

[Freedom77]

My wife asked me, "If I was drowning, and B.B. King was drowning, who would you save first?" I told her, "I don't know baby, I ain't never heard you sing the blues."

 

[BobM]

Conundrum...i

Well, Sue has never gone in the water, except on her own accord ... but Shelby likes to prowl the decks and she HAS slid in on a couple of occasions. Guys, if your wife goes in the water by accident or your dog goes in the water by accident ... which one will be happy with you following the rescue?!?!?

I bring Shelby with me when Sue doesn't want to go ...

So Scott...if the dog and Sue both go in...who do you pick up first?

 

[Scott T-Bird]

Hmmm ... Sue has a good job with good benefits ... and she is usually the first one to get up and look around the house at night if there is a strange noise.

Shelby sometimes barks in the middle of the night when there is nothing but a raccoon prowling around (which really disturbs our sleep) but she probably wouldn't raise an eyebrow for a real prowler.

Sue gets the nod.

 

[Siamese]

One more rule, employed religiously by my dad. Never, absolutely never tell anyone what you're about to to, or how you want it done. And don't fall for that trick where they have the nerve to actually ask you for instructions. Always keep it a secret, which will maximize the amount that friends and family perform the function in a way that is not to your expectations, allowing you additional opportunities to yell at them.

And never apologize. What for? It was their mistake.

 

[zeehag]

oh yeah--bubby is saved first with spot and hand helds......then water then food then crew......

 

[Ross]

Knowledge is power! money corrupts, power corrupts absolutely.

 

[justsomeguy]

Knowledge is power! money corrupts, power corrupts absolutely.

Therefore, knowledge corrupts?