"If a man must be obsessed by something, I suppose a boat is as good as anything, perhaps a bit better than most. A small sailing craft is not only beautiful, it is seductive and full of strange promise and the hint of trouble." - E.B. White ( Sorry about the gender thing - GW) Sometimes the hint of trouble is the reaction at home to an obsession with a sailboat. Is your spouse or significant other an equal partner in your sailing venture? Or are they jealous and resentful of the time and money you spend on the boat? Do they go out on the boat because they love it? Or do they sail just to humor you? Or do they avoid the boat at all costs? Share the experiences of your house and how you deal with them, thern vote in the Quick Quiz at the bottom of the home page. (Quiz by Gary Wyngarden)
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Hers and mine
I used to sail competitively my Hobie cat 16 with my wife although I thought she did it mostly to please me and she never really liked the speed. When our son was born 13 years ago we pretty much stopped racing or even sailing the boat. Four years ago my son became interested in sailing and I started planning to go back to the racing circuit with my new crew. Faced with that, my wife realized that she would be left behind at the beach while we were out there having a great time. She suggested that we should buy a bigger boat where could all be together!!! A BIG BOAT, I said, its going to cost us a lot of $$$, ARE YOU REALLY SURE YOU WANT TO DO THAT???. Inside I was jumping of joy, but I insisted: Are you sure that you want to spend every weekend of the summer on board ?? Only after I got her definite and positive commitment I stopped biting my tong and agreed to start our search for our current boat IPANEMA. I have to recognize that, although she does get very nervous when the boat heels more than 15 degrees, she has kept up her promise and spend every summer weekend available on board Ipanema for the last 3 seasons and has never complained about it. Very soon it got established that the inside of the boat belonged to her and it has to be kept spanking clean at all time. The outside is something else and I have to fight my way to spend time at the peer cleaning the deck. As far as sailing, she has not been too happy about taking the helm or using the sails. Instead, she prefers to motor and if possible stay at port. My son has grown into a great crew, but as he reaches the teens, I know that my first mate will not be spending as much time with us on the boat. Fortunately, my wife is starting to learn more about sailing and, I hope, enjoy it also. I guess I have been very lucky.
I used to sail competitively my Hobie cat 16 with my wife although I thought she did it mostly to please me and she never really liked the speed. When our son was born 13 years ago we pretty much stopped racing or even sailing the boat. Four years ago my son became interested in sailing and I started planning to go back to the racing circuit with my new crew. Faced with that, my wife realized that she would be left behind at the beach while we were out there having a great time. She suggested that we should buy a bigger boat where could all be together!!! A BIG BOAT, I said, its going to cost us a lot of $$$, ARE YOU REALLY SURE YOU WANT TO DO THAT???. Inside I was jumping of joy, but I insisted: Are you sure that you want to spend every weekend of the summer on board ?? Only after I got her definite and positive commitment I stopped biting my tong and agreed to start our search for our current boat IPANEMA. I have to recognize that, although she does get very nervous when the boat heels more than 15 degrees, she has kept up her promise and spend every summer weekend available on board Ipanema for the last 3 seasons and has never complained about it. Very soon it got established that the inside of the boat belonged to her and it has to be kept spanking clean at all time. The outside is something else and I have to fight my way to spend time at the peer cleaning the deck. As far as sailing, she has not been too happy about taking the helm or using the sails. Instead, she prefers to motor and if possible stay at port. My son has grown into a great crew, but as he reaches the teens, I know that my first mate will not be spending as much time with us on the boat. Fortunately, my wife is starting to learn more about sailing and, I hope, enjoy it also. I guess I have been very lucky.
Attachments
I'm so lucky, we have 2 boats!
I have to admit, I'm really lucky to have a wife who loves the boats as much as I do. We have owned our Hunter 31 since 1998 and use it for the summer season at the Jersey shore, mostly daytrips, weekends and long weekends. Last month, we took delivery on a brand new Hunter 41 which we keep in Key West where it is available for charter, although the plan is to get down there as much as possible to use it ourselves. Having both boats north and south kind of takes the edge off of the winter and gives us a Florida retreat to go to, and also gives us a 12 month sailing season even though we live in the northeast.
I have to admit, I'm really lucky to have a wife who loves the boats as much as I do. We have owned our Hunter 31 since 1998 and use it for the summer season at the Jersey shore, mostly daytrips, weekends and long weekends. Last month, we took delivery on a brand new Hunter 41 which we keep in Key West where it is available for charter, although the plan is to get down there as much as possible to use it ourselves. Having both boats north and south kind of takes the edge off of the winter and gives us a Florida retreat to go to, and also gives us a 12 month sailing season even though we live in the northeast.
My wife allows me to have two SOLO sailboats .
My wife ( who hardly ever sails with me ) lives in mortal fear that some failure will occur with my boat and I will not be able to source repair parts during the next week . So to avoid the possibility of having to put up with me at home on the following weekend , she alows me to have a fully operational second boat . This arrangement guarantees that she will never have to put up with me at home on the weekends.
My wife ( who hardly ever sails with me ) lives in mortal fear that some failure will occur with my boat and I will not be able to source repair parts during the next week . So to avoid the possibility of having to put up with me at home on the following weekend , she alows me to have a fully operational second boat . This arrangement guarantees that she will never have to put up with me at home on the weekends.
Asking for advice
I hate to admit this - but my wife considers my boat a "mid-life crisis" middle-aged Boy-Toy. She resents the time and money spent on my hobby, and has as little to do with my sailing and cruising plans as possible. Consequentially, we even had to drop out of our local sailing club after making some great new friends. I've tried everything to change her attitude towards the boat. No luck. Any ideas from the group would be greatly appreciated! Bill on STARGAZER
I hate to admit this - but my wife considers my boat a "mid-life crisis" middle-aged Boy-Toy. She resents the time and money spent on my hobby, and has as little to do with my sailing and cruising plans as possible. Consequentially, we even had to drop out of our local sailing club after making some great new friends. I've tried everything to change her attitude towards the boat. No luck. Any ideas from the group would be greatly appreciated! Bill on STARGAZER
Not a Match?
Some folks just aren't a match. Many years ago, my fiance made the comment that when we were married she would have a real hard time with my annual golf trip with my brother and with how much time I "wasted" on the boat. (She groused all the way to the lake, but once on the boat she'd laugh and lay about and mainly act like she was on drugs!) Anyway, I told her I understood...... and that I could recommend a good counselor for her. Yep, you guessed it. We're not married. We were not a match! I'm SOOOO lucky now to be with my wife of 5 years. She loves sailing! We even have two boats! (Of course one is for sale.) After taking our O'Day 34 down the coast from San Francisco to San Diego, where she suffered from sea sickness and the cold, her first comment at our new port (following a high-five and a glass of wine) was "Where are we going next and when are we going!?!" Am I blessed, ur whut? But then, who said you have to share the same activities? If your spouse doesn't like sailing, go solo! If your spouse makes you miserable because you're happy (!!!), go away - you're not a match! Michael O'
Some folks just aren't a match. Many years ago, my fiance made the comment that when we were married she would have a real hard time with my annual golf trip with my brother and with how much time I "wasted" on the boat. (She groused all the way to the lake, but once on the boat she'd laugh and lay about and mainly act like she was on drugs!) Anyway, I told her I understood...... and that I could recommend a good counselor for her. Yep, you guessed it. We're not married. We were not a match! I'm SOOOO lucky now to be with my wife of 5 years. She loves sailing! We even have two boats! (Of course one is for sale.) After taking our O'Day 34 down the coast from San Francisco to San Diego, where she suffered from sea sickness and the cold, her first comment at our new port (following a high-five and a glass of wine) was "Where are we going next and when are we going!?!" Am I blessed, ur whut? But then, who said you have to share the same activities? If your spouse doesn't like sailing, go solo! If your spouse makes you miserable because you're happy (!!!), go away - you're not a match! Michael O'
Female owned boat
The boat is mine and was purchased before the relationship. Fortunetly he has been more than willing to learn,and has become an enthusiatic partner even though I caused him apprehension during early heavy conditions during the Delmarva. It appears to be a "match" and working out well.
The boat is mine and was purchased before the relationship. Fortunetly he has been more than willing to learn,and has become an enthusiatic partner even though I caused him apprehension during early heavy conditions during the Delmarva. It appears to be a "match" and working out well.
The Alleged Mid-Life Crisis
I've thought about this after being accused (not by my wife than God) of having a "mid-life crisis" on several occasions. Truth is I don't believe there is such a thing. I like the same things I did when I was 13 except I now know why I like females. The only difference between early puberty and "mid-life" is that now I can afford to do some of the things I couldn't then. To me it's more of a crisi to be young and know what you want and not have the funds to make it happen.
I've thought about this after being accused (not by my wife than God) of having a "mid-life crisis" on several occasions. Truth is I don't believe there is such a thing. I like the same things I did when I was 13 except I now know why I like females. The only difference between early puberty and "mid-life" is that now I can afford to do some of the things I couldn't then. To me it's more of a crisi to be young and know what you want and not have the funds to make it happen.
BILL ROBB
Hey Bill...Sounds like you are in line for a divorce (just kidding). But... since you asked for advice I would get some professional help if I were you. Husbands and wives should be supportive in each others hobbies. That's why there are 6 dogs from the local recue center (we are fostering) running around here and a 37ft sailboat parked in our slip. Life is too short man! IMHO Ron P.S. If it wasn't for my wife I'd still have the ol' H23. By the way, I never sail without her. She's the only one I trust while I'm up on deck fighting with sails..... Good luck
Hey Bill...Sounds like you are in line for a divorce (just kidding). But... since you asked for advice I would get some professional help if I were you. Husbands and wives should be supportive in each others hobbies. That's why there are 6 dogs from the local recue center (we are fostering) running around here and a 37ft sailboat parked in our slip. Life is too short man! IMHO Ron P.S. If it wasn't for my wife I'd still have the ol' H23. By the way, I never sail without her. She's the only one I trust while I'm up on deck fighting with sails..... Good luck
Needs to share Geymb@hotmail.com
I wish i had a wife who would care enough to share sailing with me. Mine doesn't care to go sailing at all because she says that she is scared to be out on the water if something were to happen to me. I have had several friends who are instructors in sailing to try and help her learn but I think the main problem is she is just not the adventuresome type and had rather stay at home. Currently I sail in a large lake in Texas. I am buying a larger boat this spring and plan to sail across the Gulf of Mexico to Florida and eventually down to the Keys and beyond. The boat I am purchasing is a new Hunter 41 and I look forward to sailing her and the adventures ahead. Perhaps i should be happy that she wants to stay at home and for me to enjoy sailing. However,I would love to have someone to share the experiences with.
I wish i had a wife who would care enough to share sailing with me. Mine doesn't care to go sailing at all because she says that she is scared to be out on the water if something were to happen to me. I have had several friends who are instructors in sailing to try and help her learn but I think the main problem is she is just not the adventuresome type and had rather stay at home. Currently I sail in a large lake in Texas. I am buying a larger boat this spring and plan to sail across the Gulf of Mexico to Florida and eventually down to the Keys and beyond. The boat I am purchasing is a new Hunter 41 and I look forward to sailing her and the adventures ahead. Perhaps i should be happy that she wants to stay at home and for me to enjoy sailing. However,I would love to have someone to share the experiences with.
Bill Robb
We have similiar problems. I had the boat before the significant other, he's not responding well to sailing. I find times when he's not available to go it alone or with other friends, and because he really doesn't want to be there, he doesn't mind. Good Luck, it's not an easy fix. Though at times I have considered maybe I should find another SO. LOL!
We have similiar problems. I had the boat before the significant other, he's not responding well to sailing. I find times when he's not available to go it alone or with other friends, and because he really doesn't want to be there, he doesn't mind. Good Luck, it's not an easy fix. Though at times I have considered maybe I should find another SO. LOL!
Her Place on the Water
is my sailboat. My first mate's interests in sailing--being more prone to mal de mer-- are either doing hull speed or socializing over cocktails in the cokpit. The uncertainties of weather and others of life's demands keep her ashore most days that I'm out. Hence, I'm usually soloing unless we've arranged to have others join us aboard for day trips or weekend cruises. For me, being aboard, doing maintenance, reading or relaxing, or "sailing" not much faster than a slow drift with the tide are all good ways to spend a day and far exceed the "charge" I can get out of other land-based chores. The days when the weather gods smile on us with sun, warmth, and 10-15 knots are the frosting on the cake.
is my sailboat. My first mate's interests in sailing--being more prone to mal de mer-- are either doing hull speed or socializing over cocktails in the cokpit. The uncertainties of weather and others of life's demands keep her ashore most days that I'm out. Hence, I'm usually soloing unless we've arranged to have others join us aboard for day trips or weekend cruises. For me, being aboard, doing maintenance, reading or relaxing, or "sailing" not much faster than a slow drift with the tide are all good ways to spend a day and far exceed the "charge" I can get out of other land-based chores. The days when the weather gods smile on us with sun, warmth, and 10-15 knots are the frosting on the cake.
Work shop or Boat
I haven't had a sailboat in 30 years, but i would always find some one looking for crew, and this is how it went. The house next to me was coming up for sale and was in real need of repair or just removed. So i told the wife let's buy the house and take it down and build a 3 1/2 bay garage with a loft and my woodworking shop in the middle of it all. Answer was no with a 1001 reasons not to do it, so i said ok then i need a boat and she said ok. so after searching the net, we bought a 1987 Newport 30 and being just retired i sail everyday and when she gets home( she still works)we sail some more. The boat is 15 minutes from my house. She loves the boat more than i do and this is great even though she doesn't swim she loves to sail.
I haven't had a sailboat in 30 years, but i would always find some one looking for crew, and this is how it went. The house next to me was coming up for sale and was in real need of repair or just removed. So i told the wife let's buy the house and take it down and build a 3 1/2 bay garage with a loft and my woodworking shop in the middle of it all. Answer was no with a 1001 reasons not to do it, so i said ok then i need a boat and she said ok. so after searching the net, we bought a 1987 Newport 30 and being just retired i sail everyday and when she gets home( she still works)we sail some more. The boat is 15 minutes from my house. She loves the boat more than i do and this is great even though she doesn't swim she loves to sail.
Our boat is a love nest
we love spending time on OUR boat. we feel very lucky that we both enjoy sailing; so much so that we plan to buy a 34 foot Hunter this spring nad sell the 28.5. A bigger love nest. it's great that the kids are older and not interested in sailing with us. my husband's parents had a terrrible conflict with sailing. his Dad loved it and she hated it. yes, we are so lucky, when we're out looking at the clouds, we are have arrived at our destination.
we love spending time on OUR boat. we feel very lucky that we both enjoy sailing; so much so that we plan to buy a 34 foot Hunter this spring nad sell the 28.5. A bigger love nest. it's great that the kids are older and not interested in sailing with us. my husband's parents had a terrrible conflict with sailing. his Dad loved it and she hated it. yes, we are so lucky, when we're out looking at the clouds, we are have arrived at our destination.
Shared Expense
The boat is a shared expense with my sailing buddy often referred to as "Capt. Ron" This way we both can have a bigger boat and enjoy the benefits of sailing and cruising. I have purchased most of the extra equipment and safety gear as well as the cruising guides and charts and He pays the dockage. I plan the trips and he loves to sail the boat. I cook and clean the bilge and keep the brightwoork spotless and he handles the sails. This is a great partnership since I get to go to wonderful destinations without all of the expense and I do not have to go it alone.
The boat is a shared expense with my sailing buddy often referred to as "Capt. Ron" This way we both can have a bigger boat and enjoy the benefits of sailing and cruising. I have purchased most of the extra equipment and safety gear as well as the cruising guides and charts and He pays the dockage. I plan the trips and he loves to sail the boat. I cook and clean the bilge and keep the brightwoork spotless and he handles the sails. This is a great partnership since I get to go to wonderful destinations without all of the expense and I do not have to go it alone.
His nap time is my favorite time!
We very much share a love of the sea and sailing, and spending money on the boat is never an issue. As single people we both owned boats. My husband is an excellent sailor and extremely competitive, and hates to give up the helm. We've done lots of double handed sailing and my favorite time on long passages is when he finally gives into fatigue and turns the boat over to me. There is nothing like the sense of freedom that comes with a sleeping skipper. To those guys that don't have wives that like to sail with them, just one little bit of advice. Try making it fun for them too. I've tried to explain this to my husband, but I've had to resort to slipping him decaf.
We very much share a love of the sea and sailing, and spending money on the boat is never an issue. As single people we both owned boats. My husband is an excellent sailor and extremely competitive, and hates to give up the helm. We've done lots of double handed sailing and my favorite time on long passages is when he finally gives into fatigue and turns the boat over to me. There is nothing like the sense of freedom that comes with a sleeping skipper. To those guys that don't have wives that like to sail with them, just one little bit of advice. Try making it fun for them too. I've tried to explain this to my husband, but I've had to resort to slipping him decaf.
Boat's in my name
I learned to love sailing near Door County, WI. We were burnt to a crisp. No wind. The smallest day sailer you have ever seen. Used to get hit by the damn boom all the time. I was in this skimpy suit.........we were stuck.........for four hours. I made a promise, to God, not verbally aloud, that if my NEW husband could get me to shore....alive.....I would never complain about his hobby, passion other than me, again. Well I am typing this..........
I learned to love sailing near Door County, WI. We were burnt to a crisp. No wind. The smallest day sailer you have ever seen. Used to get hit by the damn boom all the time. I was in this skimpy suit.........we were stuck.........for four hours. I made a promise, to God, not verbally aloud, that if my NEW husband could get me to shore....alive.....I would never complain about his hobby, passion other than me, again. Well I am typing this..........
You guys are lucky
Anyone who can get their wife on a sailboat without complaining about the wind, weather, waves and degree of heel is a lucky man. Count your blessings and buy her a gift. Oh, and don't bother naming the boat after her. That doesn't work, either. I love my wife and she supports my need to sail. I just miss her when I'm on my boat.
Anyone who can get their wife on a sailboat without complaining about the wind, weather, waves and degree of heel is a lucky man. Count your blessings and buy her a gift. Oh, and don't bother naming the boat after her. That doesn't work, either. I love my wife and she supports my need to sail. I just miss her when I'm on my boat.
To RON of Houston
Thanks for the advice. Divorce - even though mentioned jokingly - is not an option as I love my wife. Why do you think I need professional help? I'm the one enjoying life on board my wonderful STARGAZER. I wake up every morning feeling blessed that I have so many things going well for me. I would think my wife should have the freedom to choose whether or not the "boat life" is right for her as well. Unfortunately - she does not think it's for her and there's the problem. How to "fix?" I've tried everything, but it seems to come back to money. She doesn't think we have enough to have a boat. I disagree. BILL
Thanks for the advice. Divorce - even though mentioned jokingly - is not an option as I love my wife. Why do you think I need professional help? I'm the one enjoying life on board my wonderful STARGAZER. I wake up every morning feeling blessed that I have so many things going well for me. I would think my wife should have the freedom to choose whether or not the "boat life" is right for her as well. Unfortunately - she does not think it's for her and there's the problem. How to "fix?" I've tried everything, but it seems to come back to money. She doesn't think we have enough to have a boat. I disagree. BILL
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