something's wrong here.
Ron, You shouldn't need a reef on a 320 in 12-14 knots (unless, perhaps you are running a 155 genny, in which case, reduce it to about the equivilent of a 135). We have a 320 and it usually just my petite Admiral and me sailing together.even with the upgraded Garhauer traveler (which comes standard on the later 320 models) trimming the main can be a bit much in the puffs for a lightweight trimmer. The 320 balances nicely and if you have your sails set reasonably well, you should be able to lock the wheel long enough to adjust the traveler yourself if you don't have an A/P. If you are not comfortable with that, try luffing up just enough to take pressure off of the main and your wife should then be able to do it easily.Some 320 owners have added an outboard block to carry the traveler control lines outside of the dodger and back to a cam cleat on the cockpit coaming or to a block/cam cleat combo on the sternrail, in order to allow adjustment by the helmsman.I am not a sail trim expert by any means, but the following seems to work pretty well for me sailing a 320 upwind.We have a 135 on our 320 and at about 14+ knots, I will use the cunningham and outhaul to flatten the main a bit and depower it. At about 16+ knots, I ease the mainsheet a bit to get a bit more twist and let the top of the main spill. The traveler comes up a bit here to keep the main from luffing when close-hauled. The 320's geometry permitting sheeting the genny inboard of the lifelines calls for this. At 18 steady with puffs above, I reef. Above 22 the genney gets progressively smaller (we don't have a second reef). If you sail closehauled a lot with wind in the 20's, you would be well advised to consider a 'blade' (a high aspect 90-100% jib). It is certainly on my list of must-haves.