Sorry for the super long post!
What a weekend the girl and I had! Saturday we did 4.5 hours driving (round trip) to check out a B361 and Sunday we sailed a Catalina 36 MKii with her owner. This really helped focus my thinking.
Since I started this thread as a comparison between the two let me offer my thoughts after finally looking at a B361 for about 2.5 hours but not sailing it. In no particular order:
1 - The vee berth is tiny! Suitable for one short adult or two small children. Maybe. It will be storage.
2 - The aft berth is plenty big for me and my girl. I'm 5ft 6in and she is an inch shorter. We both fit nicely and we're happy with the head room. We are a bit concerned about the ventilation, especially since one of the hatches that opens does so inside the dodger, which blocks the breeze.
3 - It's a challenge to get around the giant steering wheel to get behind the helm. You really have to do some climbing and there is a latch in a perfect spot to gouge some skin off your calf as you squeeze around the wheel. A folding wheel fixes this at the slip but not under way.
4 - The clutches suck! The boat I saw had plastic clutches. One was outright broken and the others were crappy plastic and none worked right. All need to go, ideally with higher quality replacements.
5 - The traveler is a major pain to adjust.
6 - The cockpit is actually a bit smaller than the Catalina C36MKii but much nicer. I can't quantify this, it's just a nicer cockpit, both look and feel. Yes, a lot of wood but left natural it's easy to care for.
7 - The girl really liked the non-wood steps. I like the way they easily folded up for engine access.
8 - The galley is very nice, well laid out and visually appealing. It's not in the way at all and it's very well equipped.
9 - The wood interior is just beautiful. It looks to be very high quality, as you all said, and solid.
10 - The overhead lights are very nice! Love those.
11 - I love the access from the ceiling to the deck mounted hardware. The 36MKii lacks this and servicing or replacing deck hardware probably means cutting the ceiling.
12 - The nav station seat looks nice and classy and the Catholic nuns from my grammar school would have loved it, since it forces you to sit up ram-rod straight. Chart table is small but useable.
13 - Only one winch on the cabin top, not great.
14 - The main salon seems crowded with that huge table and compression post right in the middle. The girl and I are not heavy set and sitting on the couch around it seemed tight. I like that the table goes down to make a sleeping berth but really, this table is huge and just dominates the interior. I much preferred the was the C36 MKii is laid out (where the table comes out and hangs on the bulked).
15 - The port side couch is a little narrow. Good for sitting but not great for lounging.
16 - That baby stay...
17 - Loved the giant cockpit accessible sail locker. That's where my asym will go!
18 - Liked the propane locker that fits two propane cylinders.
19 - The head with standup shower is very spacious. A big plus. The girl likes that it is aft and close to where we would actually sleep, although I got her to admit that a 10 foot walk is really not an issue.
22 - Helm pedestal and instrument mount are nice with that plastic cover
23 - Removable cockpit folding table is nice.
24 - No hatch above the small vee berth.
25 - The swim ladder does not block the walk-thru transom, since it is set off to the side. If I back the boat into the slip I can use the walk thru transom for boarding without having to lower the swim ladder.
26 - Overall the B361 is a much classier boat, and that really shows.
The Catalina 36 MKii has a shorter list of likes and dislikes, mostly because I don't have those notes in front of me, but the main things are:
1 - It's a more, for lack of a better word, industrial, or utilitarian, boat. The interior is not as nice and it lacks many nice touches the B361 has, like the beautiful interior, the overhead lighting, the access to deck hardware mounts, stuff like that. The doors and drawers worked better on the B361 too.
2 - The openness of the main salon is really quite nice. Put that table up and the space is vast. Time to eat or sleep, just put it back. It was easy to do. It just feels much bigger.
3 - The head is smaller and forward, but it was adequate in size and offers separate access from the vee birth and the main salon. Great when we have friends along.
4 - The vee berth is a nice size and probably the preferred sleeping location.
5 - The aft berth is long and wide enough but much of it is very short. Although the girl gets clostrophobic, she though it would be fine so not really a problem.
6 - The aft berth has an "escape hatch" that I climbed through easily, but is mostly nice for ventilation. This is a big plus.
7 - There is a big hatch right above the vee birth.
8 - The galley comes almost to the middle of the boat and obstructs entry into the main salon. It's otherwise fine, although the B361 galley just seemed nicer.
9 - Wood inside is okay, but not nearly as nice looking or solid seeming as the B361.
10 - Cockpit is bigger than B361, bit seemed like a rectangular box. Not so nice to sit in.
11 - Cockpit accessible storage is nice, plenty of room for stuff although not sails.
12 - Room for just one propane cylinder.
13 - The outboard, aft seats seem nicer on this boat. The ones on the B361 seem more like tables and/or cup holders.
13 - Very nice nav station seat, even if it does partially obstruct the door to the aft berth.
14 - Getting around the helm was no problem at all, but the wheel is smaller than the B361.
15 - The swim ladder blocks the walk-thru transom. If you back into a slip, you'll have to lower the ladder first if you want or need to board through the transom.
So then, which do I choose? For now, neither.
As I said, I spent several hours sailing a Catalina 36 MKii today and I'm very glad I did. This really focused my thinking about what I want. It sailed okay, but trimming the main and adjusting the traveler is, well, just not fun and not particularly fast or easy. Gybing the boat by sheeting in the main (for a controlled gybe) in 20 knots of breeze didn't go well at all, because the mainsheet, with center boom sheeting and all those blocks, is not smooth. Tacking with the traveler locked in the center was easy enough, no problem there. None of the sails can be trimmed from the helm. The main sail, which lacked battens (because of in-mast furling) had its leech flapping during the entire sail. She didn't point well. The helm had what seemed to be a good bit of play, although that is probably a cable or adjustment issue. Then again, I'm used to my tiller. The girl and I both disliked the dodger which took away much of the breeze and enjoyment of sailing. Yes, it can be folded or removed, but it's one more thing to do.
After the sail, she said to me "I don't think this is the boat for you." She also pointed out that we don't need that much space, although I want that much space. Still, she had two good points. We're both still working and we'll probably do 1 week long cruise each summer, and maybe 1 to 2 weekend cruises per month. And I'm still on the fence about giving up racing. I don't really want to.
So all that said, I think I'm going to change direction and look for a Beneteau First 36.7. I see two listed within reasonable distance, both about $70,000, so in my price range. It's a foot narrower than the B361, but still has a very serviceable galley and head, with hot water. It has less space than the B361 inside, but not much less. The head is much smaller and is forward; we can suck that up. The cockpit is efficiently arranged for sailing, but less so for drinking and hanging out, although I see no reason it won't serve that purpose well. It lacks the cavernous sail locker the B361 has, to make room for an extra berth. I think that was a design error but I can't change it. In exchange for these minor concessions, I can still race her! The traveler is right where a traveler should be (pardon my bias). They are rigged for spinnaker (the other boats had a spinn halyard but nowhere to cleat it!). They PERF at about 95 or something, vs 140 for the B361. I'm thinking with that high aspect keel (7 foot or 6 foot, I see one boat listed for each) it points nicely. I'm giving up convenience with in mast main furling but getting a much better mainsail. I'll accept a headsail furler, especially since Harkin makes one that can be switched from cruise mode to race mode fairly easily. I might even go so far as to put lazy jacks on the main but I doubt it. Rolling the main is just not that hard. There is an "owner-driver" class rule and a rule prohibiting racers from stripping standard equipment out. There is also a rule limiting how often new sails are bought. All that means that I can leave her a (partial) cruiser without being less competitive.
So that's my long report! I would appreciate thoughts and suggestions, especially about boats I may want to look at. You have all been a great help, thank you!