Reading what’s been posted so far and reflecting on my own experiences of the last 16 years leads me to one conclusion: There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this. But as a woman who loves sailing, and hangs out with other women who love sailing, I’ll offer up a few things.
Let me start by saying my husband is no “stupid man.” I have tremendous respect for his knowledge, experience, and skills. That helps a lot on the rare occasions we get in a pickle.
Now on to my not-so-short list:
If you want a wife/GF/SO that loves sailing, pick the right girl to begin with. Low-maintenance types generally work best, as they don’t mind being a little grungy and won’t get all flustered if their hair gets messed up or if they break a nail. Bad hair days and broken nails are a big part of sailing. Our earliest dates (pre-boat) consisted of hiking, canoeing, camping, and skiing excursions. Sailing was a natural complement to those.
Offer up some third-party instruction for her. Maybe you could use some, too. My husband and I took Power Squadron classes together and I really took to navigation to the point that it is my main task on the boat now. Also, check into a community sailing program that might offer on-the-water instruction. I say third party because people often take to instruction better when it comes from an impartial source. Also, good instructors understand different learning styles. My husband’s and my learning styles are on opposite ends of the spectrum and it’s hard for him to teach me stuff in a way that I can understand.
Pick the right days for your first outings – light breeze, flat seas. Not too much wind, but not a drifter day either unless you want to motor all day. It can be incredibly difficult to learn sail trim when there isn’t enough wind to move the boat.
Like Capt. Kermie says, keep the boat clean. Ours isn’t sterile by any means, but unless the captain’s in the middle of a messy project (like right now), it’s pretty darned clean. There’s a place for everything and everything’s in its place.
Have at least a porta-potti or preferably dedicated head on your boat. I know of no woman who enjoys peeing in a bucket. Unlike Capt. Kermie, I don’t consider electric pressure water or even hot water to be an absolute necessity, but I’m pretty low-maintenance to start with. Does that make me uncivilized?
Make sure she has enough warm clothing. Fleece and windbreaker are a must, along with long pants just in case. Even when it’s hot on shore, it can be considerably cooler on the water. Make sure there is also sunscreen and sunglasses on board.
Gradually introduce her to more spirited conditions and all that goes along with them. I used to squeak audibly whenever our boat heeled more than 15 degrees. What worked for us was for me to control the mainsheet and thus, the level of heel. My comfort zone gradually expanded, and today, the squeak doesn’t come into play until there are gusts and a heel angle of at least 35 degrees. For another couple I know, she nearly always has the helm. Best of all, each experience in less-than-perfect conditions reinforces the knowledge that the boat can take way more than we can. If my husband had turned tail and gone in every time I displayed the least bit of apprehension, I would be even less of a sailor than I am now. Of course, YMMV on that one.
Destinations are important, but not all women need stores and shops. Some of us enjoy a secluded anchorage and, in fact, revel in the idea of having an anchorage all to ourselves, if you catch my drift.
If the you-know-what hits the fan while you’re out there, only raise your voice to the level necessary to be heard and understood. In fact, this is something you might want to clear up ahead of time – that if something goes less than perfect, you might raise your voice, but only to ensure you are heard above the din of luffing sails and what not. Having an understanding that sometimes things won’t go perfectly, but that the skipper knows how to get us safely back to the mooring, is comforting.
Sorry for the long-winded short list.
