The max wind we have sailed in is 35 kts with gusts into the 40s. In those conditions we had the second reef in the mainsail and very little headsail. To be honest we wished we had a 3rd reef and will probably add one before we head out cruising.
We generally will tuck the first reef in between 15-20 kts of wind. The second usually goes in once is hits 25 kts. I don't really like the sail shape with the 2nd reef and avoid using it. I think it could be improved with some tie downs in the middle of the sail to tighten up the foot. The Dutchman seems to get in the way too and has to be loosened.
I think I would like a slightly smaller headsail. Maybe a 110 with a high cut for better visibility. We don't race, just cruise, so some comfort over speed would be fine with us.
We have sailed with just the headsail. Mainly out of laziness. She has a lot of weather helm and doesn't point well at all. We only do it for short sails like going for a sunset sail.
Fair winds,
Jesse