When a retired school teacher becomes a pirate
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Its funny Friday!
- Thread starter rgranger
- Start date
When a retired school teacher becomes a pirate
jssailem
SBO Weather and Forecasting Forum Jim & John
- Oct 22, 2014
- 22,086
Ok Still bucking the Friday timing.. But as I have recently learned every day can be Friday when you retire....
Dating of Older Men
A balding, white haired man from Sherman Oaks in California , walked into a jewelry store in
a local mall this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000” the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick up the ring Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There was only $25 in your account.'
'I know, said the old man,
'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'
REMEMBER:- Not All Seniors Are Senile..
Dating of Older Men
A balding, white haired man from Sherman Oaks in California , walked into a jewelry store in
a local mall this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000” the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick up the ring Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There was only $25 in your account.'
'I know, said the old man,
'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'
REMEMBER:- Not All Seniors Are Senile..
It's almost Friday.
An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down.
The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color.... green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.
"What's the matter old timer—never done anything wild in your life?"
The old captain snorted. "Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!"
-Will (Dragonfly)
An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down.
The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color.... green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.
"What's the matter old timer—never done anything wild in your life?"
The old captain snorted. "Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!"
-Will (Dragonfly)
Have you guys heard about the new racing event, Sail Slalom? Instead of sailing in a circular course around buoys, the boats zig zag through a serious of 20 to 60 moving "gates". [Edit, added link since gif isn't showing up: https://i.embed.ly/1/image?url=https://thumbs.gfycat.com/AlarmedPlaintiveArrowworm-size_restricted.gif&key=b1e305db91cf4aa5a86b732cc9fffceb ]
Next year they are going have a new Olympic event in sailing, extreme Gameboy Sailing
You can see how intense that event can get
-Will (Dragonfly)
You can see how intense that event can get
-Will (Dragonfly)
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Funny how life just passes you by when you play on those things!
jssailem
SBO Weather and Forecasting Forum Jim & John
- Oct 22, 2014
- 22,086
Game boy or maybe he is reading the latest new posts on SBO forum.
jssailem
SBO Weather and Forecasting Forum Jim & John
- Oct 22, 2014
- 22,086
Will maybe the big racing sailboat did not see the notice to all mariniers that the fishing season is now open.
Beware of boats in the water.
Beware of boats in the water.
An ancient mariner put on his old uniform and headed for the docks one more time before he could no longer manage. He hires a prostitute, for old times sake, and takes her up to local boarding room.
The old sailor is soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age. Needing reassurance, he asks, “How am I doing Darlin?” The prostitute replies, “Well, Old Timer, you’re doing about three knots.”
“Three knots?” he asks, "What’s that supposed to mean?"
She replies, “You’re knot hard, you’re knot in, and you’re knot getting your money back.”
-Will (Dragonfly)
The old sailor is soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age. Needing reassurance, he asks, “How am I doing Darlin?” The prostitute replies, “Well, Old Timer, you’re doing about three knots.”
“Three knots?” he asks, "What’s that supposed to mean?"
She replies, “You’re knot hard, you’re knot in, and you’re knot getting your money back.”
-Will (Dragonfly)
Okay, it's Funny Friday, so if you insist: Tedd wants us to "Talk me into a Catalina". CLMooring posted about taking his "356 to Bermuda." So, would that mean , if we told him to, Tedd would take his "310 to Yuma" ?
Sorry, I'm still on my first coffee...
Sorry, I'm still on my first coffee...
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Little early in the morning for a 'Tedd Talk'.....
jssailem
SBO Weather and Forecasting Forum Jim & John
- Oct 22, 2014
- 22,086
I told my wife, "Honey you need to embrace your mistakes..."
She stood up and hugged me.
She stood up and hugged me.
jssailem
SBO Weather and Forecasting Forum Jim & John
- Oct 22, 2014
- 22,086
For those members that are 70 plus or nearing 70. 69 forever. Yeah.
Q:
Where
can single men over the age of 70 find
younger women who are interested in them?
A:
Try
a bookstore, under
Fiction.
Q:
What
can a man do while his wife is going
through menopause?
A:
Keep
busy. If you're handy with tools, you can
finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.
Q:
Someone
has told me that menopause is
mentioned in the bible...Is that true?
Where can it be found?
A:
Yes.
Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt..."
Q:
How can you increase the heart rate of your
over-70 year-old husband?
A:
Tell him you're pregnant.
Q:
How
can you avoid that terrible curse of the
elderly wrinkles?
A:
Take off your glasses.
Q:
Seriously!
What can I do for these crow's feet
and all those wrinkles on my face?
A:
Go
braless. It will usually pull them out..
Q:
Why
should 70-plus year old people use valet
parking?
A:
Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q:
Is
it common for 70-plus year olds to have
problems with short term memory storage?
A:
Storing
memory is not a problem. Retrieving it
is the problem.
Q:
As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A:
Yes,
but usually in the afternoon.
Q:
Where should 70-plus year olds look for eye
glasses?
A:
On
their
foreheads.
Q:
What is the most common remark made by 70-plus
year olds when they enter antique stores?
A:
"Gosh,
I remember
these!"
SMILE,
You've still got your sense of
humor, haven't you?
Q:
Where
can single men over the age of 70 find
younger women who are interested in them?
A:
Try
a bookstore, under
Fiction.
Q:
What
can a man do while his wife is going
through menopause?
A:
Keep
busy. If you're handy with tools, you can
finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.
Q:
Someone
has told me that menopause is
mentioned in the bible...Is that true?
Where can it be found?
A:
Yes.
Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt..."
Q:
How can you increase the heart rate of your
over-70 year-old husband?
A:
Tell him you're pregnant.
Q:
How
can you avoid that terrible curse of the
elderly wrinkles?
A:
Take off your glasses.
Q:
Seriously!
What can I do for these crow's feet
and all those wrinkles on my face?
A:
Go
braless. It will usually pull them out..
Q:
Why
should 70-plus year old people use valet
parking?
A:
Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q:
Is
it common for 70-plus year olds to have
problems with short term memory storage?
A:
Storing
memory is not a problem. Retrieving it
is the problem.
Q:
As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A:
Yes,
but usually in the afternoon.
Q:
Where should 70-plus year olds look for eye
glasses?
A:
On
their
foreheads.
Q:
What is the most common remark made by 70-plus
year olds when they enter antique stores?
A:
"Gosh,
I remember
these!"
SMILE,
You've still got your sense of
humor, haven't you?
I guess I’m pretty lucky. I didn’t have to wait an extra 10 years for those to ring true with me.