giving up the dream
- Thread starter Richard Olden
- Start date
I dont have to give it up because I never had it" That is the liveaboard cruising life" Ive sailed and cruised for over 50 years In New England coastal waters. An occasional weeks charter in the Caribbean. My wife is a competent and willing sailor. She never had any interest in the permanent live aboard cruising life Most women Ive met do not like sailing. Years ago when We had a bigger boat cruising was easier, but today with a 26ft boat with no standing headroom and being 77 & 75 years old We are too old for any extended cruising Today Im happy with a weeks coastal cruise or a weekender. We are content and have no plans to give up sailing
My wife and I bought a boat in 1989 and for ten years we rebuilt her and made her what we wanted. We launched her and sailed her on the Chesapeake for 13 years and last fall Nancy said that her phobias had gotten the best of her and that we had made our last voyage. This March she was diagnosed with breast cancer so sailing this years would be out of the question anyway.
You just have to move on to a new dream. Sail a smaller boat in smaller waters and sleep with your wife each night in your own home.
We also cruise about 50% time - between 3 and 6 weeks on the boat followed by a month at home. Sometimes a straight 3 months on the boat. It's a little more expensive but manageable. About $3000 a year extra for marina docking when we are not on the boat (since we usually anchor when on the boat) and the operating and carrying cost of an inexpensive condo. And the cost of six round plane trips a year between boat and home. But we figure that we'd have done three a year anyways at holidays and such.
At first I thought I'd hate it, but besides family I also enjoy seeing old friends and staying involved in my community. I typically go down to the boat a week before my wife to do boat projects - time I really enjoy.
We now have a set of marinas we visit with inexpensive monthly rates that do a good job watching the boat. They typically are in slightly out of the way places - but the boat doesn't mind.
You can probably get by with a smaller, less expensive boat. So it may not be that much more expensive.
At first I thought I'd hate it, but besides family I also enjoy seeing old friends and staying involved in my community. I typically go down to the boat a week before my wife to do boat projects - time I really enjoy.
We now have a set of marinas we visit with inexpensive monthly rates that do a good job watching the boat. They typically are in slightly out of the way places - but the boat doesn't mind.
You can probably get by with a smaller, less expensive boat. So it may not be that much more expensive.
Change the terminology
We don't cruise, we vacation. 14 day bare boat charters out of bases all around the world. It gets us out of the cold and snow in the dead of winter. It lets me handle much bigger boats than I own. It lets me sail in waters at dream locations without the months of passage making. And we share sailing with friends and family. The more friends that vacation with us, the bigger the boat!
Best of all, we go home when we are all sun burnt and muscle worn and have had enough of living on a small boat with limited resources.
Because it is planned as a vacation, everybody's attitude is adjusted for just that. There is no lifestyle change. There is nothing to give up.
We don't cruise, we vacation. 14 day bare boat charters out of bases all around the world. It gets us out of the cold and snow in the dead of winter. It lets me handle much bigger boats than I own. It lets me sail in waters at dream locations without the months of passage making. And we share sailing with friends and family. The more friends that vacation with us, the bigger the boat!
Best of all, we go home when we are all sun burnt and muscle worn and have had enough of living on a small boat with limited resources.
Because it is planned as a vacation, everybody's attitude is adjusted for just that. There is no lifestyle change. There is nothing to give up.
Wow, the OP has told us a terrible story. I have similar aspirations in another 10 years. I can't imagine the heartbreak. I don't know that I would take it all that well either. I mean if the finances didn't work out or Heath problems killed the dream that's one thing, but this is just plain unfair Is it possible she just let you dream thinking it was harmless and had no intention of actually doing it?
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It is most likely that she honestly shared the dream! However our lives are never a straight line from cradle to grave. The OP started out fully intact and able to function at 100%. Now he has been injured and partially crippled and understands that with age the range of motion will diminish so he wants to make the most of what he has. His wife KNOWS that babies don't wait to grow and she wants to hold her grandchild whiles it smells like an infant and watch it grow and develop and learn to roll over and sit up and stand and walk and start to feed itself and to hear the first words. All of that happens in the first two years and you can't get it back.
The OP didn't detail an end game for selling up and cruising. He did say that the window of opportunity for doing this is small because in a few years he won't be able. At that time he will have to come back to shore and find a house and sell the boat.
The OP didn't detail an end game for selling up and cruising. He did say that the window of opportunity for doing this is small because in a few years he won't be able. At that time he will have to come back to shore and find a house and sell the boat.
Empties Coming Back by Angelo de Ponciano
have you ever sat by the railroad track
and watched the emptys cuming back?
lumbering along with a groan and a whine,-
smoke strung out in a long gray line
belched from teh panting injun’s stack
- just emptys cuming back.
i have – and to me the emptys seem
like dreams i sometimes dream -
of a girl – or munney – or maybe fame -
my dreams have all returned the same,
swinging along the homebound track
- just emptys cuming back.
have you ever sat by the railroad track
and watched the emptys cuming back?
lumbering along with a groan and a whine,-
smoke strung out in a long gray line
belched from teh panting injun’s stack
- just emptys cuming back.
i have – and to me the emptys seem
like dreams i sometimes dream -
of a girl – or munney – or maybe fame -
my dreams have all returned the same,
swinging along the homebound track
- just emptys cuming back.
We are in a similar situation. I am 55, wide is 51. We have been sailing for the past 20 years on weekends. Raised our daughter and are looking forward to retirement at 67. After watching lots of sailing vlogs we keep talking about cruising the Bahamas after we retire. I doubt it will actually happen but we ARE looking forward to being able to get to the lake whenever the weather is at all favorable. As is is now, we seem to be at work when the weather is nice and the crowds are gone. Looking forward tot he day when we can drop everything and run up to the lake on a Tuesday morning and stray for two or three days if that is what we are in the mood for.
Adjust but don't give up. Grandkids are an opportunity to share an activity and lifestyle that will have positive outcomes for all. Cruising on a sailboat has been a retirement dream of mine and my wife's since our honeymoon on a 54' Morgan ketch in the Virgin Islands. A couple years ago we started planning more earnestly about purchasing and went to boat shows to gauge sizes and features we wanted in a boat. Spring 2016 we found a gently used Hunter 426DS and made an offer. Our idea is to be the fun grandparents that take the kids and grandkids out on sailing adventures not to only be the ones coming by and watching from the sidelines. My in-laws had a 30' yawl when our kids were growing up and they had a blast helping with the sailing and trimming sails and jumping into the bay and swimming when we got to our anchorages.
You may not be able to completely divest yourselves of a land base but that shouldn't mean sailing should no longer be in the picture.
Good Luck however you choose.
You may not be able to completely divest yourselves of a land base but that shouldn't mean sailing should no longer be in the picture.
Good Luck however you choose.
I tell patients all the time: life is not either/or, can/can’t. It is about HOW and BOTH / AND.
You are hearing that in the many posts here. You can do both. You may need to cruise less at first. You may need to eventually get a boat that accommodates your disability. You will see that you can both be there enough and not be there always. Your kids will need boundaries too. Dreams are not black and white. They are a procession of steps ending where it feels right.
Do not quit the dream or the journey. One day, your grandchildren will know you and be a part of your boating adventures.
You are hearing that in the many posts here. You can do both. You may need to cruise less at first. You may need to eventually get a boat that accommodates your disability. You will see that you can both be there enough and not be there always. Your kids will need boundaries too. Dreams are not black and white. They are a procession of steps ending where it feels right.
Do not quit the dream or the journey. One day, your grandchildren will know you and be a part of your boating adventures.
There’s an old saying: “If you want to make God laugh, show him your plans.”
What do you truly LOVE the most -- YOUR WIFE or your boat? Dreams are just that dreams. They come and they go like smoke.
"Most women I've met do not like sailing" ....well here's some irony for you....I'm 62,bought my Cal 2 34 at 59 years old after rediscovering sailing through an idiot I was dating at the time. I grew up with the infectious love of sailing from my Dad but lost it somewhere along the way until I got back out on the water anchored on a full moon....then it all came flooding back.
I got rid of the idiot, bought my own boat, the Cal...his was a Yorktown, picked up the refit process where the previous owner left off and my greatest challenge seems to be finding someone who wants to go sailing. My dream is to circumnavigate but I'll settle for someone to explore the San Juans with for now.
It's incredibly beautiful in the Pacific Northwest and we can sail year round! She's blue water ready and so am I. So if you think there aren't women sailors out there you're very much mistaken!
As far as throwing it all to the wind and untying and going. ...it takes a certain kind of passion to do that and if she's not wanting to be on the boat every possible moment at this stage of the game the chances of her going full time are pretty slim. In the meantime you get to decide what the priority is for you....Like many have said "you can have both". What I say is you can have whatever you want if you just believe is possible.
I got rid of the idiot, bought my own boat, the Cal...his was a Yorktown, picked up the refit process where the previous owner left off and my greatest challenge seems to be finding someone who wants to go sailing. My dream is to circumnavigate but I'll settle for someone to explore the San Juans with for now.
It's incredibly beautiful in the Pacific Northwest and we can sail year round! She's blue water ready and so am I. So if you think there aren't women sailors out there you're very much mistaken!
As far as throwing it all to the wind and untying and going. ...it takes a certain kind of passion to do that and if she's not wanting to be on the boat every possible moment at this stage of the game the chances of her going full time are pretty slim. In the meantime you get to decide what the priority is for you....Like many have said "you can have both". What I say is you can have whatever you want if you just believe is possible.
Thanks John!! Looks like you're up in this neck of the waters as well. You ever get up this way?
jssailem
SBO Weather and Forecasting Forum Jim & John
- Oct 22, 2014
- 23,139
Yes.
Boat is in Everett, I'm about 250 south in Salem OR.
Adventures are planned more often than spontaneous. I looked at your Bellingham marina last spring. It has great winds and is so much closer to the Islands.
Boat is in Everett, I'm about 250 south in Salem OR.
Adventures are planned more often than spontaneous. I looked at your Bellingham marina last spring. It has great winds and is so much closer to the Islands.
