Dave,
In your comments and story, it seems there is an underlying question about acceptable levels of risk and the emotions, confidence, fear, worry, anxiety, etc. that is associated with the risk. If that is the case, then it is really a personal decision about how much risk is too much for the rewards. Fundamentally there are 2 ways of addressing the risk issue, 1) how to mitigate the risks involved, and 2) how to manage the thinking and emotions associated with the perceived risks.
Others have presented a number of ways to mitigate the risk, such as learn more about sailing, sail with others, develop skills, etc. The more challenging issue is managing the perception of risk and the emotions and cognition that go along with risk. If any of us said to you that sailing is without risks, we'd be be lying or delusional. Risk perception changes over time with experience and knowledge. The first high wind experience you enjoyed and probably didn't fully understand the risks. The second experience you didn't enjoy and now have a different perception of the risks involved in sailing. Let me give you an example.
Back when I was courting my wife, we decided to sail across Lake Ontario for a long weekend in Kingston. Susan had limited sailing experience, but is sort of adventuresome. When we left the wind was about 15-20 with seas running 4-6 feet, not unusual conditions for the Lake and ones that the boat and I had sailed in before, she had not. About 3 or 4 miles out on the lake, she turned to me and said, "So, if you fall overboard, what should I do?" It was her polite way of saying, "WTF, are doing out here, the risk level is too high!" About a minute later we headed back and had a great sail and spent the weekend at the dock. A dozen or so years later we were planning to cross the lake, a front was coming through and I had been watching it. I was hesistant because I've sailed through enough T-storms to not want to do it again. By now Susan's risk assessment had changed and we took off motoring until the front passed and we enjoyed beautiful sailing in 15-20 knots with 4-6' seas in the front's wake.
Keep sailing, keep pushing your limits a little at a time, as much as you are comfortable. And rest assured, you will run aground, your motor won't start someday, an unexpected storm will pop-up, your favorite hat will blow overboard and beer will be spilled. Sailing is a great pastime, one that simulates mind, body, and heart. Learning to manage all the pieces is a big part of the joy.