WOB-Wife on Board

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henryv

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Jun 21, 2004
3
- - Great Lakes
catamaran = happy spouse

Level sailing, no need to strap everything down when you head out, lots of room, and a nice trampoline to sun bath on tend to go a long way in making for happy spouses on board. Unfortunately there is still a price premium.
 
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Rob

experience counts

In my younger years ...and first marriage, sailing was all about racing, the perfect boat, maintance, buisness and travel.....ie.. not much for the mrs.....well now x mrs.....so I ended up selling that boat after our divorce....now, older, more experienced, slightly wiser and settled.....I met my new wife....she never sailed before and thought it would be great idea to learn.....So she said lets get a boat....We started with a 1964 Rhodes 19....needed lots of work...but we did it together..then had 2 great years of sailing.....Then she said she was ready..to move up.....I said ok...we started shopping,,,together,,,she had her list , I had mine,,,,and we found the boat we wanted....again the boat needed lots of work and we did most of it together...She redid the interior and I, the guy stuff.....Today the boat looks and works great.....My wife had her input and loves the boat,,,she really loves when the wind blows and we heel over...I let her at the wheel when she wants...which is when its blowing ,,nad,,,we take turns......I however, still have some control issues when tankers, and other sail traffic is close...and still havent let her take the boat in the slip...im getting there....all in time....But like life its a partnership of shared interest...and I consider myself a very lucky man!.
 
Don12364

Don12364

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Dec 2, 2003
1,637
Hunter 376 Warsash, England --
Words of Wisdom

A chum once said "There are two types of women to be found in a sailing club. One likes sailing and the other likes sailors". He should know because he had married one of each!
 
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r.w.landau

Wife Over Board

I prefer a open knit burlap sack tied at the top. ahhhhh... wife on board! John, things were tough in my house for a while. I backed a 23' Paceship down my driveway one October and for four year my wife and I had a tough time of it. Fortunatly my wife and I honored our marriage vows and survived the first boat. I spent Friday night to Sunday night on the boat every weekend for the 6 months that the boat was in the water for four years. My wife was on that boat 6 times. I would not recommend that avenue! I did tell her that the time on the boat was very lonely and that I missed her. I explianed that I needed a getaway so that I could chill from stress. I sold that boat because I wanted her to know that she was first in my life. I was boatless for one year. The following October I backed a 25' O'Day cb down the driveway with mixed blessings from my wife.
 
r.w.landau

r.w.landau

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Jun 2, 2004
1,438
Oday 25 pittsburgh
Wife Over Board Continued

I have lost this reply 3 times because of storms so I am segmenting this reply. My wife named the boat. She named it "EXHIBIT"A"". She told me that if she ever got tired of this boat or me that the boat would be Exhibit A in the Divorce papers. Well, I think she was understanding the stress I had and the relief the boat gave to that stress. She started coming along. She is 5'-2" and could walk fore and aft with headroom to spare and started enjoying the boat. I found out that she did not like the first boat because she was claustraphobic. She started enjoying weekends so much the second year of owning Exhibit A that she wanted that one more night on the boat so she stayed alone on Sunday night when I when home for work. We sold that boat the second year and bought a second 25' O'Day cb. She named this one "CONTINUANCE". That's when I knew that she would not use the boat as Exhibit A. This is our second year with "CONTINUANCE" (no we are not Lawyers). She already has the next boats name. There is nothing legal in it. John, if you love her, explain it to her and show her she is #1. If it takes selling the boat for her to know that she is #1, sell it. I wanted my wife to know she was first in my life but then she saw my need to chill and getaway. It was life changing for both of us. My sincere concern and hope that things work out. r.w.landau
 
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Sherry

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Jun 1, 2005
212
Hunter 30 Pickwick Lake, TN River
The other view

I started sailing at about 14 in an all-girls sailing group with a female instructor. Went to Annapolis Sailing School (again, all-girls group) at 16. Got my captain's license at 19. Raced and sailed and taught for years. Then got married to a SCUBA diver and went down that path for several years, then kids and private schools interfered with it all (took all discretionary money). So now my big problem is convincing my HUSBAND to be as enthusiastic as I am. After 19 years of marriage, I am preparing to buy my first sail boat (Name possibilities: Lady's First, Midlife Cruises). In defense of my husband, he is being very, very supportive - all around great guy! But he is not as wild about the idea as I am. But guys - take heart - there are gals out there who LOVE to sail and probably won't LET you have the helm - heavy weather, docking, whatever. If sailing is in your soul, as it is in mine, don't deny it. I found this Mark Twain quote on a broker's website: You will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than the ones you did. So, throw off the bow line. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the wind in your sails ! Mark Twain Good luck to all of you!!!
 
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Peter18012

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Jun 3, 2004
145
Catalina 27 Stockton CA
Does a bigger boat help?

I've owned sailboats for nearly all the 30 years of our marriage. Wife rarely participates; I'm usually sailing the Cat27 singlehanded. Occasionally we might take a look at a boat a friend or marina neighbor owns, and Wife says "I think I'd go out more if we had a bigger boat." That was the reason I bought the boat I have now, and part of the reason for buying the one prior to that. When I admired another, bigger, boat recently, Wife made the same comment. A bigger boat is more expensive to purchase, more expensive to berth, more complicated and expensive to maintain, and more difficult (or impossible) to singlehand. Getting the bigger one definitely would be worth it if Wife would enjoy it with me. But I can't see spending the $$ on a bigger one if she still isn't interested. How do I know if she will?
 
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Christy

Women's Sailing Lessons

I'm surprised how sexist you guys are! Maybe your wives don't want to spend time with YOU, not the boat - especially if they feel like you're making fun of them. Anything you're trying for the first time can be intimidating. I would suggest giving her a sailing week/weekend at an all-woman's sailing school, where she can learn at her own pace in a more encouraging environment. (This should be YOUR Father's Day/Birthday gift, not hers, since it's something you want her to do.) I took classes at Womanship, which I thought was excellent (and I'm sure there are several of these types of schools). Several woman were there because they were afraid, but knew their husbands wanted to sail. By the end, they really had gained a lot of confidence. And don't sterotype all "women and boats." I started out as a beginner and, after a couple of Womanship courses, am a liveaboard, sail as much as I can, and just finished a charter in the BVIs - with 7 of my GIRLfriends, all of whom can raise and lower sails, read charts, apply the right of way rules, and pick up a mooring ball - and even smile with glee when we have good wind and heel over at 9+ knots.
 
David W

David W

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Jun 1, 2004
412
Catalina 22 Victoria BC
Well said Christy

The best thing my wife and I ever did was to take sailing lessons. I had lots of time on the water in dingies etc, virtually none on a keelboat. She had no time on the water. We took classes separately, from the same instructor. Now speak the same sailing language, same techniques etc. It was ABSOLUTELY instrumental in our ability to sail together. I don't need to mention the safety aspects of having a saling capable mate, (felame or otherwise) on board. If there are two of you on board and the one with all of the knowledge falls off... not a great thought is it? By the way my wife is a better boat handler under power than I... I think about it too much... she just does it.
 
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Rick9619

She actually can sail! say it isnt so...

Christy What.. did you attend the naval academy too :) I saw Master and Commander and I will tell you, if I was stuck on a boat with nothing but hairy legs... I would take up knitting. I gotta tell ya, I looked up sexist in the dictionary and it says discriminatory behavior(usually men towards women). I guess maybe im pretty thick skinned but I dont really see the guys saying they dont want the girls around. The girls dont want to be around, er.. I think. TYPICALLY, and im being careful here, women like you dont just appear at the dock. Most women, again ducking the slap, would rather sunbathe. If I said "sheet" to my wife three years ago she would have replied "are you from mississippi? and No, and I wont iron your shirt either :). And I married a girl who tries to kick my a$$ at everything we do. Golf, cribbage, bowling... my kind of girl and just the kind of "mate" I WANT on a sailboat. Yes we did the lessons, yes she has a better feel for the wind than I do (more space between my ears I think), and yes she looks hot with the helm in her hands, and yes she LOVES to sail, tinker with the boat. OK im shallow sometimes... bill me. I freaked out the first time we headed up from a really really bad jibe, but since im the man, I grabbed the helm back. She would have called me a "wus" if I wouldnt have and that would have been sexist :) I thought about faking an injury but she didnt buy that either. Oh and if you ever need an extra deck hand to accompany your all girl crew... let me be the first to volunteer! I will wear my mirror glasses. Oh and I can cook! Cheers Rick s/v Whiskey Chaser
 
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Paul

Well, Rick,

you’ve certainly succeeded in bringing this to a new level!!! Paul
 
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lazeyjack

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Jun 3, 2005
20
- - Sunshine Coast
bigger boats

i have a big boat, big boats scare many people off,, when things go wrong big boats are scary things, often their motion is not a lot easier, cept on the wind, Take her on a friends boat, or charter one
 
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Hoogy

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Jun 14, 2004
2
- - Meaford
Great Advice!!

When I sat down to read the responses to this post I got to thinking, maybe I have something to contribute here. My wife and I were power boaters until 8 years ago when we got into sailing!?!? Before I ever put the boat inthe water I got some advice from a sailer, he asked, do you want your wife to go sailing with you? My reply was yes, then he told me to always make sure she felt comfortable on the boat, or you will sail by yourself and that is not always fun. So when we ventured out I did ask how much of a tilt onthe boat was good? We had one of those instruments that lets you know how many degrees of list "tilt" you have. We started at 10 degrees and soon worked our way up to 25. Now we can sail in some good waves and heel over real good and not a worried look from my wife. Just to let you see,the previous boat we had was a 26" MacGregor and she was wedged in the bow pulpit when she took this shot of me at the helm. She truly enjoys a good sail. hoogy
 
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