What would you do?

[jwing]

Lots of good advice here. I'll add that there will probably be many more times when you find the boat in irons. Usually by screwing up a tack change. You should study up on how to get out of that situation and then go out and practice the technique until you and your family is accustomed to the flapping and know what to do. Then, instead of an stressful situation, it will be just another goof that you can laugh at yourselves about.

Also learn how to heave to; it' a great way to take a break anytime or collect yourself after an adrenaline rush. The sails don't flap. My boat won't stay in irons; she will fall off and sail herself around in crazy randomness, so when I need to stop, I heave to.

Be aware that there are huge barges that ply the channel under the 431 bridge and through the north end of the Browns Creek pool. If you are up in the channel but can't see the north end of the bridge, you might be surprised at how fast those barges come barrelling around the bend. At times like that, you need to move out of the channel fast. So, no matter what you are doing, you should have a channel exit plan that everybody on board is aware of.

Finally, I have found that, in group activities, clear communication is key. Well before any move is made, everybody should be aware of what move is coming next and what they should be doing. Directions need to be precise. When the unexpected happens, the first thing I always do is say. "No problem, here's what I want you to do." That works so well that I even say it to myself when I'm solo. And as you get the 'non-problem' sorted, go back to the mode of telling everybody what is about to happen and how they should react.

 

[BigEasy]

Being new to sailing, the best advice I can give having been a dealer but now retired, never try to teach your wife. Hire and pay an instructor to teach the both and leave the kids at home until you know what your are doing. Book learning is not the same as hands on when it comes to sailing.

John,
I couldn't agree more with what "Crazy Dave" recommended. I was an engineer at one time and was reluctant to take lessons, thinking that I could teach myself. I got myself into more problems than I could get out of! Also, traumatized my wife in the process and I am embarrassed to admit that it is one reason that she's not too fond of sailing today. I finally wised up and completed ASA certification thru the 106 level. I had a great time doing these courses, learned a lot, and gained needed experience in varying conditions, under the guidance of a seasoned instructor. I got to know the instructors very well over the years and chartered boats from them in Pensacola. I had a conversation with one of them about sailing lessons for my wife. His reply was the same as Dave's NEVER try to teach your wife sailing! In fact he didn't even recommend that husband & wife take the beginner classes together; it changes the entire class dynamics. Go alone & then let her go separately. And, definitely choose a facility that has been in operation for years and has a very knowledgeable instructor.
In regards to your last sailing adventure, just chalk it up to experience. You and the crew weren't expecting the excessive healing, etc. because you had never sailed in those conditions. Your analysis is correct in that you should have slowly gone from a broad reach to a beam reach, close reach, and finally close hauled, before tacking, and adjusted sails as you changed points of sail. In wind under 10 knots you could get by with tacking from a broad reach; however, in stiffer winds everything is accentuated and happens more quickly leading to chaos if you and everyone on board aren't anticipating and knowing how to handle it. So, you and the wife take some lessons separately, then have your instructor on board with the family and have fun. In the future, might want to consider driving and directing the crew in windy conditions until everyone is comfortable. Tell them what's going to happen in advance & what to expect; tell them what you want them to do in advance. Unfortunately, you don't have the knowledge & experience at present to do this, thus the need for instruction. Don't let this get you down, we've all been down this road!

 

[marke14]

This is what worked for me:

Allow me to suggest that you learn how to single handle your boat and then teach individual members of your crew to perform certain functions according to their ability and interests.

When you can run the boat on your own then everyone else is just gravy. That is how I learned to look at crew eventually ... I sail more often that way.

 

[Jackdaw]

Can't teach your spouse sailing? Of course you can. I've taught several SOs how to be great sailors.

The trick is, you have to know how to instruct, and you have TO KNOW HOW TO SAIL.

I don't know about the first here, but no disrespect, but I know the second is not true.

 

[LeeandRick]

Can't teach your spouse sailing? Of course you can. I've taught several SOs how to be great sailors.

The trick is, you have to know how to instruct, and you have TO KNOW HOW TO SAIL.

Jack is right I've taught 4 wives to sail.

 

[jerry]

John,
Had the EXACT same thing happen to us when we started. After all the adrenaline drained away, we all laughed hard and long about the experience. We still laugh about it 19 years later. No damage, No one hurt. A great life experience.
jerry

 

[Crazy Dave Condon]

When you have a novice trying to teach inexperienced, it never works out. When you have an experienced person who can teach, then that is different and I have seen that done with couples in those exceptions. When couples bought boats, I always included instruction regardless as there were tips in set up, instruction and so forth. If you read my post clearly, I said leave the children home and then you can teach a couple with the understanding who was at the wheel, that person is the captain. We made it fun and guess what those couples enjoyed the comrady and learned.
Early on, we had a couple bring babies and after two days of instruction and nothing to show for it except out of my pocket, I called and said when they could get a babysitter, we would start over with the couple only and from then on happy sailing. In addition when an older couple was trying to buy a boat so family would visit when in reality family never came, I would tell that couple not to buy a boat when they did not really want to. I offered other suggestions and it worked. Lost a sale but they remembered and recommendations came

 

[JRT]

Thanks all, I'm not completely blind to my lack of skills and know that I still have a lot to learn. Jack is right, I'm not a master sailor and my experience is limited, the good news is the boat seems solid and everyone is still happy to keep learning and improving.

 

[MitchM]

re: sullen teens...
on my boat, one has to earn the right to man the tiller by showing understanding of boat part names, basic sailing terms and what the basic maneuvers are . those who stay below watching their phone videos have no right to helm the boat . that is a privilege, not a right.

 

[Kings Gambit]

I've noticed over the years that one can rarely give advice to engineers and pilots about sailing that they are willing to take if it upsets preconceived notions, even when asked for. My wife and I took sailing classes together in the beginning (Red Cross & USCG Auxiliary), now 28 yr ago. Still sailing together, and still learning together. That came after I utterly failed a dockmaster's test to checkout boats belonging to a local sail craft program. (Proved to myself that I had no solid idea of what I was doing on sailboats.) Also, there's this thing called a "skipper" that must be factored into the "family" sailing equation. It's not quite the same thing as "dad." What I read here is: "Yeah--you guys are probably right, but I'm going ahead with my plan." LOL! It might work.

 

[BigEasy]

You may be able to informally teach anyone some of the basics of sailing or possibly what you want them to do ; however, unless they are highly motivated and willing to spend time studying and applying those principals on water, they will never have the knowledge and related experiences to be as good a sailor as they could be. That's what is missing with "do it yourself" instructions, there is no organization. In taking structured sailing certification classes, there are books to read, structured on water experiences, proficiency check points to demonstrate that you understand and can execute, and a written final exam and on water competency tests. All of this makes a student put a lot more personal effort in learning and mastering the course material. No one wants to fail.

 

[JRT]

I really have no preconceived notions or issues with the advice given. Lessons is solid advise and it is something my wife and I will be doing together, in fact she talked about setting something up when the kids are away this summer at camp. We would rather learn together with an instructor, she is excited about sailing but I also know her well enough after 20+ years together and she doesn't want to take lessons by herself (I asked) and she said she wants to learn on our boat.

In the back of my head I kept thinking we should probably stick with our normal routine that day, but we were feeling a bit adventurous and enjoying the sail together. The commotion and issues was all my fault as I tried to combine too many thing at once too quickly when I knew I preferred taking each step a bit slower till they all become second nature. Jwing, I really like the tips for using a simple phrase "no problem, this is what we are going to do" I'll be adding that to my routine from now on. BigEasy and others about structure instruction is spot on and something I want to do down the road. I've done the same for many activities in my life from flying to racing motorcycles, so learning from others has never been a issue for me.

Again thanks for all the feedback and similar stories, I feel we as a couple have survived a lot in our relationship that was way harder then sailing a boat and this will be another one that we will grown into for the long term. I'm very happy that after all this time together we found a great thing to do together. I guarantee next time out in 2 weeks will be all open water sailing and lots of family fun with a bit of cross training for everyone.

 

[Kings Gambit]

One thing covered in sailing classes is weather; and in your "neck of the woods" pop-up T-storms are a menace to sailing even on lakes. Getting caught out in one (which is to be avoided) is like experiencing hell on earth; can be very scary, not to mention dangerous. (I sailed for 11 yr in and around Tampa Bay, FL.) So, please read up on these things in preparations for your summertime sailing adventures.

 

[Scott T-Bird]

Lessons is solid advise and it is something my wife and I will be doing together, in fact she talked about setting something up when the kids are away this summer at camp. We would rather learn together with an instructor, she is excited about sailing but I also know her well enough after 20+ years together and she doesn't want to take lessons by herself (I asked) and she said she wants to learn on our boat.

In the back of my head I kept thinking we should probably stick with our normal routine that day, but we were feeling a bit adventurous and enjoying the sail together. The commotion and issues was all my fault as I tried to combine too many thing at once too quickly when I knew I preferred taking each step a bit slower till they all become second nature.

Sounds like a good plan! People learn in many different ways, so taking the action that makes you happy is obviously the best. But don't always avoid stepping out of your comfort zone. If you stick to the normal routine to avoid problems, you'll be missing out on many learning experiences. Just a thought ...

 

[LeeandRick]

John one thing you might try is to have dedicated training days. Let the entire crew know ahead of time that we are going out to practice. Have a plan that is discussed at home then again on the dock. Go out and tack every minute 10 times then heave to or cruise for 10 minutes and discuss any issues just after the positive feedback. Do 10 jibes then back to the dock to discuss in a calm place. Another thought for your offsprings is to find a sail training video or game. One of those that shows boat speed vs sail trim or racing other boats may help.

One last thing, if you're going to be doing the instructing find a book on the building blocks of learning. I read the FAA one 45 years ago when I became a flight instructor (plus others since) and that understanding and a calm attitude has served me well.

 

[LuzSD]

John, I think each of us read your post with empathy and relief that we have made it to the other side of that frustrating and sometimes scary time when we learned those hard lessons. I think you are much too hard on yourself. I know that there is no quick way to get from where you are to where you want to be. In ten years you will look back and cringe and laugh at those big and small moments that made you understand. Each of us can likely list a couple instances that we considered going back to our slip and not try again. For us, there have been 4 big events that forced us to grow, and for each of them, I am grateful.

All of the advice about getting more confidence and knowledge first, is good. You and your family will find your way, keep some humor about it, and put them at the tiller more often. I can't think of anything that helps more than mastering the helm and understanding the relationship between all the parts.

 

[JRT]

Thanks for the feedback! Getting everyone some time in all the positions will be helpful, after all everyone likes to drive! I actually like sitting and adjusting the sails and trying to trim them, I like the sense of accomplishment and seeing that GPS speed bump up a bit!

 

[Dennis Kitchen]

Jack is right I've taught 4 wives to sail.

Wink Wink.......

 

[jssailem]

You sound like you have enough info to go out and try it again. Part of the fun is to try new areas to sail. Keep at it. And keep the idea of family fun alive.

 

[Pearson 39-II]

Blowhard: "A person that is known to rant and rave about things. Their opinions are usually ignorant and lack evidence. The term comes from the literal meaning of "blowing hard". If you blow hard enough people pretty much have to listen."
Or Not...