It's often been said that a sailboat is the mistress of its owner. How does your spouse or significant other feel about your relationship with your boat? Are they an equal partner in your boating enterprise? If not, are they resentful or jealous of the time and money you spend on the boat? Is time sailing or working on the boat time for you to be alone, or is your spouse or SO invited along? How do you keep your spouse or SO from feeling like a guest on your boat? Or do you? Please share your story (and whether you're the Captain, the Admiral, or both) then vote in the Quick Quiz at the bottom of the home page. (Quiz contributed by Gary Wyngarden) (Editor's note: We wish to be clear, despite the headline on our home page, that this topic is for boat owners of both sexes. While the headline is written to address the majority of our web site users, who are male, we encourage responses from female owners as well, which may prove to be far more interesting!)
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Inclusion...
Sailing has always been a mutual activity for my wife and I. While she does not enjoy the pleasures of the helm as much as I do, she likes other aspects of the experience. I won't bother to mention what she likes to do, and what I like to do, as that info is not important. What is important is that I try to include her in all things pertaining to the boat, which helps to make it as much "her" boat as it does "mine." I have found that as long as it is "our" boat, instead of "my" boat, ownership progresses quite nicely. Just ask her about the beautiful new sail she bought last summer...
Sailing has always been a mutual activity for my wife and I. While she does not enjoy the pleasures of the helm as much as I do, she likes other aspects of the experience. I won't bother to mention what she likes to do, and what I like to do, as that info is not important. What is important is that I try to include her in all things pertaining to the boat, which helps to make it as much "her" boat as it does "mine." I have found that as long as it is "our" boat, instead of "my" boat, ownership progresses quite nicely. Just ask her about the beautiful new sail she bought last summer...
togetherness
The boat was my idea and she reluctantly joined in. She is still relatively a none sailor, but is learning in sort of a self preservation way. She claims sailing would be great if it weren't for the wind and the tipping. In all fairness she has come a long way and has enjoyed our outtings for the most part. Last summer we took a 6 day trip from Alameda to Monterey. After 11 hours of 8 to 10 foot seas in our homeward strech, she was tired, angry and determined we should never do that again. Now she can look at it as an adventure we shared together and did OK. We both learned things from the trip and will make changes. She is not turned off by retirement cruising as long as we don't sell the homestead and she can come home every few months. If I want to go to the boat to work, she wants to go too. I keep up the motor, decks and rigging (outside gear) and she manages the interior and like to keep it neat and tidy; our home on the water. She is my partner and I appreciate her hanging in there even though sailing is not her love.
The boat was my idea and she reluctantly joined in. She is still relatively a none sailor, but is learning in sort of a self preservation way. She claims sailing would be great if it weren't for the wind and the tipping. In all fairness she has come a long way and has enjoyed our outtings for the most part. Last summer we took a 6 day trip from Alameda to Monterey. After 11 hours of 8 to 10 foot seas in our homeward strech, she was tired, angry and determined we should never do that again. Now she can look at it as an adventure we shared together and did OK. We both learned things from the trip and will make changes. She is not turned off by retirement cruising as long as we don't sell the homestead and she can come home every few months. If I want to go to the boat to work, she wants to go too. I keep up the motor, decks and rigging (outside gear) and she manages the interior and like to keep it neat and tidy; our home on the water. She is my partner and I appreciate her hanging in there even though sailing is not her love.
It is your boat honey
I was given Isabella as a reward of undergoing chemo theraphy 8 years ago. And this by a husband who detested anything with water. HE normally brags to everyone about this boat WE keep (He hasn't seen the boat in the last four years) He is also full of ideas of how HIS boat needs to be sailed (that after spending a course of 2 days as deckhand) Every medal or thropies which is won by Isabella is on HIS boat (this normally means he is watching some other sport on the television a couple of hundred kilometers away) But the boat "ownership" changes quickly when it is time for maintenance or as recently when a new sail had to be brought then it is HONEY SHE IS YOUR BOAT AND YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
I was given Isabella as a reward of undergoing chemo theraphy 8 years ago. And this by a husband who detested anything with water. HE normally brags to everyone about this boat WE keep (He hasn't seen the boat in the last four years) He is also full of ideas of how HIS boat needs to be sailed (that after spending a course of 2 days as deckhand) Every medal or thropies which is won by Isabella is on HIS boat (this normally means he is watching some other sport on the television a couple of hundred kilometers away) But the boat "ownership" changes quickly when it is time for maintenance or as recently when a new sail had to be brought then it is HONEY SHE IS YOUR BOAT AND YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
Missing a response.
There needs to be an additional response to the survey. It should read "My thing but he/she is happy to come along, I THINK". You would think that after forty years I would KNOW. Not so! Friday nights she asks if we are going to the boat(silly question). She prepares everything the night before and sets the cooler by the door. She understands weather and, I think, prays for offshore breezes. But I won't push it. We skirt the lake and the river in the car, if we see big rollers and whitecaps we wait it out.
There needs to be an additional response to the survey. It should read "My thing but he/she is happy to come along, I THINK". You would think that after forty years I would KNOW. Not so! Friday nights she asks if we are going to the boat(silly question). She prepares everything the night before and sets the cooler by the door. She understands weather and, I think, prays for offshore breezes. But I won't push it. We skirt the lake and the river in the car, if we see big rollers and whitecaps we wait it out.
One of the lucky few
From what I hear from other boating friends, I am a lucky man. My wife and I share almost equally in the "passion" of our boat TerraMare. My "affair" might be a bit more passionate, however, my wife enjoys our weekend stays and helping with some of the odd jobs to keep TerraMare looking good. Rarely, if ever does she consider our boat a burden. I usually do the heavy work like sanding the bottom or waxing the hull. As laborious as these may be, I find once she is in the water, these tasks are soon forgotten. Happy Sails.... Pat
From what I hear from other boating friends, I am a lucky man. My wife and I share almost equally in the "passion" of our boat TerraMare. My "affair" might be a bit more passionate, however, my wife enjoys our weekend stays and helping with some of the odd jobs to keep TerraMare looking good. Rarely, if ever does she consider our boat a burden. I usually do the heavy work like sanding the bottom or waxing the hull. As laborious as these may be, I find once she is in the water, these tasks are soon forgotten. Happy Sails.... Pat
My wife encourages me...
...to spend time on the boat. Being retired, this has become a passion. I'm on her every day. I've learned to be a solo sailor and can do just about everything by myself. I signed up for several seminars to learn more, including electrical, diesel and weather. I have the time to impecibly maintain her. Each day I take on a new project. If it isn't finished today, there's always tomorrow. And, being just the two of us, when my wife isn't at work or doing labrador retriever rescue, we go out together. She's at the helm, and I do the dirty work. Our 410 is the light of our lives and provides countless pleasure. Now, just to figure out how to afford all the toys I want to put on her! John Richard Jack's Place
...to spend time on the boat. Being retired, this has become a passion. I'm on her every day. I've learned to be a solo sailor and can do just about everything by myself. I signed up for several seminars to learn more, including electrical, diesel and weather. I have the time to impecibly maintain her. Each day I take on a new project. If it isn't finished today, there's always tomorrow. And, being just the two of us, when my wife isn't at work or doing labrador retriever rescue, we go out together. She's at the helm, and I do the dirty work. Our 410 is the light of our lives and provides countless pleasure. Now, just to figure out how to afford all the toys I want to put on her! John Richard Jack's Place
Boat Shared 50-50
My wife loves our boat. She does all the sun bathing on the bow; there is a special place that females genetically find on the boat for leaning back and enjoying the sun (the boat is a Cherubini Hunter 33). It's a 50-50 relationship--I do all the work, she does all the sun bathing; she says that I enjoy being the captain and would not let anybody else do the sailing and , you know, she's right.
My wife loves our boat. She does all the sun bathing on the bow; there is a special place that females genetically find on the boat for leaning back and enjoying the sun (the boat is a Cherubini Hunter 33). It's a 50-50 relationship--I do all the work, she does all the sun bathing; she says that I enjoy being the captain and would not let anybody else do the sailing and , you know, she's right.
Shared Joy!
If a boat is not a shared joy, then problems will not be far behind. My wife refers to our boat as my mistress, but also views it as my hobby. We both enjoy sailing and sharing the duties when on the water, but at the dock the boat becomes the mistress.
If a boat is not a shared joy, then problems will not be far behind. My wife refers to our boat as my mistress, but also views it as my hobby. We both enjoy sailing and sharing the duties when on the water, but at the dock the boat becomes the mistress.
Even in the winter
We finally got the Javelin on the water - my wife and I. She thought I was crazy, but joined me anyway, on November 3rd, here in South Dakota. It was a glorious afternoon that we shared together, and promised that next summer would be even better.
We finally got the Javelin on the water - my wife and I. She thought I was crazy, but joined me anyway, on November 3rd, here in South Dakota. It was a glorious afternoon that we shared together, and promised that next summer would be even better.
Just Call me lucky!
My wife and I meet while doing a play at the community theater. One of the other cast members had a sailboat and invited any in the cast who wanted to, to go on a weekly sail before rehearsal. I fell in love with my wife and sailing at the same time. We were later married on stage during a performance of "Guys and Dolls" (I was "Nathan Detroit" and She "Miss Adelaide" of course.) After returning from our honeymoon in Cancun, where we sailed the lagoon every afternoon on a little 12' thing, we found our friend wasn't in need of a crew anymore as his wife had retired and the grand kids were his main focus and if he needed crew, they were it. My new wife and I jones'd and pined for about a year till we couldn't take it anymore. We went out searching, found a neglected Catalina 27, and have enjoyed many many hours of showering each other, and the boat with lots of TLC. As to the issue of Captain/Admiral honors... She lets me play Captain once the lines are cast and we're underway and she is the dutiful First Mate, but there is no doubt in my mind once we're docked and tied the Admiral is still the Admiral. Like I said, just call me Lucky! Regards, Lysle
My wife and I meet while doing a play at the community theater. One of the other cast members had a sailboat and invited any in the cast who wanted to, to go on a weekly sail before rehearsal. I fell in love with my wife and sailing at the same time. We were later married on stage during a performance of "Guys and Dolls" (I was "Nathan Detroit" and She "Miss Adelaide" of course.) After returning from our honeymoon in Cancun, where we sailed the lagoon every afternoon on a little 12' thing, we found our friend wasn't in need of a crew anymore as his wife had retired and the grand kids were his main focus and if he needed crew, they were it. My new wife and I jones'd and pined for about a year till we couldn't take it anymore. We went out searching, found a neglected Catalina 27, and have enjoyed many many hours of showering each other, and the boat with lots of TLC. As to the issue of Captain/Admiral honors... She lets me play Captain once the lines are cast and we're underway and she is the dutiful First Mate, but there is no doubt in my mind once we're docked and tied the Admiral is still the Admiral. Like I said, just call me Lucky! Regards, Lysle
Sometimes participates, always supports
My wife sometimes loves the boat, and sometimes views it as an annoyance. Whenever we invite another couple aboard for a sail, she is the perfect hostess and truly enjoys herself. For those few hours when we sail around, eat and drink, she loves sailing. When she and I go out alone, she enjoys it, but not as consistently and not as much. I like to sail, play with the GPS, pilot, etc., and she likes to relax. I am always suggesting that we go sailing (to her mild annoyance), but with two young kids, their sports, friends and other activities, its hard to get out there as much as I would like. One thing my wife does do is support my desire to go sailing; she always encourages me to go out with my friends and has gone so far as to arrange sailing "play dates" for me!
My wife sometimes loves the boat, and sometimes views it as an annoyance. Whenever we invite another couple aboard for a sail, she is the perfect hostess and truly enjoys herself. For those few hours when we sail around, eat and drink, she loves sailing. When she and I go out alone, she enjoys it, but not as consistently and not as much. I like to sail, play with the GPS, pilot, etc., and she likes to relax. I am always suggesting that we go sailing (to her mild annoyance), but with two young kids, their sports, friends and other activities, its hard to get out there as much as I would like. One thing my wife does do is support my desire to go sailing; she always encourages me to go out with my friends and has gone so far as to arrange sailing "play dates" for me!
Getaway
I had the primary interest....love the water and wanted us to have something we could do to get away from the stresses of our work...we run a fireplace business together. We have so little time together for fun, and we are always talking about and dealing with our business, it seemed like sailing would be a great diversion...my husband is as enthusiastica as I now, and is helping to make it happen as much as I am....we have been sailing three times, and look forward to much more.
I had the primary interest....love the water and wanted us to have something we could do to get away from the stresses of our work...we run a fireplace business together. We have so little time together for fun, and we are always talking about and dealing with our business, it seemed like sailing would be a great diversion...my husband is as enthusiastica as I now, and is helping to make it happen as much as I am....we have been sailing three times, and look forward to much more.
She made me do it!
I was perfectly happy with our 27' Catalina when my wife annouced that she wanted a bigger boat and a new boat. Shortly after that we be came the proud owners of a 2001 Hunter 320. We love the weekend sailing on the Indian River. We share all of the little chores and are both content as long as we are on the boat doing something.
I was perfectly happy with our 27' Catalina when my wife annouced that she wanted a bigger boat and a new boat. Shortly after that we be came the proud owners of a 2001 Hunter 320. We love the weekend sailing on the Indian River. We share all of the little chores and are both content as long as we are on the boat doing something.
I'm not really sure
I'm not really sure if my wife likes sailing or not. I think she puts up with it for me. deep down I know she likes being out on the water, relaxing and taking in the sun. She does not want to steer the boat or pull on any lines, just relax. I sail with my daughter as first mate, me as captian and my wife as Admiral. This means I run the ship and make the decisions as to where to sail and for how long and under what conditions, BUT the Admiral (my wife) can at anytime override any desion I make. Luckly that rarly happens. I like to live be the old saying "If Momma aint happy, aint nobody happy.
I'm not really sure if my wife likes sailing or not. I think she puts up with it for me. deep down I know she likes being out on the water, relaxing and taking in the sun. She does not want to steer the boat or pull on any lines, just relax. I sail with my daughter as first mate, me as captian and my wife as Admiral. This means I run the ship and make the decisions as to where to sail and for how long and under what conditions, BUT the Admiral (my wife) can at anytime override any desion I make. Luckly that rarly happens. I like to live be the old saying "If Momma aint happy, aint nobody happy.
She's the Skipper!
My wife and I are both fifty-somethings, and have been sailing for only three years. When I said I wanted to try sailing, she said OK, as long as it didn't break the budget. We went through the Power Squadron boating course, and guess what? She got the higher score! She immediately assumed the rank of Captain. Of course, I am still the boat's Best Mate. I also pilot, maintain, install, modify, navigate and do all of the other stuff that she doesn't do. After all, she IS the Skipper! She enjoys sailing. Especially beating while well-heeled. That's the invigorating point of sail for her. When on the downwind, she would just as soon nap or sunbathe. The boat is a joint adventure for us. She has decorated the inside (very nicely),and keeps the cabin area clean and bristol-fashion. She loves to provide quick meals for the crew (us), and often cooks in the tiny galley. What a gal! Although she doesn't sail the boat much, she enjoys the water. She would rather be with me, on our little yacht, than to be apart. My Skipper is a soul-mate, and the best boat partner a fellow could want. I just wish I had gotten the 100% score!
My wife and I are both fifty-somethings, and have been sailing for only three years. When I said I wanted to try sailing, she said OK, as long as it didn't break the budget. We went through the Power Squadron boating course, and guess what? She got the higher score! She immediately assumed the rank of Captain. Of course, I am still the boat's Best Mate. I also pilot, maintain, install, modify, navigate and do all of the other stuff that she doesn't do. After all, she IS the Skipper! She enjoys sailing. Especially beating while well-heeled. That's the invigorating point of sail for her. When on the downwind, she would just as soon nap or sunbathe. The boat is a joint adventure for us. She has decorated the inside (very nicely),and keeps the cabin area clean and bristol-fashion. She loves to provide quick meals for the crew (us), and often cooks in the tiny galley. What a gal! Although she doesn't sail the boat much, she enjoys the water. She would rather be with me, on our little yacht, than to be apart. My Skipper is a soul-mate, and the best boat partner a fellow could want. I just wish I had gotten the 100% score!
Who's picture is your wallet?
I bought my 73 V 17 on eBay last summer. It was a bargain and at 1600.00 although I ended paying an additional 300.00 in storage. I drove to Pensacola from Delaware to deliver the boat to my friend in the Keys. After 4 days on the road and 1 on the water. I carry a picture of the boat in my wallet. My wife's picture is in my office. I guess that tells you something. I have always wanted to sail and it has become my mid-life symbol (I 1st sailed as a Boy Scout 40 years ago). I plan on sailing the Chesapeake and Delaware Bays this summer and on a V17 hopefully my wife and I will become closer!!! Dr. Franklin Farmer, fedf@yahoo.com
I bought my 73 V 17 on eBay last summer. It was a bargain and at 1600.00 although I ended paying an additional 300.00 in storage. I drove to Pensacola from Delaware to deliver the boat to my friend in the Keys. After 4 days on the road and 1 on the water. I carry a picture of the boat in my wallet. My wife's picture is in my office. I guess that tells you something. I have always wanted to sail and it has become my mid-life symbol (I 1st sailed as a Boy Scout 40 years ago). I plan on sailing the Chesapeake and Delaware Bays this summer and on a V17 hopefully my wife and I will become closer!!! Dr. Franklin Farmer, fedf@yahoo.com
Equals
We both love our boat and enjoy equal responsibilites. My husband makes the boat payments, slip fees, insurance etc. I keep her clean, plan fabulous dinners, decorate (perhaps a bit too much). When we sail, either of us can be at the helm. G
We both love our boat and enjoy equal responsibilites. My husband makes the boat payments, slip fees, insurance etc. I keep her clean, plan fabulous dinners, decorate (perhaps a bit too much). When we sail, either of us can be at the helm. G
Main reason she keeps me...
The main reason she keeps me around is because I know how to sail the boat and am willing to do the maintenance. If I want to get in trouble at home all I have to do is go sailing WITHOUT inviting her along. Luckily she is very ornamental on deck and knows how to crew effectively. Yes, I am one of those fortunate people who's wife bugged him for years to get a bigger boat!
The main reason she keeps me around is because I know how to sail the boat and am willing to do the maintenance. If I want to get in trouble at home all I have to do is go sailing WITHOUT inviting her along. Luckily she is very ornamental on deck and knows how to crew effectively. Yes, I am one of those fortunate people who's wife bugged him for years to get a bigger boat!
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