My 36' sailboat was my pride and joy. After working hard for many years to pay off our house and raise 4 kids, I spent 2 years searching for our boat. We had it for 3 seasons but this week I had to sell it because I couldn't stand the constant complaining. Seems they all now hated sailing, and if I went to the boat for the day, they all had issues about the fact I was not there at home for them. (my kids are 15/16/18/19...not babies any more). Am I whipped or what... How common does this story sound to other sailors out there?
- Status
I am really, really, really, sorry to hear that...
...but family always comes first. Maybe, in a few years when all the kids are out of the house your wife may develop an interest.....just the two of you kind of thing. However, if she does not go along with the program... you are screwed. I am 46 and I fear the day that I am too old to sail. good luck, my prayers are with you abe
...but family always comes first. Maybe, in a few years when all the kids are out of the house your wife may develop an interest.....just the two of you kind of thing. However, if she does not go along with the program... you are screwed. I am 46 and I fear the day that I am too old to sail. good luck, my prayers are with you abe
By the way...........
the fact that you sold your boat tells me alot about you. You are a good man for listening to your family and it was an unselfish act. That is why you are still married 20+ years. Sometimes you win, sometimes you loose, and sometimes everyone compromises. Back off, spend the time with the family and as I said before, bring up the topic a few years later. One last thing, don't take advise from the single guys and the divorced ones. Your a good man boatless. abe (married 20 years, possibly castrated too depending on your point of view)
the fact that you sold your boat tells me alot about you. You are a good man for listening to your family and it was an unselfish act. That is why you are still married 20+ years. Sometimes you win, sometimes you loose, and sometimes everyone compromises. Back off, spend the time with the family and as I said before, bring up the topic a few years later. One last thing, don't take advise from the single guys and the divorced ones. Your a good man boatless. abe (married 20 years, possibly castrated too depending on your point of view)
You are a better man ......
...than I, GungaBoatless. I don't think I would have done it. I hope they appreciate you. You can always get another boat later on. That's the good thing about material possessions.
...than I, GungaBoatless. I don't think I would have done it. I hope they appreciate you. You can always get another boat later on. That's the good thing about material possessions.
Sad Story
Wow, What a sad tale. My kids are younger (5, 8, 11). The oldest doesn't like to sail and complains when we go. The other two like it and are happy to go. Sometimes I will let them bring a friend along when we go for a day sail. That seems to make it more fun for everyone. I also try to make it entertaining for everyone. If it's summer, and we have the time, I will try to anchor off a nice beach and let everyone swim for an hour or so. I have also brought along a lap top with DVD movies. To me, it seems silly to sit in the cabin watching a movie when you could be outside sailing, but hey, if that's what you want to do.... I always bring lots of snacks tool Finally, for day sails, I usually keep them short - 2 to 3 hours max. Longer than that, and my kids start to complain, nag, fight, and make it not fun for anyone. I'm fortunate in that my boat is only 15 minutes away, and my work schedule is flexible, so I can get away for a solo sail whenever I need one. I do have a number of weekend trips planned, we'll have to see how well those go. Good luck to you. Barry
Wow, What a sad tale. My kids are younger (5, 8, 11). The oldest doesn't like to sail and complains when we go. The other two like it and are happy to go. Sometimes I will let them bring a friend along when we go for a day sail. That seems to make it more fun for everyone. I also try to make it entertaining for everyone. If it's summer, and we have the time, I will try to anchor off a nice beach and let everyone swim for an hour or so. I have also brought along a lap top with DVD movies. To me, it seems silly to sit in the cabin watching a movie when you could be outside sailing, but hey, if that's what you want to do.... I always bring lots of snacks tool Finally, for day sails, I usually keep them short - 2 to 3 hours max. Longer than that, and my kids start to complain, nag, fight, and make it not fun for anyone. I'm fortunate in that my boat is only 15 minutes away, and my work schedule is flexible, so I can get away for a solo sail whenever I need one. I do have a number of weekend trips planned, we'll have to see how well those go. Good luck to you. Barry
Boatless - doesn't mean you can't sail!
Boatless. Get a laser! or a small club J boat you can trailer...ect ect. A mans passion is just that...something for you. I'm not saying to go against the family....most important aspect of any persons life (or should be). BUT, you can give-up who you are as a person. Many many many many men balance famalies and passions like surfing, fishing, sailing ect ect. The family may not 'like' it...but they_will 'respect' the fact that you still carve out time for *yourself. "Sharpen the Saw" anyone? Your kids have their own interests for certain, I'm sure the wife does too....don't give up yours...just maybe scale it down for a bit to keep the peace.
Boatless. Get a laser! or a small club J boat you can trailer...ect ect. A mans passion is just that...something for you. I'm not saying to go against the family....most important aspect of any persons life (or should be). BUT, you can give-up who you are as a person. Many many many many men balance famalies and passions like surfing, fishing, sailing ect ect. The family may not 'like' it...but they_will 'respect' the fact that you still carve out time for *yourself. "Sharpen the Saw" anyone? Your kids have their own interests for certain, I'm sure the wife does too....don't give up yours...just maybe scale it down for a bit to keep the peace.
Yikes!
I also have a 36 footer and my wife and kids didn't like sailing either. My wife has recently become an X and my youngest is 17 and off to college this fall. There's no go way your kids give a hoot at their ages if you go sailing for the day. It's the influence from someone else. And you and every one else know exactly who I'm talking about. If you sold the boat and are now happy being with that person on the weekends, no problem whatsoever. If that's not the case, you already know the answer! Happy sailing! Tom
I also have a 36 footer and my wife and kids didn't like sailing either. My wife has recently become an X and my youngest is 17 and off to college this fall. There's no go way your kids give a hoot at their ages if you go sailing for the day. It's the influence from someone else. And you and every one else know exactly who I'm talking about. If you sold the boat and are now happy being with that person on the weekends, no problem whatsoever. If that's not the case, you already know the answer! Happy sailing! Tom
Sorry, I Could'nt Handle It!
You sound like a very sensitive man and I have great respect for your perserverence, but I will tell ya, I owned many boats over the years, even took off a few years to live aboard, and all along my children (now 17, 20 and 26) had diapers changed onboard sometime or other and loved sailing. Its hard to fathom that of all your children and your wife that not one would take a liking to sailing, nor show dad the respect that he justly deserves by respecting his passion for sailing. Really, how painful can sailing be? I hate hearing stories like this because you must have had prior sailing experience to move into a 36 footer and as such you must find sailing not only soothing for your soul, but one of the great activities you have enjoyed over the years. Sailing probably helped keep your sanity long enough so you could pay off the bills, raise four children and look forward to buying your big boat to begin with! I say wait til the youngest reaches 18, start searching for a beautiful female sailor with vast sailing experience; maybe one who crewed on the America's Cup boats, buy a 42 footer this time, a Hinckley would be nice, write a letter to the wife that your therapist recommended this and go sailing!! My regards sir, and my best wishes that you will one day set your sails and keep your dreams alive. Bob
You sound like a very sensitive man and I have great respect for your perserverence, but I will tell ya, I owned many boats over the years, even took off a few years to live aboard, and all along my children (now 17, 20 and 26) had diapers changed onboard sometime or other and loved sailing. Its hard to fathom that of all your children and your wife that not one would take a liking to sailing, nor show dad the respect that he justly deserves by respecting his passion for sailing. Really, how painful can sailing be? I hate hearing stories like this because you must have had prior sailing experience to move into a 36 footer and as such you must find sailing not only soothing for your soul, but one of the great activities you have enjoyed over the years. Sailing probably helped keep your sanity long enough so you could pay off the bills, raise four children and look forward to buying your big boat to begin with! I say wait til the youngest reaches 18, start searching for a beautiful female sailor with vast sailing experience; maybe one who crewed on the America's Cup boats, buy a 42 footer this time, a Hinckley would be nice, write a letter to the wife that your therapist recommended this and go sailing!! My regards sir, and my best wishes that you will one day set your sails and keep your dreams alive. Bob
Get a pair
What you need to do is Stand up, take your left and right hands, well maybe in your case just use one, reach down and see if you have a pair. I bet they didn't bitch when you took them for ice cream or out to dinner or cried b/c you would not let the oldest one have the car for the Prom. What you ought to do is go out and get your boat back and tell them "see ya". Hell if you need a crew I am sure there is a dock doll someplace to give you a hand or two. Good Luck
What you need to do is Stand up, take your left and right hands, well maybe in your case just use one, reach down and see if you have a pair. I bet they didn't bitch when you took them for ice cream or out to dinner or cried b/c you would not let the oldest one have the car for the Prom. What you ought to do is go out and get your boat back and tell them "see ya". Hell if you need a crew I am sure there is a dock doll someplace to give you a hand or two. Good Luck
sorry to hear that Boatless
I feel bad for you Boatless. I'm surprised because kids the age of yours typically don't want to go with their rents anywhere anyway. I am in a unique position. Of my 3 kids, one likes to sail and even helps with upkeep (13 girl), one is indifferent (14 boy), one hates it (15 girl). My wife enjoys tranquil days on the boat, but more than 10 degrees lean or anything less than 80F and sunny and she starts complaining. She also hates to sleep on it. I just leave them home if they dont want to go. I go out with cousins, in-laws, and friends who enjoy it like I do. My wife has begun to complain about how much money is spent on the boat. This is in spite of the fact that it if fully paid for, it uses less than 5 gallons of fuel per season, and dockage fees at the yacht club are only $1200 per year (and that includes ALL membership dues). It would be pretty hard for her to ask me to sell it though, considering she actually begged me to buy it five years ago. Absolutely begged I tell you. She now considers it her biggest regret. With that in mind, when it came time to name the boat we were considering calling it "A Momentary Lapse of Reason". We settled for "One Slip". If you're up on your Pink Floyd, you understand.
I feel bad for you Boatless. I'm surprised because kids the age of yours typically don't want to go with their rents anywhere anyway. I am in a unique position. Of my 3 kids, one likes to sail and even helps with upkeep (13 girl), one is indifferent (14 boy), one hates it (15 girl). My wife enjoys tranquil days on the boat, but more than 10 degrees lean or anything less than 80F and sunny and she starts complaining. She also hates to sleep on it. I just leave them home if they dont want to go. I go out with cousins, in-laws, and friends who enjoy it like I do. My wife has begun to complain about how much money is spent on the boat. This is in spite of the fact that it if fully paid for, it uses less than 5 gallons of fuel per season, and dockage fees at the yacht club are only $1200 per year (and that includes ALL membership dues). It would be pretty hard for her to ask me to sell it though, considering she actually begged me to buy it five years ago. Absolutely begged I tell you. She now considers it her biggest regret. With that in mind, when it came time to name the boat we were considering calling it "A Momentary Lapse of Reason". We settled for "One Slip". If you're up on your Pink Floyd, you understand.
what a wimp
Damn man, get a grip. Get the biggest pan you have and hammer. At 5:00 am, bang that sucker. Tell everyone "now that the boat is sold, we are going to do yardwork!" Or "Rise and Shine to see Venus!" You raise kids to be self sufficint. At some point they will be out on their own. They HAVE to be made aware of this DAILY. So make their lives miserable so they get out earlier! Sell the boat? Hell, burn down the house! When I was 15, my brother 16, my sisters 13 and 12, we took a family vote (my dad died three years before this) and we took my mothers drivers licence away forever. The vote was 4 to 1. We ruled based on common sense and I don't see the sense of them taking your boat away. Are they into golf? Football? Sports of any kind (besides sailing)? Sewing? Carpentry? If they took my boat away, they would have hell to pay! However, Now you can buy a kayak! Get a two man and hit the rivers in the area. Explore the inner waters of the world, and maybe, take the kids, one at a time. My ex-wife loved the calmness of the places we went to. Maybe thats their game, and its still on the water.
Damn man, get a grip. Get the biggest pan you have and hammer. At 5:00 am, bang that sucker. Tell everyone "now that the boat is sold, we are going to do yardwork!" Or "Rise and Shine to see Venus!" You raise kids to be self sufficint. At some point they will be out on their own. They HAVE to be made aware of this DAILY. So make their lives miserable so they get out earlier! Sell the boat? Hell, burn down the house! When I was 15, my brother 16, my sisters 13 and 12, we took a family vote (my dad died three years before this) and we took my mothers drivers licence away forever. The vote was 4 to 1. We ruled based on common sense and I don't see the sense of them taking your boat away. Are they into golf? Football? Sports of any kind (besides sailing)? Sewing? Carpentry? If they took my boat away, they would have hell to pay! However, Now you can buy a kayak! Get a two man and hit the rivers in the area. Explore the inner waters of the world, and maybe, take the kids, one at a time. My ex-wife loved the calmness of the places we went to. Maybe thats their game, and its still on the water.
You have my respect
I don't think that I could sell my boat for my wife. I love my wife very much, but I couldn't go that far. I respect your decision, but your family needs to respect your decisions and your right to happiness. My wife is give or take on the boat. She likes it but she doesn't love it. She will go along sometimes and I have spent a lot of effort to make it suit her more. I don't expect her to do anything crew wise unless all hell breaks loose. I am going to try to add internet onto my boat, if not this year it will be next year, so that she can surf the web while we are out on the boat (she will love that). In the end....I would have to go by the latin phrase (excuse me if my spelling is off): "Illegitimus Non Carbonium Est!" (don't let the bastards wear you down)
I don't think that I could sell my boat for my wife. I love my wife very much, but I couldn't go that far. I respect your decision, but your family needs to respect your decisions and your right to happiness. My wife is give or take on the boat. She likes it but she doesn't love it. She will go along sometimes and I have spent a lot of effort to make it suit her more. I don't expect her to do anything crew wise unless all hell breaks loose. I am going to try to add internet onto my boat, if not this year it will be next year, so that she can surf the web while we are out on the boat (she will love that). In the end....I would have to go by the latin phrase (excuse me if my spelling is off): "Illegitimus Non Carbonium Est!" (don't let the bastards wear you down)
I don't know how old you are, but....
My family did not complain, but it just became so tough to make the arrangments for us to sail a bigger boat, I just down sized to a go fast - get wet 14 footer that I can enjoy without all the hassle of a family outing. Your family must come first, but perhaps my solution could work for you.
My family did not complain, but it just became so tough to make the arrangments for us to sail a bigger boat, I just down sized to a go fast - get wet 14 footer that I can enjoy without all the hassle of a family outing. Your family must come first, but perhaps my solution could work for you.
Wife is ok so far
I'm grateful that my wife is tolerant - I guess. She allows me to take a day off here and there, in spite of the fact that we have a toddler. I agree with previous posts that you have to do what's best for the relationship and if it came down to the boat or my family, I will sell the boat in a heartbeat if I can't find compromises. I have given up on her 'falling in love with sailing' so I'm just glad I can do this without much noise. As for my kids - I am anxiously awaiting why I can take my toddler aboard on the weekends.
I'm grateful that my wife is tolerant - I guess. She allows me to take a day off here and there, in spite of the fact that we have a toddler. I agree with previous posts that you have to do what's best for the relationship and if it came down to the boat or my family, I will sell the boat in a heartbeat if I can't find compromises. I have given up on her 'falling in love with sailing' so I'm just glad I can do this without much noise. As for my kids - I am anxiously awaiting why I can take my toddler aboard on the weekends.
Been there, done that
I had a nice Catalina 27, First date: went sailing. Had a great time. Never got her on the boat again. Step-kids hated sailing. They would rather swim in the pool. Eventually sold the boat. That was 10 years ago. Now single again. Three boats in the fleet: Catalina 270, Raider dinghy, Ultimate 20 on order.
I had a nice Catalina 27, First date: went sailing. Had a great time. Never got her on the boat again. Step-kids hated sailing. They would rather swim in the pool. Eventually sold the boat. That was 10 years ago. Now single again. Three boats in the fleet: Catalina 270, Raider dinghy, Ultimate 20 on order.
If they start finding something else
to bitch about it will be time to stand up and roar. The kids shouldn't have any say, at their ages, in what you do or don't do as long as it doesn't put you in great danger. I am the most fortunate man here, my wife loves the boat and sailing and sleeping at anchor. She is a competent helmsman under sail or power, can trim sail as needed and is only 66 years old so we have many years of sailing ahead.
to bitch about it will be time to stand up and roar. The kids shouldn't have any say, at their ages, in what you do or don't do as long as it doesn't put you in great danger. I am the most fortunate man here, my wife loves the boat and sailing and sleeping at anchor. She is a competent helmsman under sail or power, can trim sail as needed and is only 66 years old so we have many years of sailing ahead.
boatless
I'm sorry if this might sound crude, but if my wife wanted me to sell my boat, I'd be on it and gone before she knew it. I have very few things in life that I really enjoy. Sailing is one that I couldn't live without. I'd find a new wife before getting rid of the boat, and she knows it.
I'm sorry if this might sound crude, but if my wife wanted me to sell my boat, I'd be on it and gone before she knew it. I have very few things in life that I really enjoy. Sailing is one that I couldn't live without. I'd find a new wife before getting rid of the boat, and she knows it.
There's a lot of passion
in these responses. Like the others I am in a similar situation. I look at this way. I've been married for 23 years, had two kids (15 & 18) and was never in a position to have a boat. I did the time with my kids while they grew up. We're fortunate, only the 15 year old dislikes the boat time. Lucky him, he doesn't have to go. Everybody wins. I'd like to stay objective but these people sould a little self-centered and insecure (a Dr. Phil diagnosis). Unless you spend more time on the water than at home, I can't see any reason for them to be pitch a fit. Tell them to get a life. Steve
in these responses. Like the others I am in a similar situation. I look at this way. I've been married for 23 years, had two kids (15 & 18) and was never in a position to have a boat. I did the time with my kids while they grew up. We're fortunate, only the 15 year old dislikes the boat time. Lucky him, he doesn't have to go. Everybody wins. I'd like to stay objective but these people sould a little self-centered and insecure (a Dr. Phil diagnosis). Unless you spend more time on the water than at home, I can't see any reason for them to be pitch a fit. Tell them to get a life. Steve
- Status