Single handed vs. family aboard

[Hermit Scott]

We made it to the boat today. There was a point in the day where I wish we hadn't. The wind was not as bad as the other day, but still pretty windy. The wind blows the boat straight backwards out of the slip. I unhooked the stern line, had Jeannette hold one to keep the boat from moving laterally, unhooked the bow lines and jumped on. I put it in gear and started backing out. With the wind, the prop walk and how I was backing out, I ended up facing the wrong direction. So I wheeled it to the right and did a 180.
The chop was 3' and pretty nasty. Standing at the helm I would see blue sky and then green water over and over. The dog almost went over, I didn't have his life jacket on.
I asked jeannette to steer while I walked up to the bow. She flips out and starts yelling for me to hurry up and get back there. She thought the boat was going to flip over.
I had to assure her that the boat in no way can flip over in 3' of chop. I tell her it would take a wave as tall as the buildings downtown to flip the boat. (she needed some assurance)
So we head back to the dock. Getting back in was easier than getting out. I pulled into the slip and Jeannette hooked a bow line to a piling. Then it was just a matter of tying everything up. This is all going on on the north side of Corpus Christi bay. NO ONE else is out in a boat. That should have been my first hint not to go out.
We get in the car and head down to Port Aransas, beautiful weather, water was smooth with a light breeze, dolphins are playing in the ship channel. Even the Gulf of Mexico was smoother than the bay! I can't wait until a slip opens up for us there.
Single handing is easier because you don't have to worry about anyone but your self. When I hit some chop alone on the boat, I was drinking a beer and eating a sandwhich not thinking about anything but how cool it was to be in the middle of the bay on my own boat. With Jeannette and Arnold on board, I was like, ok what if the engine fails, what if some one goes over, what if we run aground, what if I go over and it's up to her to rescue me!
I had to quickly explain how to kill the engine when that thought came to me.
It was not a fun time on the boat today. I had my mind made up to sell it on the way back in. But after seeing the conditions at Port Aransas compared to Corpus, I figured I just shouldn't have been out today.

 

[Stu Jackson]

Dratz!

One of the first things to learn is: determine when NOT to go out!

Second, don't Play Captain Bligh, ever.

It'll get better, we promise...

 

[Deadline]

I would overcompensate for Jeannette to ensure future boating.
Women are afraid of things that will kill them: guns, boats, speed.
They don't mind if men do seemingly dangerous things, but not with them.
In the event of high winds, chop, tsunami, you win points by canceling.

 

[LooseDiamond]

Good post, Hermit. This gives me courage to relate my similar experiences this weekend (and open myself up to criticism as you have done!Note: constructive criticism will be welcome, the goal being to improve). Will post later when i have time. In my case, as a novice, it amazes me how different and more stable the boat is under sail vs. motoring. No comparison.

 

[Tim R.]

Get her on a women's only sailing weekend. We have a woman here in Maine who only caters to women to teach them how to sail. She promises no yelling.

http://www.womenundersail.com/

 

[Scott On Eagles Wings]

Us to Hermit

Our very first day of what I considered great sailing resulted in my wife laying in the floor of the cockpit fingers digging into the fiberglass crying and screaming that I was trying to kill her. I of course looked at her in disbelief and with all the sensitivity I could muster I stated "what the hell is wrong with you". That coment of course did not make things any better.

Being a regular reader of the fourm other wiser sailors recomended sailing courses. We took ASA basic sailing course together with a female instructor and her confidence level has grown. I let her decide when we would reef and did not argue it. I also let her decide her comfort level on how rough of windy it is. On the rougher days I would go out with friends.

Last spring we took the next level course and spent 8 days on the Hudson with the O'day rOnDAY vous folks and said we need to get a bigger boat, and I said boy do I love you.

She even takes the boat out by herself at this point.

1. Take the classes with her and a female instructor

 

[seadaddler]

When not to Go

I always check three different weather reports so I have some idea what to expect and if it sounds like its going to be too windy we cancel and plan some thing else.
I don't want to shake up the admiral before we even get start and than what happens we both both start yelling and she does not look forward to go out at all.
It's easy for us we are both retired and live in Paradise (SW Florida) so we can pick and choose when to go or when to stay,so many more things to do here too many many things going on for us to do so we can go sailing when ever,like yesterday was water volley ball and BBQ all day and today we are going sailing.
Try to have fun and enjoy sailing your boat ,life is too short and so much to do.
Nick

 

[tommays]

My wifes comfort level is WAY low compared to my son and daughter and the funny thing is her twin sister is fearless


So we dont take the wife on races at all and i do most of my sailing with her in light air

 

[druid]

I guess it depends on the woman. One, when we hit a particularly nasty boat-wake, looks at me accusingly and says "don't make the waves so big!". Another liked to play the Dumb Blonde, but was really very competent: I used to just leave the helm and go forward, and she would have to take it. My current Lady (and another I know) have their Own Way of steering, using the GPS, etc. - better to just show them where Stuff is, where you want to go and let them work it out for themselves.

As for fear, I find the best cure is to get them involved - more than just steering. Show them the charts, the GPS, the weather reports, point out things like reflections, tide rips, etc. so they UNDERSTAND why the boat's reacting the way it does.

But yeah, turning back works too...
druid

 

[ITMaster]

Hermit: I would say that what Tim said:

Get her on a women's only sailing weekend.
http://www.womenundersail.com/

is very worthy of consideration. Or, perhaps the two of you take a course together. An ASA 101 and 103 course would help her better understand the concepts as well as dynamics of sailing and the practical experience she will gain on a boat will help boost her confidence.

As a perk, they also satisfy insurance and state and local ordinances for a Safe Boating Class.

It made a world of difference with our relationship on board.

 

[oldiesrocker2001]

Turning Back is often the only way to go! As stated in previous posts, women are fearful of things that can kill you. While I try not to do the capt. Bligh impersonation, I tend to make light of situations that are less than sedate("we probably won't die!"). The wife/first Mate knows me well and is aware that I am very cavalier in tense situations, having outrun the grim reaper nearly my entire life after surviving open heart surgery at the ripe age of 5 in the 1950's and will make light of any serious situation from surgery to having out-driven a potentially deadly traffic accident to staying awake to work for 22 out of 24 hours or returning to work on stage with a show band the same day as being released from the hospital after something 'minor' like heart failure(did I mentioned that I NEVER followed doctor's advice?).
Women, on the other hand, are NEVER that happy about being in jepoardy and are for the most part happier to stay on the dock sipping wine if the weather is chancy. My first mate knows that if I look just a little nervous or uncomfortable that she should make sure her life vest is secure and hand me mine if i'm not already wearing it!!

 

[Don S/V ILLusion]

They is a much easier way I've learned from experience with a nervous wife - it's called Amaretto and there are a myriad of similar equally effective solutions.

 

[ITMaster]

They is a much easier way I've learned from experience with a nervous wife - it's called Amaretto and there are a myriad of similar equally effective solutions.

That's right Don, but just don't use Tequilla cuz it makes their clothes fall off

 

[Tim R.]

I feel very fortunate here. My wife has no issues with rough weather. In fact, calm weather bores her. She would rather be clipping along at 6-7 kts and 25° heel. She was not always that way but now she is more than comfortable with my skills, her skills and our boat's abilities. Our first sail on our previous Pearson 28 made her very nervous when that first 25kt gust hit. I gave her the tiller and told her how to handle it and the next time she was grinning ear to ear.

She wants to be able to do whatever I can do. Same thing with skiing, mountatin biking, engine maint, wood working, navigation etc. She asked to change the impellor this weekend. Of course this may come back to bite me in the ass when she decides to boot me overboard and sails home without me!

Hermit, another thing I would do is to get her out on a wet ass boat(laser, sunfish, etc) on a warm sunny day in a protected area. Let her feel what it is like to capsize. Being a good swimmer helps here also.

Although Don's methods work for him, I want my wife as alert as posible so the alcohol does not come out until we either finish the race or are on the hook. MOB is tough enough without the wine.

 

[Bob S]

Hermit, am I correct in thinking you haven't installed your sails yet? I would do that as soon as possible. I know you rebuilt your engine but it's nice to have a backup. Besides, the engine is the backup, it's much more fun sailing without the engine noise.

I bought our boat October 2007 and we launched for the sea trial. I left her in for that month. I took my wife out probably in similar circumstance, windy. We motored out to a buoy where I could pull out the head sail. The boat healed over about 30° and my wife panicked. I immediately started to pull in the jib back but the boat wasn't rigged properly. They didn't secure the furling head to the deck so as I pulled it didn't want to roll up. I asked her to take the helm so I could go forward. Wow! panic and tears! I managed to roll the sail in by using the wench. I later learned I could have de-masted my boat by doing that. If we had, my sailing adventures would have come to an end forever! We never made it out again that month. The following spring she developed more courage. We started out only sailing in mild winds on day sails. It eventually lead to weekends away from home. Buzzards Bay seems to kick up in the afternoon. 15-20 knots winds are not unusual with 2-4 foot seas. On a few trips home we managed to hit nasty weather. One trip back, we had 6 foot seas and a mist that really reduced our visibility. I actually enjoyed the trip. Occasionally, we would bury the bow on a wave with the spray being blocked by the dodger. We couldn't see land. We sailed with just a reefed head sail and had to tack quite often to stay out of the shipping lanes. She was a trooper. She has learned to manage her fears but they are still there. Fortunately, the good times have outweighed the bad ones. We'll see how this season turns out.

Good luck and enjoy.

 

[NC-C320]

High Wind - Single Handing / Sailing with Wife

Helmit,

From my own posts on your posting regarding high winds, you know I have my own issues regarding high wind docking. But I've been messing with boats a long time, and regardless of how experienced you are, at some level and at some time, the wind and sea conditions become a concern for everyone. If the winds or seas exceed your comfort level, then don't go sailing....wait for another day when conditions are more favorable. While on these forums and in books/magazines, we read lots about sailing in adverse conditions, and pushing the limits or getting out of your comfort zone is promoted, it's not really a good thing. And, a lot of it is embellished at best or BS at the worst. You are new to the boat, in a new location, with a wife that is not familiar with sailing. Nothing is gained by going out in conditions that terrorize the two of you, that may damage the boat, and leave you frustrated at sailing. Start with mild conditions, get to know the boat and the location, and gradually work up to more difficult conditions. It is a gradual process.

 

[Ken Honeycutt]

Nothing more frustrating

Then to sit in the marina because Theresa looked at the board at the dock and saw "Small craft advisory" and the wind is blowing maybe 15 knots tops and the waves are less than 4 feet. "I don't care what your wind indicator says, the board says small craft advisory so we're not going."

Just have to take the good with the bad.

 

[Todd Smith]

Re: Nothing more frustrating

"Small craft advisory"

They are advising small craft to go sailing. At least that's what I told my wife.

Seriously, build here experience up in VERY small steps. Do NOT push it with here aboard. Do that by yourself or with others.

Todd

 

[Bob J.]

Sometimes it seems that getting our wives out on a boat is like pulling teeth. My wife Ruth would go out fishing with us all the time in up to 10 footers. She'd be up in the tower, run the boat whenever we'd hook up, a real good sport. Now after being away from big boats for 12 years I'm looking to purchase a sailboat. Ruth has that look in her eyes & has stated if I buy another boat I can call it Ruthless

 

[Hermit Scott]

Who's capt. Bligh?
I don't have a problem with the rough seas. I actually like it for a short trip. My wife was ok with it too, until I handed the wheel to her. She was ok after I got the wheel back. She just thought that she was going to steer the boat wrong and it was going to flip. It sucks because we live 2 hours away from the boat. So if we drive all the way down there and it's too windy, we have to find something else to do. We actually had a pretty good day at Aransas pass.
Bob that's clever; Ruthless.