Packing nut
Tim's right, you don't want to overtighten. It should be tight enough so that when static, there is no drip, and when turning, maybe a few drips per minute.Sounds like you have some corrosion locking the lock nut to the gland nut. You *will* need 2 pipe wrenches. Don't use adjustable wrenches. There are also specially made packing nut wrenches, but I don't know how strong they are, and you can always use pipe wrenches for other projects as well.Start by soaking the packing nut/lock nut with WD-40. Let it sit a while so it can do its thing. Put one pipe wrench on the packing nut, and one on the lock nut. The one on the lock nut will also keep the rubber sleeve from turning. I think the packing nut will loosen to starboard, lock nut to port. It can take a lot of wrenching to break them free, and maybe multiple applications of WD-40, but it can be done. Once you have them apart (you'll get a trickle but you won't sink the boat if you work reasonably fast), clean up the threads and hit them with a little WD, and they will be easy to tighten/loosen as needed. Also, this would be a good time to replace the packing.Good luck.