We have moved up from a 23 ft racer to a Hunter 34. I really love this boat but I get extremely nervous when backing out of our slip and when in close quarters in the marina! I also get nervous when we heel too much, this never bothered me before on our smaller boat. My husband is a very good sailor with 25 years of experience and we have been sailing together for 12 happy years. My husband says I need to learn to be in control of the boat to conquer my fears. He is a very good teacher and never yells, have I have been a passenger for too long? Have any of you skippers and first mates had this problem? Guys, ask your wives for thier opinions and help. Please help the White knuckle sailor
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Yep
Take the helm. Once you take control of the boat, many of your fears will be gone. My wife is at the helm 90% of the time, backs the boat into the double sided slip, etc. She isn't macho, and in truth it was her idea, but it really made her part of the team. It leaves me tending the muscle stuff like sails, anchors, travelers, etc. She really gets a rush out of the power of our 340 in a good wind. Now, when it becomes extreme, we switch. And we're working on that. But its sort of like sea sickness - if you put them at the helm, the seem to lose the problem (one way or another).
Take the helm. Once you take control of the boat, many of your fears will be gone. My wife is at the helm 90% of the time, backs the boat into the double sided slip, etc. She isn't macho, and in truth it was her idea, but it really made her part of the team. It leaves me tending the muscle stuff like sails, anchors, travelers, etc. She really gets a rush out of the power of our 340 in a good wind. Now, when it becomes extreme, we switch. And we're working on that. But its sort of like sea sickness - if you put them at the helm, the seem to lose the problem (one way or another).
Take control
My first mate is always nervous when the wind pipes up, until she takes the helm, at this point she feels more in control as to what the boat is going to do and is much more relaxed. I think it's like being in a car that's being driven too fast, unless you're the driver. So relax and get the best pressure reiever "experience".
My first mate is always nervous when the wind pipes up, until she takes the helm, at this point she feels more in control as to what the boat is going to do and is much more relaxed. I think it's like being in a car that's being driven too fast, unless you're the driver. So relax and get the best pressure reiever "experience".
control works wonders
I sail lake Ontario with my husband on a Hunter 33 and my designated task is to be at the helm during 'take offs and landings'. We're both new to sailing and the skipper is more agile than I so this is a natural solution for us about who does what. As for fear of heeling that took some doing on my part. But I was able to over come my fears by controlling the mainsail to change the angle of heel. I'm sure the skip was biting his tongue sometimes when I slowed us down to a crawl to right the boat. Now I don't think about heeling. (It helped a lot to get rid of the heel-o-meter too.)
I sail lake Ontario with my husband on a Hunter 33 and my designated task is to be at the helm during 'take offs and landings'. We're both new to sailing and the skipper is more agile than I so this is a natural solution for us about who does what. As for fear of heeling that took some doing on my part. But I was able to over come my fears by controlling the mainsail to change the angle of heel. I'm sure the skip was biting his tongue sometimes when I slowed us down to a crawl to right the boat. Now I don't think about heeling. (It helped a lot to get rid of the heel-o-meter too.)
Just Do It!
I know those feeling well! I've been sailing for just three years, this year being my third. I clearly remember my first year and how nervous I got leaving the slip, my knees literally got so weak I thought they might buckle under me, kinda like the feeling you get when you have to give a speech to a large audience (using a microphone). And here I am three years later sailing and cruising the Chesapeake Bay single handed. I have a 29.5. For me, it was a matter of building up my confidence and trusting my boat (through education and experience). I found that, in addition to sailing experience, understanding the systems aboard and knowing intimate little details about my boat have added to my confidence in the boat itself and gives me that feeling of being in control. Congrats on the new boat! and hang in there..... Jane
I know those feeling well! I've been sailing for just three years, this year being my third. I clearly remember my first year and how nervous I got leaving the slip, my knees literally got so weak I thought they might buckle under me, kinda like the feeling you get when you have to give a speech to a large audience (using a microphone). And here I am three years later sailing and cruising the Chesapeake Bay single handed. I have a 29.5. For me, it was a matter of building up my confidence and trusting my boat (through education and experience). I found that, in addition to sailing experience, understanding the systems aboard and knowing intimate little details about my boat have added to my confidence in the boat itself and gives me that feeling of being in control. Congrats on the new boat! and hang in there..... Jane
Deja Vu 
Your post could have written by me, and of course my husband promptly forwarded it to me My husband is also very supportive and never yells, but i need to feel more in control. I've been sailing for the past two years with my husband on our Hunter 34 in the chesapeake bay, and since this is my first 'real' sailing experience, i am still nervous when the boat heels, and i feel overwhelmed by all there is to know. I am sure if we sailed more often, i'd feel more relaxed.
Your post could have written by me, and of course my husband promptly forwarded it to me
My husband is also very supportive and never yells, but i need to feel more in control. I've been sailing for the past two years with my husband on our Hunter 34 in the chesapeake bay, and since this is my first 'real' sailing experience, i am still nervous when the boat heels, and i feel overwhelmed by all there is to know. I am sure if we sailed more often, i'd feel more relaxed.Don't worry be happy & RELAX
Aysegul & the other sailing women, ladies and girls: I would not worry about knowing EVERTHING. I have been sailing for about 20 years and still have a lot to learn. I think that getting the basic skill to protect yourselves incase one of your crew members falls overboard so you can get back to them, and just generally keeping yourselfs out of harms way is the MOST important things. Just because the boat does not go as fast or point as high (who cares). As someone said "this is just a game." Just watch, ask questions and try things out. You will get there in due time. Maybe you'll be teaching those guys to sail. Good luck
Aysegul & the other sailing women, ladies and girls: I would not worry about knowing EVERTHING. I have been sailing for about 20 years and still have a lot to learn. I think that getting the basic skill to protect yourselves incase one of your crew members falls overboard so you can get back to them, and just generally keeping yourselfs out of harms way is the MOST important things. Just because the boat does not go as fast or point as high (who cares). As someone said "this is just a game." Just watch, ask questions and try things out. You will get there in due time. Maybe you'll be teaching those guys to sail. Good luck
Control helps...
My wife is an excellent sailor, but used to get a bit unnerved flying with me in small (1 prop, 4 seats, 1 engine) planes. I finally decided that after takeoff, I would let her take the controls for awhile. She liked it so much that not only is she not eager to go flying, she also wants to take flying lessons ($$$, as I am not qualified to teach anybody to fly)... MC
My wife is an excellent sailor, but used to get a bit unnerved flying with me in small (1 prop, 4 seats, 1 engine) planes. I finally decided that after takeoff, I would let her take the controls for awhile. She liked it so much that not only is she not eager to go flying, she also wants to take flying lessons ($$$, as I am not qualified to teach anybody to fly)... MC
heel
Ironic how things are always different. My wife doesn't like to be at the helm UNLESS we have 20 + knots and 30 degrees of heel. Until that time she thinks its almost boring. our H410 actually sails slower at 30 degrees of heel than at fifteen. As soon as I start detuning the main, I start to get yelled at that I taking the fun out of her sail. Oh well, I could have it a lot worse. Bryce S/V Spellbinder
Ironic how things are always different. My wife doesn't like to be at the helm UNLESS we have 20 + knots and 30 degrees of heel. Until that time she thinks its almost boring. our H410 actually sails slower at 30 degrees of heel than at fifteen. As soon as I start detuning the main, I start to get yelled at that I taking the fun out of her sail. Oh well, I could have it a lot worse. Bryce S/V Spellbinder
Lessons together
Lessons for people like you, with as much experience as you have? You betcha! A neutral third party on board, guiding you and helping with handling, as EACH of you takes turns controlling the boat can only help.
Lessons for people like you, with as much experience as you have? You betcha! A neutral third party on board, guiding you and helping with handling, as EACH of you takes turns controlling the boat can only help.
You'll Love It
Lynn Don't worry about the boat being bigger. Do you remember your first car...and then the bigger car? The hood looked so far out there. And even if the first time you pulled into the parking space it was slow and "by sound", the next thing you knew it was second nature. As far as heeling goes, it just could be a guy thing. I'm the "reef master" on our boat and I don't feel guilty about it. If you are a racer you know that the boat performs more efficiently without excess heel. There is always something to learn about sailing in general. The first time I took a night watch, I was terrified. Now the night watch is my preference. We are getting ready to go cruising...we are talking MAJOR watches. Sometimes you just have to feel the fear and do it...or you never will. So if you feel uncomfortable, take the wheel & do it. Then take a moment to go below and look around...and smile for all that you have and all that you have acomplished!! Congrats on your new boat! Lucie
Lynn Don't worry about the boat being bigger. Do you remember your first car...and then the bigger car? The hood looked so far out there. And even if the first time you pulled into the parking space it was slow and "by sound", the next thing you knew it was second nature. As far as heeling goes, it just could be a guy thing. I'm the "reef master" on our boat and I don't feel guilty about it. If you are a racer you know that the boat performs more efficiently without excess heel. There is always something to learn about sailing in general. The first time I took a night watch, I was terrified. Now the night watch is my preference. We are getting ready to go cruising...we are talking MAJOR watches. Sometimes you just have to feel the fear and do it...or you never will. So if you feel uncomfortable, take the wheel & do it. Then take a moment to go below and look around...and smile for all that you have and all that you have acomplished!! Congrats on your new boat! Lucie
My girlfriend says...
When I first started taking my girlfriend sailing she was also very aprehensive about the heeling and motion. I was patient and just let her get used to the speed of beam, broad, or close reach before getting into the heavy close-hauling. Keeping her at the helm a lot helped as well. Now she doesn't want to go unless there's at least 20k of wind and a promise of spray over the bow and a soaked rail. As all others have said, practice is what's important. Feeling safe is the other factor. If you really go overboard...wait...really emphasize safety, you'll feel more comfortable. Little phrase I use at my sailing school: The main idea is to have fun. The best way to have fun is to be comfortable and confident. The best way to feel comfortable and confident is to feel safe. And THAT'S why Safety Is #1! Jay
When I first started taking my girlfriend sailing she was also very aprehensive about the heeling and motion. I was patient and just let her get used to the speed of beam, broad, or close reach before getting into the heavy close-hauling. Keeping her at the helm a lot helped as well. Now she doesn't want to go unless there's at least 20k of wind and a promise of spray over the bow and a soaked rail. As all others have said, practice is what's important. Feeling safe is the other factor. If you really go overboard...wait...really emphasize safety, you'll feel more comfortable. Little phrase I use at my sailing school: The main idea is to have fun. The best way to have fun is to be comfortable and confident. The best way to feel comfortable and confident is to feel safe. And THAT'S why Safety Is #1! Jay
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