In the somewhat whimsical spirit of helping ward off unwise purchases by others, I wonder if participants might like to suggest the most useless thing or things they have purchased for their boats (not including the boat, itself!) This should not be a rant against a particular product's quality, but rather a commentary on a retrospectively unwise or inappropriate purchase. It is fair to say that something would work for others, but not for oneself. In that spirit I will submit my all time boner, a $500 Russian made, Generation I night vision scope. Yes,it does see in the dark, and yes, with its infrared output, it can see when it is REALLY dark. However, I was stunned to realize that there is almost always enough ambient light for my 7x50 Fujinon binoculars to do an equally good job...and with a clearer image! I suppose that one day I may be trying to look for a rock in an absolutely dark, remote anchorage, and my spotlight won't be working, and I will thank the Russians, but otherwise I would say to spend the bucks on the top of the line Generation III, or save your money. Next?
- Status
Buoy snatcher
I love this question! I once bought one of those really slick contraptions that you attach to the end of your boat pole to snag mooring buoys. You know, the kind you see demo'd at boat shows. I figured I could really use some help with this, single handing a 42 now and then. It worked _great_ on the show floor, but out on the water, about 6 feet above the buoy and drifting, I couldn't have snagged a guy holding a dock line. After about 15 tries, and a 20 minute floor show for the anchorage, I gave up and did it the old fashioned way, which, of course, worked the first time. Another contribution to the perma-gear at the bottom of my deepest lazarette.
I love this question! I once bought one of those really slick contraptions that you attach to the end of your boat pole to snag mooring buoys. You know, the kind you see demo'd at boat shows. I figured I could really use some help with this, single handing a 42 now and then. It worked _great_ on the show floor, but out on the water, about 6 feet above the buoy and drifting, I couldn't have snagged a guy holding a dock line. After about 15 tries, and a 20 minute floor show for the anchorage, I gave up and did it the old fashioned way, which, of course, worked the first time. Another contribution to the perma-gear at the bottom of my deepest lazarette.
motion stabilizing binocs
This unit works great, but they are so heavy and unwieldy compared to regular binocs that I hardly ever dig them out of their case. I don't want to leave them lying about because they're too expensive. Could have bought a couple of solar panels and a wind gen for the price. OH WELL
This unit works great, but they are so heavy and unwieldy compared to regular binocs that I hardly ever dig them out of their case. I don't want to leave them lying about because they're too expensive. Could have bought a couple of solar panels and a wind gen for the price. OH WELL
One man life raft
A flyer's one man life raft seemed a good idea when I saw the thing on ebay. It turned out though to be the grist for the mill of mutiny. "Look here, the skipper has his own private raft. He must know something about this hulk he's not telling." Now I leave it at home with its co2 cylinder still unpunctured.
A flyer's one man life raft seemed a good idea when I saw the thing on ebay. It turned out though to be the grist for the mill of mutiny. "Look here, the skipper has his own private raft. He must know something about this hulk he's not telling." Now I leave it at home with its co2 cylinder still unpunctured.
Adjustable fender hangers
that are supposed to make it easier to adjust the length of fender lines... worthless as ___s on a frog.... they were christmas gifts form one of my kids... but after trying to use them, ..... well lets just say that a couple of half hitches are so much quicker and easier...
that are supposed to make it easier to adjust the length of fender lines... worthless as ___s on a frog.... they were christmas gifts form one of my kids... but after trying to use them, ..... well lets just say that a couple of half hitches are so much quicker and easier...
Molded compass covers.
Blew off first day $ 30.00 gone. Instrument caps followed within first month.
Blew off first day $ 30.00 gone. Instrument caps followed within first month.
The wild magnet
I bought a 150 lb magnet (that is the lifting ability not the weight of the magnet). My slip is in about 45’ of water and over time I have dropped an assortment of wrenches, car keys, bolts, nuts, multiple pairs of sunglasses, irreplaceable parts to my roller furling, etc. I could just picture sending this magnet down on the end of a line and retrieving all sorts of treasures from the bottom. I even thought I might become the ‘man of the hour’ by helping my lesser-equipped dock mates retrieve their lost treasures. In essence this magnet was going to make me look really cool. The first lesson I learned with the magnet is one should never stand too close to a car with a powerful magnet in a thin plastic bag. According to modern physics, if a magnet is designed to lift 150 pounds, it takes 150 pounds of pulling power to get it off of the fender of a 1993 Mazda Miata. Also we discovered, Mazda paint jobs will not hold up against a sharp metal object being pressed against it with 150 pounds of pressure. One piece of advice, if you decide to test this theory, make sure the young attractive girl that owns the Miata (and you have been trying to get a date with her for months) is not in the proximity of the test area – oh well. The second lesson I learned is one should never place a very powerful magnet near an electronic component. Usually electronic components and magnets are natural enemies and the magnet is highest on the food chain. Like the lion and the zebra – the magnet wins. This includes the compass on your boat (actually it was one of my crew members that attached it to the rail around the compass). All of these problems seemed to be worth the effort in order for me to strut down the dock with my new purchase, tie it to a 50’ line, and pull untold treasures from the deep and impress my friends on the dock. As I calmly walked toward my slip, with my magnet sticking to my car keys thorough the thin plastic bag and my shorts, I beckoned to my dock mates to witness the miracle of reclaiming the abandoned and formerly lost treasures from the deep. Apparently, the confidence in my voice and the promise of untold treasures from the deep, caused a larger than normal crowd to gather on the dock. Without even stopping to unlock my boat, I retrieved an old anchor line from the dock box. While I straightened out the dock line, a friend of mine (powerboater – this distinction will become important in a minute) used all of his skills to tie the 150 pound magnet to the end of the dock line. As I slowly eased the magnet over the edge of the dock I learned my third magnet lesson. Floating docks have a great deal of metal below the waterline. Since the water is rather opaque, I had not noticed the brace 10’ below the waterline that ran between the ends of the finger piers to keep them from floating apart. Having no eyes and an unnatural attraction to large quantities of metal, my magnet did not suffer from the same handicap and firmly stuck to the brace. The fourth lesson I learned is to never let a power boater tie a knot on something that is going anywhere near the water. The fifth lesson (well ok I should not count this as a new lesson because I learned it with the Miata) is it TAKES 150 pounds of pulling to get the damn magnet off of a big piece of metal. YES – this was a new lesson because I was 10’ below the water, under my boat, holding my breath and pulling really hard. My sixth lesson was learned shortly after pulling the magnet free. One should never hold onto a heavy object underwater without some immediate means of support. Luckily I was able to reattach the magnet to the metal beam as I accelerated toward the bottom. Actually I think the magnet had more to do with this than I did. The seventh lesson I learned is one minute is a really long time to hold ones breath. The eighth lesson I learned is always look up when you are coming up under a boat. The ninth lesson I learned is you really run out of air fast when you are holding your head, seeing stars, and trying to find the surface. The tenth lesson I learned is never invite a large crowd of people to watch you try out any new piece of gear. The eleventh lesson I learned is never leave your cooler full of cold beer on the dock with ‘friends’ on a hot day while you dive underwater (hey they were laughing at me and drinking my beer!!). I don’t care what they say, one minute is way too short of time to declare someone dead and divide up their belonging. Now that I had the crowd warmed up, I decided to take my three-strand nylon anchor line and run it through the eyebolt of the magnet and back up to the surface. This way I would not have to risk a sudden trip to the bottom and I would not have to tie a knot underwater. Considering the day I was having this went amazingly well. It also gave those clowns on the dock a chance to get another round of drinks from my cooler Thinking ahead, for the first time that day, I realized that the support member was attached to the dock by a vertical piece of metal. Not wanting that evil magnet to reattach itself several times to the support member while it was on the way to the surface, I climbed onto the deck of my boat. When I pulled on the line I learned my twelfth lesson of the day (second physics lesson). A three-strand nylon line has roughly the stretching ability of a rubber band and while water has a natural resistance, it is not enough to keep a magnet from hitting the bottom of your boat on the way to the surface. I also learned that a magnet can scratch gelcoat as fast as it will scratch a Miata. In the end I finally got the magnet correctly tied to the line and on the bottom of the lake. After about an hour, with no beer remaining in my cooler and with only a small audience, I finally gave up on recapturing any treasure. The only thing the magnet was able to find was a great deal of rust shavings. I know the bottom of the lake under my boat is littered with all type of hardware, tools, coins, etc so I was amazed when the magnet failed to bring up even one small item. Maybe the fish are calmly swimming around with sunglasses, or they have constructed their own secret city out of all of the spare parts. All was not lost with the magnet. My fellow boaters now play ‘hand me the wrench’ with the magnet. This is a game they devised using the magnet, a metal wrench and a dockbox with a thin top. They first take the magnet and put it on the underside of the lid to the dockbox. They then attach a wrench to the top of the dockbox and close it so everything looks normal. They then pretend to be working on their boat. When the unsuspecting target of this game walks by, they ask him to hand them the wrench. It works every time and it is amazing how hilarious my dock mates find it when a new person joins the game. They seem to get particular joy in this game when they can think of new things to stick to the dock box or when they can catch someone more than once by using different bait. They even had someone hide in the dockbox to pull the magnet away when his partner showed the victim that the wrench did not weigh 150 pounds. The magnet also seems to be good for playing ‘throw the metal object over the magnet’, ‘the worlds largest refrigerator magnet’ (WARNING – apparently the magnet will scratch a Kenmore refrigerator as easily as it will a 1993 Mazda Miata), ‘find the car keys in your wife’s purse’, and a whole lot of other games. Hey we might not be too smart but we are easily entertained. In the end – I guess the magnet was worth the price.
I bought a 150 lb magnet (that is the lifting ability not the weight of the magnet). My slip is in about 45’ of water and over time I have dropped an assortment of wrenches, car keys, bolts, nuts, multiple pairs of sunglasses, irreplaceable parts to my roller furling, etc. I could just picture sending this magnet down on the end of a line and retrieving all sorts of treasures from the bottom. I even thought I might become the ‘man of the hour’ by helping my lesser-equipped dock mates retrieve their lost treasures. In essence this magnet was going to make me look really cool. The first lesson I learned with the magnet is one should never stand too close to a car with a powerful magnet in a thin plastic bag. According to modern physics, if a magnet is designed to lift 150 pounds, it takes 150 pounds of pulling power to get it off of the fender of a 1993 Mazda Miata. Also we discovered, Mazda paint jobs will not hold up against a sharp metal object being pressed against it with 150 pounds of pressure. One piece of advice, if you decide to test this theory, make sure the young attractive girl that owns the Miata (and you have been trying to get a date with her for months) is not in the proximity of the test area – oh well. The second lesson I learned is one should never place a very powerful magnet near an electronic component. Usually electronic components and magnets are natural enemies and the magnet is highest on the food chain. Like the lion and the zebra – the magnet wins. This includes the compass on your boat (actually it was one of my crew members that attached it to the rail around the compass). All of these problems seemed to be worth the effort in order for me to strut down the dock with my new purchase, tie it to a 50’ line, and pull untold treasures from the deep and impress my friends on the dock. As I calmly walked toward my slip, with my magnet sticking to my car keys thorough the thin plastic bag and my shorts, I beckoned to my dock mates to witness the miracle of reclaiming the abandoned and formerly lost treasures from the deep. Apparently, the confidence in my voice and the promise of untold treasures from the deep, caused a larger than normal crowd to gather on the dock. Without even stopping to unlock my boat, I retrieved an old anchor line from the dock box. While I straightened out the dock line, a friend of mine (powerboater – this distinction will become important in a minute) used all of his skills to tie the 150 pound magnet to the end of the dock line. As I slowly eased the magnet over the edge of the dock I learned my third magnet lesson. Floating docks have a great deal of metal below the waterline. Since the water is rather opaque, I had not noticed the brace 10’ below the waterline that ran between the ends of the finger piers to keep them from floating apart. Having no eyes and an unnatural attraction to large quantities of metal, my magnet did not suffer from the same handicap and firmly stuck to the brace. The fourth lesson I learned is to never let a power boater tie a knot on something that is going anywhere near the water. The fifth lesson (well ok I should not count this as a new lesson because I learned it with the Miata) is it TAKES 150 pounds of pulling to get the damn magnet off of a big piece of metal. YES – this was a new lesson because I was 10’ below the water, under my boat, holding my breath and pulling really hard. My sixth lesson was learned shortly after pulling the magnet free. One should never hold onto a heavy object underwater without some immediate means of support. Luckily I was able to reattach the magnet to the metal beam as I accelerated toward the bottom. Actually I think the magnet had more to do with this than I did. The seventh lesson I learned is one minute is a really long time to hold ones breath. The eighth lesson I learned is always look up when you are coming up under a boat. The ninth lesson I learned is you really run out of air fast when you are holding your head, seeing stars, and trying to find the surface. The tenth lesson I learned is never invite a large crowd of people to watch you try out any new piece of gear. The eleventh lesson I learned is never leave your cooler full of cold beer on the dock with ‘friends’ on a hot day while you dive underwater (hey they were laughing at me and drinking my beer!!). I don’t care what they say, one minute is way too short of time to declare someone dead and divide up their belonging. Now that I had the crowd warmed up, I decided to take my three-strand nylon anchor line and run it through the eyebolt of the magnet and back up to the surface. This way I would not have to risk a sudden trip to the bottom and I would not have to tie a knot underwater. Considering the day I was having this went amazingly well. It also gave those clowns on the dock a chance to get another round of drinks from my cooler Thinking ahead, for the first time that day, I realized that the support member was attached to the dock by a vertical piece of metal. Not wanting that evil magnet to reattach itself several times to the support member while it was on the way to the surface, I climbed onto the deck of my boat. When I pulled on the line I learned my twelfth lesson of the day (second physics lesson). A three-strand nylon line has roughly the stretching ability of a rubber band and while water has a natural resistance, it is not enough to keep a magnet from hitting the bottom of your boat on the way to the surface. I also learned that a magnet can scratch gelcoat as fast as it will scratch a Miata. In the end I finally got the magnet correctly tied to the line and on the bottom of the lake. After about an hour, with no beer remaining in my cooler and with only a small audience, I finally gave up on recapturing any treasure. The only thing the magnet was able to find was a great deal of rust shavings. I know the bottom of the lake under my boat is littered with all type of hardware, tools, coins, etc so I was amazed when the magnet failed to bring up even one small item. Maybe the fish are calmly swimming around with sunglasses, or they have constructed their own secret city out of all of the spare parts. All was not lost with the magnet. My fellow boaters now play ‘hand me the wrench’ with the magnet. This is a game they devised using the magnet, a metal wrench and a dockbox with a thin top. They first take the magnet and put it on the underside of the lid to the dockbox. They then attach a wrench to the top of the dockbox and close it so everything looks normal. They then pretend to be working on their boat. When the unsuspecting target of this game walks by, they ask him to hand them the wrench. It works every time and it is amazing how hilarious my dock mates find it when a new person joins the game. They seem to get particular joy in this game when they can think of new things to stick to the dock box or when they can catch someone more than once by using different bait. They even had someone hide in the dockbox to pull the magnet away when his partner showed the victim that the wrench did not weigh 150 pounds. The magnet also seems to be good for playing ‘throw the metal object over the magnet’, ‘the worlds largest refrigerator magnet’ (WARNING – apparently the magnet will scratch a Kenmore refrigerator as easily as it will a 1993 Mazda Miata), ‘find the car keys in your wife’s purse’, and a whole lot of other games. Hey we might not be too smart but we are easily entertained. In the end – I guess the magnet was worth the price.
Great Story, Peter!
I am enjoying this thread!. Hey Phil, maybe you should organize a White Elephant Flea Market where, properly and fully warned as we are, we might exchange White Elephants with someone more optimistic, or whose application is different!
I am enjoying this thread!. Hey Phil, maybe you should organize a White Elephant Flea Market where, properly and fully warned as we are, we might exchange White Elephants with someone more optimistic, or whose application is different!
Tears are running down my cheeks.
Phil, there has got to be an award for the funniest story ever on "sailboatowners"! Peter's every new lesson with that magnet just made me laugh that much harder. That one will be hard to beat.
Phil, there has got to be an award for the funniest story ever on "sailboatowners"! Peter's every new lesson with that magnet just made me laugh that much harder. That one will be hard to beat.
Universal Dinghy Lift
NOwhere near as funny as Peter's but... my own white elephant is a Universal Dinghy Lift purchased from West Marine. It's much simpler and easier to attach my spinaker halyard to the towing bridle on the dinghy, winch the dinghy over the lifelines and set it back down on the foredeck.In the grander scheme of things, at least it only cost about 60 bucks. Anybody want to buy one cheap? Gary Wyngarden S/V Shibumi H335
NOwhere near as funny as Peter's but... my own white elephant is a Universal Dinghy Lift purchased from West Marine. It's much simpler and easier to attach my spinaker halyard to the towing bridle on the dinghy, winch the dinghy over the lifelines and set it back down on the foredeck.In the grander scheme of things, at least it only cost about 60 bucks. Anybody want to buy one cheap? Gary Wyngarden S/V Shibumi H335
Just visit any boat show for some.
Think about the last boat show that you visited. Now think about all of the White Elephants that were for sale at that show. Now think about the number of shows that are held each year. The potential for a White Elephant warehouse sale does exits!
Think about the last boat show that you visited. Now think about all of the White Elephants that were for sale at that show. Now think about the number of shows that are held each year. The potential for a White Elephant warehouse sale does exits!
lol Peter's story
Thank you so very much for the laugh out loud in my office. As new boat owners, I don't let my spouse near the boat show for all those too cool gadgets!!
Thank you so very much for the laugh out loud in my office. As new boat owners, I don't let my spouse near the boat show for all those too cool gadgets!!
Anything with suction cups, but specifically
a trash bag holder that you stuck on with suction cups and provided a frame for plastic grocery bags. Regardless of surface preparation, the plastic rack would never stay attached to the suction cups nor would it stick to anything once it had any weight in it. Two beer bottles and it was off. It's somewhere at the bottom of a pile of stuff in the garage.
a trash bag holder that you stuck on with suction cups and provided a frame for plastic grocery bags. Regardless of surface preparation, the plastic rack would never stay attached to the suction cups nor would it stick to anything once it had any weight in it. Two beer bottles and it was off. It's somewhere at the bottom of a pile of stuff in the garage.
scratching post
we procured an expensive calf-skin cover for the compression post under the mast. took about a zillion hours to sew it up, at which point we retired to the yacht club for drinks and dinner. upon returning to Buoyant later that evening we discovered our chief engineer, Scupper, clinging to the compression post, all claws extended. i tried to salvage some leather to make pump gaskets, but there wasn't a single square inch without holes. my biggest white elephant? owning a boat cat comes to mind.
we procured an expensive calf-skin cover for the compression post under the mast. took about a zillion hours to sew it up, at which point we retired to the yacht club for drinks and dinner. upon returning to Buoyant later that evening we discovered our chief engineer, Scupper, clinging to the compression post, all claws extended. i tried to salvage some leather to make pump gaskets, but there wasn't a single square inch without holes. my biggest white elephant? owning a boat cat comes to mind.
Just Got Home
and read Peter's and other's posts and could not stop laughing, a few Mojitos didn't help. My side hurts and eyes are watering. great stuff. BW
and read Peter's and other's posts and could not stop laughing, a few Mojitos didn't help. My side hurts and eyes are watering. great stuff. BW
Mojito!!!
Yeah, you're right...my favorite drink even if I had to teach these Texans HOW to make them. The white elephant stories have been fabulous.
Yeah, you're right...my favorite drink even if I had to teach these Texans HOW to make them. The white elephant stories have been fabulous.
Hey Peter!
Your story is too good not to have a wider audience. Why don't you submit it to a magazine for publication? You are one terrific storyteller.
Your story is too good not to have a wider audience. Why don't you submit it to a magazine for publication? You are one terrific storyteller.
Peter....
I loved your story, and would like your permission to use it on my website. I tried contacting you off-line via the owners directory, but see that your e-mail address must have changed, so the message bounced. Please take a look at my NON-PROFIT website on the link below, and think about it. Thanks. Ken Palmer, S/V Liberty
I loved your story, and would like your permission to use it on my website. I tried contacting you off-line via the owners directory, but see that your e-mail address must have changed, so the message bounced. Please take a look at my NON-PROFIT website on the link below, and think about it. Thanks. Ken Palmer, S/V Liberty
- Status