Live Aboard Question

[Richard Bryer]

Not an experience I would want to repeat

But I would not hang around trying to make things work for 2+ years another time. Moving aboard sounds like a good idea. I didnt have a boat but I took up sailing. Joined a yacht club, met a lady that was into sailing, we have been together 11 years. Important things:Move on- dont dwell on what has happened. Things can get complicated in divorces- some one told me "hope for peace but plan for war"Get out and participate in life- good luck to you

 

[LANCE ON CLOUD NINE]

Actually, maybe a cat would do you some good.

Say about 50 feet long with a 30 foot beam! Perhaps a little Tiki bar on deck and a sweet little undemanding, unspoiled, platonic tini-bikini boat babe that has respect for the law!, just to help out with boat waxin and sun tannin. Good luck.

 

[Ken Honeycutt]

Sounds like almost the exact thing I went through

Including the kidney stones right after the divorce. Must be something to do with either the stress or the stress relief. After my divorce I didn't have the peverbial pot to p** in or the window to throw it out of. Everything I owned fit in the back of my pickup, my credit was ruined, and my net worth was somewhere south of zero with all the bills my ex racked up. Best thing is what you wrote, get outta Dodge. Find another job in a location close to the water and get away from your present surroundings as they will only bring back bad memories. That's what I did 18 years ago. Now I've got a wonderful lady to share my sailing obsession, a boat that I always dreamed of owning, and after careful investing and saving, my retirement account is doing pretty nicely also.Like they say, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

 

[hfxns]

Niagara 35

I have had a couple of friends who have owned Niagara 35's in the past, and they are a high quality cruising boat, that are quite livable. My neighbour is a yacht broker and he has two up on his website in the $45-50K range I believe. They may be worth a look. They are from 80-82, and would probably need some work, but the design is nice, and they are a pretty boat to look at. We used to have a Catalina 30, and the head is awfully small for a liveaboard. Our Beneteau 323 has a head twice the size of our old Catalina. Anyway, its just an idea, you could live on the C30 for a year, and then upgrade once the divorce has probated and when you have done some saving. Good luck.

 

[hfxns]

Correction

Here is his website, and he has three on sale, starting at about $60K not $50K. Ideally if I was to liveaboard, I would want a Tartan 3400/3700 or a IP380, but let's face it I will never be able to buy those boats. http://www.oceanyachtsales.com/core/listing/cache/pl_search_results.jsp?ywo=oceanyachtsales&hosturl=oceanyachtsales&ps=50&type=&new=&luom=126&page=broker&slim=broker&lineonly

 

[hfxns]

Looking Back

I can honestly say that almost all of my friends/family members who have divorced, it has turned out to be a good thing. In the vast majority of cases, they are better off, and in new healthy relationships.

 

[NautiDuck]

Thank you

I see you are a Police officer. Thank you for that. I work in local government and clearly the most dangerous job is to be a Police Officer. You get called when things go bad and you deal with it. My hat is off to you.

 

[Jim Kolstoe]

a few thoughts

based on experience watching and guiding people through divorces. First, do not make new financial commitments until after the divorce - you won't know what your assets, existing debts and cash flow will look like until then. As you noted, your housing and transportation needs are changing, and those may stretch your finances for a while. Divorces are expensive, especially if people give into the emotional temptation to fight over every little bit. If possible, get over quickly and without fuss, then move on with your life. (This does not mean you cannot continue to be friends with the ex-inlaws - that's up to you and them, not your ex-wife.)  Second, no unnecessary new changes for a while. People need some stablity in their lives, and you're going through one of the most destablizing events in normal human experience. On top of this you have, you said, high blood pressure. The shock, grief and instablity you are experiencing does not help that, and having learned the consequences of very high blood pressure the hard way (I am working on outrunning the transplant docs) I strongly urge anything it takes to control that problem. I therefore agree with those who counsel holding off on buying a new boat, and would counsel against changing employment, at least until the dust settles - particularly since you should have counseling availble through your work. The one change that sounds worthwhile is spending more time with friends and on your boat, and stay active. In that context, if moving your boat to a yacht club or other marina puts you in with good people, consider it. Third, rebound relationships. Exactly what they sound like, and something to be avoided. Sure, you can date, as part of making new friends. But you owe it to yourself and anyone you date to keep it light until you've had a year or more to move past the hurt of the divorce. Another way to think of it is that you should allow yourself time to grieve this loss so that you can move on. Talk with a counselor about it. Finally, remember there are a lot of people pulling for you. It will get better.Jim Kolstoe, h23 Kara's Boo

 

[Bad Obsession]

Thanks guys

THis whole thing is a lot to stomac. Thank you guys again and I plan to follow your advice. I have really found that I have a HUGE support network amoungst my fellow sailors and my brothers in blue.My wife never appreciated what my job entailed. I always tried to avoid going to work after we had said cross words or had an arguement. Here is the reason why.The first fatal motor vehicle crash that I worked as a young Trooper (Use to be with the VA State Police) was not too bad. It wasn't nasty and the guy had just flipped his truck over and it killed him. The thing that really stuck out in my mind is when I went to give the death notification to the guys mother. I went to this small trailer in a trailer park and knocked on the door. I heard a woman say that she would be there in a few minutes, it took her a while to get up. I waited for a few minutes and this lady with a walker came to the door. She invited us in and I made the notification as nice as you can when you tell someone when their loved one has died. She paused a minute and then said "I knew that he was drunk because the only time that he cussed me was when he was drinking and he cussed me as he left." He was her onl care giver.Anyway, that is why I was like that. So far everything between us has been very descent and I feel that I would rather take a small spanking in the separation and come away with my truck and my boat then to pay a lawyer a King's Ransom and come out with nothing more.

 

[KathyL]

A female perspective

In this case it's the same as the others. I've been there too. I agree with everything said here, particularly about making major decisions at this time. Don't do it. But mostly, I agree 100% with Jim Kolstoe about rebound relationships. Spend some time with yourself. Alone and lonely are not the same thing. You'll learn a whole lot about yourself and your views on the world. You'll learn that your happines depends on you, not those around you. You'll be a better person for the next lucky gal that comes along. At least I like to "think" I'm a better person after all this.

 

[Bad Obsession]

The more I think about it.

The more I realize that there has been a lot of things that were lacking for me in the relationship for years. I admit that I had times when I doubted that things were working and I knew that the emotional support hasn't been there for at least two years. I am thinking that this will help me move on quicker. I did some financial stuff today to protect myself. I really felt good about it and it was a healing step. The other good thing is that we are still able to talk to work through most of the financial stuff and we haven't had any huge squabbles yet. I think that it is far better to take a little crap now to settle things then to make a lawyer rich and putting myself in further debt with that stuff. If she goes and gets a lawyer (which she can't afford with her present finances) I will go and get one (being a police officer I know who the best lawyers are).

 

[sailortonyb Allied Mis]

Bad O

I believe you are on the right track.Tony B

 

[John]

unknown is always worst

Been watching this thread and meaning to comment...I'm an expert in divorces - having gone through two of them. I can tell you, the fear of the unknown (as in, being single) is always worse than the reality. Every once in a great while nowadays I have a dream that I'm back with my first wife, and wondering why in the world I went back with her and feeling miserable and trapped. I think it's my way of reminding myself that I'm not with her anymore. Not that she's a bad person - just that we don't belong together. But when we split up, I nearly thought my life had come to an end.Anyway, I'm totally happy with the woman I'm with now, and it wouldn't be possible if I hadn't gone through the other divorces. One other thing: I was going to let my first wife keep everything but my truck and my tools, but a friend mentioned how somebody she knew had done that and regretted it. I changed my mind and ended up with about a quarter or a third of what we had. Just enough to start over again. And I'm so glad I did. If I hadn't, I wouldn't be on this message board because I wouldn't be able to afford a sailboat!Finally... If you have time, get a dog. They're great company. Best dog for a boat, in my opinion, is a lab mix. They love the water and are comfortable on a boat in all seas and are also very friendly and people oriented. Best yet for a boat - a labradoodle, which also has the advantage of hardly shedding hair.

 

[Bob4203]

Been there, done that!

Not to drift too far off the subject of whats best in your budget, I will tell you that a good friend who was in similar circumstances, but with two grown children decided that living aboard and seeking peace on the water was first and foremost. The marshes of Savannah was a sure cure. He wanted a vessel with ROOM and decided to abandon sailing and look at what provided him the most comfort and amenities for the dollar. Well he wound up with a used aft-cabin motoryacht (38 feet) that is literally a small apartment on the water! Full galley, sofa in the main salon, generator, AC systems, room, room, room and that added to his sanity! I own a Catalina 30 and I often ask myself, if push came to shove in my second marriage could I escape and live aboard this vessel if I had to? Indeed, but on a short term basis. I lived aboard a 35" Coronado with my first wife and child back in the 80's for over three years. We loved it, but it was a substandard lifestyle, comparatively speaking.Take a look at used Trawlers, single diesel (Albin, Grand Banks, etc). They are out there in your price range. Compare the room to a similar sized sailboat and you will be impressed with the room. If you HAVE to sail, you can always get a sailing dinghy or small day sailor. Consider one very important question? As a liveaboard do you see yourself leaving the dock often and venturing out? If the answer is no, then do not fear the transition to vessel providing the room you need. You can always go back to sailing once you find that peace within yourself and come to terms with pain your dealing with.Good luckBob

 

[letterman]

sleep deprivation leads to answers

Lie aboards don't move their boats much, if at all. So get a barge!!! Put some palm trees and sand on it, a bar, and open for business (some guy did it in the Keys about 20 years ago).Reality: ANY boat will work for a liveaboard, power, sail, barge. It's just temporary, or maybe not! Remember, statistically you are tied up at the dock 75% of the time anyway. My plan was to buy a big enough boat ( I bought a 37' Irwin...$18,500) to live on, a medium size boat to sail and play on ( I bought a 20' Paceship Mouette - $600 with trailer - about a foot draft). I did both, except I still have the land anchor (house). Think like a kid...don't take life to serious, and remember...nobody gets out alive!!!!! Now, I was thinking of painting my table bottom with some parrotheads....only I can't paint...wall mural? wall paper? Party supplies stuff? I need ideas.

 

[newly anonymous]

Barge? I couldn't dissagree more!

I've lived aboard for the past ten years, and have sailed over 1,000 nm in every one of those years. The key is to have a boat that's liveable and yet sweet to sail. Unfortunately, that means a boat that will handle the weight of all the stuff you want to move onto it. (And don't kid yourself, even "just" your clothing will weigh enough to compromise a boat's sailing characteristics.) A smaller boat--something less than 35 feet-- will sink so far on its waterline that it will lose any hope of nimble responsiveness.

 

[Drew13440]

Best advice here...

...that I can see (having been through this, too - not married but bad break w/live-in GF) is not to make any major commitment in how or where you will live. That takes a while but you will get there for sure. I was lucky enough to have friends that talked me off the ledge - I just about traded the boat in and took off, too.I like the guy who said keep your boat and live on a different one - you might be able to rent a houseboat somewhere on the Potomac - there are lots of transient government types (military, too) that rent out their boats when they are deployed. Colonial Beach is undergoing a real estate bust right now and I bet an adequate house or condo on the water could be rented cheap, too.If yours is a Department that will allow you to go to and from work with a patrol car, that will solve the gas issue to and from Culpeper. And while we're on that subject, a trawler on a police officer's salary with $5 (and rising) diesel would be a disaster - don't do it!

 

[sailortonyb Allied Mis]

Our living aboard rules

I have lived aboard a Catalina 25, a Catalina 30 and now an Allied 39. The same rules have always applied.....If there aint no room for something, we dont make room. If it dont fit and we still want it, an equivalent size object must come off the boat. Another rule is ...do not build shelves or cabinets that will basically change the original shape of the interior. Too many times I have seen people add shelves and storage bins/cabinets and not leave any room for 'living'. Boats are small enough inside, no need to make them smaller.These rules leave us with approximately 30 minutes preparation time(including removing sail covers) from the time we get the idea "lets go sailing" till the time we leave the dock. We probably go sailing on our boat or someone elses at least once a week or more when I am home. Unless of course, I have a project under way. But I do agree with others that most live-aboards never go sailing.Some trips are for several days. Tony B

 

[Warren Milberg]

My 2 cents...

I have never lived aboard a boat, but a friend of mine tried it and not far down the Potomac from where you are. He rented a cubicle in one of those rental yards where he kept his "serious stuff" that was not far from his marina. As a result he was able to keep his boat pretty free of all the stuff one may need to live aboard and still sail-- successfully and happily. You don't want the experience to become a survival test. But he did not plan for, or adequately prepare his boat for, winters in this area. His boat had little to no insulation and although he had a diesel heater and a few ceramic electric heaters, his boat was always cold below where the waterline cut across the interior of his boat. It was like an interior thermocline. His boat also "sweat" a lot and there was always condensation dripping on you... not fun. If you are going to live aboard in winter in this area, give some thought to this issue -- now.

 

[Bad Obsession]

yeah....I see your point

I am fortunate that my parents live a few miles from the boat and I can stay there some. The boat is my only place that I can get privacy of some sort because I don't have my house anymore. Eventually things will settle down.