Pateco,
I am far from a "expert" sailor but it sounds to me like your wife has a good bit of experience, far more than myself in some areas. Some people's personality prevent them from being the decision making type. Just going off what you said but it sounds like she probably knows what to do, just lacks the confidence to do it, maybe out of fear of making a mistake. Sometimes people need to see the outcome of their actions in order to learn what is wrong from right. When I teach people to fly I am basically there to guide them and keep them from killing themselves. You can tell a person to keep the windward wing down in a crosswind a hundred times but until the see what happens when they don't they are just words. One good scare with the plane skipping across the runway towards the weeds teaches them more in 5 seconds than I could in 5000 words.
I would probably just grab another beverage and let her go at it. I pretty much let Cindy command the ship so to speak. In fact she herself at one point told me I needed to let her make mistakes which was awesome as it showed to me she really wanted to do this, even if it meant she did something wrong. So I let her go now and only say something if it is going to create a dangerous situation or knock my head off with the boom. Backing out of the slip was one of those times I just needed to have blinders on. It got pretty interesting a time or two. But she learned from those moments and now I very seldom have to say something.
For fear of sounding sexist, I don't mean to, but some women just think differently than men. Learning to sail for Cindy has been an eye opening event not just because of what she has learned about sailing itself but the other lessons she has learned in the process that she has transferred to her daily life. Like now she looks at every flag and tree to see the wind direction. She is a much more cognizant driver about what is going on around her as on the water people are trying to run over you from every direction, not just left or right. She has learned to multi task doing multiple mechanical task at the same time that she never dreamt she would be doing. Most importantly, she is learning to look ahead and think ahead. That has been maybe the hardest thing to teach. Sailing, like flying, to do it well, requires you to think multiple steps ahead of where you are at the present time. She had never had to think like that and it just took time. I know a time or two, ok, maybe three, she got aggravated with me for little things like making sure a line went around a stanchion one way instead of the other so when it would be in the right position when you went to use it ten steps later or to make sure the all the dock lines are aboard the boat so they do not get into the prop.
We are in our 3rd season now and the progression of her learning has been fun to watch. It was painfully slow at times and it seemed like she forgot everything she learned over the first winter. But she continued to build her knowledge base and got better and more attentive. There are times she still struggles, but she never gives up. Sunday she heaved too on her own as I was busy doing something. Then when I asked her how to continue on I got that deer in headlights look. She started in saying do this, do that, none of which really mattered. She finally said laughing "Maybe I should just complete the tack" She released the jib on the starboard side, let the head sail cross the bow, reset the port sheet and away we went. She then said as she sailed off, "sailing is really pretty simple if you just stop to think".
Hang in there with your wife and kids. Let your wife run the ship and see how it goes. She may just surprise herself.
Sam
