Been there
This was our first season on the Chesapeake with our H26 and we went through the exact same thing, so I can tell you what I've learned over the course of the season. I understand how your wife feels about you up on the cabin top trying to reef in the Chesapeake Chop. In a way, it's as challenging for the worried spectator as the person actually doing it. Two things help this situation: wear a PFD up there, and make sure your wife knows how to pick you up if she ends up alone in the boat. She'll feel a lot better.If they're saying 10 knots, we know by now to be ready for more. So we set up our reef before we leave the dock or trailer so we don't have to mess with it out on the water. If the wind turns out to be lighter, it's much easier to shake one out that to put one in. We have paid the round-up price a few times because reefing seemed like more trouble than it was worth. This winter we're installing single-line reefing so we can reef the main from the cockpit. Well worth $150 to avoid going up there in the chop.If it doesn't seem quite heavy enough to reef but the thought is starting to cross my mind (as happens so often on the Bay!), I take an interim step by easing the boom vang and tightening the topping lift until the top of the main twists off to leeward. This de-powers the top of the sail while maintaining drive in the lower part of the sail and keeps the main's effort down close to the boat. (This assumes your new H260 has no traveler, like my '96 H26.)In a big gust when sailing close-hauled, I ease my main AND turn up a little. Assuming a constant boat speed, an increase in wind speed (the gust) causes the apparent wind angle to move aft. This opens the angle of attack on the sale and puts more pressure on the leech of the main, which pushes the boat over even with the main eased. (I have plenty of first-hand experience with this!) Combine the big roach of the main with a barely effective rudder (due to the increased angle of heel from the gust) and you have so much power so far behind the mast that the boat spins into the wind. If I don't change something during the gust, in essence I go from nicely close-hauled to a beam reach with the main sheeted on the centerline--a configuration guaranteed to push the boat over. So I turn up to maintain the same angle between mainsail and wind during a gust. Sometimes one or the other, easing the main or turning up, is enough. In the big gusts, I do both.If I get a blast while on an apparent-wind beam reach, I ease the main and turn down a little rather than up. This momentarily puts me on a broad reach or even a run, and pushes the boat forward instead of over. This turn down is a small correction; the apparent wind has already moved aft, so it doesn't take much. I am very careful of how far down I turn so I don't jibe the boat. Easing the main at the same time keeps me out of accidental jibe territory.Re weather helm with jib alone, I can't picture that. Are you sure you don't mean lee helm? Regardless, the boat will always be more balanced with both sails in the appropriate amount for the conditions. As suggested earlier, practice steering the boat with your sails (in good weather). It's a valuable exercise.