How to get your wife (husband) to live on a boat

[Caboteur]

Compromise!!!

We had a few easy outs... we had the boat, a cottage & a nice house (not fantastic, just nice). I wanted to sell the house, keep the cottage & boat. Live on the boat in winter (in southern waters) & live at the cottage in the summer. She said no.
We compromised... we rented the house, stayed the summer at the cottage and travelled in winter... I crossed the pond in summer & we lived aboard in Portugal & Spain in the fall, winter & early spring. We could have the kids over (1 at a time) for weeks and all this went pretty well for three years.
Then the grand-children started; we took the house back, my wife went back to her choir and giving piano lessons (on the Steinway grand) and of course being Grandma to the three beautiful little girls! We sold the boat!
More compromise... we baught another boat, smaller but comfy enough and we will leave next week (well a friend & I leave, my wife will trade places in a couple of weeks) for the Bahamas for the winter... Our youngest son will stay in the house (free of rent), we will be coming back for two (more probably three) weeks at Christmas and staying with him in the house.

For all the purists out there this sounds like I'm not the decision maker of the family and maybe not very forceful about my desires... well, I'm not. I'm also still married to the woman I love and get to sail and live on the boat more than most.
Not only boats but life itself is a compromise!

 

[Winkfish]

Re: Compromise!!!

Caboteur, I'm jealous! We got married late and have one child, 9 years old, so I'll be working full time for awhile yet! We'll just have to settle for the 1-2 week bareboat holidays, and some weekenders when we get a new sailboat.

 

[Jim Seamans]

Wow, this generated a bunch of replies.

My wife has committed to go cruising up to 8 months, we head south Oct 2010.
How did I do it. I bought her a new house which we moved into July 1st. I believe having that house (anchor) that she can return to, is the selling factor of heading out.

I'm lucky, my wife likes sailing about as much as I do, as any of our sailing friends will tell you. She would rather spend time on the boat at anchor than go to parties. She handles the boat better than most of the sailors on the dock, which pisses several of them off.

Between us we have 4 children and 8 grandchildren, they have been told if they want Thanksgiving and/or Christmas with us they better find us - we are not coming back.

It's all about compromise.

Anyone for Cuba cruise?

 

[Stu Jackson]

1. I'm lucky, my wife likes sailing about as much as I do,

2. She handles the boat better than most of the sailors on the dock, which pisses several of them off.

3. It's all about compromise.

1. Me, too. Two lucky guys.

2. Me, too again. Question, Jim: Why is that so? What is it that gets them so upset?

3. That's life --- and a good one, to boot!

 

[Jim Seamans]

Stu,

Male pride...

 

[Stu Jackson]

Jim, gotcha. Bummer, but real. Nice to see you here again.

 

[Benny]

Jewelry, lots of jewelry!

 

[Brian D]

Let them pick the boat! Right now we are thinking of upgrading (I've been doing this forever). But I am letting her decide (with my suggestions) on what boat to get next.

 

[Liam]

I live for sailing... it is my passion. My wife could take it or leave it (mostly leave it).
I really like single handing. My wife is happy flying to where I am and spending a week in port, then flying home to her house while I single hand to the next port. Last year she spent July and August cruising with me. We had a great time but she hasn't expressed an interest in doing it again.
For her to live aboard the boat would have to be large enough to have a garden and a gourmet kitchen.

 

[Cayennita]

I met my 3rd wife racing out of Annapolis. I had a Hunter 35 and was leaving for the Caribbean. Shw wanted to go cruising and after quitting her job, we left. After two years we sold the 35 and bought an Idylle 15,5 (51') in Tortola and sailed her to Venezuela where we turned her into a very comfortable live aboard. Gen set, queen size center bed, A/C's, watermaker, etc. I turned 70 this year and now the boat is too much for me. My wife did not want to move on land. We rented a slip in down town Christiansted the last 4 years and moved the boat south for Hurricane season. We sailed to Maine, Cuba, Guatemala and just about every island in the Caribbean. Now Cayenne III is for sale in Tortola. yachworld.com has it listed.
We bought a J-36 that I can handle and continue doing short sails.

 

[Cayennita]

Check out these sites;
www.womenandcruising.com. There is a link also for The Admirals's Angle. A monthly column in Latitudes ans Attitudes by Gwen Hamlin
/blog/tag/relationships:
6 mistakes men make in sharing their passions (Lessons I Learned the Hard Way) by Nick O'Kelly
Here in the Caribbean we read www.caribbeancompass.com and All At Sea.

 

[Ctskip]

There are several ways to get what you want. First you must understand that women are from Venus and men are from Mars. It's not that we can't get along, we can, and some do it better and make it look easier than others. You must be able to understand that your wife thinks differently than you do. Think security, thats what all women want and seek. When ever buying anything both of you must make a list of wants and desires, then prioritize it. Let her think she is in charge. Always remember security, first and foremost. Buy some great books about liveaboards stories, the internet is a wonderful place to find stories of adventure. Let her know your dreams. Women need security and something that moves with the wind is not very secure in their eyes. Buy a nice small condo, again let her pick it out with your guidence naturally. No lawn, no maintainance, no nothing. Now take a vacation and do a bare boat cruise, chartered with crew is even more fun for her (think security). Don't forget the cruising adventure books. Here's where you must bite the bullett and suffer. Let the captin do the work while you tend to your wifes happiness/security. This is a long slow process. Nothing good happens overnight. It could take years. Some women are more stubborn, er, thicker than others. There are several good suggestions here on this thread. The condo on the water with a view of the marina is a good place to start. Then slowly move to the boat and take longer and longer trips so she feels secure with the condo doing just fine and it will always be there. Holidays and family are very important for women. You must compromise and happiness will be not far down the canal, er, road. Dreams do come true, it takes patience and determination, NEVER give up.
Good luck

Keep it up,
Ctskip

 

[RECESS]

Have her watch Captain Ron about 6 times and after the 6th time say at the end of the movie "I bet they made the best decision of their lives to just keep going".

may have to throw in the DVD again this weekend....the 6 year old loves it.

 

[timvg]

My wife talked me into living on a boat (I kid you not). We had a Hunter 35 and because of its location (closer to work), we'd spend over half of our time on the boat. On our gangway, was a 40.5 that we had to walk by several times per day and the rest was history. We found a fairly new 40.5 to replace our 35, and have lived on it for 10 years.

Now some facts: Ou 40 foot boat cost almost 3 times what our 35 did, but it also seems to have 3 times the room (very important). Since it is your home, we are not camping. We have ALL the luxuries that a nromal 2010 home would (sat TV, DVR, etc.) Living on a boat is NOT cheaper than living on land. Between our liveaboard slip fees, boat loan, property taxes and all of the on-going expense that occur when you are using your boat 365 days a year, we spend us much per month as we would renting a 2000 square foot house. But we are able to have a boat that we could absolutely not afford if it was just our weekend home. And we use our boat more than most people. If we decide to go somewhere on the boat for a weekend, we can be ready in 30 to 45 minutes. No packing, no last minute shopping. We just put a few loose things down and untie.

At the end of eavery workday, it still feels like I am on vacation when I step onto the boat. I will admit that when the alarm goes off in the morning, the fantasy vanishes until I step back aboard in the evening.

Still doing it and have no plans to go to back to land.

 

[zeehag]

take her sailing on capt rons boat. stay overnite on a boat like capt rons boat. is a formosa 51. there are many for not too much anymore. have fun and good luck.

actually, have you discussed with her what it is she doesnt like about the idea of living on boat??? might help--then you know what to work with!! you know her better than we do , sugah..go for it!! i bet she will appreciate you asking her and being interested....

 

[PrincessoftheLake]

I may be guilty of hijacking the thread but here goes. I wish my husband put this much thought into keeping me happy on the boat! I have been an enthusiastic sailing partner for years and I am starting to think I could have been a lot smarter about this. As it is right now I do the planning, the provisioning, the cooking and the cleaning. I also take care of much of the maintenance, read the charts, plot the course, keep spare parts stocked, check the oil and fluids on the diesel and know where everything is on the boat and what it does. He gets on and drives. Okay, he helps schlep stuff to the boat from the car and he can fill the water tanks. But I went wrong somewhere I just wish I knew where!

POTL

 

[jibes138]

Wow princess! I just looked up "the perfect woman" in the wikopedia and they had your picture in there. We just need to teach you to drive, schlep, and fill water tanks and you will be 100% perfect. Who taught you all this stuff?

 

[PrincessoftheLake]

Wow princess! I just looked up "the perfect woman" in the wikopedia and they had your picture in there. We just need to teach you to drive, schlep, and fill water tanks and you will be 100% perfect. Who taught you all this stuff?

LOL. Actually I can schlep pretty good and fill the water tanks. Driving the boat in and out of the slip is my problem. I can sail it just fine when I am out of the marina. Mostly I am self taught. I read all the manuals for all the systems on board and pestered a lot of people with a lot of questions. I'd love to know more about electronics and the diesel. I have been meaning to find some courses I could take or something. I just like knowing my boat and what makes things work.

 

[timvg]

My wife has been docking our boat for several years. She had "back surgery" a few years back, which means that she no longer jumps off of the boat. Every once in a while, I will dock it, just to keep in shape.

She is very polite when she tells me what I did wrong, LOL.

 

[DJW]

My wife and I live on our 42' sailboat in HI for 3-4 months a year. Then we travel on the mainland for 7-8 in our RV. She is not crazy about sailing (fear of deep water) but has sailed to Molokai and spent 2 weeks on the hook at the sand bar in Kanehoe Bay but loves the end of the dock life. We have our boat life and our RV life and they have just meshed together over the last 10 years

Dennis