How not to go swimming

[Gail R]

Not the same but a story that must be told.

We sailed south on a perfect reach, RARE for Maine. We averaged 6 knots (hull speed is 6.6 and I am a novice). We got to York Beach Maine in record time, so fast that my lovely bride decided we should swim in and get some salt water taffy at the Goldenrod. After anchoring 100 yards from the nearest swimmer, she slowly slid into her ultra cool, shorty wet suit and jumped in. I put on my PFD, and a pair of fins and tripped over the coaming entering the water with all the finesse of a 2000 lb film vault, falling from orbit. In my defense, I was carrying a bag and trying to keep the contents dry and she was training for a triathalon sprint. So . . . about 5 minutes later, we emerged from the rolling surf, her looking all sleek and sexy, kind of Halle Berry without the tan. Me, on the other hand, flopped out of the water like a wounded water buffalo with a crock on his tail. The only thing I was missing was a pocket protector and a sign that read "Bet me up and steal my date". All I can hope is they figured I had . . . other, hidden attributes, that made me desirable to such a cute young thing. Hey, I can hope! After 34 years I must be doing something right.

Hey!! I remember you!! I grew up in York Beach, and worked as a "candy girl" at the Goldenrod -- one of those girls in the orange uniforms with clean fingernails (I'm not kidding, when you went for the interview the boss inspected your nails).

Anyone who has visited the Goldenrod knows that the candy counter and taffy production area are in full view from the outside of the joint through big plate-glass windows. And of course the candy girls can see everything going on outside. I remember one day there was a bit of a ruckus outside -- people were laughing hysterically and pointing in the direction of Short Sands. Then this dude clad in a PFD and these funky Bermuda shorts comes in , accompanied by this foxy lady in a shorty wetsuit.

Can't remember what they bought for taffy; most people would buy the one-pound box of assorted "Goldenrod Kisses" for $1.21 ($1.15 plus tax). Peanut butter was my favorite as a kid, but I have to admit that after working there, the hankerings for Goldenrod Kisses have been few and far between.

Okay, a good part of the above story is totally made up. But I did grow up in York Beach, and I worked at the Goldenrod, and the pound boxes did indeed sell for $1.21. But I still haven't sailed in, and I would think it's a little rolly off Short Sands??

 

[wflowe2]

Since you were going to only be in the water for a minute or two, I assume you were trying to conserve room in your holding tank.

 

[navigator97]

A good precaution in that case would be to take a dock line and "cleat it off" to the boat and tie the other end around your waist. That way you are tethered and can pull hand over hand to bring yourself back to the stern.

 

[Don12364]

And The Moral Of This Story Is -

Always be nice to your guests!

 

[kpgraci]

All I can hope is they figured I had . . . other, hidden attributes, that made me desirable to such a cute young thing.

You mean like lots of money?

What were you thinking??????

Seems like an honest mistake - one of those -'doh' moments, now he knows better - if he does it again then you can rant...

With non-sailors I show then how to stop the boat by releasing the sheets before we head out.

 

[anchorclanker]

Kielboatsa~

You risked ridicule in posting that, and sadly, it wasnt long in coming. But thank you for posting it all the same.

I started reading Flying Magazine just after I turned 13, and found it odd how much they focused on accidents when Flying was supposed to be so much fun. There was "Aftermath", a regular monthly article that focused on the just released transcripts by the NTSB of some accident or air disaster, which most always ended very badly. It made your blood run cold reading the radio calls complete with time stamps between the aircraft and ATC , etc..

Then there was "I Learned About Flying From That", which was another regular monthly article, usually some blunderous mistake that could have ended fatally, but didnt.

I eventually learned that the point wasnt to scare you away from flying, so much as to make you aware that as humans we make mistakes, and flying can kill you. And surprisingly, its the ones with much more experience who often make the worst mistakes. Its not usually students and guys with only a few hundred hours, the rates start to soar as pilots get between 500 to 1000 hours. Its all about complacency.

Sailing, and boating in general, can be just as deadly when we overlook something, or make some slip up. We must always be aware, and strive to always stay aware, because death is waiting for us, or someone we love, just inches away from the gunwale.

While everyone is certainly free to criticize and point the finger of ridicule, remember that in so doing you will prevent someone from posting their mistake. Then we all lose. So while you certainly may want to ask what the hell they were thinking, perhaps just allowing them to speak without the fear of condemnation would be better overall. There are always new people to boating, and anything that can prevent a tragedy should be promoted. And I cant think of a better teaching tool than real life situations that strike fear in our hearts.

 

[Chris Patterson]

Cool man. I admire the man that tells on himself.
You may have taken some "crap" for it, and I would think you were kind of expecting it.
Like said above, you may save someone from a similar mistake, possibly saving their lives.
Ya done good dude..

 

[justsomeguy]

Kielboatsa~

You risked ridicule in posting that, and sadly, it wasnt long in coming. But thank you for posting it all the same.

I started reading Flying Magazine just after I turned 13, and found it odd how much they focused on accidents when Flying was supposed to be so much fun. There was "Aftermath", a regular monthly article that focused on the just released transcripts by the NTSB of some accident or air disaster, which most always ended very badly. It made your blood run cold reading the radio calls complete with time stamps between the aircraft and ATC , etc..

Then there was "I Learned About Flying From That", which was another regular monthly article, usually some blunderous mistake that could have ended fatally, but didnt.

I eventually learned that the point wasnt to scare you away from flying, so much as to make you aware that as humans we make mistakes, and flying can kill you. And surprisingly, its the ones with much more experience who often make the worst mistakes. Its not usually students and guys with only a few hundred hours, the rates start to soar as pilots get between 500 to 1000 hours. Its all about complacency.

Sailing, and boating in general, can be just as deadly when we overlook something, or make some slip up. We must always be aware, and strive to always stay aware, because death is waiting for us, or someone we love, just inches away from the gunwale.

While everyone is certainly free to criticize and point the finger of ridicule, remember that in so doing you will prevent someone from posting their mistake. Then we all lose. So while you certainly may want to ask what the hell they were thinking, perhaps just allowing them to speak without the fear of condemnation would be better overall. There are always new people to boating, and anything that can prevent a tragedy should be promoted. And I cant think of a better teaching tool than real life situations that strike fear in our hearts.

Very well said.

 

[Joe]

It's like the Sail and Cruising World articles where the guy experiences a stressfull event, reacts, survives.... finally posts a summary "what I did right, what I did wrong" and then we all learn from it. Good Job.

 

[caguy]

I read some where that the easiest and best thing to teach nubes is to release the sheets in an emergency.

 

[dscribner]

The REST of the story!

Gail,

You weren't that girl who always had the sniffles and never a hankie, were you??? It's always a pleasure and sublimely fascinating to watch 12 million calories be cooked, stretched, rolled, cut and wrapped, right before your eyes, all by guys and girls with very clean nails.

Short Sands can be rolly but we have anchored overnight and slept peacefully several times. Once it was rolly, but mostly the southerlies keep the evening surges to a minimum.

OH!!!! To finish the story:

We only bought a small amount of kisses because we couldn't carry them dry. We made it back to the boat. After a few minutes of drying and making ready to sail, I hoisted the main hoping to redeem my buffoonity (work with me here) and put on a stunning show of unparalleled seamanship for the 6.3 million person humming throng, nestled on the beach. I went to deploy the jib (roller), a STRONG gust caught the main. The only thing I recall: I was level with the water, gripping the toe rail with all my might, wrist deep in brine screaming "DUMP THE WIND! DUMP THE WIND!" to Halle Berry who responded "What do I do???" So, halyard flapping in the breeze, the sound of crickets all the could be heard over the crowd, I slowly pulled a paper bag from the Goldenrod over my head, tightened my Bermuda shorts up around my hairless chest, and limped out of the harbor with adrenaline shakes, a single reef and my man card adrift on the foamy waves.

Yeah, it's good to be me!

 

[jrowan]

I also don't think its fair to criticize someone for admittting a mistake that others can & should learn from. That helps no one in the end. My own recent swimming recount ends with this piece of advice: when swimming in the marina to retrive something fallen overboard, stay clear of pilings & docks with barnacles! Those lil bstards are as sharpe as razor blades & will cut your hands & feet to ribbons of U so much as brush up against them! Learn from my experience. Ouch.

 

[Chris Patterson]

If nothing else, dscribner made me roll out of the chair laughing.
The most amazing blunders always happen with an audience.
Or at least a witness.

I was reading a story awhile back in one of these sailing rags, of a gent who FELL off, the A.P. set, and off she goes. Must have beena wide inlet/river or such, because a (sorry for the language here), powerboater picked him up, went MILES upstream, and found the boat, where it had run out of wind, or water, something...I can't imagine the anxiety of watching my boat leave unmanned.
My luck is, is the boat would have sailed straight into a Lagoon 44', with a lawyers meeting onboard, killing one of them, both boats catching on fire, and the remaining lawyers having to out swim the sharks to safety..

 

[Merlin Clark]

If nothing else, dscribner made me roll out of the chair laughing.
The most amazing blunders always happen with an audience.
Or at least a witness.

I was reading a story awhile back in one of these sailing rags, of a gent who FELL off, the A.P. set, and off she goes. Must have beena wide inlet/river or such, because a (sorry for the language here), powerboater picked him up, went MILES upstream, and found the boat, where it had run out of wind, or water, something...I can't imagine the anxiety of watching my boat leave unmanned.
My luck is, is the boat would have sailed straight into a Lagoon 44', with a lawyers meeting onboard, killing one of them, both boats catching on fire, and the remaining lawyers having to out swim the sharks to safety..

And what inscription would you like on your trophy Chris?