Getting the Wife into Sailing

[Pete]

Mr Scott...

Indeed a bit of a dilemma when your spouse doesn't like to sail. Don't feel bad. My wife is the same way. She doesn't like my little sports car either. How do I handle it? Easy....I drive my little car to the marina and leave her behind. Ahh, the challenges of marriage (Sam Kinneson comes to mind!!)Best of luck,Pete

 

[SEADANCE]

Newlywed sailing

First.... Congratulations to the newlyweds!!I sat back and laughed at some of the replies. Please don't in jest go for the other woman to go sailing with jazz it will get you into a boat load of trouble no pun intended.17 years ago hubby introduced me to sailing. When we were first engaged, we bought a little sidewinder and I spent one cold October afternoon on the top of the bottom of the boat in Beltzville, Pa and that did it for me.. I was terrified. What made me fall in love with the idea of sailing 17 years later? I saw that it made my husband happy and that it was missing from his life and my 3 year old son is the spitting image of his daddy..sailing is in his blood.I wanted my kids to grow up around it. I wanted to learn as much as I could by myself and I love it more than any hobbie I have ever tried..and whats more I think I am getting pretty good at it. Hubby pushed me on the wheel when we were sea trialing and I am so glad he did. Won't ever forget that gesture. I have found true joy and peace. I spent 3 hours wiping down the v-berth on our new to us old boat yesterday and I LOVED every minute of it. I agree with baby baby baby steps. Enjoy your time together now before the kids come and hope that time together is sailing.B/Seadancer

 

[Capt Jim24025]

Thank you LES BLACKWELL!!!

I'm an ASA sailing instructor through ASA-106 Advanced Coastal Cruising and ASA-114 Cruising Catamarans. I really appreciate your thorough discussion and I will take that to heart. I have been a college instructor (Computer Science) for 20 years and I understand and utilize several different learning techniques but I could not have expressed your information more elloquently than did you.With sincere appreciation,Capt James Cook

 

[oldiesrocker2001]

Can be a problem

My wife also was unwilling to go on the boat at first. While I started out with a little snark and then a 17' daysailor, she was still uncomfortable if it got a bit choppy or even a strong breeze came along that made life interesting. When we moved up slightly to a 21'(still a daysailor, really)she was still uncomfortable, even though I gave her more to do. I did all I could to make the boat a singlehanded rig for 90% of the time. I often let her steer, but in every instance I give her options of handling any situation(sudden gusts, etc)with course correction or line handling and if there is anything even a little "scary" to her she wants me to take over right away.  What really 'turned the tide'(pardon the pun) was a recent trip to Florida where we towed our 'little' boat down and sailed on both coasts. While we are usually lake sailors here in Jersey or in NY(lake George), The chance to sail in even a protected bay like Biscayne or Charlotte harbour where the wind stayed more constant is what really hooked her. Now she can't wait for the mid-week days that we plan a sunset sail. The whole last weekend when my show band was performing at the Bronx Zoo she was saying what a shame we had to miss some prime sailing days. The answer is really all of the previous ones. Look for the days with the best conditions(for someone who is nervous),Make her a crew member instead of ballast, sail a bit, or motor if necessary, drop a lunch hook in a protected cove and break out the wine.

 

[newsailor06]

Of Course I am kidding....

We are starting out taking it easy until she gets used to how the boat handles and heels. In fact, I may gain out of her being uncomfortable. We have the C25 and she wants a larger, and more stable of a boat. Who am I to argue with that?

 

[Les]

Capt. Jim...

Capt. Jim of Corpus Cristi, I tried to write you using this system but e-mail was returned. You've probably changed e-mail address. Can you e-mail me at leslieblackwell@comcast.net . Thanks. Les

 

[jimforest]

Same problem

I have the same problem with my wife, but it is mainly because she gets seasick when the boat "rocks". She loves to motor when the water is smooth, but once we get a swell, or a strong wind, she freaks. She gets a prescription from her doctor for a "patch" agaist seassickness (and any motion sickness, like on the airplane), and it really makes a difference. So if this is the case for your wife, try the patch. Also, I find that letting her steer in light wind, tends to build confidence.

 

[abe]

I wonder if their is a site out there...

..where women ask "how do I get my husband to take cooking lessons and dancing lessons with me"?. Pardon me if it sounds a little sexist...abe

 

[Bavaria 38E Owner]

Find out what she's fearful of...

then work on that. If this were my problem, which I'm blessed that it is not for my wife and I have sailed many places, and many years together, on many boats, that's what I'd do. And then address the problem with information and testimonial. For example, some of our early "fears" had to do with concern over the general seaworthiness of such small boats. Also, you might take a USCG boating safety course together where she might meet other women with similar concerns. Understanding the boat and how "safety at sea" works will be more productive than teaching her how to sail the boat, in my opinion.BEO

 

[Bill Roosa]

The solution to fear is

doing what you fear. Not the answer you wanted I know, believe me I know. If you are scared of jumping out of planes with motorcycles strapped to your chest then by gum the only way to get over it is to do it enough times till you know there is really nothing to fear.A lady once had an irrational fear of feathers. Just to know a feather was in the room inside a locked safe was enough to make her want to leave. Well the shrink made her stay, talked to her, explained that he would not get the feather out today and that there was nothing to worry about. Had her walk around the closed safe etc till she really was not concerned about the feather inside. The next day he brought her into the office the safe was open. She had a panic attack. The doc told her he was not going to touch the feather but she would not go within eyesight of it. Standing on the back side of the safe was OK but in front no matter how far away was just too much. The next day the doc had the feather in a plastic bag on the far side of the room. He just wanted here to stay in the room on the other side till she was comfortable with it. Next day the feather was a little closer, then closer then closer till about a week into the program she could sit at a desk with the feather across from her. About a week later she was holding the feather in her hand and saying how she didn't understand why she was making all the fuss. It was just totally amazing to her why she had had this problem.You have to confront your fears to overcome them. To confront them you have to know what they are.

 

[Bavaria 38E Owner]

True, but you have to wish...

to conquer the fear, which can take a lot of commitment. In a "newbie" situation, one might elect to just move on rather than deal with it. I think it might be better to "sneak up to it" first with improved understanding than to attack it head-on (the brute force method). Remember, there's no hurry; we're looking at developing a life-long activity that to many can become a way of life as well.BEO

 

[DanW9494]

Look inward

and study all the reasons for your desire that she love sailing as much as you do. Some of them may be selfish, loving, practical, or silly. Work those over and see what's really important to you.You have more control over yourself, your dreams, your boat, where you live, and where you want to go sailing to than your ability to change your mate.Turning irrational fear into love and desire is rare. Getting her to tolerate it is hopefully possible, but you had better compromise on any of the selfish reasons first. And go slow, as in decades maybe.

 

[JC on Bainbridge]

Give her the controls, take turn.

First let her do the steering, on engine only, no sailing, thus no heeling. You know how scared you can be if you are sitting in the passenger seat, and your high school buddy is driving like a maniac. But if you were behind the wheel doing the same kind of driving, you would be having lots of fun. Same thing on a boat. She probably doesn’t feel like she has any control. Let her steer, and after a while, steering under sail. She can feel how to steer to reduce heel, and if it is heeling too much, she can stop that very quickly. Also let her decide where to go, and take turn being the captain.And, no shouting on the boat. No giving orders either.