Fool's errands

[fireboat57]

More Underway Silliness from Another retired Coastie....

A fathom of Plimsoll Line

Relative Bearing Grease for the Navigator's Balls and, while you are at it, water the compass rose

In the Bering Sea and north we would set the new guys out on the bow with binoculars, a boat hook, and sound powered phones to look for the mail bouy. How else do we get mail on patrol? After a bit the Old Man would say "Getting pretty cold out there, bring 'em in boys".

It was a lot of fun when they let boys be boys. After all, what is the average age on a cutter even counting the Old Man and the CHENG, Maybe 23?

 

[Mark Major]

As an electrician in the USN we'd frequently get some nug sent back to us looking for Sound Powered Phone batteries.....

We got midshipmen from the bridge making that request and would give them 6v emergency diesel starter batteries to take back with them, the bridge would tell them they were the wrong size, they'd bring them back, we'd send others and they'd make these trips 'til they figured out what "sound powered" meant.

 

[Stormsailor]

for all the Steamboat people, You will need a "5 gallon bucket of starter steam", and a can of "wet ash" to get fired up, I think I may have coined these myself, being the prankster mechanic I am. Big engine people may need to carry a Serpentine belt stapler, and a "electronic auto reversing canutor valve" and then we have, Spark initiation ballast, center adjusted fuel injector, and a automatic clearance horn, (sense when another boat is coming and blows the horn.) HAVE FUN WITH THESE, I can do this all day.

 

[Beija Flor]

In the boyscouts, the new guys on their first camping trip would be sent out "snipe hunting". All the older guys would go out with them at first and then split up. They would circle back to the camp fire and laugh as the new guys would keep hunting until they would give up.
The funniest time was a guy named Jimmy. He was so excited about being the best scout he could be ,he came back with cuts and scrapes all over his arms. He said he had caught one but it got away.
We laughed for hours.
( there is no such thing as a snipe )

Oh, yeah? Don't tell an ornithologist ...
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8b/Commonsnipe67.jpg
But yeah to this - the "snipe hunt" joke is a classic....

 

[Beija Flor]

Okay, no more wet blanket from me ...

When I started with Army Map Service as a cartographic aide, learning to do negative-engraving (which was our way to do final drafting on topographic maps), I was sent all over Erskine Hall one day looking for a "negative stretcher" because one plate was too small (one corner tick were out of alignment). After a couple of hours of search, I came back empty-handed to my assistant group-leader and he showed me that he'd found it in the SCIF - a place I wasn't cleared to go. Later I found out he'd used a stick-on negative corner tick to replace the mis-aligned one.

A little later I was learning to do photomosaics, and my mentor sent me to the graphic-arts shop next door for some "cloud eradicator". I did know something about photography, though, and I saw through that one.

As to "grid squares" - a friend of mine, E-7 in the Topo field at that time, asked one of his E-3's to "get a box of grid squares". He asked the wrong fellow - after several hours, the new guy brought back a box containing several maps that he'd cut into squares along the grid lines! Another case of "who got who?" and a good laugh shared by all....

 

[frenzy13]

pollywog lookouts

During an equator crossing on a Coast Guard cutter part of the celebration was to assaign two pollywogs as lookout for the equator. They were send to the top of the bridge in uniform of the day, underwear on backwards. They were to report when they saw the equator.

 

[wonkodsane]

How about a pole lookout from a conning tower in the Arctic?

Nah. Would never happen.

 

[caguy]

Ron, is that another name for a Dikfore?

I'll bite Dave, what's a Dikfore?

 

[zeehag]

I'll bite Dave, what's a Dikfore?

OMG--yer a doood--ye gotta know the answer to THAT one!!!!!! ROFLMFAO!!!!!

 

[Phil Herring]

{groan}

 

[Dave D]

Caguy, first of all, you might want to rephrase that "bite" part! Secondly I suggest you ask your wife and/or girlfriend. She might know.

Oh and try the Aztec Concentration chant!

when you have to focus to straighten out your own screw up, use the Aztec concentration chant: "ayem sophakeen weetah did!" three times is the charm!

 

[kloudie1]

Don't know where it is but when ya say that name, they say "Wear the Fox hat"

 

[Joe11688]

A foot of flurries. A canivilling pin for a canafritus.

Hey Ross,
Do you have any good recipes?
Joe

 

[Ross]

{groan}

Phil, Can you give us a quote per foot for Pacific Rhumb Line and for a dozen compass points? Thanks.

 

[KandD]

I hear second hand that new sailors are often asked to "crank down the Mast" before pulling into San Francisco.

 

[Skipper]

Got a picture

Yeah? Fool eh? Well, I just happen to have a picture of the only California Snipe ever caught. Caught by me of course.

 

[meuritt]

After years in the Boy Scouts sending the new guys looking for the smoke sifter (shifter) during the annual Jamboree, I made one just for the occasion. It had been a particularly wet year, finding firewood dry enough to burn was near impossible.

I took a six foot branch with a nice fork on the end and decided to practice my lashing, using some jute twine I had. I made a grid across the fork, then wove some green and dry leaves through that. Alas by the time I was done the jokes were almost over.

But one kid finally came and asked, and yes indeed, I had it, since we didn't have a fire going, I didn't need it so here you go. We tailed him back to his camp.

He proudly walked into camp, "I found it!" and everyone quickly gathered round in amazement. "Never seen nothing like that before" was common comment. "How does it work", the leader took charge.

"He told me to build a big fire, then lay the smoke sifter on it and then put the grill over it and there would be no smoke"

We watched in amazement as the directions were followed. As soon as the smoke sifter was laid over the fire, the jute and dry stuff burst into flames, shortly the grid sprung apart as the lashings burnt through. The older boys were reaching into the fire to pull out the burning bits. They did what they could to restore my creation while we hot footed it back to our own camp.

Shortly, two older boys, wearing insignia of the Order of the Arrow, boys who should have known they'd been had, brought the branch back to me apologizing. They must have done something wrong, it didn't work they confessed with straight faces.

I said, sorry, its worked for me before, I make one for every camping trip.

 

[Richard H.]

Errands

I am doing some work this week for a Coast Guard Warrent Officer and we were talking today about errands that the new guys are sent on. Most I have heard; A bucket of prop wash, a hundred yards of shoreline. A half gallon of prop pitch, but a new one for me was, a can of magnetic bearing grease.
Let's add the others that I know are out there.

How about a bucket of steam and a left handed screwdriver.

 

[Ross]

How about a bucket of steam and a left handed screwdriver.

A bucket of steam usually involves a five gallon bucket filled with hot bolts and a few wet rags on top. Weighs in around 75 pounds. You advise the victim to hurry before it all escapes.

 

[Stormsailor]

Cabin fever pills, Mainsail luffing fan, Anchor grease, railing wash, metric adjustable wrench, two handle bilge pump retractor, phllips head torx bit, overhead bilge pump, bent prop auto balancer, open ended hammer, non slip rope seal oil, dinghy holder(its in the head), mast light fluid, 5,000lb two ton keel,Tide pump, and one of my favorites "A self loading sailboat trailer, Ya have to load it Yerself!!