A classic for new sailors reporting aboard their first ship - Get me some batteries for the sound powered phone!
Fool's errands
- Thread starter Ross
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When I went to school for auto body, we were working on a car and a turn signal didn't work. I told a kid that knew nothing about cars that it must need some "Blinker Fluid" he spent a half hour asking everyone where he could find it.
Dave
Dave
She was furious
When my grandmother took their 1940 Cadillac to the service station, he remined her to get the wheelbase greased. They laughed and laughed.
When my grandmother took their 1940 Cadillac to the service station, he remined her to get the wheelbase greased. They laughed and laughed.
Working in the electricity supply industry,i once asked an apprentice to go and ask one of the foremen in there office,if any of them knew where he could get a '6" throbing gland` from, the foreman started undoing his trouser zip, the apprentice went red and rushed out of the office!
Back in Scouting days I was asked at a campout to find a bacon stretcher - my friend was asked to find a left-handed smoke shifter.
An hour later my friend came back emptyhanded.
I, on the other hand, found someone who had made a bacon stretcher out of a piece of lumber and a few binder clips, just for such a situation.
My many thanks to the guy out there, many years ago, who saved my bacon..
An hour later my friend came back emptyhanded.
I, on the other hand, found someone who had made a bacon stretcher out of a piece of lumber and a few binder clips, just for such a situation.
My many thanks to the guy out there, many years ago, who saved my bacon..
A peddal Powered Wheel chair.....an ejector seat for a helicopter....a solar powered flashlight.
When I was in college I swam. One evening one of the not-so-smart wrestlers came to our house. He was a freshman and the senior wrestlers had sent the freshmen on a treasure hunt. The wrestler asked if we had a spare toilet (he had been sent to get toilet).
The wrestler failed to remember that one of the wrestlers was nick-named Toilet. He was supposed to go and get him. Since the wrestler was a tad bit slow (he did fail out of school but the guy was so strong that they lacked enough weights in the weight room for him to squat press).
We told him that we didn't have a Toilet but he needed to go and check the *#*@ house (which was the looser frat on campus) and ask them if he could borrow a toilet.
The wrestler went to the house and asked to borrow a toilet. They said sure, use the upstairs one. When the wrestler got up there the toilet was still attached. The wrestler simply tore the toilet off of the floor and threw it out of the upstair window of the frat house.
As far as I know....that toilet is still at the old wrestling house!
When I was in college I swam. One evening one of the not-so-smart wrestlers came to our house. He was a freshman and the senior wrestlers had sent the freshmen on a treasure hunt. The wrestler asked if we had a spare toilet (he had been sent to get toilet).
The wrestler failed to remember that one of the wrestlers was nick-named Toilet. He was supposed to go and get him. Since the wrestler was a tad bit slow (he did fail out of school but the guy was so strong that they lacked enough weights in the weight room for him to squat press).
We told him that we didn't have a Toilet but he needed to go and check the *#*@ house (which was the looser frat on campus) and ask them if he could borrow a toilet.
The wrestler went to the house and asked to borrow a toilet. They said sure, use the upstairs one. When the wrestler got up there the toilet was still attached. The wrestler simply tore the toilet off of the floor and threw it out of the upstair window of the frat house.
As far as I know....that toilet is still at the old wrestling house!
Bag of steam
When I was a kid, I worked at a butcher shop as a 'go-fer'. They guys sent me to the local hardwared store to get a bag of steam. The man at the hardware store blew cigarette smoke into a paper bag, carefully sealed it and told me to hold the bag tight so the steam wouldn't escape... I held on to the bag for dear life!
When I was a kid, I worked at a butcher shop as a 'go-fer'. They guys sent me to the local hardwared store to get a bag of steam. The man at the hardware store blew cigarette smoke into a paper bag, carefully sealed it and told me to hold the bag tight so the steam wouldn't escape... I held on to the bag for dear life!
Fools Errand
OK - Fools errand stuff - "Turn Signal Fluid" - and the old time favorite "left handed monkey wrench", "overhead blasting powder".
Have a nice week -
LarryT
LOL! I was watching a old Chevy Chase movie when he told that joke - I laughed out loud and woke up my wife! It's kinda like a chickenweigh - doesn't really work in print.
OK - Fools errand stuff - "Turn Signal Fluid" - and the old time favorite "left handed monkey wrench", "overhead blasting powder".
Have a nice week -
LarryT
Where's Charlie Noble?
New bees on board a sailing ship were sent to find Charlie Noble and bring him to the main mast.
In the Royal Navy in the 1600's Charlie Noble was a cook. It was the cooks job to clean out the chimney for the cook stove. Charlie Noble would requisition a pistol from the master of arms, fill it with powder, place it up the chimney and pull the trigger. The soot would fall down. Other cooks began to clean their chimneys the same way. It was called shooting Charlie Noble. That is how the Chimney on a boat got the name Charlie Noble.
New bees on board a sailing ship were sent to find Charlie Noble and bring him to the main mast.
In the Royal Navy in the 1600's Charlie Noble was a cook. It was the cooks job to clean out the chimney for the cook stove. Charlie Noble would requisition a pistol from the master of arms, fill it with powder, place it up the chimney and pull the trigger. The soot would fall down. Other cooks began to clean their chimneys the same way. It was called shooting Charlie Noble. That is how the Chimney on a boat got the name Charlie Noble.
Waterline
In the Navy we used to send new Quartermaster seaman to the Cheif Bosun for 100 feet of water line.
In the boyscouts, the new guys on their first camping trip would be sent out "snipe hunting". All the older guys would go out with them at first and then split up. They would circle back to the camp fire and laugh as the new guys would keep hunting until they would give up.
The funniest time was a guy named Jimmy. He was so excited about being the best scout he could be ,he came back with cuts and scrapes all over his arms. He said he had caught one but it got away.
We laughed for hours.
( there is no such thing as a snipe )
The funniest time was a guy named Jimmy. He was so excited about being the best scout he could be ,he came back with cuts and scrapes all over his arms. He said he had caught one but it got away.
We laughed for hours.
( there is no such thing as a snipe )
Looking for the Equator
For several weeks/months before crossing the Equator aboard a Navy ship, there is a lot of unpleasant, even physically harmful, harassment by the Shellbacks of the Pollywogs before the big day arrives.
Well, that day finally arrives and one gets some kind of a task to do. As a navigator, I was given a pair of binoculars, the good ones - two tin cans with the bottoms and tops cut out and taped together and told to look for the Equator and let everyone know when I saw it.
Well, in the course of the day, I was asked several times if I saw it yet. I honestly said no and promptly got beaten with shelaliahs because obviously I was not looking hard enough. And if I missed seeing it, King Neptune could not come aboard for the ceremony. So, I looked and looked.
Finally, I got smarter. I said, yes, I see it, I see it and began pointing to the empty ocean.
So, I got another beating because I was told that everyone knows the equator is an imaginary line.
For several weeks/months before crossing the Equator aboard a Navy ship, there is a lot of unpleasant, even physically harmful, harassment by the Shellbacks of the Pollywogs before the big day arrives.
Well, that day finally arrives and one gets some kind of a task to do. As a navigator, I was given a pair of binoculars, the good ones - two tin cans with the bottoms and tops cut out and taped together and told to look for the Equator and let everyone know when I saw it.
Well, in the course of the day, I was asked several times if I saw it yet. I honestly said no and promptly got beaten with shelaliahs because obviously I was not looking hard enough. And if I missed seeing it, King Neptune could not come aboard for the ceremony. So, I looked and looked.
Finally, I got smarter. I said, yes, I see it, I see it and began pointing to the empty ocean.
So, I got another beating because I was told that everyone knows the equator is an imaginary line.
A plumber friend of mine told a story about his first day on the job as a union apprentice on a large multi-floor construction project in a big city. His job for the entire first day was to climb the stairs from floor to floor and flush each toilet... Over, and over, and over...
At some point he became curious enough to lift the lid on one of the water tanks to discover that his job that day had been to keep all of the beer cold!
At some point he became curious enough to lift the lid on one of the water tanks to discover that his job that day had been to keep all of the beer cold!
it is possible,buy a magnet then grind it really fine grinding dust, mix it in grease.and wala magnetic grease. but you better then do the same with graphite.only twice the amount of the magnetic dust. mix and apply to anything over your head. i had a newbie..mechanic just out of 3 years of training hehehe . watched him no sh-t and tried to put in a bearing that kept over heating,over head that bearing actually lasted 3 times as long as usual
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