Dumb and dumber

[Tim]

More Heel must mean More Speed

First time sailing a real boat, rented a Rhodes 19 for a couple of hours. Was doing great! Speeding back and forth across Lake Union (about 1/2 mile), rail in the water, really having the time of our lives! Each time we past the rental place, we thought we heard somebody hollering, but we were having so much fun and all heeled over like that, thought we were Dennis Conner reincarnate!On one pass, we got in closer and there was someone shouting: "UNHOOK THE BOOM FROM THE BACKSTAY!". Once we figured out what they were talking about (the short keeper line from the backstay to the end of the boom) - we found out that the boat stood up a whole lot nicer and we could trim the sails a whole lot more like what we had read about.Felt pretty stupid, but no harm done. Learned to love the feeling of speed in a sailboat.License plate frame seen at the marina: "Sailing: Sheer terror at 6mph"Tim BroganApril IV C350 #68Seattle

 

[Jolie]

Toothbrush to Detail my Watertank

My newly purchased Hunter Passage 42 was a beaut. So why not detail things with a toothbrush. While I am at it, oh yes, I have to fill the water tank. But the hose sprayer keeps popping out of the filler opening. Oh, this is easy, use the toothbrush to hold the hose sprayer in the filler hose. So I wedged the hose sprayer with the toothbrush, and went back to whatever I was doing. The tank overfilled causing the hose to pop out again. Now, where is that toothbrush?? Oh no, it fell overboard...oh no it didn't...oh no then where did it go? I could only guess - DOWN INTO THE WATER TANK!! I spent the entire afternoon pulling floorboards, checking plans, calling Hunter. "You what?" Hunter said, "Is this a joke?." Hunter suggested that I check immediately below the water filler opening, under the deck - behind a clothes closet - I only had to remove 4 screws. There was the hose, and at the first bend of the hose was that toothbrush. Boy was I thankful I didnt have to buy another toothbrush - or boat!

 

[Paul Zetlmaier]

"Capt. Ron" and The Railroad Bridge

I was crew on a 42'Valient with a quirk; every time the trans' went into reverse the diesel died. Skipper liked the "Capt.Ron" 10kts up tothe dock, buttonhook turn and reverse engine, all very showy. Hit the fuel dock, The dock at first overnight stop, and finally wounded a high dollar trimarane at Coos Bay. You'd think they would learn!Then there was the time I took a Cal22 under therailroad bridge with minus 2' clearance on themasthead. I had realized there was no clearancebut with 3kts current and 10 kts wind The mightyColumbia was taking me to the sea!I tacked back and forth a couple of times and thought I had enough room to start the outboard. I was facing aft with the tiller between mylegs yanking on that sucker when the racket started; Pigeon crap, huge flakes of rust andthe wind vane landed in the cockpit as the boatheeled over, rounded up and came out downstreambackwards.

 

[Dave]

Tied to the Dock!

We have a weed problem at the local marina that makes getting in and out of your slip difficult. My wife and I decided to go out on a blustry day. I usually take care of the dock lines so she only has to release the forward stbd line. The wind was blowing onto the pier so I left the port bow line on to keep us off the pier while we made ready. Ready? You bet, back her down, hey we must be stuck in the weeds, back it a little harder! My wife is looking at me in the cockpit instead of forward, so only the people on the pier know why we can't get out of the slip. Harder! Finally someone from the peanut gallery let the cat out of the bag and yelled to us. Oh well.

 

[David Joseph]

Keeping track of your compass heading.

Back more years ago than I want to admit, some folks in Hilo persuaded my friends and I that we should stop at Palmyra Island. Eleven days later we found it and came sailing around the east side and headed for the small pass through the reef on the south-west end of the island. We dropped sail, lined up the two landmarks and started to motor in. In our excitment we failed to notice the squall sweeping over from the east side of the island until it covered the land marks, the island and us. I had not looked at the compass and had no idea of the course to steer. I did recall the "foul grounds" so well described in the British Admiralty books and I knew exactly what I had found when we hit the first bombee. Fortunately, our navigator knew what course to steer and with one person on the bow and one in the middle to relay messages through the downpour, we managed to pick our way out only brushing four more before we were clear.The squall turned into a bit of a blow and we gave up on the idea of stopping at Palmyra.Perhaps you all understand if, nearly 30 years later, I am a little anal about wanting to know what compass course I am steering at all times.

 

[Tim Launiere]

Serious Safety Issue

After finishing a race around the cans I was doing the handicap gozintas and not paying attention to sailing. The main jibed and the boom caught my crew-mate square in the back of the head. Fortunatly he had on foul weather gear with the hood rolled up behind his head. That took the sharp edge off the blow. It still hurt his neck and my ego. I don't remember if we won the race but we did stay out and continue to race.

 

[BILL ROBB]

A Comedy of Errors!

Oh, Gosh! What's the dumbest thing out of all the dumb things I've done?! Well - It's gotta be when I was cruising with my son and father-in-law and a squall hit out of nowhere. One of us had forgotten to listen to the weather forecast, one of us had over-tightened the forestay trying to improve the shape of the jib, and one of us had untied the bight at the end of the jib-sheet to run it through the blocks differently to try to get a better shape at the luff. The result? The wind caught the sail, the line went overboard, we couldn't furl it, and the jibsheet caught in the prop! All in about 5 seconds - with the wind now at about 45 knots!!!! What a learning experience that was! Bill on STARGAZER

 

[Scott Wells]

What are those green and red sticks doing there

It was a beautiful summer day and day 2 of my vacation, having tied up at the Sandwich Marina at 0300 and setting sail for Barnstable harbor at 1000. By all rights it should have been about a 2 - 3 hour trip. I was able to make hull speed the whole trip, enjoying the peace and quite of single handing. As I approached the channel i dropped my sails and motored for the town dock. Thinking how great to sail 60 miles by my self without a hiccup. As I started to turn up the channel to the town landing I noticed that the engine (a thirty year old diesel) started to race and my speed was dropping. A quick peak revealed that the shaft coupling had broken and I now was in a narrow channel heading upwind. About the same time I finally got a sail up the boat came to an abrupt stop. The tide was rapidly falling and I was not going anywhere. I spent the next 14 hours on a sandbar and then rowed my Aloha 28 the .5 miles to the town docks. Atleast the locals were sympathetic ( many offering to supply beer and food as they chucled on the way by), a little local area knowledge is a good thing.

 

[william Hunt]

Ready about

Years ago my youngest brother and I sailed my 48' Alden from Vermont to the Caribbean. We invited our parents down for a cruise with us. WWhen they arrived in Antigua, we took them aboard and decided to show off our sailing prowess and sail off the anchor. We raised the sails in fine fashion, hoisted the anchor and were sailing along at a great clip straight into shore. We had not left enough time and room to tack the heavy full keeled ketch. Fortunately we hit the mud before the stone breakwater. So much for sailing prowess. The rest of the cruise went considerably better.

 

[barnacle rudy]

our first sail on our own

Our first boat was a wonderful 35 foot Erickson Mark 1 but for the first two months we owned it we were afraid to take it out ourselves. We always hoped a friend with sailing experience would show up so we could take it out.My wife began to tease me about this and one morning while I was at work she called saying sooner or later we had to go it alone. I took this challenge and told her to meet me at the boat around noon with some sandwiches and we, my daugher, my wife and I would take it out.When I got there she had bought bar b qued beef sandwiches, my favorite, which I wolfed down.We got out of the slip ok and into the main channel where I tried to put up the main. Of course the line got caught on the mast and I had to struggle with that, and by that time we were leaving the marina. I had the engine going and the previous owner had stored the jib in a bag on the bow, already rigged. As I moved forward to raise the jib (in those days before roller furling, I noticed there was no one else out and the wind was blowing fairly hard. White caps in all directions.I got the jib up but the sheets were under the safety lines so I had to go forward to sort that out. The starboard jib was trailing in the water about 15 feet out so I had to try to pull the jib in enough to reach the sheet. The sea was now quite rough and the bar b qued beef sandwich was coming back up again. I got the sheet in and sorted out and now we were moving at warp spped toward Malibu. I could see the traffic light at Sunset Blvd and Pacific Coast Highway changing from green to yellow to red and I realized we could not continue on this course any longer. I was trying to remember all the sailing lessons and was pretting sure I should head into the wind and try to reverse course, heading south. My plan was for the wind to blow the jib back. The jib got caught on the mast as I had left a winch handle in the mast winch, so I had to go forward again and free the jib sheet. I thought the jib looked awfully big as it reached almost back to the cockpit. It was the 180.When I got the jib to port the boat really took off. The port rail went under and you could have waterskied behind us. The sea was extremely rough and the wind was blowing very hard.All this time i was trying to look calm and under control for my wife and daughters sake but the bar b qued beef sandwich as about to reach critical mass. I asked my wife to take the wheel while I leaned over the side. She took the wheel and I leaned but immediately noticed we where jibing. I looked at her and her eyes were as big as saucers and her knuckles were white as she gripped the wheel. She had panicked so I had to take the wheel back without having dealt with the bar b qued beef sandwich. By this time my plan was, if I could crawl forward to my brand new VHF radio without throwing up, I would call the Coast Guard, have them come out in a helicopter and lift me off this damn thing and let my wife and daughter do the best they could.About this time my wife said something like"Why don't we go on in now." which I was more than happy to do, if only I could.Again trying to dredge up my memory on how to sail, I thought sailing downwind would be a lot calmer than continuing to head south, so I headed the boat towards the marina. We were about 8 miles out but with the 180 up and the wind blowing hard, would be in the marina in no time.Marina Del Rey entrance is parallel to the mouth of Bolona Creek.As I rounded the breakwater at the Marina mouth, of course the jib went to starboard , completely blocking my view and at first I mistook Bolona Creek for the Marina entrance. The boat drew 5 feet 6 inches and the creek level is about 6 inches.I corrected this mistake just in time and managed to get into the marina entrance where i started the engine.I then dropped the main the the jib and since the wind was blowing the jib all over and I didnt want it to go over the side, I asked my wife to take the wheel and my daugher to stand on the jib as I dropped in on the deck. We were running alongside the rocks on the south side of the marina entrance and there was another sailboat coming in behind us.I was shouting at my daugher to come forward but unbeknownst to me, since it was warmer inside the marina and out of the wind, my wife was taking off her flotation jacket and the top of her bathing suit came off. She was also yelling at my daughter to help her with the wheel while she put her top back on. All this yelling of course attracted the attention of the fishermen on the rocks who began jumping from rock to rock trying to keep up with us,and the guy in the other sailboat, who moved in for a closer look. When we got into the main channel and I got ths sails put away I headed toward the slip, thinking that in order for a sailboat to have steering you have to keep it moving. The knotmeter on the boat was unreliable so I tried to gauge by its sound how fast we should go.As I neared our slip I could see the other boat owners standing around waiting for us to come back so the could help us tie up and congratulate us on our first solo. I also noticed that the scenery was flashing by, more of a blur, and it occured to me perhaps I was going a bit too fast. When I turned into our row of slips the other boat owners spotted us and scattered, a further tip off that I was going way too fast.I threw it into reverse just as I rounded the dock but we hit the dock so hard the boat slid up out of the water and the big CQR anchor on the bow slammed into the steel walkway. Before I could shut the engine off and get off the boat to tie it up my wife and daughter were in the car in the parking lot. One; I forgot to check the windTwo; I should have been more careful about eating Three; i had the wrong sail upFour: I left the winch handle in the winchFive;

 

[G.F.Kellor]

Great narrative!!!

I can really relate to that story! I like the part about the aborted attempt of the sandwich.Reminds me of the first time I took a friends dingy out. I went sailing out of the bay and needed to make a tack. Turned and the sail swung around. The boat went around, and around and around. Everybody on shore was howling. Took a moment to figure out what was wrong. I didn't put the tiller UNDER the line the main sheet block rides on. The sail pulled the tiller to one side and kept it there as the boat went around and around. Good lesson....check EVERYTHING before sailing off. Trick then was how to lift the rudder off the gudgeons without dropping it into the water...Hey, maybe that's the 'thing' about sailing...always something different to experience!!! And the possibility of creating a little drama for spectators to enjoy!

 

[.]

Port Marine (MA) - launch with seacocks removed

They launched boat while I had seacocks removed for upgrade and all hoses going to head out. They notified me that they launched my boat, after they launched my boat!My boat half sank and they are still fighting me to get out of their obligations...My boat was just purchased, and not insured until after it was swamped (I was waiting for the suveyor...)FYI - Beverly port Marine has a legacy of poor work standards.

 

[Thomas A. D.]

Sunset misshap !

While gliding into a sweet achorage on our home lake, the sun was setting the wind had died and no one was around. Perfect ! I was still under full sail drifting downwind ready to turn upwind and furl when the wind just completely turned off. Oh I can just deploy the anchor by hand over the stern pulpit , I thought to myself, fast and simple. Just as the anchor splashed, the wind filled the sails and I was doing 5 knots , the anchor set on the lake bottom and I was quickly running out of rode. Of course the bitter end wasn't around a horn cleat , so I tried to halt us with muscle. All that did was skin my hands down to the Muscle fascia on my left palm and my achor and rode were gone, and I was heading for the rocky shore. All's well that ends well. A second anchor and and some fast tiller work... lesson learned.

 

[Bill Hughes]

Where did the wheel go?

Each year on Smith Mountain Lake, The Blackwater Yacht Racing Association (BYRA) has a "Big A-- Boat Race" which usually winds up with a raft-up and party. Several years ago I rafted "Gypsy Wind" to our Committee Boat and several other boats were rafted to her. To make room for the continuous parade back and forth to the beverage coolers on the Committee Boat, I removed the wheel and placed it down in the cabin, (not just down in the cabin but neatly put away in the forward berth). As the hours of swimming, eating, and other things progressed, boats began to go their way to various home ports on the lake. As I readied to leave, the last sailboat threw my lines on board and I laid the Committee Boat's lines over and cranked the motor to leave. I had a feeling that something wasn't right but shifted into forward and gave "Gypsy Wind" about 1/3 throttle. Just as I picked up speed and reached for the wheel, I realize it wasn't there. I could hear laughter from the remaining boats as I dove down into the cabin to find the wheel.

 

[Thom Hoffman]

Mount on the left

There are more than a few examples I'd not like to repeat (except in printed form); one that stands out for dumbness and luck happened as I was leaving a dock. I'd come in to this outside dock and tied up starboard side to as it was convenient and (in hindsight) probably slack water. After a few hours ashore, I returned to the boat (soloing) and readied for departure. Got the motor running, gear at the ready, checked harbor traffic and decided it was time to leave. With the lifelines down, I went onto the dock, released the aft line and tossed it into the cockpit and then went to the bow line and untied it. Taking up the slack in the line, I looked up to note the stern was swinging out from the dock on a fairly strong outgoing tide! All of a sudden I realized I had a 5 ton boat held by a dock line in my hand. Without much consideration of options, I pulled the bow close enough (bow now pointing at dock), and as she continued to swing around port side too, I leveraged myself up over the bow sprit to get aboard. Without delay--but trying not to look at all anxious--I made it to the cockpit to back off the dock/downstream and keep the port side off the pier before then powering up into the current. If I'd been wearing a cowboy hat and boots, pedestrians on the dock would have just thought that's the way it'd done down south.  You can be sure I now check to see which way the current's running before uncleating lines.

 

[Bud22665]

Had the Mac 25 for a year and thought I was

ready for most anything. While sailing off Caladesi Island Florida on a hot day alone, I was near a crowded beach and decided to beach the boat. Since there was little wind and all I had up was the main, I decided to jump in the water let the boat pull me in slowly so I could cool off. I was fine till the wind suddenly picked up and pushed me and the boat towards the crowded beach. I didn't put the ladder over the side and could not get back on. So I am yelling get out of the way or something. A couple young men climbed up we brought the boat under control. No one hurt but I felt as dumb as a rock. Regards Bud

 

[Bob Camel]

Better to Cautious than Stupid

Thursday nights are sailing nights, I go out even if by myself. A few weeks back a neighborwho is on his second time sailing and a die hard power boater, volunteered to go sailing since he had such a good time last time we sailed togeher.Well it is good for a man's ego as a captain, when someone speaks so highly of sailing and then speaks of how relaxing and fun it can be.Sparked by our last outing and looking forward to another opportunity helping show the pleasure of sailing, I allowed my neighbor to take the helm.We were sailing the intercoastal, and I knew we could sail past the dock on the point and keep going up to the pass before coming about.I pushed my neighbor and coached him that he could make it. My coaching did no good. He simply was not comfortable and he passed the helm back to me. Well he was right and I was wrong. As I approached the dock, I did not take into consideration the strong incoming tide, with light wind, the tide began to win.We were being pushed within a few feet, I quickly started the engine, full reverse, we were still moving toward the dock. My neighbor was fighting to keep wind in the sales. I grabbed the lines released the main and genoa, and, in the words of Maxwell Smart " we missed it by that much" I told him the best part of sailing was you always learned each time you were out on the water. I also told him that he proved to be then better sailor as he had the good sense not to try to make it.My friend still sails with me, he is still an avid power boater, but now he always teases me that if it wasn't for the engine we would have hit the dock. Thus even an die hard sailor needsto be a power boater. Again, I relearned it isbetter to be a prudent skipper.

 

[Michael Doran]

Mind Those Docklines

I single hand my O'Day 25 a lot. The most challenging part of my solitary trips is landing at the marina slip. I generally nose into the slip going forward, but with the outboard in reverse, cancelling my momentum to zero very close the the dock. At that point, I throw the outboard into neutral, reduce power, and make a beeline for the bow area where my past practice was to have a dockline neatly coiled. Then hop off and secure the line to a dock cleat.This all worked pretty slick until the day I was out in a heavy enough breeze that a combination of wind and bucking of the boat caused, unknown to me, the dock line to leave the deck and go dangling in the water. Now I have to raise the centerboard to make the run into the marina, due to the shallow dredged channel. The unpleasant part of this day began when I hauled on the centerboard line and squashed the dockline between the centerboard and its trunk. With repeated effort I was unable to remove the line by hand, and the centerboard would not lower again, from its position of about 50% raised, due to the wedge effect of the fouled line. I even anchored, dove into the water underneath the boat, and tried to remove the line. It was, however, stuck fast.Nothing for it but to make my run to the slip with about two ft or so greater draft than normal -- hey, I thought if that Beneteau 33 can make it I probably can too. I scraped the silty bottom at numerous points, but made it in OK. Unfouling the line, however, required hoisting the boat with the marina's lift, and applying leverage between the hull and the centerboard with a 2 x 4 to lower the board enough to free the line.I now uncleat and remove all docklines once I leave the slip, stowing them until my return. It takes a second longer, but my current practice is to cleat the dockline on my mad dash to the bow area at the moment of landing. I would have saved a couple of gray (or lost) head hairs if that had been my practice from the beginning.

 

[Dave]

Master and Commander

While still in college, I bought a Topper, which is a 12 foot sailboat (kind of a cross between a Sunfish and a Laser). My brother and I had it out on Cayuga Lake in upstate NY and turtled it a few hundred yards off shore. No problem. Just stand on the centerboard and it will come right back up. Unfortunately, the mainsheet was cleated in and with so much water in the main, the boat wouldn't right itself even with a couple hundred pounds on the centerboard. The smart thing to do would be to just uncleat the mainsheet. My mind was working differently that day. I chose instead to disconnect the mast and have my brother hold it while floating in the water as I flipped the boat. Mission accomplished. My brother hands the mast back to me, and I start getting everything reconfigured when I noticed that the mast was only about half it's normal height. Strange. At about that time, my brother announces that there is something "tugging on this rope". The rope he was referring to was of course the main halyard. While he had been in the water holding the mast, the two parts of the mast separated. He handed me back the lower half of the mast, but the upper half was now still in the water. Of course this would have been no problem had I simply tied a knot in the main halyard to prevent it from slipping through the masthead. Again, that would have been the smart thing to do, but intelligence was not on my side that day. Then he announced that it had slipped through. Luckily we were on the south end of Cayuga, in only about 15 feet of water. Note the Finger Lakes are quite deep (over 700 feet in some places), and had we been further out, there would be no upper half to retrieve without a deep sea diving bell. I dove in the general direction of the mast and luckily was able to find it before it settled to the bottom. While this soap opera is playing itself out on the water, our poor mother is watching us from the shore and we nearly gave her a heart attack. She sees the boat turtled, and then only one son emerge from the water. The boat is blocking her view of my brother who is in the water. Then she sees her frantically son dive into the water for some unknown reason. She assumes that the other one is in some type of distress. We finally got the boat back together and got back to shore. Lots of good lessons from that experience and I really get a chuckle when I think about it now. However, it generated permanent damage to my sailing reputation, at least in my family. DaveO'Day 222

 

[scott wilson]

It was supposed to be a relaxing vacation

A couple of summers a go wife and and I were sitting around the camp site, during one of our "active" vacations,, having finished a 15 mile mountain bike ride in 95 degree heat. Wife said she would rather be sitting on the beach or somewhere where she didn't have to wear a helmet. Hey, why don't we rent a sail boat for a few days in the San Juan Islands, says I. We had been together 20 years and she had only seen me sail ( as a crew) for about 4 hours. But I could talk the talk about my younger days racing. So three weeks later, after talking the talk to a charter company, we were starting day two of our cruise. Just so happened that we had picked a week with large tides and currents. Our itinerary was modest, just go a few miles a day. So on day two I misread (understatement) the current charts and tide table and we set out with the wind but aginst the tidal current. The wind picked up as did the opposing current and pretty soon the waves are just going up and down. We were motor sailing with just the jib and my wife is scared. There are no other boats out, when a Coast Guard ship is seen on a passing course. My wife says we are going to be saved. I tell her the boat can handle it and she is actually comforted by the ship passing without approaching. We quarter the waves on a broad reach and head across the bay hoping for calmer seas and maybe a place to anchor and recover along an island. Not much relief on the far shore, which is rocky, so we don't try to anchor, in the event we drag. We turn downwind and jog along the shore with just the jib. About 3 hours of total stress has passed and we can't find a place to park the boat and wife hasn't moved from her spot in the cockpit. I am hungry, thirsty and my bladder is full. Wife won't take the wheel. Slowly the tide goes to slack and the wind dies down. We have now gone past our intended anchorage back on the other side of the bay. We both calm down and wife is willing to take the wheel and a couple of hours later wife is willing to head back a couple of miles across the bay where there are moring buoys. The conditions turn idealic and we turn the engine off and sail for an hour into a shallow cove and pick up the mooring buoy. Haven't seen another boat all day. Then a bunch of teenagers come out of the woods and start running around the beach on the small state park island. So we go ashore to see how they got there. We walk a couple hundred yards to the other side of the island and find a camp counselor and a bunch of kayaks on the beach that had come ashore that day. I was amazed and asked the group leader how they got through the rough seas. Well they went about twice as far as we did by leaving 5 hours later and having both a following wind and current. When we got back to the boat I showed my wife the tide table, current flow chart and explained my decision making, telling her in passing that after peak high tide the water "floods" back to the ocean. She looked at me and said "You dummy, tides flood into sounds and ebb out into the ocean." Well you can't argue with the truth.  We now have our own boat and I am no longer the navigator, having found one more capable that I. P.S. If you keep pumping your head after the holding tank is full, thus cloging the vent line, when you go to the pump out dock and open the deck cap, approximatly 3 gallons of waste will shoot about two feet in the air and cover anything and anybody within 3 feet.