Did anyone else have a rough season?

[Bad Obsession]

This season has been rough for me. I started off the year good and I sailed the boat, on vacation, all the way to Annapolis and back (I am on the middle part of the Potomac River. I had gone over to Oxford and a few other neat places.On the way to Solomins from Oxford I hit 25 knots steady on the nose with gusts over 30. I was okay but it still wasn't pleasant.Made a be-line the next day from Solomins the next day (Over 50 miles) because the weather was supposed to get bad the next day and I had to get home.Got home and didn't get my boat out for any more overnight trips. It got so hot and I also had some issues with work and home. I did get a few okay day trips but not many because of work and stuff at home.Then I was finally told by my wife that after 5 years of taking Sailing vacations she is tired of it and she really doesn't like sailing. She wants to do something else next year and she doesn't feel like going out on the boat much. I have bent over backwards to make the trips fun and pleasurable for her (I do all of the crew work, cook all of the dinners, do all of the cleaning, and everything else). All she has to do is sleep in everyday, read her books, get on the internet (I got a mobile broadband card for my laptop so that she could use the internet while on the boat and it worked great all over the bay).I was looking forward towards the middle of September through October because it is usually good sailing and a great time for over-night trips. I ended up breaking my arm, at home, and I had two plates and 12 screws put in it (still recovering). I feel like a target anymore! The new thing is I get hit by a bill that I had no idea was coming (like the $700 bill for my broken arm). Has anyone had luck like mine this year?

 

[MoonSailer]

Sorry that you had a bad year!!!!!!

My year has been pretty good. My wife loves sailing and is even encourageing me to look for a newer larger boat. But we have had some bad years. This too will pass. If all else fails start looking for a new wife. First there is sailing and then the rest of life.

 

[MoonSailer]

Sorry that you had a bad year!!!!!!

My year has been pretty good. My wife loves sailing and is even encourageing me to look for a newer larger boat. But we have had some bad years. This too will pass. If all else fails start looking for a new wife. First there is sailing and then the rest of life.

 

[John24107]

Boredom

Did it occur to you that perhaps your wife is bored and doesn't like sailing because she doesn't sail? She does the things she could do in her living room with the added benefit of potential motion sickness, sunburn and limited cuisine. I'd hate sailing too if I only went along for the ride. This is clearly your hobby so, continue to enjoy it but, you're going to have to find something else for you and your wife to enjoy together. Or, let your wife sail the boat. She might find that she actually enjoys sailing.

 

[Doug]

perspective

Try and think of the positive side, You did get away for I guess a week and apparently did alot of day trips. I think half of sailing is the fantasy that you could stop at the grocery store and never look back. But alas, we return, back to the grind, babysitting idiot employees, trying to keep our kids from becoming alcoholics (no matter how hard they try) and lest never forget half of our lives being wasted on paying taxes.  I did get a 2 week break but still had to cut the trip short for the above reasons and more.  No, the world isn't picking on you, it picks on everybody. Sailing just reminds you how little free time you have.

 

[G. Bean, s/v Freya]

I feel Much Better Now

I feel much better about my summer now, thanks. We were in the yard for three weeks getting a bottom job then promptly broke a deck organizer. The yard Forman said “not a problem, we’ll fit you into the schedule and you’ll be out in no time”. Well, three weeks later…

 

[Jim]

RE : Did anyone else have a rough season?

We had a rough trip up to Block Island. My wife didn't like the rough seas and to top it off I was sea sick. Then we got stuck up at Block Island for 4 days in foul weather. We took the LI Sound back and it was much nicer. I think the wife and I can only take so much Ocean sailing. We like our small protected bay in NJ. She know the deal. No more sailing equals divorce, end of story! By the way, I am planning next summer trip back to Block. The wife can take the train up.

 

[RobG]

Keep your chin up!

My tough year was last year complete with trashing my arm on Labor Day. This year however was completely the opposite. Arm 80% and a fantastic sailing season. There is hope. Keep the faith and it will work out.

 

[Ken Honeycutt]

My wife was tired of our boat too

And announced after last season that she didn't want to bother going to the boat except for a few Saturdays. So I spent last winter installing new portlights, window shades, refrigeration and replacing the head and all the plumbing with PVC. Towards the middle of the season this year she enjoyed the time on the boat so much that I didn't get an argument when I mentioned that maybe we should get a bigger boat so we could spend more time out. Bottom line is we purchased a new 36' Hunter in September. Figure next summer that it will take an act of congress to get her off the boat.

 

[Rick D]

Is It Her Boat Too?

This may be a stupid question, but has your wife decorated the boat and shopped for all the interior stuff? It makes them feel it's theirs in a tangible way. Having said that, the worst you can do now is hang a guilt trip on her. My suggestion is to get your friends together and sail with them. Most will be male and their wives will likely love to have them out of the house too. I sail a couple of distance races every year and my wife really tired of doing the return cruises. Now, I just skip the return cruise and power straight beck for her to meet me and head somewhere for a short trip. I make SURE the boat is really clean before she sees it. And, for day sails, I invite club members or neighbors who really appreciate it. I use the boat more and she still loves to use it her way. Give it a try rather than frustrating yourself. Doing cruises with your friends is great fun too. BTW, you don't have to do a trip with your wife on your vacation either. There is nothing at all wrong with separate vacations once in a while if your interests differ. Keep your chin up; it was only one down year! Rick D.

 

[higgs]

Agree to disagree

Some women will never get into the sailing life. When this transpires, one has to establish some rules with the wife. It will involve some give and take, but the important thing is to come to an understanding with the wife that you are going to spend time saiing and time on the boat. She will have to accept this as part of who you are. On the ohter hand, you will have to be willing to do the husbandry shit wives want - like square dancing classes and evenings with her family.The other option is a divorce.

 

[r.w.landau]

I have a friend that knows all the right Jewelers!

He is still enjoying sailing and she is happy! They are always a fun couple when they both show up.( I just try to keep her away from my wife.) r.w.landau

 

[Ross]

This becomming a women aren't crazy about

sailing so men have to bribe or threaten them to go sailing. I guess I am very fortunate because Nancy enjoys our time in the boat. She says sailing is fine when the boat doesn't heel "too" much but acknowledges that sailing is smoother than motoring. We both hate the rough water created by too many power boat wakes. Nancy refers to the boat as "her little house on the water" is sad when we put it to bed for the winter and makes time to recommsion in the spring. She plans sailing time for us when the weather forecast is indicating that being outside will be pleasant. We also enjoy other activities that don't involve the boat but they are all mutually agreeable.

 

[MoonSailer]

Wife's Investment in Boating Activity

My wife is an active participant in our sailing. Long ago I made her the navigator..though I usually know exactly where we are located. It was a great move to keep her interested. During tacking she handles the sheets. When we cast off ,dock or anchor she is a participant handling lines or taking the helm while I handle the anchor. She cooks and plans meals. My Granddaughter mentioned that she likes Grandpa's boat. Janie was quick to tell Adriana that it was grandpa and grandma's boat!!!! I also have Janie take the helm to give me a break. At first she really was afraid to take the helm and still wants me to steer when the weather is rough or we are docking etc. But over the years her definiton of "rough" has changed and now she will take the helm even when we are at hull speed. Make your wife a full participant!!!! If I hadn't made my wife "navigator" years ago she probably would not still love to go sailing. At one time she wanted to be "co-captain" but decided that she didn't want the title after I went below during a storm. She doesn't want to be the boss but definately wants to be in on the decision making. We like to do different tasks and neither just sits while the other is working. After all is secure she will usually read while I go fishing or swimming. She does like her own space so I give her space by rowing around fishing from the dinghy or by just drinking a little wine in the cockpit while she is down below reading. Everyone needs their space and down time and this might be hard to provide on a small boat. We have been sailing together almost from the first date. We started sailing together over 17 years ago on my daysailer. Actually I doubt that we would have married if she had disliked sailing.

 

[Drew13440]

Old Saying

Goes like this: "A man who is involved with a woman and a sailboat at the same time is in very big trouble."Seriously though, if it really is the sailing that she doesn't like, you may be SOL, but there should be room for compromise. In my own humble experience, the boat, the sailing, is really not the issue with the girlfriends. It is the attention the boat demands and the enthusiasm it engenders that create the tension (jealousy). So, you gotta find a way to make her feel more important than the boat. If you do that, and I am right, she will happily go sailing again.

 

[Anna Lynn]

Might want to give your wife a break...

My wife and I had similiar problems years past, but the kids really liked sailing and we got through it. I have learned the hard way (and I am pretty slow)that you can't spend every vacation on the boat, you need to do other than boat "things" some weekends. Another thing I learned (remember I'm a slow learner) was that my wife didn't like my last boat (I never asked her what she liked before I bought it) and I found myself competing with both my wife and my boat. I know a lot of you experience this every summer, so we made a decision, Over this past year I sold "my baby", and together we both picked out a boat that we can both enjoy, and let me tell you, I ended up with a bigger boat more comfortable, as well as my wife has turned into "The Stepford boat Wife". It is great, I am the luckest guys on the Gulf Coast and we spend even more time on the water than ever before however, I learned the hard way, should have done it years earlier.....So my advice if it works as find out what is the best for both of you and go for it.. It might work...

 

[Jack]

The head factor

I have discovered that my wife's sailing enjoyment is directly proportional to the amenities in the head. Our first boat, a 22' trailer-sailer had a porta-potti in the cabin -- no privacy = no sailingOur second boat, a Cat 27 had a door on the head compartment, but still a porta-potti -- "it smells and it doesn't really flush" = a bit more sailingOur third boat, a Cal 33-2, has a Lavac toilet -- "well, it flushes, but there's no real shower" = much more sailingThe next boat will have a shower stall -- "well, this is nice" = lots of sailing (I hope).Moral: When looking at a new boat, start with the head.Jack

 

[Bob V]

Higgs, a bit of moderation please.

I saw a lot of good advice about getting the wife more involved at sailing and agree that it can be very effective to compromise. However square-dancing does seem to be a bit extreme. Perhaps they could meet each other half-way. I suggest he agree to swing-dancing lesson in exchange for her taking a power squadron course.

 

[oldiesrocker2001]

a little variety

A little variety will go a long way with the wife. We vacation around the boat about every other year. It's only a trailor-sailor with minimum amenities, but we used to wilderness-backpack. The trip that really convinced her was the towing trip to Florida. We didn't sail as much as we wanted to, but the days we did were great. Our most recent vacation was to Hawaii, and we were both disappointed that we weren't able to charter a sail boat for a day there. Next year, either Lake George or Barnegat....

 

[KathyL]

A woman's perpective

I have to agree with a lot of the comments on here. I've only been sailing for about three years, but I've been "sailing" as in handling the helm, the lines, the sheets, the navigation, and just about eveything else at one time or another. If I were just along for the ride, I think it would get old real fast. The head factor? When we first bought the Beach House, it had the traditional head where you pump it to flush it... and get possibly yucky water all over yourself. First Christmas after we bought the boat, I got an electric head as my gift! Cool! The new to us boat has a head with a separate shower. Cooler! It really does make a difference. I see from your profile that you've been sailing for quite a while at a lot of levels. Has she? Maybe she feels somewhat inferior and that is contributing to her lack of interest. Has she ever taken a class? Maybe if she knew what you were doing and why, it might help. Just a few thoughts.Kathy