Carrying too much vs. too little sail
I realize that the original poster might appreciate some further hints on how to diagnose his problems and decide what to try first. If he is being overpowered, i.e. heeling so much that he is losing boat speed as well as rudder efficiency (due to the sharply angled blade entry), while releasing the traveler and/or mainsheet a fair amount fails to provide adequate relief he will probably decide to put in a reef (or additional reef). Although this should bring the boat back on its feet he may also discover that he can no longer point quite as high as before (due to less efficient sail shape and diminished drive) and may well be underpowered in the luffs (again resulting in poor steering ability due to loss of speed). Consequently, if steering close to the wind is an important requirement (e.g. when trying to weather a headland or cape) he may well want to learn the finer points of "feathering" in order to depower the sails temporarily in the puffs (and keep the boat on its feet), rather than to depower the sails by reefing or other adjustments which cannot be undone and remade in an instant. Although I am not advising here to put reefing off indefinitively, the combination of strong winds and trying to steer a close-hauled course takes a fair amount of gutsiness, stamina and determination ("gentlemen don't sail to windward"). I have seen more sailors fail to achieve this objective by reefing to early -- and thereby becoming too underpowered to drive through the waves (with consequent loss of boat speed and rudder response) -- than by being overcanvassed.Finally, if you have insufficient searoom to bear off but cannot maintain adequate boatspeed (and helmcontrol) on the required close-hauled course, you may well want to try your hand at motorsailing. Many of the boats trying to beat up the Baja coast on their way back to San Diego from Cabo San Lucas and the Sea of Cortez, end up motorsailing more than 50 % of the route.Hope this clarifies things a bit further.Flying DutchmanFinally