Spouse needs a little "reassurance"

[Rocket1]

Hey All-

I'm hoping y'all can chime in here and set the Admiral's mind a ease a bit. First, a little background-

In my teen years I spent a fair amount of time on my father's boat, an Islander 36, much of it with the toe rail in the water. Good times. Got married (wife has never been on a sailboat), had kids - fast forward 25 years.

We recently purchased a honey of a 340, and have been having a ball getting to know her and just farting around in general, with one minor little issue. Seems that having been taught for her entire life that tipping a boat is a bad thing, the Admiral gets a little nervous when we start heeling her over a bit. Her blood pressure seems to be directly related to the clinometer above the companionway - they seem to go up together. She's pretty cool to about 10-15 degrees or so, but really gets nervous beyond that.

Now, I know there's about 4000lbs. of keel down there that says all is good under normal conditions, and we could get the mast wet and she'd stand back up, but I'm having a bear of a time convincing her of that.

So, the question is - "How much heel is okie dokie?" or "When should she really start to get nervous?"

Perhaps some input from the masses could help set her mind at ease.

Love the forum, thanks for your help!

 

[Rich Stidger]

Well, I don't have your problem, but "rails in the water" may be exciting to some sailors but not to anyone who thinks water should not at all be close to coming in the boat. Besides that, I don't think that amount of heel is any real benefit to sailing fast or in comfort.

Why don't you show her how to trim the mainsail and show her that SHE has complete control over the amount of heel when going to windward depending upon how she trims the sheet. Let her control the trim and the heeling. Hopefully she will become more and more comfortable with the boat action and will see that proper trim - and heel - will drive the boat well.

Don't forget to reef early to help keep the boat on it's feet.

If all else fails, there are trawlers.......

 

[cephius (Dave)]

Go easy for now

I agree with Rick. Put her on the helm and teach her to sail the new boat. Keep the heel down until she feels safe.

If you are having trouble teaching her (I'm a great instructor, except when it comes to my wife!) send her to a keel boat school. Let a Pro instruct her.

If you do this right she may pick up your passion for sailing. We have all read the posts from solo sailors who can't get their partner back onto the boat after a bad scare.

 

[Rocket1]

Excellent advice!



I should mention that we have been out several times with just the main up in light winds, just so she can get the feel of things. Easing into it, as you say.

I should also mention that she does MUCH better when she's at the helm. Probably that feeling of being in control. That actually works out pretty well, as it gives me the freedom to putz around with the sails, explain what I'm doing and why, check the stock in the fridge, etc.

I looked into hiring an instructor to go out with us for the day, but was a bit put off by the cost (~$400). However, in an effort to not blow her out of the water permanently, it may very well be worth it!

Dave, like yourself I'm not sure I'm the best choice of instructor for my wife!

 

[Johnb]

My wife took a basic keel boat class with a lady instructor and an all female crew. Somehow seeing other women handling it all gave her a lot of confidence. She still prefers mellow sailing but is not scared if we get caught out in a blow.

 

[Steve Dion]

A rail in the water is usually slower than sailing at 10 deg.

Hunter owners usually understand to reef early reef often. If the wind is going to be over 12-15 kts, just throw in a reef.

 

[Comanche5]

Over time she'll be having fun heeling at 15-20 degrees, but help her get to that point by reefing early, depowering your sails, and having her at the helm. There is nothing that can give you more confidence than experience. It takes everyone some time to develop that level of comfort and familiarity.

 

[anchorclanker]

Guess im having some trouble understanding why so many want to dump their boat over so far the rails in the water, when anything beyond 15 degrees begins to slow the boat down. I would also be curious to know if a boat much over 25 feet could be righted by standing on the keel. If you were far from shore and the cabin takes a gulp, whats next??

 

[jtm]

When my wife & I first met, I had a Prindle 18 catamaran- together we flew the hull often enough w/o apprehension. We eventually got into keel boats and she took the Offshore Sailing course. we were doing okay- then the kids came and apprehension at 20-degrees set in. Of course there were no kids on the boat to bash their teeth/skulls on hard winches etc, but that didn't matter. My pal, with a H28.5, sailed his toerail wet and his wife made him sell it for a Mainship. Turned out he was sailing trav set wind down and that tended to have him over most of the time. If he had worked his trav to windward , putting a twist in the upper mainsail and dumping the wind out the top, then he may have avoided most of her apprehension and stayed on a sailboat.

My 25 yr old daughter disliked any heeling so we recently sent her to the Offshore course over Memorial Day weekend- "fleet week" in NYC- running wakes of battleships and cruise ships etc. She has alot of advice for me now - 3 days hardly makes for 35 yrs. Soon she'll be out with us and I'll let her be officer on deck! and see how it goes.

 

[Rocket1]

A rail in the water is usually slower than sailing at 10 deg.

Hunter owners usually understand to reef early reef often. If the wind is going to be over 12-15 kts, just throw in a reef.

Just so we're clear here, I personally haven't dunked the rail on our boat. That was dad's little stunt on his boat, and as a 19 year old kid I thought it was a hell of a good time, in spite of the fact that I'm sure we could've gone faster by standing her up a bit.

I get "flat is fast", and as a Hunter owner I also understand "reef early and often".

The main objective of my OP was to (hopefully) reassure her that, under normal circumstances, our boat wasn't going to just tip over and send her swimming.

Thanks everyone for all of the great advice!

 

[Ken Palmer]

All are good answers. My wife had the same fear heeling a bit. My first step was to give her the main sheet with instructions on dumping the wind. By the time we bought our third boat, she is the helmsman and loves it. We both took instructions for our first boat. It was a wonderful vacation to Florida for a week in the winter. We split the cost with another couple that were our friends also needing lessons.

 

[Nodak7]

Rocket I equate this to being the primary car driver and turning the car over to someone else. You don't have the gas pedal or the brake any more so you sit there feeling helpless with no controls. As she does when you heel the boat! As you say she feels more comfortable at the helm that that is exactly why.....she has the controls! When she has had the controls long enough and feels comfortable heeling both of you will be fine! Good luck and good sailing to you both!

Funny story here! I have a friend who has a wife who does not like to heel. Their boat at the time was a 22'er. She carped at him whenever the boat exceeds 10-15 degrees. She was told that a bigger boat does not heel so much. So they purchased a 24'er. Not much changed. They now have a 30'er and so far (to early to tell) it has been OK! LOL...they could end up at 60'!

 

[robertsapp]

Get a block of wood, a short length of dowel, and a fishing sinker, and make a little model. Use the dowel to hold the weight a few inches below the block of wood. Show her how you can float the block of wood in the water, and no matter how you push on it, it always rights itself.

Having said that, if you're more than 15 degrees heeled, your boat is overpowered and/or poorly trimmed. Your broad flat bottom likes to be sailed level. Once you get beyond that, your boat will try to fix it by trying to round up.

 

[Rocket1]

Get a block of wood, a short length of dowel, and a fishing sinker, and make a little model. Use the dowel to hold the weight a few inches below the block of wood. Show her how you can float the block of wood in the water, and no matter how you push on it, it always rights itself.

Having said that, if you're more than 15 degrees heeled, your boat is overpowered and/or poorly trimmed. Your broad flat bottom likes to be sailed level. Once you get beyond that, your boat will try to fix it by trying to round up.

Funny you should bring that up - I did exactly that and demonstrated it one evening while sitting in our hot tub! I think it got the point across. And you're absolutely correct, anything more than 15* or so and the weather helm gets very notable - time to depower a bit.

 

[Crazy Dave Condon]

Whenever I sold a boat, I always paid an instructor to teach them. Whoeveer was at the helm was in control and that meant the wife if she was at the wheel barking orders to her husband. Ha. Really, I always suggested that the other or better half be taught by someone else as the other spouse should not teach to keep marital bliss.

In addition, I always said no more than 12 to 14 degree heel and if the little lady was still nervous, then heel less but give her the mainsheet to let go if she was uncomfortable as she is then in control and later on, no issues as the better half gets use to it. Later, most of the better halfs become pros.

 

[onecoolair]

Down here in texas we have a boating club called TMCA thats Texas Mariners Cruising Association. We have members all over the planet now. We even have a land yacht
division. The ladies have practiclly taken over. When a new couple new to sailing shows up , she is immediately surround and included in all the social activities. Before she knows it she's having to much fun to worry about boat heel. One example....A few years back had friend who sailed a 32' he showed up one day with new wife no experience. And scared to death! Things got interesting when while he was at work one day during the week he called her to check in, Hearing wind and what seemed familiar noises over the phone he ask honey were are you? She answer back sailing. With who? Oh Joanne,Peg and Sue. Who's boat ours we took peg's out yesterday. They now have a 50' and are some were off on the planet cruising there hearts out. Check and see if maybe you have something like this near you. Check out the link below.
http://www.tmca.nu/