Feedback requested

[higgs]

As the newly elected Fleet Captain at my yacht club, I am required to write an article for the January issue of our newsletter. This is my first draft-what do you think?

I really have no desire to serve on the board, but felt obligated to serve my club. I pledge to make everyone who told me I should serve on the board to regret their words. I have no plans for what I will be doing at this time. I am too busy partying in Florida to bother with any yacht club business. My plan is to do such a lousy job that my resignation will be requested by June 1 and no one will ever again suggest that I should be on the board. I would set an earlier target date, but I do want a chance to get an officer flag set up at my place in the dining room.

My first move as Fleet Captain is to suspend the entire racing schedule. As a cruising sailor, I have little interest in racing and, frankly, see no point in seeing which 5 mph boat is fastest.

This action will be a big cost cutting move. We will no longer have to pay for all those flags, trophy engravings, and PHRF certificates. Additionally, I plan to sell our starting horn, race marks, and trophies which will bring additional income into the club.

Trophy night will be redesigned. It will be a night when the men at the club will hire "escorts" to accompany them to the event. The member with the hottest looking "trophy" on his arm will be declared the winner.

 

[Ed Schenck]

That's good. But I don't think you will get the flag, the pin, or the photo. You should start looking for another club the day your article goes in the mail.

Our Fleet Captain is a woman and actually likes the job. Go figure.

 

[Stroh]

Might be better received if it was the April 1st issue of the newsletter.

 

[kpgraci]

I double dare you.

 

[RAD]

I triple dog dare you

 

[kenn]

You submit that with a straight face, and we'll hear the screaming all the way across the lake.

 

[LuzSD]

I sure wish you were on our board, it feels like a breath of fresh air to me.
How long would it take you to pack things up and move to California, we need you!

 

[LloydB]

I suggest that you don't publish. As a short term jest it may seem harmless however at a later time some may mistake part as serious. An obligation squarely met will be more appreciated by both those whom both follow you and have proceeded you. After all April 1st still awaits.

 

[olsalt]

Well...

You don't really feel that way - after agreeing to your nomination.

Then don't send that out.

 

[Jim Seamans]

Will you get to wear the captains hat, blue blazer and white pants????

 

[RAD]

Ever here the term Keelhauling

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia



Keelhauling in the Tudor period(1485–1603)



The keelhauling of the ships surgeon of admiral Jan van Nes, Lieve Pietersz. Verschuier. 1660 to 1686


Keelhauling (Dutch kielhalen;[1] "to drag along the keel"; German Kielholen; Swedish kölhalning; Danish kølhaling) is a form of punishment meted out to sailors at sea. The sailor was tied to a rope that looped beneath the vessel, thrown overboard on one side of the ship, and dragged under the ship's keel, either from one side of the ship to the other, or the length of the ship (from bow to stern). As the hull was usually covered in barnacles and other marine growth, if the offender was pulled quickly, keelhauling would typically result in serious cuts, loss of limbs and even decapitation. If the victim were dragged slowly, his weight might lower him sufficiently to miss the barnacles; but this method would frequently result in his drowning.
Keelhauling was legally permitted as a punishment in the Dutch Navy. The earliest official mention of keelhauling is a Dutch ordinance of 1560, and the practice was not formally abolished until 1853. While not an official punishment, it was reportedly used by some British Royal Navy and merchant marine captains, and has become strongly associated with pirate lore.

 

[Freedom77]

Some are born to greatness, others are called. No one holds a gun to your head. I've been there done that. Race Commttee, Treasurer, Secretary, newsletter editor, poet laureate, Fleet Captain, Emporer, galley slave, sea cook, flogger, flogee, Rear, Vice and Commodore. Enjoyed most of it. You have been chosen from the ranks to lead! You should not be arrogant or dicatariol but lead those who follow you "Gladly" for to the ranks you must return. My wife was the commodess and my kids were the commodinos. When you're right they don't remember and when you're wrong they don't forget. I like your style. hope I don't they find you hanging from a yardarm. ARGH! If they can't take a joke the F@#$ 'em. From one curmudgeon to another. Fair Winds and Full Sails...

 

[PrincessoftheLake]

I love it! Over the years I have served our local keelboat racing club as Commodore, Social Chair, Secretary, and Newsletter Editor. I am enough of a freak that I (for the most part) enjoy the work but then I like bossing people around. I am sure your fellow sailors had good reason for nominating you. Perhaps they see in you the seeds of greatness or perhaps your sterling leadership qualities? Perhaps instead of saying "no" you should have said "hell no"?
Either way, the best of luck and I triple dog dare you to send that letter.

 

[JVB]

Don't put that negative tirade in writing or you might as well plan on resigning from the club after publishing it. Just resign the Fleet Captain office now saying it was a mistake on your part or that you are unable to serve, both of which are probably true. Then lay low for awhile.

 

[higgs]

Just to clear up some apparent misunderstandings - the letter is a joke. I did send it to the guy who edits the newsletter. He knows me well and knows my sense of humor.

 

[Snotter]

Most clubs have a hard time finding commodores. Our club nominates a commodore for a one year stint. People throw in their hat into the ring only after the commodore-nominating committee begs them to run (much guilt is inflicted during the process by the committee). Also, my club elects a person to head up the races. If I were elected as commodore, I would appoint someone to do that task and not stress over writing an article every month or season on a topic that I am not passionate about.

 

[higgs]

I do enjoy a little racing and crew aboard a boat, so this is not completely foreign to me. We have a full slate of officers at the club, but I have no designs on reaching Commodore. In order to become Commodore one has to run the house (restaurant and bar) for a season. No thanks to that thankless, time consuming job.

 

[WayneH]

I agree. Re-write it for April Fools Day and submit. Remember, beer cans are for drinking, not sailing around.

I double dog dare ya.

 

[kenn]

Just to clear up some apparent misunderstandings - the letter is a joke. I did send it to the guy who edits the newsletter. He knows me well and knows my sense of humor.

Understood. But your straight-faced presentation made it that much funnier.

Hopefully, we can cross the lake this summer to check up on your performance. Hide the trophies, m'kay? I have to stay married.

 

[Peggie Hall HeadMistress]

I'd go with it...

I love it...I think it's inspired! I would add a paragraph at the end saying that it's a "gotcha" and how honored blah blah you are to be named fleet captain etc etc etc. Trust me...the members who matter will love it...those who take offense don't matter.

"Negative tirade?"" You can't be serious!

It's really a shame to see so much evidence of how "political correctness" has robbed us of our once robust sense of humor...we can't laugh at ourselves any more. LIGHTEN UP, for Pete's sake!