So for the last few months I have been conducting my own mini-manners study. Every morning I stop at a very busy local coffee shop to get my drug. I then hit the same chain a few more times a day, often picking up coffee for clients. Almost every visit I wind up holding the door for people. Most often I am at the door about 3-35 feet ahead of the person or persons I am holding it for, beyond about 35 feet is my limit.
I was taught at a very young age by my parents, and very often my very astutely polite grandmother who actually attended a finishing school, that when someone holds a door for you and you walk through it into a facility where there is a line that you ALWAYS step to the side and offer the place. This, I was taught was the polite way to reciprocate the polite gesture of the door holder who would have had the spot in line if they had not been polite in the first place.
Study Design:
Hold door for people when I was very clearly at the coffee shop door WELL before them and then see if they also took the spot in line or were respectful enough to grant me the spot in the line after holding the door for them. Secondary measure = monitor rate of "Thank you".
Inclusion Criteria:
Anyone within 20-35 feet of the front door to the coffee shop and clearly heading for it. This included males & females of all ages as well as groups.
Exclusion Criteria:
I ruled out anyone who was within 10 feet of the door, or, there about the same time I was. Under 10 feet there could be confusion as to who was at the coffee shop first for the purposes of observational line placement. Beyond ten feet I feel it is quite clear who would have been in line first had I not waited, been polite, and held the door.
Data: (age was guesstimated)
Males Over 30:
Doors Held = 13 (some groups of two males)
Line Spots Taken = 1
Thank You's = 12
Males Under 30:
Doors Held = 8 (some groups of two males)
Line Spots Taken = 5
Thank You's = 4
Females Over 30:
Doors Held = 21 (women seem to travel in pairs)
Line Spots Taken = 17
Thank You's = 20
Females Under 30:
Doors Held = 14 (women still seem to travel in pairs)
Line Spots Taken = 13
Thank You's = 4
Co-Ed (Couples) Over 30: (Couple factor guesstimated)
Doors Held = 7
Line Spots Taken = 1
Thank You's = 7
Co-Ed (Couples) Under 30:
Doors Held = 9
Line Spots Taken = 6
Thank You's = 4
Results:
Females:
I found that females, both over and under 30, felt entitled to the spot in the line. Very occasionally I would catch glimpses of guilt suggesting they knew proper manners and door holding protocol. Even groups of three or more, on-occasion, had no problem taking the spot ahead of me adding as much as 4-5 minutes to my wait time. High rate of thank you's in the over 30 population but quite low in under 30.
Males:
Over 30: I found the males to be considerably more likely to walk thought the door then step aside and give me the place in line with a "no you were here first". High rate of thank you's. men over 30 seem to have been taught and raised more often on polite door holding protocol.
Under 30: I found males under 30 not much different than females in the data. I also did not note any sort of guilt looks like I did in the female population. Low rate of thank you's.
Co-Ed: Mixed bag, lots of taken lines under 30 and only 1 over 30. Very few thank you's under 30 and 100% over 30?
So what do you guys make of the state of manners in the US? Perhaps you also feel that if I hold the door for you then you are also entitled to the next spot in line without so much as a reciprocal polite response of stepping to the side and at least offering it? If so, I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
Please remember that this line is usually 7-12 minutes in the mornings so it's not as if they are depriving you of 20-30 seconds after you held the door for them. With a 20-30 second line it is more easy to accept when manners get thrown out the window. Holding the door for someone 35 feet away is awkward and you seem to be standing there waiting for a while. Some folks sped up others seemingly go slower. Did not track this but should have.
One interesting observation, I did not measure this, was that ALL "entitled" line takers seemed to have considerably more complicated orders eg: Tall, three shot, decaf, extra wet cappuccino, cinnamon, two raw sugars, soy milk but with some skim milk foam.. (not kidding on that one)
I am about done holding doors in a country that has lost its politeness and understanding of basic manners. Obviously I can't beat em', so might as well join em'..
Interested to hear your thoughts...
I was taught at a very young age by my parents, and very often my very astutely polite grandmother who actually attended a finishing school, that when someone holds a door for you and you walk through it into a facility where there is a line that you ALWAYS step to the side and offer the place. This, I was taught was the polite way to reciprocate the polite gesture of the door holder who would have had the spot in line if they had not been polite in the first place.
Study Design:
Hold door for people when I was very clearly at the coffee shop door WELL before them and then see if they also took the spot in line or were respectful enough to grant me the spot in the line after holding the door for them. Secondary measure = monitor rate of "Thank you".
Inclusion Criteria:
Anyone within 20-35 feet of the front door to the coffee shop and clearly heading for it. This included males & females of all ages as well as groups.
Exclusion Criteria:
I ruled out anyone who was within 10 feet of the door, or, there about the same time I was. Under 10 feet there could be confusion as to who was at the coffee shop first for the purposes of observational line placement. Beyond ten feet I feel it is quite clear who would have been in line first had I not waited, been polite, and held the door.
Data: (age was guesstimated)
Males Over 30:
Doors Held = 13 (some groups of two males)
Line Spots Taken = 1
Thank You's = 12
Males Under 30:
Doors Held = 8 (some groups of two males)
Line Spots Taken = 5
Thank You's = 4
Females Over 30:
Doors Held = 21 (women seem to travel in pairs)
Line Spots Taken = 17
Thank You's = 20
Females Under 30:
Doors Held = 14 (women still seem to travel in pairs)
Line Spots Taken = 13
Thank You's = 4
Co-Ed (Couples) Over 30: (Couple factor guesstimated)
Doors Held = 7
Line Spots Taken = 1
Thank You's = 7
Co-Ed (Couples) Under 30:
Doors Held = 9
Line Spots Taken = 6
Thank You's = 4
Results:
Females:
I found that females, both over and under 30, felt entitled to the spot in the line. Very occasionally I would catch glimpses of guilt suggesting they knew proper manners and door holding protocol. Even groups of three or more, on-occasion, had no problem taking the spot ahead of me adding as much as 4-5 minutes to my wait time. High rate of thank you's in the over 30 population but quite low in under 30.
Males:
Over 30: I found the males to be considerably more likely to walk thought the door then step aside and give me the place in line with a "no you were here first". High rate of thank you's. men over 30 seem to have been taught and raised more often on polite door holding protocol.
Under 30: I found males under 30 not much different than females in the data. I also did not note any sort of guilt looks like I did in the female population. Low rate of thank you's.
Co-Ed: Mixed bag, lots of taken lines under 30 and only 1 over 30. Very few thank you's under 30 and 100% over 30?
So what do you guys make of the state of manners in the US? Perhaps you also feel that if I hold the door for you then you are also entitled to the next spot in line without so much as a reciprocal polite response of stepping to the side and at least offering it? If so, I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
Please remember that this line is usually 7-12 minutes in the mornings so it's not as if they are depriving you of 20-30 seconds after you held the door for them. With a 20-30 second line it is more easy to accept when manners get thrown out the window. Holding the door for someone 35 feet away is awkward and you seem to be standing there waiting for a while. Some folks sped up others seemingly go slower. Did not track this but should have.
One interesting observation, I did not measure this, was that ALL "entitled" line takers seemed to have considerably more complicated orders eg: Tall, three shot, decaf, extra wet cappuccino, cinnamon, two raw sugars, soy milk but with some skim milk foam.. (not kidding on that one)
I am about done holding doors in a country that has lost its politeness and understanding of basic manners. Obviously I can't beat em', so might as well join em'..
Interested to hear your thoughts...
