Single handed vs. family aboard

[John]

Never Argue With a Woman

.... My wife Ruth would go out fishing with us all the time in up to 10 footers. She'd be up in the tower, run the boat whenever we'd hook up, a real good sport.....s

A married couple is out camping on a lake and the guy goes out fishing. He brings the boat back and goes to sleep, so the wife takes the boat out to a nice quite little cove and opens a book and starts reading. Along comes a ranger in his boat.

"Lady," he says, "this is a no fishing area. I'm going to have to take you in and fine you."

"But I'm not fishing. I'm just reading a book," she replies.

"Yes, but you've got the fishing poles and all the equipment. You could start at any time."

"But, officer," she repeats, "I'm NOT fishing! I'm just reading a book."

"Yes, lady," he says, "I understand. But you've got all the equipment and you could start at any time. You'll have to come with me."

"Okay, officer," she says, "if you take me in, I'm going to file a complaint for sexual assault."

"Sexual assault?" he says. "What are you talking about? I never even touched you."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment and you could start at any time."

"Have a nice day," he says as he motors off.

Moral: Never argue with a woman, especially one who reads. She probably knows something you don't know.

(Of course, this has nothing to do with this thread, but I couldn't resist.)

 

[Peggie Hall HeadMistress]

That joke is older than I am...and I'm no spring chicken any more!

 

[Jim Kolstoe]

Hermit, for anyone, male or female, whether a given situation is scary is a combination of their personality, training and control of the situation. It sounds like your wife is short on the training/experience necessary to give her a feeling of control when she has the helm. Only one fix for it: more training and experience in increasingly challenging situations so that she knows more and is more self confidence. As others have said, she needs to take sailing classes where she gets lots of hands on experience. Not only will she be happier and more confident, it will also improve your odds of surviving difficult situations, whether adverse weather and water conditions, your becoming incapacitated for any reason, or merely the need for someone to take the helm while you handle other tasks.
As for basic personality issues, it sounds like she was ok so long as she thought the situation was under control, she just didn't trust her own ability to handle the boat under those conditions. Congratulations. You've got something to work with. Once she has more self-confidence everything should be fine. Now you just need to work on that little question of judging when its just better to do something else. But hey, its a matter of training and experience too. I suspect we've all gone out thinking conditions were acceptable, only to find we were pushing our luck. We survive and learn. Good sailing to you.
Jim Kolstoe, h23 Kara's Boo

 

[MoonSailer]

My two daughters were out with me one day and it was windy. One cried and wanted to go to the dock. The other leaned back to put her hair in the water as we buried the rail.

 

[Benny]

It takes them a while to realize that you know what your doing and gain confidence. That is presuposing that you can act like you know what you are doing.

 

[Franklin]

that Joke Is Older Than I Am...and I'm No Spring Chicken Any More!

Non-sense

 

[Franklin]

I'm not so sure she/he needs to spend $$$$ on classes. I think Hermit with the help of us and fellow dock neighbors could teach her. The most important thing of this is though that he has to start her off slowly...aka...no going out in winds over 10 knots. I know that is hard to find days like that in CC but it is important. You wouldn't sign up a baby for a marathon would you?

As Moonsailor pointed out, just because they are female doesn't handicap them, but it does put the odds against them. Most women it takes years to learn it, but some it only takes a few months...even fastern then most men. Just be patient and supportive....that's where 90% of men fail.

From what I can see from here, you are a very lucky guy Hermit. She is following you into a dark world she knows nothing about and seems to be having good spirits about it. I've been looking for one like that for a long time.

 

[higgs]

I have found that the best strategy is to make the trip to the boat one that centers around family activity. This means that going out sailing is not necessarily the goal. The boat becomes a cottage and you find land based activities when the weather is questionable. When it is a nice clam day, go out sailing, but otherwise, do something else and just use the boat as a cottage. Wives just like to do things with their husbands. Become satisfied to hang around your boat and spend time with her even if you are not going out sailing. In time, your wife will learn to feel more comfortable as conditions get tougher, but we are probably talking years - not months. I have been there and done that.

 

[Hermit Scott]

Peggy-you can't be more than 25 or 26??
Franklin is right, it is unlikely that we will be taking any classes, mostly because of money. It is important that I can single hand the boat and let her work into the equation where she feels comfortable. She trusts me completely. She is not so confident in her own ability with a sailboat just yet. I thought that since we were flailing around at sea that it wouldn't matter who was at the wheel, aparently she thought I had more control over the boat than I really did.
She was my best friend before she was my wife. Which I do not reccomend because getting out of the friend zone is nearly impossible! I am incredibly lucky Franklin. There is no one else for me. Wednesday will be 3 years, I have to think of something clever, that does not involve the sailboat. She doesn't like the boat as much as I do.
Higgs-I like the idea of using the boat as a cottage by the sea, that we don't HAVE to take out just because we drove down there. I will have that attitude from now on.

 

[Joe]

Hermit...... backing out with the wind is easier that backing out against the wind because you can pretty much turn the boat as soon as the bow clears the last piling, or dock finger, and let the wind push the bow out into the fairway while you're shifiting gears. If you find the wind on the wrong side of the bow I recommend you double the stern line on the opposite side of the direction you intend to leave the fairway. This will pull the stern in the correct direction so you can get your turn going the right way. With a line doubled around the piling you simply slip one end off and pull it in witht the other.

When I single hand, and most other times too, I raise the main at the dock. One less thing to do as you motor out, but it also helps straighten the boat out as you complete your back up turn an change into forward. Just leave plenty of slack in the mainsheet so the big sail doesn't start pulling till you're ready.

My final comment refers to BobS's statement that you may not have your sails installed yet. If that is so......... quit messing around and get them hooked up... then before you take your family out again, go sailing with one or two friends who sail and can help you get familiar with your boat. Do not experiment or learn sailing cold turkey with your family.

 

[Rick Sylvester]

Hey Scott,

I'm with you man. You've gotten some good responses. Good post by the way.

On the steering thing, like the others have suggested, BABY steps dude, BABY steps. Give her the wheel when you can sit next to her and STAY there. Keep the first few times really short, like maybe a few minutes.

Don't teach her to swim by grabbing her and throwing her off the end of the dock. Trust me on this one.

Oh, and one more thing. ITMaster, for the record, if we're on the dock and the admiral's drinking tequila and her clothes are falling off, we AIN'T going sailing.

 

[MoonSailer]

Water sports in general to make her more comfortable in and on the water. I think that buying my wife a kayak did more to make her comfortable on the water than 19 years of sailing. A kayak is a simple thing but it teaches a lot. Once she learns that she can paddle her little kayak through 3' chop then 3' chop will not impress her while sailing. Also my wife is the captain of her own boat in the kayak. We stay in sight of each other but sometimes might be a mile apart. This is a real confidence builder. Swimming and snorkleing makes the water seem more like home!!!! We scuba dive. Windsurfing is really great around CC. Some of the best windsurfers are women. Some people are really turned on when things get exciting. Others want to go home. Hopefully your wife is the adventurous type of person.

 

[sailingdog]

One thing I highly recommend is that couples take their sailing courses separately. The reason I recommend this is so that both individuals get as much out of the learning process as possible. What often happens when a couple takes the course together is that the less dominant person will often not participate as fully as they would were their dominant partner not there. I also recommend that you not try teaching your spouse to sail, unless you're very good at teaching and very patient. Trying to teach them and getting into arguments over it is going to form negative associations with sailing, and that's not a good start to things.

Moonsailer's idea of getting them more comfortable around the water and more involved with other water-related activities is a good one as well.

Finally, letting them have control of the helm and sail the boat by themselves is a very good idea—but let them do it their way. Trying to have them sail the boat your way may not work well for them. Every sailor has their own way of doing things....and, unless what they're doing is actually dangerous... for either themselves or the boat, don't interfere.

 

[mark_swart]

I think some have already touched on this, but the crew / passengers feed off of the stress level of the captain. If the captain comes across as confident and comfortable, then everyone else will likely key off of that. I have been out on windy as crap days with guests, but I've never really had anyone seem too worried. When you are in command of a vessel, never forget you are in a leadership role with your crew and guests.
I learned all of this the hard way, of course.

 

[butchrobbins]

I know this is totally unsolicited, but if your wife & kids are going to be regulars on the boat with you, THEY need to learn to be captain and you be the crew. This was obvious to me, but not to my wife when we bought our first boat-she actually thought her job was to be the bow-bunny. Once I explained that if I got hurt or was unconcious for some reason, she needed to be able to handle the boat at least long enough for someone to come to her aid. She's done a pretty good job and has really good judgement. Point is that SHE needs to do it for her own protection.

 

[Franklin]

...What often happens when a couple takes the course together is that the less dominant person will often not participate as fully as they would were their dominant partner not there...

Never really thought of that I do know that if two are taught by different teachers, then they mostlikely will be able to combine the two teachings into a better one but that requires both to be open to new ideas, not just what they are taught (you'd be surprised of how many don't have this).

.. I also recommend that you not try teaching your spouse to sail, unless you're very good at teaching and very patient. Trying to teach them and getting into arguments over it is going to form negative associations with sailing, and that's not a good start to things.

I forget that there are those who are not good teachers. I tend to think I am a good teacher because I try to explain it all in detail but sometimes that is bad too as I'm sure it can get annoying. One thing I know that helps me is that I'm always open to new ideas and sometimes I learn when I teach because the person I'm teaching has a better idea.

...Moonsailer's idea of getting them more comfortable around the water and more involved with other water-related activities is a good one as well....

so very true!

...don't interfere.

so very hard for many of us to do :cry:

 

[Cpt. Jon]

Scott,

I've been in situations like that. I would chalk that up to a learning experience. One of the most common situations I see people on the water get into is trying to keep a shedule, sometimes that just doesn't work out on a sailboat. I would try to keep to going out on calmer days and build confidence as a family on the boat. Indeed you are a long way away from the boat and to get there and not be able to take it out is disappointing, but when the wifey is not happy on the boat, nobody is.

Jon

 

[sailingdog]

Franklin—

I never said that doing it right would be easy... Generally, doing the right thing can be difficult...