Times Up?
- Thread starter Terry Cox
- Start date
jssailem
SBO Weather and Forecasting Forum Jim & John
- Oct 22, 2014
- 23,930
As a solo sailor, been there and done that more often than I care to admit. One nice thing about it, though, is she never talks back.
That reminds me of a story about a ventriloquist traveling through the farm lands of the mid-west on his way to a gig in Vegas. He is a little tired and thirsty, so when he sees a farmer sitting out on his porch relaxing, he decides he might take a short break from driving, get a drink from the fellow, and maybe have a little fun with him, too.
The ventriloquist pulls up to the farm house and explains that he's been driving for hours and was hoping to get a drink of water.
"Be my guest," says the farmer, warmly.
"Thanks," says the ventriloquist.
Once the farmer gets back from the kitchen with a glass of water, the ventriloquist looks around the farm and notices the farmer's old bloodhound, laying in the shade under the bench he was sitting on.
"Hey," says the ventriloquist to the farmer. "I see you have a dog, mind if I talk to him?"
The farmer looks kinda funny at the crazy guy and says, "Ya know he's a dog. He can't talk..."
But, before the farmer can finish that sentence, the ventriloquist has already said, "Hello, boy," to the dog, given him a scratch behind the ear, and seen the tags hanging on his dog collar. "You look like you have it made here in the country. What's your name?"
The farmer chuckles, but then chokes on his laugh when he hears his dog answer the stranger. "Name's Beau, and yep, I have it pretty good here."
"Beau, you ain't never talked to me before?" exclaims the farmer with no small amount of skepticism.
Beau answers, "Well, you treat me well, I like the scratches behind my ears and you always feed me well, but you hadn't ever tried to talk to me before."
The farmer is flabbergasted.
Then, the ventriloquist looks over and sees a plow horse hanging his head over the railing of his turnout paddock, and he says to the farmer, "If you don't mind, I think I'd like a few words with your horse."
The farmer, still not convinced, but giving his old hound dog a questioning look, says, "He's a horse, and I know for a fact horses can't talk."
The ventriloquist replies almost thoughtlessly, "Oh, I've know a few horses who love to talk. He gets up from his bench on the porch and approaches the horse. "Hi, my friend. How are you doing? Life treating you well?
The horse, much to the Farmer's surprise, answers back. "Life is going well. I get regular oats and hay every day. I enjoy having a job to do, when it's time to plow the fields, and the water is plentiful and sweet. I have no complaints.
The ventriloquist smiles back at the farmer, who was beginning to suspect he was being had, until the ventriloquist lifted his glass of water and took a sip while the horse was talking.
The ventriloquist finished his glass of water and thanked the farmer for his hospitality, then he spotted the small flock of sheep nearby. "Oh, I see you've got sheep too."
With that, the farmer lepted over to stand between the ventriloquist and his sheep while saying, "Don't you talk to my sheep, them sheep are liars, every last one of 'em."
-Will