I'll never forget some years ago cruising Barnes & Noble, (A.K.A. the crack store for info junkies), and bought a book titled "How To Sh** in the Woods". The title was funny, and my oddball sense of humor impulsively put it in the pile. I read it. Of course I did. I've said here before I read a lot, even five different bibles just for the insight. And while I'll leave that alone, this book had to be one of the all TIME biggest pieces of slanted garbage I've ever insulted myself with. The book was NOT a joke as I had thought, (I don't waste my time reading covers in a bookstore, I grab about ten or twenty interesting pieces and FLEE), and went on in detail about how to deal with the evil menace, ie: the turd. While I could have easily used this as a script form for a 1960's horror classic, within a couple short chapters, (Of COURSE they were short, the subject matter was sh**!), I hit me how truly delusional some environmentalist must be. Shockingly unbelievable the desperate measures the author must have went through decontaminating the excrement to the point of ingestion, which by that point I was TRULY hoping the idiot was about to get around too, you know, like the epic climax of Titanic going down, and in screenplay the entire audience is chanting, 'Eat, eat, eat".
But no, not the case. It was more insidious than that. I won't get into it all, it was madness. Unable to obtain the authors address so that I could go on a liberation mission to save this man, or kill him and dispose of the nasty dog crap eating corpse in his own plastic bag and burying it 14 feet below terra firma, I too soiled the land by throwing this piece of forbidden knowledge in the trash, not recycle. I didn't want to take a chance on the public getting hold of this info, but in retrospect the word may have gotten out..
This book made zero mention of the important things, like the difference between the floater and sinker, consistency upon reaching the Earths atmosphere at sea level with no contained compaction, nor projections from the truly talented. Even in the index there was no mention of the 'Dry Dock', which entails turning off the water coming into the bowl, flushing it dry, and THEN leaving one there. On a first date at her house. Nor even a clue as how to perform 'The Upper Decker", which I think is classified under at least a GS17.
So RELEASE!! Release the turd. To return to the Earth from whence it came. I prefer the method of like setting fish free, you know how you hold them in your cupped hand and gently sway it back and forth in the shallows. This is Youtube stuff, baby. A Hero classic. The wife standing nearby wiping tears, the kids cheering just like in Free Willy. Maybe even repeating the chant I mentioned above in memory of the latest bush hugger I left to rot in the mountains because he was hungry and stupid, and I had no mercy.
And he had just buried his dinner in biodegradable bags or sumpin..
But no, not the case. It was more insidious than that. I won't get into it all, it was madness. Unable to obtain the authors address so that I could go on a liberation mission to save this man, or kill him and dispose of the nasty dog crap eating corpse in his own plastic bag and burying it 14 feet below terra firma, I too soiled the land by throwing this piece of forbidden knowledge in the trash, not recycle. I didn't want to take a chance on the public getting hold of this info, but in retrospect the word may have gotten out..
This book made zero mention of the important things, like the difference between the floater and sinker, consistency upon reaching the Earths atmosphere at sea level with no contained compaction, nor projections from the truly talented. Even in the index there was no mention of the 'Dry Dock', which entails turning off the water coming into the bowl, flushing it dry, and THEN leaving one there. On a first date at her house. Nor even a clue as how to perform 'The Upper Decker", which I think is classified under at least a GS17.
So RELEASE!! Release the turd. To return to the Earth from whence it came. I prefer the method of like setting fish free, you know how you hold them in your cupped hand and gently sway it back and forth in the shallows. This is Youtube stuff, baby. A Hero classic. The wife standing nearby wiping tears, the kids cheering just like in Free Willy. Maybe even repeating the chant I mentioned above in memory of the latest bush hugger I left to rot in the mountains because he was hungry and stupid, and I had no mercy.
And he had just buried his dinner in biodegradable bags or sumpin..
