You've certainly gotten a lot of advice, but not necessarily good advice
we have a Beneteau 361 ...we have at times had some toilet issues with pressure and it wasnt pretty, now got that somewhat under control but we're still struggling with some pressure building, its not flushing solids very well, my 5 year old almost clogged it... worse, the mrs isnt trusting it at all! Besides this the constant fear of tank over flow is there, specially with all the flushing...on top of this the electric conversion kit for Jabsco, a BIG mistake, as stated by Peggy, as its WAY noisy! oddly enough the mrs is ok with that

So it ends up someone being unhappy with it no matter what. here is what I have: Jabsco something or another with conversion kit and a standard tank, regular vent hose still on....SO, anyone have any tips on hoe to build the "perfect" system? I like the raritan treatment system, no more pumpout, no more tank.... does it work? is it a good solution for the boat? I have 500 amp hours of battery and could run generator easier than dealing with the present.
What you have is a Jabsco 29200. It's a macerating electric toilet that really only has three real flaws: noise, amperage draw and durability. Since it works, and is likely to keep on working for at least another year or two, you don't need a new toilet, nor do you need to reroute any plumbing or replace any hoses any hoses unless they stink. 'Cuz none of the above is likely to solve any of the problems you named: back pressure, clogs, difficulty flushing solids, or tank overflow.
I suspect your biggest problem--back pressure--is due to a partially clogged tank vent...clearing it should relieve that problem. If there's a filter in the vent line, remove it! Filters are expensive, only last for a year and are toast immediately if they get wet--the charcoal swells up and blocks the vent line!...which makes vent line filters a VERY bad idea on sailboats because tank contents spill into the vent line when the boat heels.
Macerated waste rarely clogs plumbing downstream of a toilet...so unless you're using the wrong TP, or your 5 yr old tried to flush something he shouldn't have, a clogged toilet from an overload of solids and TP will dissolve within an hour. Just pour some water into the bowl. You'll also reduce to the likelihood of a clog in the toilet if you add a few cups of water to the bowl ahead of solids.
I would NOT revert to a manual toilet...not with a small child aboard. The toilet you have macerates what goes into it...any clog is gonna happen in the toilet. Otoh, a manual toilet may pass something that shouldn't have been flushed, resulting a clog downstream that may require major surgery.
Installing a tank level indicator is the solution to preventing tank overflow...I recommend the Profile system:
newprovidencemarine However, no tank monitor will relieve you of the need to keep an eye on the indicator and pump out before the tank gets full. Your toilet does have one advantage most others don't: a "dry bowl" function. Learning how to use it will reduce the amount of flush water, dramatically increasing the number of flushes your tank can hold.
As for replumbing your tank discharge to allow dumping the tank at sea...BAD idea! 'Cuz the only place within at least 100 miles of your home port where it's legal to dump a tank is the middle of the Strait...everywhere else you're within 3 miles of shore or an island in some direction.
An Electro Scan (current version of the Lectra/San) would be the ideal alternative to a holding tank in your waters--and will actually ADD value to your boat...'cuz except for a few misguided marinas, there are no NDZs in the entire state of WA, not even Lake Union. The controller is greatly improved--although it does require paying some attention to it!--and electrode life is no longer the issue it was. And while the amperage DRAW may look a bit scary, actual daily CONSUMPTION is only about 10a/day/person. Operation and maintenance are very simple and easy...although I wouldn't let your 5 yr old use the head unsupervised. In fact, it may not be the best idea to let him use your current system unsupervised if you want to limit the amount of flush water, TP, and make sure water is added to the bowl ahead of solids etc.
Bottom line: There is no such thing as the "perfect" (i.e "as easy to use and maintain as the one at home") toilet/sanitation system. And IMO you don't need any new equpment except a tank level monitor, or any mods to the plumbing...you just need to learn how to operate and maintain what you have to make it work the way it's supposed to. It's not difficult, it's just a learning curve like everything else on a boat.
To help you over that learning curve, I suggest you check out the link in my signature...it'll take you to comprehensive "marine toilets and holding tanks 101" manual that should help you learn to prevent most problems. And I'm here to answer any questions it doesn't.