wifes hatting the boat

[walt]

I think Princes of the lake has unlocked the secret to making your spouse appreciate sailing..

and got smacked in the head by the mainsheet block.

My wife likes the boat when we are in floating RV mode, not too excited to go sailing but I have about zero problem with that..

Sailing Im usually single handed - part of the reason I also sail a lot on smaller stuff like the C15 and the Hobie AI

 

[kpgraci]

I end up spending lots of time with other woman's husbands.

If they knew that, maybe they would spend more time on the boat

 

[Hannah Quinn]

I'm one of the lucky ones. We have a power boat and love to spend the weekends away on the boat. It was very difficult to travel long distances with the power boat. My wife suggested we get a larger sailboat.... A couple of days later we had one! Now all I say was... This was your idea .

Our daughter who's 13 spent a summer in a junior sail program.... She was on board with the sailboat idea too.

Furling main and jib makes the world of difference and certainly takes the work out of sailing which my wife and daughter really enjoy too.

I also find a case of wine on board makes this very tolerable as well!

 

[fourbabygrands]

On the windy days, start out with a reef and add more sail once she's comfortable, and on the real windy days, let her stay home and you single hand the boat to experience the rush...she'll go with you once she see's your ear to ear grin when you return....My wife is from Annapolis, so it's never been an issue with us.

 

[Sail123]

My wife let me buy a boat in October. I purchased a second boat that same day. Purchased a third boat in November, and a fourth boat this December. Four boats in three months, and it is not sailing season here in Nebraska. My wife's sister asked me if I was going to open a used sailboat lot and sell them. Next spring I will sell at least one of the smaller boats, possibly the Mac 25, the first boat. It is the in-between size boat and I like extremes.

One poster hit it correctly, you cannot make someone like / love something. They are what they are.

We love water. We have fountains in my business, and giant aquariums with Koi in them. Sailing is just another part of a personality that is already there.

 

[eliems]

My wife took the Power Squadron course with me and that went a long way to making her comfortable and enthusiastic about sailing!
* 13 weeks of meeting other women in the class.
* Fun times in the after-class watering holes.
* A thorough understanding of staying safe and rules of the road.
* Anticipation of which boat we would buy afer seeing other classmates boats.
* A lot of post course mentoring provided by the squadron.
* On-going friendships struck up during the class.

And now she is happy as a clam!

 

[Sail123]

Very Good Post Above!

 

[Jeff]

How we make it work....

From the way most of the Posts read my wife is typical when calling me obsessed with "The Boat." It seems more often than not I'm single-handing our boat. My wife prefers the social side to sailing. Whether it's the yacht club parties or when we host several couples aboard. It's a the social atmosphere that brings her to the lake. Often we sail to a nearby cove to raft-up with others for the afternoon. On the windy days the die-hard guys seem to board the larger boats and head out to hone their skills. :naughty:....and yes there are a few ladies at our marina that enjoy chanllenging days too.
But tis the season for "Honey-Do's" now and all the things I've neglected at home all summer have transformed into a list. This list must be tended to before sailing can begin in the spring.

 

[shipwreck66]

Mine is more obsessed with keeping the inside "shipshape" and will clean and fluff each and every time, complaining how junky I've made it, while I get us out of the marina and hoist the sails. It's taken me two years to get her to understand that when I ask her to take the wheel for a minute while I go forward she doesn't need to actually go behind the wheel, just sit in front and hold the wheel "darling".

 

[FlbkRoxie]

I agree with Princess, and many others, that you can't make someone love to sail, or even like to sail. You can help to get them interested with lessons, etc., but inherently they will, or they won't take to it.
I knew from my first lesson, that I loved it. My husband, who took the lessons with me, enjoyed it, but wasn't as interested. I wanted to buy a sailboat and he didn't.
So I bought one myself, for myself. First and only large expenditure in our 35 year marriage that I can truly say is "mine". He has had his toys, but I only shared in them. This toy is mine.
We go sailing together, and he likes it, but he'd rather be golfing. So sometimes I invite friends to go out with me. I have found a few women who are willing to pitch in with the chores, others just want to be passengers, and some don't want to go at all. Not a problem.
The best part of the boat, aside from sailing, is that fact that it is mine to do whatever I want. I have completed several projects and enjoyed every minute. My husband has been supportive because he knows how much I enjoy it. I think sometimes women feel intimated by a boat, because they feel it is their husbands "toy". They don't have any "buy in". I know I felt this way. This may not be your issue, but just thought I'd add it to the pot.

 

[Sumner]

.... I think sometimes women feel intimated by a boat, because they feel it is their husbands "toy". They don't have any "buy in". I know I felt this way. This may not be your issue, but just thought I'd add it to the pot.

Well said . Our boat is more mine in the fact that if I wouldn't of gotten interested Ruth probably never would of. She worked for Douglas/Boeing for 35 years in Long Beach, but had never been on the water or learned to swim, so a sailboat was probably pretty far from her mind. Mine too until a couple years ago when there was one sitting here in town that had been for sale forever. I almost bought it, but then after searching the Internet found out that it wasn't the good deal I thought it was and we ended up buying a '90S, which we are very happy with.

Ruth supported all of this and was game to go out on the water even though she was a non-swimmer. I'd been around water since birth, so this wasn't a big deal for me, but for her being on the water on something that heeled over was a big deal and I admire her greatly for giving this a go.

We got her involved right off the bat. She helps plan the trips, is an organizer, helps with set-up, woman's the tiller 90% of the time and takes us on and off anchor and about any place else. She isn't real comfortable docking, but then neither am I (anchoring out solves most of that problem). She pretty much leaves the day to day route planning up to me. We share in the meal preparation and cleanup.

We love being on the boat together. Being retired we are very close almost all of the time, but the time on trips on the boat is really special. Spend 2 months on a 26 foot boat, only going ashore once or twice a week, and you will find out how much you really love your partner or maybe even develop a deeper love. We have both been married before to partners that let's just say we didn't mesh with. In a way that was a blessing as we now really appreciate what we have.

So I guess to sum it up make it an experience were you are both needed and both know how to do each others jobs even if you tend to take separate roles on the boat most of the time. Compromise on things like how far you go in a day, how far the boat heels, how much wind and waves are acceptable, when is it best to find an anchorage and stay there a couple days, be flexible.

Most of all find a way to make it just a fun, memorable experience for 'both' of you,

Sum

Our Endeavour 37

Our Trips to Utah, Idaho, Canada, Florida

Our MacGregor S Pages

Mac-Venture Links

 

[caguy]

The best part of the boat, aside from sailing, is that fact that it is mine to do whatever I want. I have completed several projects and enjoyed every minute. My husband has been supportive because he knows how much I enjoy it. I think sometimes women feel intimated by a boat, because they feel it is their husbands "toy". They don't have any "buy in". I know I felt this way. This may not be your issue, but just thought I'd add it to the pot.

This is true from the male perspective as well. I took a look at you posted pictures and couldn't help notice the female touch. The boat is spotless, well decorated and there is an obvious lack of stuff strewn about. Where do you keep all of your junk and tools? Even with the added space on the C-27 it still looks like it Oscar Madison lives there.
I did involve my wife in picking the color for the cushions and am happy with her choice of black, but I have to confess that it was a real risk, because if she had chosen something I couldn't stand I would be stuck with it. BTW she has never seen the cushions in the boat.

 

[oldiesrocker2001]

All previous posts are good ideas given. My wife is a non-swimmer and a 'scardey cat' when the boat heels and so I try to avoid excess in that area(mine is a little V21 with old sails so it heels more than optimum if I let it).
Maybe start out only motoring for a while at first before any trips using sail or full sail. Since we're usually lake sailors, we pick a destination a few miles away from the launch ramp and beach the boat for a while to have a snack and cool off for all three of us (includes 'Cabin Dog' getting tossed in). If it is a relatively mild day, THEN go for a little while under sail instead of motor. Even 'cabin dog' barks at me now when I start to prepare the engine for docking or a cross-breeze beaching.
After a few years and even a few unexpected nerve-wracking rides the wife now misses sailing when we've been too busy to go and doesn't officially consider it summer unless I've killed the motor and started the cd player on some island sounds...

 

[nemosuit]

Again, I've been lucky. We do things together.

Lynn and I met when I flew the plane she jumped out of.

I was into Windsurfing and she got into that no problemo.

She helped me build a submarine and was my safety diver during tests.

She did the same when I was producing experimental diving equipment.

She was a little squeemish when it finally got down to actually piloting my '46 Luscombe taildragger; but that's a touchy plane, and she was at least game to try, and enjoyed flying with me wherever we went.

I've seen her grab a shark by the tail at 130 FSW on the back side of Molokini Crater.

She has packed on the back of my Harley since 1981: and it has a rigid frame.

Yes, I do believe we see a pattern of support, here.

When I found our Mac I was looking for a trailer for the submarine. I showed her the ad and she just said, "Go for it."

Since then, she has shown an interest in the boat and learning to sail. I'm working on repairs and paint, and then we're going sailin'. She has input she wants to make on how we're going to do the interior of the boat, and that's cool with me.

It's kinda weird. Makes me wonder if I didn't end up with one of them "Stepford Wives."

Naaa...

 

[monkeybars]

cut your losses with those boring wives now while your still young,it will be rough for a year or two after the divorce but well worth it later when your new one is promising to do all kinds of perverted things to you if you promise to take her out on the boat for the weekend.

 

[Sail123]

cut your losses with those boring wives now while your still young,it will be rough for a year or two after the divorce but well worth it later when your new one is promising to do all kinds of perverted things to you if you promise to take her out on the boat for the weekend.

You are describing great girlfriends but maybe not such a great wife. Some folks have some of each.

 

[monkeybars]

no sorry never ever considered cheating in 34 years

 

[Jackdaw]

PotL pretty much nailed it. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink...

Most people very quickly come to their own option about sailing, and never change their mind.

Sometimes, just finding a way to respect your differing needs and wants is the best course.

But if you want to try and see if there hope for her coming, you might want to look at what her issue with sailing are (but I doubt she'll know enough to tell you). If could be:

Boat too small
Does not trust you as skipper
Afraid of water
Claustrophobia

Find some ways to experiment.... Maybe RENT a sailboat as a 'dock charter' for a weekend in a fun town. Many charterers offer this. You never leave the dock, but you spend time on a bigger boat, and see this sights on land. Make some good memories. Get her on a bigger boat. Minimize the things she might not like.

 

[timebandit]

Having been a 'Wild Child' all my life I will offer this bit of advice on women I have known.

Women make a drastic change in their thinking once they become pregnant.

Now they are responsible for lives other than their own.

They fear not for themself but for the children they may leave alone.

After the children are grown and on their own they seem to once again begin to live for themselves.

Girl friend request I rite this----

Some of my original fears were that I could not operate this complicated boat if something were to go wrong.

It is not like a car where all I have to do is to turn on the key start the motor and drive.

It is sort of like your woman comming home with a plane, motorcycle or sailboat and saying 'Honey, I know I have not expirence in operating one of these thing but let me take you for a ride."

Once I learned to sail it was as easy as baking a cake.

Me----

Do not ask her about trying to start the outboard without the kill key in!

 

[Sail123]

Every culture is different. In France, it is acceptable for some to have a wife and a mistress. In my way of thinking, having a friendship with women, say in a work environment is OK, but seeing someone outside of marriage for sexual relations is foolish. Yes, I have had other women on motorcycles, on trips together, eating out, working together, and I assume sailing would be no difference. If your wife does not like sailing, find other friends that do enjoy sailing. If some of those people are of a different sex than you are, why does that break the bonds of marriage? Having girlfriends, means so many different things, to different people. A girlfriend does not imply a sexual relationship in my mind. As one gets older, all relationships change, even marriage. What was once passion, is now understanding and acceptance. My wife trusts me around other women, and I trust my wife around other men.

On a list of possible things I would not do with girlfriends as a 55 year old with a wife, day sailing would not be on the list. Anymore than hang gliding, parachuting, cross country skiing, trap shooting, trail hiking, bird watching, building a snowman, or anything else people do as fun activities.