wifes hatting the boat

[nemosuit]

My wife can't stand the boat, she hates everything about it. She hates the rigging up, the leaning over in the wind, the rigging down, driving on the trailer. I do everything my self, including sailing alone. She says why i didnt get something different. But i love sailing. The few times she went we fight the whole time. If we bring company im going to make her stay in the trk while i rig & derig. Anyone els same problem?

After 30 years of working on projects with the same woman, I'd have to say I've been very lucky in this regard. But if I wasn't, then two questions would come to mind:

1. Other than the sailboat, how does she like working with me on projects? (Do you two usually work pretty well together? Be honest.)

2. How does she feel about power boats?

(Some people I know love boating, but absolutely HATE sailboats. They mostly feel the negativity: slow, uncomfortable, complicated, boring, and so on. Then again, give 'em a large, powerful, comfortable motor boat, and "Hey! It's party time!" :dance

I wouldn't presume to suggest what anyone should do in their relationship; that's up to them. But honest answers to a couple basic questions might help identify what's really going on.

VBR,

Pat

 

[doehunter]

Mine has never participated in any of my sports/hobbies.
She would rather sit around and read, I like the outdoors, fishing, hunting, RC modelling, SAILING!
She will go out on the sailboat but I do all the work, and she rides. Reads if she can, but that leads to motion sickness, which she gets easily anyway.
No interest in driving the boat or crewing.
Sooooooo,
I single hand a lot. No guilt though, I figure she can get up and come any time she wants to.
The kids like sailing once in awhile but don't like the chores involved so I usually rig up and down by myself. They come later with their friends and ride.
Jim

 

[timebandit]

I have been told that sending them to an all woman sailling class is one way to get them more involved but beware they may want their own boat later.

Kids like little dingy class, I think because they are in charge, once again beware of the 'I want my own boat".

 

[Texrob]

I met mine sailing and she was regular crew before we became an item. She love the marina because she can feed the ducks, turtles and the fish while I get the boat ready. As long as I am comfortable sailing the boat she could care less how far we heal over. I have regular crew so I don't do much single handed sailing. Regular rail meat is handy!

 

[rgranger]

Ask her what kine of hat she would prefer and then get her that hat.

 

[MrBill_FLL]

I got a new boat, for my wife!'




pretty good trade, I say!

 

[Sail123]

"Rail meat"?

 

[sailcruiser]

"Rail meat"?

People who sit on the gunnel depending on the weather being high or low for extra weight. It's a racing term. For good wind they sit high and for light wind they sit on the low to help increase the waterline. SC

 

[Sail123]

Just not a "Term Of Endearment" I had heard before.

 

[mklein@iowatelecom.net]

I liked and wanted a sailboat before I ever met my wife. Never got one. She and her Male friend got our families into power boating. I bought her a nice power boat. He and his wife divorced. I got my first sailboat. MY WIFE hated it. Sold it but kept the power boat. My wife got a new male friend. He liked Kayaks. Bought my wife new kayaks. Got a cheap sailboat. It was only fun if her new male friend and wife were with us, otherwise hated sailing. Bought a larger boat, and several more expensive kayaks. We have double to triple the money into kayaks as sailboats. She has never been on the larger Mac 25. If you spend time with her on her hobbies, you should get at least close to equal time. Just my stupid, unthoughful opinion. If you love her enough, bite your tongue and try to get the kids and your wife's friends interested. It may be the only way..........

 

[Phil V25]

My wife loves to sail even more than me, but she hates rigging and launching. I couldn't ask for a better sailing partner. We learned to sail together and once I get well we will be sailing together again.

 

[arknoah]

I have been told that sending them to an all woman sailling class is one way to get them more involved but beware they may want their own boat later.

Kids like little dingy class, I think because they are in charge, once again beware of the 'I want my own boat".

We've been considering the Womanship or like mode, too. I think she would learn enough that she's not so dependent on me, and she will probably enjoy it more. She seems to be game to try it, so I'm all for it as well!

 

[arknoah]

Just not a "Term Of Endearment" I had heard before.

Not so much a term of endearment, just a descriptive term I've heard lots of racers use. When you see pics of large boats ocean sailing, and see people on the gunwale high up in the air, they are collectively referred to as rail meat.

 

[PuckandTitania]

When my wife and I were contemplating on buying a boat, I wanted a ski boat and she wanted a sailboat. All of my experience had been with power boats and ski boats. She had been sailing on numerous occaissions. We compromised and got a sailboat. I've never regretted it. After launching (we keep the boat on the trailer in mast up storage), she gets busy filling the ballast tank, lowering the CB and rudder, etc. I finish rigging the sails warming up the putt-putt and all the other little things. Once underway, she likes raising the sails and working the foredeck.

Our sailing club offers Sailing Education for Adults which we took this past summer. They train on Club 420's, basically, a 2 handed 14 ft. dinghy. The reason for using these is because they are very unforgiving. If you screw up, you know it immediately. And when you do it right, you know it just as fast. They turn quickly and accelerate rapidly. My wife loved it. Nothing like hanging completely off the rail balancing the boat and handling the jib sheets. We had a blast and will probably take the course again this next summer.

Perhaps you can find something similar in your area that might help her out.

 

[An anonymous user]

When my wife and I started dating, I was into small planes. I took her out for a ride in a cessna 152 and it scared the hell out of her. While down in St. Marteen she and a friend rented a small catarmaran. Well it was on then. The next thing I know we are the owners of a 1991 26S. She loves to go sailing but not the rigging part. She has asked for a slip at lake murray for her Christmas present.:dance: That way we could leave the rigging up and be out sailing in a lot less time. So I have stopped flying and started sailing. This works out great for me because I like it as much as her.

Im sorry your wife doesnt like to sail, but maybe you could take her for a ride in a small 2 seat aircraft, if she likes that maybe change your hobby?

 

[seaStan]

Got the boat after talking with wife, even named it after her (ANNAGUA) then found out she didn't like water period. Did the same thing to me on the motorcycle. Put a sidecar on it after talking it over and then found out she just does not like to ride. I am in the process of rerigging the boat for single handed sailing. She can forward my mail and I will go have a life. Setting up to use the boat as a trailer too so I can camp out in it. Put in AC shore power, inverter, air conditioning, and extra storage. Need a new name for the boat, maybe" FOOLED ME TWICE".

 

[Propnut30]

Tough spot. So far our boating experience was on charter boats and cruise ships. So far Shelia loves it. With our own boat she ha been helping to restore and refit the old mac. She is excited.

Before I found a wife the enjoys the same stuff I do I had to fire the first one and out live the second one. Three times IS the charm. Ok i kno I'm goin to hell for sayin that.

In the end you cannot make someone enjoy it, they have to embrace it for themselves. Just apply patients and plenty of compromise and hope for the best. Good luck.

 

[PrincessoftheLake]

I am not a Macgregor owner but I am a girl who likes to sail although I did not initially. The first time my husband took me with him to check out a friends new sailboat which was a 1985 Starwind 22 I was less than enthusiastic. The guys promised we wouldn't go out but of course, they lied to me and within minutes of boarding they had cast off and we were on our way. It was a lovely early spring day in Minnesota with about 10 knots of wind and lots of sunshine. After the sails were up my friend John had me take the tiller. Not knowing what I was doing I immediately jibed the boat and got smacked in the head by the mainsheet block. I was not happy but soon after I found myself rather distracted by how pleasant it was being on the water. John encouraged me to take the tiller again and for me, that is when the magic happened. Through the tiller I felt like part of the boat because I could feel the pressure of the wind on the sail and on the keel and I was part of it. To me it was an amazing feeling. I continued to sail with my husband and our friend (because what a surprise-his wife hated the boat and hated sailing) and we learned a lot banging around on our local inland 2500 acre lake. After a few years we bought our own boat (1981 24.1 Seidelmann) and took up racing and then moved into a 1989 Capri 22 (so we could race one design). After 13 years of sailing on a small lake I was ready for something bigger. The next boat was a 1985 Hunter 34 on Lake Superior and three years later we bought a 1995 Hunter 40.5 (well hell I was paying for a 40 ft slip so I figured I may as well have a 40 ft boat).
Anyway, my point (and I do have one) is I am not sure you can make anyone love sailing if they don't. I fell in love with sailing for no other reason than it was meant to be for me. My husband certainly never did anything to make me happier or more comfortable on the boat or with sailing (which is why he is the soon to be ex-LOL). Over the years I have met lots of men who have wives who will not sail and if they do they barely tolerate it. It has always been a mystery to me why this is so. Nothing has made me feel more confident and capable than learning to sail and manage my boat. I even got to the point this past summer that I was confident taking it out by myself (no husband aboard) and even though I had some issues (steering quadrant locked up) I was able to fix what needed fixing and had a great time in the bargain. Being out on the water gives me freedom and days of not worrying about whether my shoes match my outfit (my sailing shoes go with anything), if my hair looks good (it doesn't usually and I don't care) and where my lipstick is (again, I don't care). Sailing, in my opinion, is one of those activities where being a woman is not a handicap. It is not intrinsically male so you can be on equal footing with the men on your boat whether racing or cruising.
Don't get me wrong, I do know lots of woman sailors who have found the same satisfaction with their boats and with sailing that I have. I just wish there was more. I end up spending lots of time with other woman's husbands.

 

[kpgraci]

My wife is the same way. I get around it by going by myself. If she wants to come she knows she is welcome but I'm not chasing her. It is my addiction and love so if she can't embrace it then she can except my absents.

About the only thing I stand tall for so I get away with it.

That's exactly my situation. I used to talk with (to?) her about the boat, what I was doing to it, what good sailing weather was coming up this weekend, then she accused me of only wanting to talk about sailing...well, yeah.

So now I've dropped it, but I go out Evey weekend with an open invitation to my wife. My daughter flat out hates the water...she's a lost cause.

 

[Texrob]

I am truly blessed! I think I will buy her some flowers!

Our best sailing together is when she is at the helm and I am trimming the boat. I don't try to explain much because she will ask if she wants to know. The only thing she has complained about was the head on my old boat. She bought me the new one to fix the problem!

I feel for you guys!